Help me!!! i was public charge and my husband US citizen is going to jail

[Golden Gate 530]

Thank you so much and GOD BLESS YOU.

Mounia.

You need to go to a Domestic Abuse Women's Shelter. They will give you a place to stay and help you to get on your feet, to find a job, etcetera. You need protection from this situation. Look up Women's Crisis Center or Counselors for Domestic Violence in the phone book or contact the agency that gave you food stamps and they can give you numbers to call. You can go to a women's shelter and his mom will not know where you are. Also, it shows you are trying to help and protect yourself, so she can't make a case against you. Maybe he hasn't hit you or anything, but what he is doing is neglect.

[bestofboston 36]

I can't believe the number of losers out there. Get away from him.

One person commented that our husband is required to help you. Those are words. Easy to say. Words have no value. He is too busy shooting up drugs and that is where all of his money is going.

There are a lot of services out there that will help battered woman and you are certainly a battered woman.

There are people right here on VJ that are willing to help you but you must move beyond feeling hopeless. Take action now. Reach out for help!

Call social services. They will be glad to help you. Don't feel afraid of being helped.

Like a few have said here, go to any local church or mosque and they will be glad to help you.

[Fandango 1,439]

Get to a shelter. Immediately. Don't wait for him to come home, worry about the safety of your child,and yourself.

God be with you, I'm praying for you.

[Fandango 1,439]

but I don't believe it should be allowed that you can have the same avatar as a Mod I will report to see if this is the case.

-1 for total pettiness.

btw...that particular av is on VJ's own pack of preloaded avs to choose from.

Edited January 13, 2011 by Lisa C

[SisJ 13]

I'm sooo sorry for what you and your baby are going through...PM me if there's anything i can do for you. I agree with what most ppl have said. First see if you can get in touch with your local mosque, there'll be someone there willing to help you. you can also go to a local shelter and get some help from there also. The important thing now is to get as far away as you can from your husband for the sake of you and your baby. You can go to a police station and they will get you help. Don't be scared, you're a resident of this country so you won't get deported or detained. About your ROC, see if you can get in contact with a lawyer who will take your case pro bono or at least agree for you to payfor the service when you get your self situated. Just remember Allah(swt) doesn't give as more than we can handle, Insha'Allah everything will work out for you and the little one. Again let me know if you need anything, i don't have much myself, but as your muslim sister it's my obligation to help you. I'll PM you my number call me if i can help.

Edited January 13, 2011 by SisJ

[utst10 0]

Mouina,

It is easy to see "tunnel vision" right now. You can't see things clearly because you are emotionally involved.

1. You do what is best for the baby at this point in time...give it to the mother to take care of until you can get up on your own two feet.

2. Gather as much evidence as you can to prepare for the AOS interview. Filed the divorce and go to the interview with the evidence and let them decide about your case.

In my opinion, given the situation, you will be granted a 10 year GC because of the situation and the fact that you have a baby born in the US.

3. Be strong, find work, and then think about taking your baby back from the grandmother...this may take years. You can't really support the baby right now.

4. You should inform you family if you decide to divorce your husband.

[Lisamarie 79]

I am so so sad to read this I'm sure you were expecting something and someone very different when you came to the USA. Drug addiction is a horrible thing and sometimes they will lose their families, jobs, homes, everything before they realize what hit them. What you have to do now is take care of yourself and the baby. There have been some good suggestions about going to a local mosque, are there any nearby? There are probably many people that can help you there. Start looking for any agencies that help abused women, as that's what you are even if it is neglect. Is IS your husband's responsibility to take care of both of you, but since that isn't happening you have to take charge and find some help. Can I ask what part of NC you live in? I know someone there that might know of some good resources for you, depending on where you live. May God bless you and protect you and your baby.

hi everyone, i m sorry but it is long story!

my love story turned to a disaster!! my husband and i had problems but i thought it is normal, we still not used to each others manners and way of living, i tried to work things out, i am very patient person, i gave him alot of time, but he is argueing about anything! and finally he started saying he did a mistake and so on,

whatever, i just kept my mouth shut! cause i was pregnant, he never went with me to the hospital to check my health or the foetus's. i didnt have support through out my pregnancy i was alone, my husband started abuse drugs right after he knew i was pregnant, instead of being happy and having hope maybe things will change with the gift god gives us the baby! he started sleeping in the living room (actually not sleeping) watching Tv and news online, every 30 minutes i get up tell him you have to go to sleep you are working tomorrow, he says in 20 min, he never come to sleep i found him on porn website, on marriage websites, and new msn account and yahoo account, i m pretty good with the computer i found those files and pictures of women he talks to! but i didnt say anything, his phone doesnt stop ringing! text messages, and when i asked him who was it he said my friend at work he is watching football and we talkin about it, i beleived him at first until he made a password on his phone and he goes to the bathroom for 2 hours taking either the phone or computer!then i got pissed i took my cloths and i was gonna go home he stoped me and his family, anyway! he still denying like i m stupid! he started lying to me he works only 10 hours and he told me 13 hours, i found out from his paystubbs and i decoded his cellphone passwords and i found a woman that he meets in near by hotel having sex and doing drugs!

when i fight with him he calms me down but the next day he goes out for the whole week, he didnt go to work and he didnt come home!i call his phone day and night and he doesnt answer! the longest period he stayed 2 weeks, i was pregnant and nobody to ask to get me food! i was crying day and night! but i had hope he is going to change cuz he started methadone clinic, but that didnt work at all!!!! after he started to observe my big tommy! he started to be nice to me , he doesnt go out alot,i had hope again! my husband lost his job because he got injured at work in feb 2010, because of drug abuse we lost every penny we were saving! we didnt have food, we got evicted because we didnt pay rent! i gave birth at that time and DCF got involved because of his addiction, they told me either he goes somewhere and i stay with the baby or i go somewhere with the baby and my husband stays home!i said i will go to his mother until he goes to the rehab, because before my son was born, my husband didnt have insurance to go! so i stayed 1 month and half with his mother!she did her best but afterall she was not treating me good!anyway, after one hour when he came back, his mother told him get out and take your family with you, or go both of you work and i stay with the baby, her intention is just to take my son from us!anyway,he was great he gained weight , he became the person i met online again!we got help from dss food stamps and we stayed in a motel , type of shelter thing financed by federal budget. we stayed there for about 3 months, what ididnt mention is that my husband had an accident with his car, so we walk all time, and guess what he started to meed those people who sells drugs and stuff! he told me that and i asked him lets move from the city!we were unable because he are homeless and no car! one day he told me he is going to get food from church, he stayed the whole day, and he called me at about 8 o clock saying he is coming , he almost lost us!! he got arrested! he had a back bag and he saw better one in a store and he exchange it thinking nobody can see him!!! stupid(at least GOD and angels see him). they released him with no bond....what happen next is unbeleivable... all the food stamps and money we received from the state is gone only on drugs because he relapsed the next day. i starve alot but i m very patient i drink just water and sometimes just bread with suger water! i didnt do anything because after he spend the money on drugs he comes and swears to me he will never gonna do it again! and he feels like kelling himself! i dont have anybody to help me only GOD!!i pray to him day and night! he got unemployemnt we came to an appartment which he doesnt pay full rent price at once like morron! i feel embarrassed from the landlord he is such nice guy!he never payed bills, everyweek the same! money in the garbage! my aunt in france sent me $200 to buy blender to make baby food and some cloths for the baby, because we dont have food he asked me to buy food with it and the next week he is going to replace it! it didnt happen! lies,after lies....he missed the court date he forgot!!!! and his probation is violated now he needs to turn him self in, but he doesnt have money to pay lawyer or bond! he says as always bla bla bla, i m going to save money for lawyer and bond, and rent for you guys for 3 or 4 months,before he turns himself in! but that will bever happen....i got enought of it!!! two days ago he got unemployment check, we need to pay rent and bills! he told me lets eat something in the mall, we orderd food and a guy who looked very old and very bad cloths came and tried to sit with us, i thought he is crazy!, my husband said give me 5 min, i m with my wife!!! then that person dropped the drugs on my husbands hands! i freeked out ! i cant control myself anymore i reached my breacking points! i followd that guys yelling at him in the mall, saying you take my money, my sons money! we r not working for you! he admits he sells mariwana! anyway, my husband run away he scared he is going to be caught! we finaly met at the parking lot,we went home screaming at each other, he didnt eat the whole day , he was just laying down, i felt guilty! i went to him and kissed his forehead saying sorry i think i over reacted! he didnt answer! this morning he said he is going to pay rent and buy milk and eggs! he took one hour i called him, where are you? he said he is on his way, he didnt come and i called him 1000 times his phone is off! and now its about 14 hours since he left!

he is definelty going to jail! it doesnt matter if he is out or in jail because he is not gonna pay rent, bills and lawyer fee.anyway!

i m currently looking for job and willing to accept anything that pays my rent.

my questions to you is :

his mother always threatens him taking the baby from us! is she able to?

my GC will expired on october 2011 and i need to remove conditions, am i eligible ? knowing that i was public charge!and my husband will be in jail anytime!i dont want to get deported because i have a baby who was born here and the decision to marry him was mine! it is a shame in my family if i get divorced and with a baby is worse! my socity doesnt have mercy, they will laugh at me!

i want to stay here and work and rely on myself and GOD!

PLEASE give me any ideas!

Thank you so much and GOD BLESS YOU.

Mounia.

[Lisamarie 79]

I disagree.......giving the baby to the mother should be the last thing she does, if she has absolutely no other choice and can't take care of her child. The mother (and father) can later claim abandonment and use that against her to gain custody. You never know what people will do when it comes to their families, especially a mother and son, even if she knows he is in the wrong..........

A shelter would be a better option than that.

Mouina,

It is easy to see "tunnel vision" right now. You can't see things clearly because you are emotionally involved.

1. You do what is best for the baby at this point in time...give it to the mother to take care of until you can get up on your own two feet.

2. Gather as much evidence as you can to prepare for the AOS interview. Filed the divorce and go to the interview with the evidence and let them decide about your case.

In my opinion, given the situation, you will be granted a 10 year GC because of the situation and the fact that you have a baby born in the US.

3. Be strong, find work, and then think about taking your baby back from the grandmother...this may take years. You can't really support the baby right now.

4. You should inform you family if you decide to divorce your husband.

[Fandango 1,439]

I disagree.......giving the baby to the mother should be the last thing she does, if she has absolutely no other choice and can't take care of her child. The mother (and father) can later claim abandonment and use that against her to gain custody. You never know what people will do when it comes to their families, especially a mother and son, even if she knows he is in the wrong..........

A shelter would be a better option than that.

Agreed. Heck, voluntary temporary foster care would be better than that. But the best option (imo) would be seeking refuge in a shelter or getting help from a charity organization. What that baby needs is his mother, and vice versa. The g'mother could then allow private access for the father, then what? This man is a danger to his wife, and his child. If he wants to destroy himself, that's his choice.

[sandinista! 1,816]

how exactly does it work if someone's in a situation like this, and does not have any way to pay for AOS? are there charitable organizations that will help with that? i know catholic charities does a lot of immigration stuff for impoverished people, providing attorneys, etc. but how is she ever going to get the money necessary to adjust her status? it's certainly not cheap.

[daboyz 36]

how exactly does it work if someone's in a situation like this, and does not have any way to pay for AOS? are there charitable organizations that will help with that? i know catholic charities does a lot of immigration stuff for impoverished people, providing attorneys, etc. but how is she ever going to get the money necessary to adjust her status? it's certainly not cheap.

She has already adjusted status and has a 2 year green card that expires 11/2011. She is worried about ROC.

[sandinista! 1,816]

She has already adjusted status and has a 2 year green card that expires 11/2011. She is worried about ROC.

ROC, whatever. the same financial considerations apply, regardless.

[JeroenAndMichelle 28]

ROC, whatever. the same financial considerations apply, regardless.

Not exactly.. during ROC nobody asks about your financial situation which they do during AOS. The only thing they really look at during ROC is if they really married for marriage sake, the financial burden has already been taken care of during AOS as the one going through AOS has to have sponsors who want to help her out in case she gets into trouble. The only thing they like to see regarding finances during ROC is if they have shared financial responsibilities, but even if they don't, they can still get approved for ROC.

Anyways, if I were her, I would divorce him based on abuse (because that is basically what's happening there.. abuse doesn't always have to be done physically), and then file the ROC without him while making sure of having proof of his abuse and all that (get some copies of the court records and all that of what shows how his behavior is). I think she would make a pretty strong case and wouldn't get send back if she did this.

As for what I read in some posts from people about going to the Mother-In-Law, that is the last thing she should do... the best thing for her to do is to go to some kind of shelter and get outside help. She should not go back to any of his family, the only way to get really out of it, is to completely break with him and his family. If she goes to any of his family, there is an incredible risk that he comes back again with stories of 'im so sorry, i didn't mean it, i will get better, etc etc etc' while we all know that these things never happen. If she wants a better life, I only see one way to do this, and that is to actually break with everything regarding him. Once she is in a shelter she has a roof above her head and food for her and her baby, then she can look for work and whatnot. Also, by doing this, she shows she is pro-active in solving her problems and in case the MIL or anyone else files a child abuse claim or something similar with CPS then they will less likely take the baby away (and contrary of what some people say: CPS is not likely to give the baby away to the MIL but more likely to place it in a foster place (and like someone also said, it is possible to place it in a temporary foster family who will take care of the baby while the mother can work on herself to get her life back on track, this happens very frequently and is maybe the best way to do be able to get things back on track)).

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

how exactly does it work if someone's in a situation like this, and does not have any way to pay for AOS? are there charitable organizations that will help with that? i know catholic charities does a lot of immigration stuff for impoverished people, providing attorneys, etc. but how is she ever going to get the money necessary to adjust her status? it's certainly not cheap.

There are Muslim charities like Catholic Charities. Just google, Muslim Charities.

[thongd4me 69]

Wow, for some reason I thought this was Kathryn posting, don't know exactly why. Anybody else?....

That's her avatar; she should have it patented.