Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior

[one...two...tree 2,762]

The opposite of coddled is not neglected, although I think it is often perceived that way.

Yep. It even seems that a lot of the permissiveness is actually a way for parents to be left off the hook from actually being more involved with their kid's daily activities.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

I have to agree to an extent.

I don't agree with forcing a child to play an instrument.

I don't agree with isolating a child socially.

I do agree with setting expectations for your child and encouraging them to live up to those expectations. Just make sure the expectations are reasonable and the child's interests are involved also.

When Anna & Gabby arrived in the US Gabby was a spoiled, angry hateful child. In the Philippines he was coddled because of his hearing impairment. They simply felt "Poor little deaf boy can't do for himself so we'll do everything for him". He wouldn't even walk from one room to the next!

Neither Anna or Gabby were ready for what they were in store for. I immediately set limits on what others would do for Gabby and expected him to get in line with how a 2 year old boy should behave. In short order he learned that everything in the house was not his toy and yes he did have to feed himself. Going to bed a 8pm every night without a bottle or 3, how insane must I be? He was confused when nobody responded to his tantrums anymore and learned to stay in his bed from the moment he was tucked in until someone got him up in the morning (even if he woke an hour earlier).

Anna almost killed me at least a few dozen times and I'll never forget every time she yelled how much I didn't love Gabby or else I couldn't be so mean to him.

There were days when it was hard on me to be so strict with such a young child, at times it made me a mean & angry person because all I wanted to do was hug him and tell him things would be okay. There were times when I doubted the path I'd chosen, maybe Gabby didn't need a "Drill Instructor" for a Daddy.

I'll tell you this much. When he landed in the US on Nov 25th, 2009 Gabby was practically a Feral Child, no communication, ran away from human contact etc. Here it is 14 months later and even before his first hearing aids (4 months after landing) his behavior was changing. He has been given access to sound though a Cochlear Implant and the behavior modifications have set in as he is a much happier little boy. He seeks out contact with people he knows. He signs and has even started talking, only 5 words as of today but he is embracing sound. He is well disciplined and has the manners of a gentleman (well except when he's eating but hey he's only 3).

Sure the Therapy, Hearing Aids & Cochlear Implants have all played their role in Gabby's development but none of it would have mattered if he hadn't had a tough as nails drill sarge who wouldn't accept anything less than he was capable of.

I was sure he would learn to hate me for it. I'm glad that I can hang-up that hat most of the time (but we both know it's just on the hook until I either of us needs me to don it once again). The greatest reward for me is that I honestly think he understands what I did and how it has impacted him. Today he loves me and "Dah-Di" was his first spoken word!

Edited January 10, 2011 by Bob 4 Anna

[Jenn! 918]

I have to agree to an extent.

I don't agree with forcing a child to play an instrument.

I don't agree with isolating a child socially.

I do agree with setting expectations for your child and encouraging them to live up to those expectations. Just make sure the expectations are reasonable and the child's interests are involved also.

When Anna & Gabby arrived in the US Gabby was a spoiled, angry hateful child. In the Philippines he was coddled because of his hearing impairment. They simply felt "Poor little deaf boy can't do for himself so we'll do everything for him". He wouldn't even walk from one room to the next!

Neither Anna or Gabby were ready for what they were in store for. I immediately set limits on what others would do for Gabby and expected him to get in line with how a 2 year old boy should behave. In short order he learned that everything in the house was not his toy and yes he did have to feed himself. Going to bed a 8pm every night without a bottle or 3, how insane must I be? He was confused when nobody responded to his tantrums anymore and learned to stay in his bed from the moment he was tucked in until someone got him up in the morning (even if he woke an hour earlier).

Anna almost killed me at least a few dozen times and I'll never forget every time she yelled how much I didn't love Gabby or else I couldn't be so mean to him.

There were days when it was hard on me to be so strict with such a young child, at times it made me a mean & angry person because all I wanted to do was hug him and tell him things would be okay. There were times when I doubted the path I'd chosen, maybe Gabby didn't need a "Drill Instructor" for a Daddy.

I'll tell you this much. When he landed in the US on Nov 25th, 2009 Gabby was practically a Feral Child, no communication, ran away from human contact etc. Here it is 14 months later and even before his first hearing aids (4 months after landing) his behavior was changing. He has been given access to sound though a Cochlear Implant and the behavior modifications have set in as he is a much happier little boy. He seeks out contact with people he knows. He signs and has even started talking, only 5 words as of today but he is embracing sound. He is well disciplined and has the manners of a gentleman (well except when he's eating but hey he's only 3).

Sure the Therapy, Hearing Aids & Cochlear Implants have all played their role in Gabby's development but none of it would have mattered if he hadn't had a tough as nails drill sarge who wouldn't accept anything less than he was capable of.

I was sure he would learn to hate me for it. I'm glad that I can hang-up that hat most of the time (but we both know it's just on the hook until I either of us needs me to don it once again). The greatest reward for me is that I honestly think he understands what I did and how it has impacted him. Today he loves me and "Dah-Di" was his first spoken word!

That's very touching...I'm tearing up a little. Great job Dad!

[Ban Hammer 13,469]

It's not sarcastic. I understand that it is unfamiliar to those raised in Western families, but this is how it's done not just in China but in India too. This is why so few Indian kids in America are underachieving losers. Even the not so bright ones (like me) end up ok while if someone like me was coddled as a kid I'd probably be living in my moms basement and chronically unemployed right now.

yeah yeah sell yourself short, no one here believes it.

Oh I believe it.

After being on VJ for like almost 5 years and being fed a regular dose reading of how inferior American women are- it's not a stretch to assume that not only are they inferior as women but parents too.

[scarasm...jic]

but you're mostly british!

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

My high achieving Chinese-American friend got hit with metal chopsticks when she brought home Bs by her mother

[웃 910]

It's not sarcastic. I understand that it is unfamiliar to those raised in Western families, but this is how it's done not just in China but in India too. This is why so few Indian kids in America are underachieving losers. Even the not so bright ones (like me) end up ok while if someone like me was coddled as a kid I'd probably be living in my moms basement and chronically unemployed right now.

Maybe in India or China you would be considered 'not so bright' but in America you are a certified genius...And it is my estimation that there are only 3 people smarter than you in the entire state of Alabama

[chri'stina 190]

yeah yeah sell yourself short, no one here believes it.

Maybe AJ only knows actual geniuses, so compared to them he isn't bright?

And maybe we are all just so stupid if we think he is smart. I've said he is smart a few times and he never seems to accept it. I'm not the only one who has said it. I guess people define smart or bright differently. Well, at least humility is better than being conceited or lying to make oneself look better than everyone!

[Ban Hammer 13,469]

Maybe AJ only knows actual geniuses, so compared to them he isn't bright?

aj is a genius

[Jenn! 918]

Everything is relative. On VJ he's a frickin' genius, real world....not so much.

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

Everything is relative. On VJ he's a frickin' genius, real world....not so much.

:rofl:

I think AJ is smart too, but probably not in the way an Indian mother would approve

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

It's not like the only way to be successful in life is to be analytical, an engineer, or a scientific genius.

Haven't you learned ANYTHING from consolemaster???

[Ban Hammer 13,469]

Everything is relative. On VJ he's a frickin' genius, real world....not so much.

when did this become the beat up aj thread?

[^_^ 5,021]

I think AJ is smart too, but probably not in the way an Indian mother would approve

Insightful, as always.

I was the kid with behavioral issues in my family. I didn't take stuff seriously and repeatedly failed to follow instruction. I was pretty much an embarrassment to my family. This is a small (or big?) part of why my parents moved to India when I was 9. They thought I would be more manageable there when surrounded by a culture that valued education and discipline and frowned upon being a brat. The move kinda sorta worked - I was pushed hard by both parents and surviving grandparents and mean as hell teachers to do better than I would have likely done here. I still did stuff I shouldn't have (vandalizing a guys auto rickshaw was my shining moment - but I got away with it) but I also learned a lot I likely wouldn't have. The U.S. educational system is very quick to discard those who are not self-driven and ambitious. If you're a smart kid, this country is awesome. If you're not, Asian systems will beat the best out of you, even if your 'best' is just average. And yes, I am talking about educational systems but understand that it wouldn't work without parents at home reinforcing what happens at school and not taking your side against the teacher and administration (even when they're wrong, as they from time to time are).

[one...two...tree 2,762]

The U.S. educational system is very quick to discard those who are not self-driven and ambitious. If you're a smart kid, this country is awesome. If you're not, Asian systems will beat the best out of you, even if your 'best' is just average. And yes, I am talking about educational systems but understand that it wouldn't work without parents at home reinforcing what happens at school and not taking your side against the teacher and administration (even when they're wrong, as they from time to time are).

I think there are a lot of factors that determine the academic success of American students compared to Asian countries. For a long time, it was widely accepted that a person could make a living without much of an education in this country. I personally know someone who never made it past 8th grade but has been very successful as a businessman. I don't know how you can really change the culture of academics in this country until academic success becomes the end all for making a living.

[chri'stina 190]

Insightful, as always.

I was the kid with behavioral issues in my family. I didn't take stuff seriously and repeatedly failed to follow instruction. I was pretty much an embarrassment to my family. This is a small (or big?) part of why my parents moved to India when I was 9. They thought I would be more manageable there when surrounded by a culture that valued education and discipline and frowned upon being a brat. The move kinda sorta worked - I was pushed hard by both parents and surviving grandparents and mean as hell teachers to do better than I would have likely done here. I still did stuff I shouldn't have (vandalizing a guys auto rickshaw was my shining moment - but I got away with it) but I also learned a lot I likely wouldn't have. The U.S. educational system is very quick to discard those who are not self-driven and ambitious. If you're a smart kid, this country is awesome. If you're not, Asian systems will beat the best out of you, even if your 'best' is just average. And yes, I am talking about educational systems but understand that it wouldn't work without parents at home reinforcing what happens at school and not taking your side against the teacher and administration (even when they're wrong, as they from time to time are).

I fail to see how having behavioral issues as a kid means someone isn't intellectually smart. Not every intelligent kid is a studious nerd.

I agree with you about this country though. Between me, relatives, and friends we were a mixed bunch of those who were self driven to score high and those who didn't care and consistently scored low, just getting by. Pressure from parents didn't seem to help, although the pressure was not anything like the "Chinese mother".