A biggest mistake in life .. hit my husband

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Forgive him. Men are not infallible. If you love him, honor him. Honey, if you love him, appeal to him. Talk to him. Try. Tell him. If he refuses you, let him go. But if you get the opportunity, always treat him as the best thing that has ever happened to you. No one is perfect, and that includes you. Be humble. He will see your greatness.

She is back in her home country. Her K1 visa is dead. They would need to start the process from the beginning again. She would have been better of trying while she was still there. She was only there 2 weeks and hit him so that was the end of that. I can't even imagine how Tony would have reacted if I'd have hit him... heck I can't even imagine a time where I'd be angry enough to hit him. I've wanted to scream before, I've wanted to swear but I didn't/haven't because I have self-control.

[RICARDO4EVA2 194]

Forgive him. Men are not infallible. If you love him, honor him. Honey, if you love him, appeal to him. Talk to him. Try. Tell him. If he refuses you, let him go. But if you get the opportunity, always treat him as the best thing that has ever happened to you. No one is perfect, and that includes you. Be humble. He will see your greatness.

Men are not infallible..? Where is this even coming from no one was speaking him being error free or any man. What you mean if you love honor.. did not not read she hit the man..? I would personally send her home if i was in his shoe too- she can leave etc the worst part is.. hey it's a new relationship. Regardless of what happens no one should be hit ok man , woman infallible or not who cares.

[coraliesolms 47]

Well, it can take some time to adjust, after I finally got to the US on my CR-1, it took a good 8 months for my hubby and I to stop squabbling. We were both used to different lives, I worked and raised our baby in Canada by myself and he was alone living with his family here in the USA. I got here and had to learn to co-parent and he had to learn to full time parent, we moved to our own place and had to learn how to split house chores, we both had to learn to consult the other before we spent money... these are all things that definately took more than 2 weeks to adjust to. And forgive me all you VJ men out there, but I think sometimes men have an even harder time adjusting to having a woman around all the time.

That being said though if it only took 2 weeks for you guys to end up in a physical fight with eachother, perhaps it is good that it ended quickly, before legal marriage and children. I am sorry that your visa journey did not go the way you wanted it to, but there is a silver lining, and you just need to find it.

I am glad to hear that you learned a lesson from all of this, I would never dream of hitting my hubby because I love him so much I would not want to hurt him emotionally or physically...(and he is much stronger than me.. I would probably end up hurting myself).

I hope that things work out for you, and that you find happiness where you are.

[PhilAmTx 14]

i am a Filipina and i hate people calling names..specially that most Filipinos don't get used to it.. what im saying is, i would do the same if my fiance will do that to me.not unless he has a reason to call me names... i had that kind of relationship before,despite all the kindness and patience i gave to him,he still mean to me,until he came home drunk and rude to me,call me names and point and yelled my face.and yes i slapped him! and i have no regret! but he regretted it.

i wish you all the luck girl. everything a reason. HAVE FAITH IN GOD

[VanessaTony 3,567]

i am a Filipina and i hate people calling names..specially that most Filipinos don't get used to it.. what im saying is, i would do the same if my fiance will do that to me.not unless he has a reason to call me names... i had that kind of relationship before,despite all the kindness and patience i gave to him,he still mean to me,until he came home drunk and rude to me,call me names and point and yelled my face.and yes i slapped him! and i have no regret! but he regretted it.

i wish you all the luck girl. everything a reason. HAVE FAITH IN GOD

Abuse is abuse. A slap is abuse. I don't get how a woman is allowed to slap a man and they don't realise they are a husband-beater, yet a man grabbing a womens arm or shoving a woman is abuse and he'll get reported to police.

You yourself stated that he never hit you. He verbally abused you yes, he was rude yes, but that does NOT give you the right to assault him. He should have had you arrested for spousal abuse and maybe a night in jail would change your mind about being proud of being a husband-beater. You should have left him rather than hit him. It doesn't matter how much kindness you gave him before, in the end YOU hit him and that is all you will be remembered for, spousal abuse. You should be ashamed, not proud. You would have something to be proud of if you had left him and overcome his verbal abuse, instead now you're just the woman that likes to hit men.

[deejay29 0]

i can relate to this post because i am going through this problem too.it is just that, my husband was the one who left me and our 2 yr. old baby. four years before we decided to be together.it was a long distance relationship.he was only 6 months here before he decided to go back to his country.i know deep inside his heart he did not want to leave but he was forced by the situation we were in.i pushed him to his limit. when he came here, we were not both ready emotionally .i am very independent because i raised our baby by myself without his support.i was not used of having a husband beside me.6 months seems 6 yrs to us because of too much drama going on between us. adjustment between us was rough. both of us hurt each other emotionally that it left a deep scar into our hearts. when he left, i was mad at him and at the same time was sad.i could not believe he left me and her daughter here in america.i changed all my phone numbers but he was calling me at my work phone and we always ended up arguing, so i decided not talk to him at all for several months.i tried to forget him by thinking about the bad things about our relationship but i just cannot hide the fact that i still love him despite of what happened.being away with each other for almost 11 months now..made me realise what went wrong.made me realise my own mistake and why he behaved bad when he was here. for all the bad things he did ,i was a big part of it because i did not support him emotionally during his adjustment period.one day..i found myself reaching for him.i emailed him saying how sorry i was .he was shocked because he knows how hard my principle is.i asked him to come back but his heart is not healed yet but i can feel that there is a bit of hope that our marriage will get fixed one day.i dont know when....but i know it will come.by me reaching him first , i know is a sign for him that i am sincere to bring our family back together,that i want him back not for the sake of our baby but because i love him still.

one more month and he will lose his conditional visa which means we need to start all over again.i am not in a hurry ..i am giving him time to heal. if one day he decided that he wants to come back here..then i wont hesitate to go through a long process again. if one day..he decided to say his final goodbye to me..then i will accept it although it will hurt.our daughter will just gonna visit him when she is old enough to fly herself to meet him.

in any marriage..there is a lot of trials along the way.there is no perfect in this world. to admit your mistake is good enough to try to save your marriage and for your heart to heal no matter what the consequences of your actions is.

goodluck to you and me...

[PhilAmTx 14]

Abuse is abuse. A slap is abuse. I don't get how a woman is allowed to slap a man and they don't realise they are a husband-beater, yet a man grabbing a womens arm or shoving a woman is abuse and he'll get reported to police.

You yourself stated that he never hit you. He verbally abused you yes, he was rude yes, but that does NOT give you the right to assault him. He should have had you arrested for spousal abuse and maybe a night in jail would change your mind about being proud of being a husband-beater. You should have left him rather than hit him. It doesn't matter how much kindness you gave him before, in the end YOU hit him and that is all you will be remembered for, spousal abuse. You should be ashamed, not proud. You would have something to be proud of if you had left him and overcome his verbal abuse, instead now you're just the woman that likes to hit men.

DO YOU KNOW THAT VERBALLY ABUSE ARE MORE PAINFUL THAN PHYSICALLY ABUSED? WOMEN ARE TOO EMOTIONAL. IN MY CASE,I CAN'T FIGHT BACK,I CAN'T YELLED BACK,I CANT! AND YOU KNOW THAT SLAPPING HIM MAKES HIM REALIZED THAT WHAT HE DID WASN'T RIGHT.THAT I WAS HURT WHEN HE DID THAT. SOMETIMES MEN ACT LIKE THEY ARE THE BOSS.THEY YELLED IF THEY WANT,THEY BE RUDE ANYTIME THEY WANT.THATS NOT FAIR. AND SLAPPING THEM ONCE AWAKEN THEIR DIRTY MOUTH AND ZIPPED.AND YES,I AM PROUD THAT I DID THAT.BECAUSE ONCE IN MY LIFE,I FIGHT FOR MY SELF AND I WOULDN'T GIVE ANYONE A CHANCE TO STEP ON ME THAT MUCH. EVEN SPOUSE..MARRIAGE IS LIKE A GOOD HANDSHAKE ,THERE'S NO UPPER HAND..

AND I'M GLAD NOW THAT I FOUND THE RIGHT GUY..NOT PERFECT BUT THE RIGHT ONE FOR ME. AD I THANK GOD FOR THAT. WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO ME IN THE PAST ARE LESSON TO LEARNED FOR MY EX.

IF YOU ARE NOT AGREE WITH WHAT I SAY,I RESPECT THAT..

[VanessaTony 3,567]

DO YOU KNOW THAT VERBALLY ABUSE ARE MORE PAINFUL THAN PHYSICALLY ABUSED? WOMEN ARE TOO EMOTIONAL. IN MY CASE,I CAN'T FIGHT BACK,I CAN'T YELLED BACK,I CANT! AND YOU KNOW THAT SLAPPING HIM MAKES HIM REALIZED THAT WHAT HE DID WASN'T RIGHT.THAT I WAS HURT WHEN HE DID THAT. SOMETIMES MEN ACT LIKE THEY ARE THE BOSS.THEY YELLED IF THEY WANT,THEY BE RUDE ANYTIME THEY WANT.THATS NOT FAIR. AND SLAPPING THEM ONCE AWAKEN THEIR DIRTY MOUTH AND ZIPPED.AND YES,I AM PROUD THAT I DID THAT.BECAUSE ONCE IN MY LIFE,I FIGHT FOR MY SELF AND I WOULDN'T GIVE ANYONE A CHANCE TO STEP ON ME THAT MUCH. EVEN SPOUSE..MARRIAGE IS LIKE A GOOD HANDSHAKE ,THERE'S NO UPPER HAND..

AND I'M GLAD NOW THAT I FOUND THE RIGHT GUY..NOT PERFECT BUT THE RIGHT ONE FOR ME. AD I THANK GOD FOR THAT. WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO ME IN THE PAST ARE LESSON TO LEARNED FOR MY EX.

IF YOU ARE NOT AGREE WITH WHAT I SAY,I RESPECT THAT..

I was emotionally abused by my ex-boyfriend badly for a year. When we first got together he was great. The stress of his schooling made his emotional issues more apparent. Because it started after us, and because I was emotionally fragile at the time (from other issues in my life) I started to blame myself. Obviously I did something to change him. It's my fault etc etc, eventually I started to realise I deserved more.

My ex has borderline-personality and is bipolar. I copped a LOT of abuse and I NEVER hit him. Not once. Not when he was rude to me in public. Not when he would sit there abusing me for no good reason. For telling me off for not putting the TV remote back, for buying a laptop (my money, I earnt well and my bills were always paid but I didn't ask his permission first), all sorts of bullshit reasons. At the time he was not diagnosed as bipolar and only after we're apart are his mental issues diagnosed (he's going to be a doctor... oh joy :S at least he's medicated now).

Again, I NEVER hit him and I was with him for years. There is no excuse for assault which is why if you had hit him AFTER he'd hit you he would have been charged, not you because you were acting in "self-defence" but in this case you weren't, you were the abusive one. I'm sorry you feel you were right but you assaulted him and that isn't right.

Words do hurt, I know that more than I should, but I still never resorted to violence/assault. We're different people obviously but the fact that you resorted to violence is very telling of your emotional state. I stated this in the other post where the woman assaulted her man (and got arrested) but when someone is abusing you and for a long time you don't do anything you're just bottling it up. You hit him and that was wrong. Violence is never the answer and either you think that it's right (which you do) or you just snapped. Unfortunately you think it's right and it's not, and because of that you should probably speak to a counsellor to find more appropriate ways of dealing with your frustration and anger because you do NOT want violence to be your reaction the next time someone is verbally abusing you, you could end up in all sorts of trouble.

[PhilAmTx 14]

I was emotionally abused by my ex-boyfriend badly for a year. When we first got together he was great. The stress of his schooling made his emotional issues more apparent. Because it started after us, and because I was emotionally fragile at the time (from other issues in my life) I started to blame myself. Obviously I did something to change him. It's my fault etc etc, eventually I started to realise I deserved more.

My ex has borderline-personality and is bipolar. I copped a LOT of abuse and I NEVER hit him. Not once. Not when he was rude to me in public. Not when he would sit there abusing me for no good reason. For telling me off for not putting the TV remote back, for buying a laptop (my money, I earnt well and my bills were always paid but I didn't ask his permission first), all sorts of bullshit reasons. At the time he was not diagnosed as bipolar and only after we're apart are his mental issues diagnosed (he's going to be a doctor... oh joy :S at least he's medicated now).

Again, I NEVER hit him and I was with him for years. There is no excuse for assault which is why if you had hit him AFTER he'd hit you he would have been charged, not you because you were acting in "self-defence" but in this case you weren't, you were the abusive one. I'm sorry you feel you were right but you assaulted him and that isn't right.

Words do hurt, I know that more than I should, but I still never resorted to violence/assault. We're different people obviously but the fact that you resorted to violence is very telling of your emotional state. I stated this in the other post where the woman assaulted her man (and got arrested) but when someone is abusing you and for a long time you don't do anything you're just bottling it up. You hit him and that was wrong. Violence is never the answer and either you think that it's right (which you do) or you just snapped. Unfortunately you think it's right and it's not, and because of that you should probably speak to a counsellor to find more appropriate ways of dealing with your frustration and anger because you do NOT want violence to be your reaction the next time someone is verbally abusing you, you could end up in all sorts of trouble.

I RESPECT YOUR OPINION AND I APPRECIATE THAT. MAYBE YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND,I NEVER STATED HOW BAD HE WAS. IN ADDITION TO THAT,HES BEEN ABUSING ME VERBALLY IN 2 YEARS ALMOST,THERE WAS THE LAST TIME THAT HE LOCKED ME UP IN THE BATHROOM,BUT I DIDNT REPORT HIM TO POLICE BECAUSE I DONT WANT HIM TO GET INTO TROUBLE WHILE HE WAS STAYING WITH ME IN PHILIPPINES.I JUST SWALLOWED EVERYTHING HE DOES BECAUSE I LOVED HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD. BUT LOVE WILL BE FADE WHEN IT HURTS LITTLE BY LITTLE UNTIL LOVE IS GONE.AND THATS WHY IT HAPPENED THAT NIGHT. I NEVER REPORT HIM TO POLICE I JUST SLAPPED HIM AND LEFT. IN THAT WAY I FEEL FREEDOM THAT I NEVER HAD WITH HIM.

VANESSA&TONY I'M HAPPY WITH MY LIFE NOW AND I KNOW YOU BOTH HAS GOOD LIFE TOGETHER. PAST IS PAST... NO REGRET.

HAVE A BLESSED YEAR BOTH OF YOU...

[Maxx121 14]

I understand what everyone is saying about violence in a relationship but seriously, a woman gives you a slap once when you are being in a idiot? Its unacceptable and has no place in a relationship.. but is it enough to finnish the relationship.. personally I don't think so.. If Rach slapped me chances are she'd get such a shock at what she did and cry and Id probably just laugh.. but then again.. she is a bit of a smurf!!

THANK YOU, I mean come on really a man hitting a woman might cause her to fly into a wall, a woman hitting a man might cause him to go ouch, the upside to this is it also comes with one free kinky voucher.

Also, i seriousl doubt that two weeks worth of sex can be considered sexual abuse. I mean come on, im sure the guy has a decent enough job to be goin back and forth to the phils so he had to be at work most days so how much sex could they have been having for her to feel used???

My take on it is simple clash of cultures blown outa proportion by a lack of properly communicating wants and needs.

Thats why im no holds bared with my cathy, hehe we had a HUGE argument the first time we talked, but when we stopped and thought about what the other was saying without being so emotional, we both gave ground to compromise, and that is how are relationship is which is crazy and stressful, but loving and reasonable.

Being nice to your loved ones is cool and all, just make sure they know what they are buying before taking that flight.

[Maxx121 14]

I RESPECT YOUR OPINION AND I APPRECIATE THAT. MAYBE YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND,I NEVER STATED HOW BAD HE WAS. IN ADDITION TO THAT,HES BEEN ABUSING ME VERBALLY IN 2 YEARS ALMOST,THERE WAS THE LAST TIME THAT HE LOCKED ME UP IN THE BATHROOM,BUT I DIDNT REPORT HIM TO POLICE BECAUSE I DONT WANT HIM TO GET INTO TROUBLE WHILE HE WAS STAYING WITH ME IN PHILIPPINES.I JUST SWALLOWED EVERYTHING HE DOES BECAUSE I LOVED HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD. BUT LOVE WILL BE FADE WHEN IT HURTS LITTLE BY LITTLE UNTIL LOVE IS GONE.AND THATS WHY IT HAPPENED THAT NIGHT. I NEVER REPORT HIM TO POLICE I JUST SLAPPED HIM AND LEFT. IN THAT WAY I FEEL FREEDOM THAT I NEVER HAD WITH HIM.

VANESSA&TONY I'M HAPPY WITH MY LIFE NOW AND I KNOW YOU BOTH HAS GOOD LIFE TOGETHER. PAST IS PAST... NO REGRET.

HAVE A BLESSED YEAR BOTH OF YOU...

your Ex was a pric and deserved to be slapped, but some idiots will say you should have just walked away.

some people live their lives in really small boxes thinking the world is built on principles and cant understand why some people are so bad.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

your Ex was a pric and deserved to be slapped, but some idiots will say you should have just walked away.

some people live their lives in really small boxes thinking the world is built on principles and cant understand why some people are so bad.

And some idiots say that women deserve to be beaten when they step out of line. Or that a women's place is in the kitchen, or children are to be seen and not heard.

Abuse is abuse. She SHOULD have walked away, right out of his life. There is no "he deserved to be hit". That's just ludicrous.

[villaspurs 65]

It is NEVER okay to hit someone, and to say that a woman hitting a man is like slapping a fly is ridiculous. She HIT him. That is unacceptable behavior. If you don't call the police when someone locks you in the bathroom, that's your own damn fault. You are the one who let that person treat you badly. I understand emotional/mental abuse is difficult and you can feel trapped, but that doesn't justify hitting someone. It seems like the OP and her ex-boyfriend are now much better off without each other, since from her side of the story they both treated each other horribly.

[MikelanNida 28]

I feel bad for both of them, they both lose. Its a shame. I know hitting is never a good thing but from what i heard corporal punishment is used alot in some countries and maybe she didnt think it would be a deal breaker hear in america. And honestly i am struggling to figure out a grown man running to family and friends over a slap from a woman, it seems like someone said earlier he was waiting for a good reason to end it.

[Maxx121 14]

It is NEVER okay to hit someone, and to say that a woman hitting a man is like slapping a fly is ridiculous. She HIT him. That is unacceptable behavior. If you don't call the police when someone locks you in the bathroom, that's your own damn fault. You are the one who let that person treat you badly. I understand emotional/mental abuse is difficult and you can feel trapped, but that doesn't justify hitting someone. It seems like the OP and her ex-boyfriend are now much better off without each other, since from her side of the story they both treated each other horribly.

And some idiots say that women deserve to be beaten when they step out of line. Or that a women's place is in the kitchen, or children are to be seen and not heard.

Abuse is abuse. She SHOULD have walked away, right out of his life. There is no "he deserved to be hit". That's just ludicrous.

Sorry but you guys missed when the thread got hijacked for a bit. The OP is Boonraska with her fiance in america for two weeks and hit him, my opinion she is wrong.

the second scenario was from accrossthemiles, her ex was very abusive and she didnt know how to get out of it eventually she did and i take it she is with someone who makes her happy now. before she left when the final straw was broken she smacked hiim i take it, and from what i gather this was with a philipino man in the phils and since she is now here i take it she is now with a US citizen going through the k1 process.

to her i say kudos, if you cant understand why she did it then you both need to step out of ultra conservative suburbia.

unfortunatly the world is not perfect, and if a man twice your size is towering over you breathing down your neck yelling and screaming terrifying you to the point of madness for YEARS and you are to afraid to leave because you feel you have no where else to go and one day you snap during a fight and hit him suprising him for an instant which makes him pause and you grab your children and run never looking back.

you kinda gotta give the NEVER HIT ANOTHER HUMAN BEING bit a rest. There are exceptions to EVERY rule. so give it a rest please.

like i said the OP BONRASKA is wrong and there is no way after two weeks she was abused in any way, to the otheer poster ACCROSSTHEMILES, i tip my hat to you for having the courage to leave an abusive relationship.

and yes a woman hitting a man is wrong, but if you cant take a smack from your wife for being an idiot and cry to the cops you are prolly a puss.

thats not abuse, abuse is ongoing. unless your wife is an amazon then thats kinda different.

now a man hitting a woman is a waaaaay wrong, simply because MEN AND WOMEN ARE NOT PHYSICALLY EQUAL. So dont give that both are equally wrong #######, if ya wana take it to law then think of it like this. for an arrest to be made in an assault there has to be visible damage done to a person, a smacking a man would hardly leave a mark, unless you are white then you might have a red mark for what 10 mnts? would be gone by the time the cops come making it an arrest for harrasement if im not mistaken which is not a crime but a violation.

now if a man hits a woman then she will more than likely blead or have a permanant mark, even if its gone by the time the cops come alot of times officrs will still take the womans word for it and say they see it, dont beleive me? ask a cop if you want i can give a couple NYPD officers numbers to call and talk to them about some of the horror stories theey have seen, i can even put in in contact with some of my army buddies who were with me when we had to drag a soldier off his wife.

a woman hitting a man is NOTHING compared to what a man can do to a woman, and anyone who says its EQUAL is a damn idiot and never had to see a woman hurt by a man.

step outa your idiot boxes.