Puns for the educated mind...

[spookyturtle 9,466]

The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.He acquired his size from too much pi.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

to be continued.........

[Jenn! 918]

to be continued.........

waiting with bated breath....

[spookyturtle 9,466]

Well, if you insist....

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

[Nica_In_Love 98]

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

There was a man who entered the local newspaper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of

the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.

After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

"But why?," they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

and a variation on the theme - my favourite limerick!

There was a kind curate of Kew

who kept a large cat in a pew.

He tried every week

to teach it some Greek . . .

but it never got farther than Mu.

[Nica_In_Love 98]

If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.

I was going to buy a book on phobias, but I was afraid it wouldn't help me.

[Penguin_ie 5,993]

I still remember the first English language joke I understood (and was so proud of myself!):

"Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7, 8, 9!"

[spookyturtle 9,466]

The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

.

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

[Nica_In_Love 98]

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.

Organ donors put their heart into it.

[misterbigtoe 45]

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure...

The ratio of an igloo'scircumference to its diameter is commonly referred to as Eskimo Pi

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication

There was the person who posted ten different puns on their web site, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did!

[spookyturtle 9,466]

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

[TBoneTX 45,308]

Most of these are old and very tired, zzz man. This next one is clever, but weak:

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Rather, turn it into a double pun:

"I was having nightmares about red, yellow, and purple hogs, but they were merely pigments of my imagination, si man."

---

Here's another double one:

"Explaining the dearth of Jewish dancers at Radio City Music Hall doesn't take a Rockette Zionist, no man," si man.

[Nica_In_Love 98]

A bank manager without anyone around may find themself a-loan.

[HeatDeath 430]

This:

http://www.irregularwebcomic.net/2738.html