A biggest mistake in life .. hit my husband

[boonraksa 0]

Hello everyone,

I'm now having a worst time in my life . Last week we had such a big fight and I lost my temper with my husband so I slapped him in the face . I was frustrated because I felt like I was betrayed by him . Since I came to USA to live with him , I always felt like he wasn't ready to share a marriage life with me . Everytime I had to be the only one who try hard to adjust everything new there, which I think for marriage life we both have to sacrifice things together otherwise it's not gonna work . However, I do understand he used to live by him self for a long time before I came. So sometimes he still get used to the way he used to be without me . It made me get home sick everytime I thought that maybe he didn't love me anymore but he just wanted me to live with him as a servant ,also took advantage of me with sex .

Anyway ,after I hit him I appologized to him and felt really regret about what I have done and try to make it up in order to save the marriage . Because no matter what , I honestly still love him so much and I did't want to lose him. He finally said he's not mad at me anymore so I thought he can forgive me that night . The next day I found out he told everyone around him that I was such a crazy women who like to hit him many times and he wanted me to leave his house because he can't be with the women who hit him anymore. That's means he wasjust lied to me last night , I was crying very hard while trying to beg him and his family to let me stay and give me a chane to adjust my self there. But he and his family still wanted me to leave him. He wanted me to go back my country as soon as possible .

I was very confused with his bipolar behavior, soemtimes he makes me think that he really love me so much and can forgive me everything no matter how bad I did to him but sometimes he acted like a cold heart man who have no feeling with me at all. Finally I realized maybe it's the best if I just leave him to take responsibility from what I have done despite I do still love him so much and don't know how can I live without him. Seeing his face for last time , making me feel like we will be apart forever . Now I am in my home coutnry and have no idea how's my life will be here. I don't think I can love any men more than him . And of course, even he think I'm not his wife for him anymore but he will always be my husband even we broke up.

I know I get what I deserve . The word "I'm sorry" means nothing for him at all. I didn't want to end this marriage like this.

I feel ashamed , guilty and embarassed among his family and friends. There is no way I can make it up to him . I have a big lessson for my life. I feel devastated but I think I did the best as I can to make him change his mind last time . I hope he will be happy with his life without me over there. Even deep down inside my mind , I hope he will forgive me one day and we can be together again , even it will takes 10 or 20 years. I will wait to hear from him . I will have to leave our relationship in to destiny. If one day we both still think we still love each other , hope we can try to be back again.......

[RICARDO4EVA2 194]

Hello everyone,

Anyway ,after I hit him I appologized to him and felt really regret about what I have done and try to make it up in order to save the marriage . Because no matter what , I honestly still love him so much and I did't want to lose him.

He finally said he's not mad at me anymore so I thought he can forgive me that night .

Even though he's not made and seemed to have forgiven you he felt the need to express how he felt.

The next day I found out he told everyone around him that I was such a crazy women who like to hit him many times and he wanted me to leave his house because he can't be with the women who hit him anymore. That's means he wasjust lied to me last night , I was crying very hard while trying to beg him and his family to let me stay and give me a chane to adjust my self there. But he and his family still wanted me to leave him. He wanted me to go back my country as soon as possible .

I was very confused with his bipolar behavior, soemtimes he makes me think that he really love me so much and can forgive me everything no matter how bad I did to him but sometimes he acted like a cold heart man who have no feeling with me at all. Finally I realized maybe it's the best if I just leave him to take responsibility from what I have done despite I do still love him so much and don't know how can I live without him. Seeing his face for last time , making me feel like we will be apart forever . Now I am in my home coutnry and have no idea how's my life will be here. I don't think I can love any men more than him . And of course, even he think I'm not his wife for him anymore but he will always be my husband even we broke up.

I know I get what I deserve . The word "I'm sorry" means nothing for him at all. I didn't want to end this marriage like this.

I feel ashamed , guilty and embarassed among his family and friends. There is no way I can make it up to him . I have a big lessson for my life. I feel devastated but I think I did the best as I can to make him change his mind last time . I hope he will be happy with his life without me over there. Even deep down inside my mind , I hope he will forgive me one day and we can be together again , even it will takes 10 or 20 years. I will wait to hear from him . I will have to leave our relationship in to destiny. If one day we both still think we still love each other , hope we can try to be back again.......

Sorry to hear of this and you can see how quick actions before thinking could have deep and long issues. he told you he did not want you to say and so went home. Did you ever get your green card..?

The name thing happened to another woman who decided to abuse her hubby by hitting him. What's going on ? That's a new2010/ 2011 thing..?

[marklovetina 52]

:( :(

[alibekah 4]

All of this is my opinion: You posted this on a public forum so you obviously wanted others to respond.

Sometimes it seems like people really do not realize that it takes teamwork to make a relationship (any kind! business, platonic, romantic) work. For two people to occupy a same space, there is going to have to be some sacrifices and some compromises and TONS of communication. And its hard, especially if you are very independent. Quite a few of my friends and siblings (from here and married men here - so its not just a foreign spouse thing) are having the same issue as you. They are finding that they married guys who do not want to change themselves and see nothing wrong with themselves but she must change for him because she is the one with issues. Almost all of my friends have been divorced at least once. And I am not knocking guys because I know it can be the other way around.

I am just saying that some people are not ready for that commitment. I do not know if its how they were raised or if they are just not at the maturity level or they really are afraid of change. Its a new life, a new lifestyle. It was very unfair of him. Every couple have disagreements, fights and arguments. And its even more difficult when you throw in the culture (and/or language) barrier. He pushed you to your limit. After blowing off the steam, he should have asked you to explain what was going through your mind instead of making you out to be a crazy woman. It sounded like he was looking for a way out. If he loved you, he would have done everything in his power to make it work.

I hope you find peace in your life right now. Since you are home, wherever that is, rekindle friendships with old friends and family and make new friends. Blaming yourself is not going to help you heal, its only going to make it harder for you to deal with things. When and if he is ready to talk to you, he will. I know from personal experience in the past that we always want that closure after the end of a bad breakup. You may never get that closure (for you maybe the forgiveness from him?) so YOU have to forgive yourself one day. Its hard but you will know when you are ready.

Hang in there.

Were you here on K1? Did you ever get your green card? It must be lame to go through all of that and its not cheap either!

[james&olya 1,121]

You sound like you really loved him! I think even though you should not have hit him, it sounds like you were the one that was treated poorly. Maybe you are too good for him. Maybe he will realize how fortunate he was and ask you to come back. If he does I hope you will insist on marriage counselling! You need someone to help you sort out why things don't go well and to make sure you are not being victimized. Good luck!

[VanessaTony 3,567]

You didn't really ask a qn but I'm still going to say: If he hit you, would you have forgiven him? I think eventually maybe.. if it was just a slap, but the trust would have been gone for quite a while. He is entitled to tell people he is scared of you if he is and if he had hit you YOU would have told people as well who would have (rightly) told you to leave the abusive guy. He might also feel ashamed that he's being "beaten" by his wife and be asking for advice. He could ALSO be the sort of man that thinks a woman's job is to cook, clean and provide sex so you striking him tells him you aren't going to be his slave anymore so he has no need of you in which case he is not worthy of your love, admiration or respect.

I'm sorry it didn't work out for you and I think you should consider seeing a counsellor because whether you realise it yet or not, he's obviously affected your self-esteem to a level where you feel like you can't live without him and cannot see that you SHOULD be living without someone who you feel treats you badly.

I hope you're able to get help soon and I believe that you will soon begin to find happiness again.

Good luck.

[boonraksa 0]

I came to USA to stay with him about 2 weeks and didn't sign marriage registration and update status for green card yet. I feel very sad because it wasn't easy to get K-1 visa at all. But he was the one who didn't want me to stay so there is nothing I can do ......

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I came to USA to stay with him about 2 weeks and didn't sign marriage registration and update status for green card yet. I feel very sad because it wasn't easy to get K-1 visa at all. But he was the one who didn't want me to stay so there is nothing I can do ......

Wait. So are you married? You kept mentioning husband but now you say you didn't sign "marriage registration". What does "marriage registration" mean? Do you mean you didn't send off the adjustment of status paperwork?

[boonraksa 0]

Yes, actually he is not my legally husband . We just had a wedding ceremony in my country (without signing marriage registration either) before I get K-1 visa, so in my culture he is already my husband.

[Kimo3 3]

I'm just going to be honest in saying that this guy sounds like he was no good and did NOT deserve a woman who would leave her home country (and everything she knows) to be with him in HIS country... thousands of miles away.

I pray you can see this guy was no good and I hope that soon you get over him and move on with your life and hapiness.

[Utha 10]

I am sorry for what happend to you. I dont know the exact situation but everything happend for a good reason. You made mistake by hitting him. You already took it as a lesson. That is good. No same mistake in future. Try your best to reach him back and keep praying to God. After all, just move on with your life. Wether he back to you again or not.

[curvebell 29]

Any kind of violence in a relationship is no good. Learn from this and move on. As Vanessa&Tony said - if he had hit you would you want to stick around? Slap or not, I wouldn't want to stick around.

[SunDrop 59]

Topic moved from K-1 Process & Procedures to Effect of Major Family Change on Immigration Process, as subject doesn't relate to the K-1 process any longer.

[Maxx121 14]

You were only there two weeks and you hit him? That is not enough time to give a man to adjust his living situation, what did you expect from him?

Honestly he did what was best given the situation.

Understand this, in america if a man hits a woman its made out to be a HUGE deal and he could get into serious trouble. If he hit you and you called the police he would be treated horribly.

If you hit him and he calls the police the police officers will laugh at him.

When it comes to women the justice system is always in their favor here. By striking him after two weeks of being in the US you give him the impression that that is the type of person you are and he then had to think about his future with you. How would he react the second time? This time he did not hit you back, next time he might, and if you call the police, he will be the one going to jail most likely.

Like i said, you gave him no choice when you put your hands on him after two weeks, a few years ok thats different.

If I was married to my SO for 5 years and she one day blew up and hit me then i would take it as i deserved it.

If i wasnt marrieeed to my SO and after two weeks of her being here seh hit me I would prolly have a sit down with her and give her a second chance after explaining to her what is and isnt expected during an argument, as she has never been in a serious relationship before and im 10 years her senior with a marriage and kid under my belt.

He chose to not take the chance.

With relationships like many of us here you really have to think alot more when things you dont expect happen.

[RICARDO4EVA2 194]

If I was married to my SO for 5 years and she one day blew up and hit me then i would take it as i deserved it.

Hmmm someone hit you across the face and you'll just say oh I deserve it..? Then shouldn't the wife think the same...? Who is has the hierarchy...? No man/woman should settle for less. You get hit/beaten once.. it's sure to happen again - changes more than doubled.