A biggest mistake in life .. hit my husband

[marklovetina 52]

I came to USA to stay with him about 2 weeks and didn't sign marriage registration and update status for green card yet. I feel very sad because it wasn't easy to get K-1 visa at all. But he was the one who didn't want me to stay so there is nothing I can do ......

Yes, actually he is not my legally husband . We just had a wedding ceremony in my country (without signing marriage registration either) before I get K-1 visa, so in my culture he is already my husband.

uhmmm i see... so u just took ur vow here in the Philippines but didnt sign any marriage contract.. well that is usual here in our country... best of luck to u..

@maxx121= :thumbs:

[Tero 105]

You were only there two weeks and you hit him? That is not enough time to give a man to adjust his living situation, what did you expect from him?

Honestly he did what was best given the situation.

Understand this, in america if a man hits a woman its made out to be a HUGE deal and he could get into serious trouble. If he hit you and you called the police he would be treated horribly.

If you hit him and he calls the police the police officers will laugh at him.

When it comes to women the justice system is always in their favor here. By striking him after two weeks of being in the US you give him the impression that that is the type of person you are and he then had to think about his future with you. How would he react the second time? This time he did not hit you back, next time he might, and if you call the police, he will be the one going to jail most likely.

Like i said, you gave him no choice when you put your hands on him after two weeks, a few years ok thats different.

If I was married to my SO for 5 years and she one day blew up and hit me then i would take it as i deserved it.

If i wasnt marrieeed to my SO and after two weeks of her being here seh hit me I would prolly have a sit down with her and give her a second chance after explaining to her what is and isnt expected during an argument, as she has never been in a serious relationship before and im 10 years her senior with a marriage and kid under my belt.

He chose to not take the chance.

With relationships like many of us here you really have to think alot more when things you dont expect happen.

You have hit the nail on the head right on! Violence in a relationship is never ok regardless of who hits who.

OP, from your story, it is clear that was not the first time you guys were fighting. We do not know how many times you both had fought and who usually starts it. Think about it from the guy's perspective; I assume he covered most if not all of the expenses in getting you over. And then you get here and instead of trying to make a good impression on him, you slap him over an argument. His reaction shows he's been careful to be sure you married him for the right reasons and not just to get over here. Love is not enough to sustain a relationship. However, you sound sincere and I hope things work out for you. I'd advise you work on yourself to be a much more tolerant and self controlled person so that if you ever get back together with him or someone else, you'd not repeat the same mistake. Good luck.

[Maxx121 14]

Hmmm someone hit you across the face and you'll just say oh I deserve it..? Then shouldn't the wife think the same...? Who is has the hierarchy...? No man/woman should settle for less. You get hit/beaten once.. it's sure to happen again - changes more than doubled.

Let me rephrase, NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO HIT ANYONE all i was trying to show is that after two weeks there is no way she would have reason to lose her top enough to raise her hand to him.

but the world is not a perfect place and we are not perfect people, so if after 5 plus years a women who is generally mild mannered and usually takes all of the ####### i throw at her with not much of a peep suddenly explodes and smacks the ####### outa me, YES, i will take it on the chin and rethink how i treat her and i would in no way think that it would be a repititious behavior.

People do dumb things, no ones perfect, if you love someone and have spent a liftime with them you know when they are acting out of character. there is no way after two weeks in a relationship he could know for sure that she was acting out of character or if this was how she normally acted.

the choice to marry her after that or send her home is a personal one and everyone has to think for themselves, he chose to send her home and i was just saying that i see no fault in that as they dont have much time invested in the relationship to warrant trying to work it out.

[Ramisgreat 20]

Omg this is the worst thing to read in this forum,i think its your fault to have hit him. It was not even one month and u knew he was not adjusting with u and u slapped him? It takes years to adjust,u can't expect your fiance to change in one days notice.Take your time to understand what marriage is all about. It ain't that easy.And honestly i don't think it was easy for him also to get u your K1 visa, he worked equally hard to get u one and then u must have done something really wrong that he had to forget all of it and send u back home. We r hearing one side of the story. U still love him cos He must not have done something real bad to u,he is not in love with u anymore and could send u home cos may b u HAVE done something real bad to him.More than u, i think he is hurt and must be feeling stupid about all the waiting he did for u.

Edited January 16, 2011 by Ramisgreat

[Channah&Aaron 51]

; Hi there!!

I am so sorry you're going through this. And I can imagine that you couldn't control your temper after all your emotions about you being left alone to adjust without any of his help. However, hitting somebody is wrong. You regret your action, you learned your lesson, he forgave you but then he has been shady to tell everybody around him about what have had happened. This should stay behind closed doors, between you and him. People do make mistakes, we all are human beings with emotions we sometimes can't control.

From my point of view, I think you should leave him alone for a while and wait for him to contact you. And I'm sure he will, eventually! REAL LOVE CONQUERS ALL!!

Yes you hit him, but you were so frustrated because he didn't help you with adjusting.

You talked it out, but I think he is still mad. Leave him alone for a while, so he have time to let his angryness drown.

Keep faith in your relationship, because y'all didn't get married for no reason. You married each other because you both were for sure you are each others significant others, partners for life time. Believe in your love, believe in your marriage.

THERE IS A SOLUTION FOR EVERY PROBLEM.. Keep your head up, time will tell

I wish you all the best...

xoxox Channah

[Ally & Rach 24]

I may be wrong but to me you gave him what he wanted.. In my view if a woman is constantly hitting a guy then yeah its a problem.. In most cases mentally not physically.. If you've hit him once and this was bourne out of sheer frustration I'd imagine you got more of a fright than he did. From what you've said it looks like you've given him a reason to end things and allowed him to come out looking likethe good guy to his friends n family, which clearly he is not. My gut instinct is that you've dodged a bullet here.. you have given up everything to be with this man but in reality once he's realised the magnitude of the changes he'll have to make in his life he's shown himself to be a little boy..

THis story has really saddened me.. I understand what everyone is saying about violence in a relationship but seriously, a woman gives you a slap once when you are being in a idiot? Its unacceptable and has no place in a relationship.. but is it enough to finnish the relationship.. personally I don't think so.. If Rach slapped me chances are she'd get such a shock at what she did and cry and Id probably just laugh.. but then again.. she is a bit of a smurf!!

I wish you all the best and would love to hear back from you on here when you have again found the happinness you truly deserve..

[tallcoolone 102]

A. You Hit your Husband.

B. You will do it again, and again, and again. And your violence will only escalate in the future

C. You have anger Issues

D. If I was your Husband I would have you on a plane back to your home country so fast it would make your head swim

[Aztec&Taino 144]

he and his family still wanted me to leave him. He wanted me to go back my country as soon as possible ...

I know I get what I deserve . The word "I'm sorry" means nothing for him at all. I didn't want to end this marriage like this.

The real issue is that, in legal terms, you ARE NOT married. Therefore, you cannot adjust your status and your K1 visa expires 90 days after entering the USA. Therefore, you need to leave the USA before the 90 days expire if you want to avoid breaking the law. Your fiance is well within his right to choose not to marry you and, quite honestly, would you want to marry a person such as the one you describe, who abuses you verbally and calls you every offending name in the book? It sounds to me as though you are better of without one another. I am sorry things did not work out between the two of you. I hope you each find your happiness elsewhere.

Good luck and best wishes.

[Aztec&Taino 144]

The real issue is that, in legal terms, you ARE NOT married. Therefore, you cannot adjust your status and your K1 visa expires 90 days after entering the USA. Therefore, you need to leave the USA before the 90 days expire if you want to avoid breaking the law. Your fiance is well within his right to choose not to marry you and, quite honestly, would you want to marry a person such as the one you describe, who abuses you verbally and calls you every offending name in the book? It sounds to me as though you are better of without one another. I am sorry things did not work out between the two of you. I hope you each find your happiness elsewhere.

Good luck and best wishes.

Correction: I reread your original post and realized that you are back in your home country. Okay, so you did not overstay your visa. I am not sure why you posted then, did you have a question? Or were you only sharing your story?

[krisca 0]

sorry to hear that, good thing is you learned your lesson. It's true though what the other said, you've been with your fiance for 2 weeks and you hit him probably made him think of whether to go through and marry you. . .Im really sorry about what happen, I've been married for 3 years and I've never and will never hit my husband, limitations are very important. . .even if it's a heavy argument. I hope you're ok and get over of what happened to you. . .I wish you the best and I know time will heal everything. . .

[Boiler 45,575]

There does not seem to be an immigration aspect, perhaps something for Off Topic?

[ptgarner1 8]

He probably didnt tell her right then that he wanted her to leave because he was afraid she would lose control again. He thought about it overnight and talked to his best friend and everyone told him to get this unstable person out of your house.

I am sorry you hit him and now regret it, but you fiance has also suffered much humiliation as well. He is being laughed at by many of his casual friends and is out a ton of money and time to get you here. In only two weeks you claim he was non supportive of you emotionally, took advantage of you sexually and enraged you to the point of violence.

You both lost equally....you are both where you should be...apart from each other.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

Yes, actually he is not my legally husband . We just had a wedding ceremony in my country (without signing marriage registration either) before I get K-1 visa, so in my culture he is already my husband.

You are not giving a straight answer here.

What is your home country?

Many countries don't require a "legal" government marriage for the marriage to be recognized and then there are some that will only recognize a civil "Government" marriage.

If your home government acknowledges your marriage them you are legally married in the US.

[Darnell 8,478]

I came to USA to stay with him about 2 weeks and didn't sign marriage registration and update status for green card yet. I feel very sad because it wasn't easy to get K-1 visa at all. But he was the one who didn't want me to stay so there is nothing I can do ......

correct - you really have no legal status in the USA -

you came INTO the USA on a K-1 visa -

and you did not fulfill the requirements of a K-1 visa (marry in USA)

which would then allow you to file for an AOS package which would lead to green card issuance.

No marriage in USA? No legal status in USA, after I-94 expiration date.

Sorry for your plight.

[blahblahbl.. 1]

Forgive him. Men are not infallible. If you love him, honor him. Honey, if you love him, appeal to him. Talk to him. Try. Tell him. If he refuses you, let him go. But if you get the opportunity, always treat him as the best thing that has ever happened to you. No one is perfect, and that includes you. Be humble. He will see your greatness.