Best, Worst, Most unexpected thing about FSU

[Brad and Vika 129]

My wife and I went swimming with the sharks and stingrays in the Dominican Republic. It was one of those guided tours where you basically swim in a pool out in the middle of the ocean but there are live sharks (hand-fed with little bait fish) and stingrays (with the stingers removed) swimming amongst you.

They start the tour with a little informational session and let you pet a stingray one of the guys is holding then turn you loose in the shark tank. We were swimming along hand in hand and all the sudden I hear a cry of horror through a snorkel and feel this arm pushing me away and down into the water. Meanwhile I feel a rush of water beside me and only have time to turn my head to see my wife's feet feverishly kicking away as she swam for cover. I looked down, and there was a six-foot shark swimming under my feet.

The shark passed by and didn't even give me a second look. He was, after all, accustomed to eating lean cuts of meat and wasn't interested in something with as much marbling as I have. When I was finally reunited with my wife - who'd now climbed out of the water and was up on the dock - I asked why she'd freaked out and acted the way she did. "Because I have natural reaction."

"Uh, by natural reaction do you mean shoving me toward the danger and high-tailing it in the other direction?"

"Yes, I must save myself."

So, needless to say, I now know where I stand in the hierarchy of our family's food chain.

We just got back from a cruise, and took one of those snorkling excursions on a faux sailboat. Vika either cannot understand island English, or just totally ignores the guys running the boat - swimming on the wrong side of the ship (where the wind blows you towards Panama), and generally providing entertainment for all. At the end, they have everybody swing out and jump in the water from some kind of rope rig. I went once, with a big fat guy splash. Vika stood on the platform screaming for so long, that the guy literally pushed her off - and she slid right off the rope into the drink. Then she did it three or four more times - off the platform and immediately off the rope and into the water almost striking the side of the ship (the crowd let out one of those ominous OOOHHHs every time). She maintins that the rope wasn't set right and the guides weren't helpful. I am just happy she didn't think it was all my fault

[slim 1,525]

We just got back from a cruise, and took one of those snorkling excursions on a faux sailboat. Vika either cannot understand island English, or just totally ignores the guys running the boat - swimming on the wrong side of the ship (where the wind blows you towards Panama), and generally providing entertainment for all. At the end, they have everybody swing out and jump in the water from some kind of rope rig. I went once, with a big fat guy splash. Vika stood on the platform screaming for so long, that the guy literally pushed her off - and she slid right off the rope into the drink. Then she did it three or four more times - off the platform and immediately off the rope and into the water almost striking the side of the ship (the crowd let out one of those ominous OOOHHHs every time). She maintins that the rope wasn't set right and the guides weren't helpful. I am just happy she didn't think it was all my fault

Awesome!

We actually hung out with a Russian couple while there and on one of our excursions when everyone was filing into the small boat to be ferried out to the big boat everyone took a seat except for the Russian lady who was complaining about the seats being "dirty" and needing something to sit on so she wouldn't hurt her woman parts. All you could hear was the husband saying over and over, "Spokose. Sidis. Sidis. Spokose. Sidis. Davai!"

My wife actually got a good laugh from this since, at that time, she was blissfully unaware of everything "bad" for her because she was in the Caribbean and forgot about the dirt harming her own woman parts. She was laughing about it, "Only zis Russian woman have problem whis dirty seat. Everyone else just gonna swim and have a fun but she must be Russian woman. Ha. So poor husband deal whis zis Russian wife."

"Uh... do you really wanna go there?"

"You so lucky you have wonderful wife." Just swim already.

Edited January 14, 2011 by slim

[visaveteran 1]

For my first marriage, we went to St. Thomas, US Virgin Islands. We actually got married there at the Territorial Courthouse. We had to arrange for this ahead of time and it required getting our congressman involved to make sure there were no problems when we got there...and we DID need to bring paperwork and birth certificates...just so you guys who say it's so easy to get married in the US understand, that isn't always the case. The USVI is, after all, part of the USA.

The day of the wedding the island power went out...a frequent event. So there we sit inside the courthouse, without power, sweating and my soon to be bride's flowers are starting to wllt a bit and the windows are painted shut so they can't be opened. The typewriters were electric so the clerks could not do our paperwork and the Judge who was to marry us was busy anyway...scolding some kid who got into a little trouble. This was life "island style."

Anyway, the power finally came back on, the Judge married us and it was right out of a Bogart movie...very atmospheric and exotic. The judge in the USVI is kind like a king...he is very powerful, so we were married by a powerful man, not some nickel and dime justice of the peace. And, of course, he had that great island accent with a booming voice and he was very cool about discussing the seriousness of marriage; and he had a kind of romantic way of handling what was basically a simple courthouse process.

During our honeymoon phase there in the islands, we went over to St. John to Trunk Bay. There is an underwater National Park near there and you can snorkel around and there are underwater markers throughout the park..like to identify a certain kind on coral or other plant life. Very cool. It used to be the only US underwater national park. It may still be.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

Nice one I remember the first time I visited Minsk, staying at the Hotel Belarus. I went to the restaurant up top for the breakfast buffet and couldn't identify most of the food. Seriously, cole slaw and fish salad for breakfast? After some exploration I found the draniki and some kind of cutlet, and some canned fruit mix. Happy I toughed it out.

You stayed at the Hotel Belarus ? You lucky dog you. There's a upscale strip joint upstairs called "Club Versus". Little did I know it was coed. Kira got a table dance there from some dude who looked like he was in the Olympic swim team, and I getting a dance from some chick who looked like she could have been his mom. It must have been a payback for the night before when we went to the strip joint at Hotel Planeta.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

You stayed at the Hotel Belarus ? You lucky dog you. There's a upscale strip joint upstairs called "Club Versus". Little did I know it was coed. Kira got a table dance there from some dude who looked like he was in the Olympic swim team, and I getting a dance from some chick who looked like she could have been his mom. It must have been a payback for the night before when we went to the strip joint at Hotel Planeta.

In these parts they call lap dances the "Canadian Ballet" (no strip clibs in Vermont, you have to go to Montreal)

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

In these parts they call lap dances the "Canadian Ballet" (no strip clibs in Vermont, you have to go to Montreal)

No strip joints ? One thing Alaska does excel at other than fishing and hunting is our strip clubs...well that's what I thought anyways until I went to Minsk the first time. The dancers at the ones in Minsk blow ours away. Now Moscow, St. Petersburg and Kiev are supposed to have some good ones. I haven't had a chance to check them out yet, but it's on my list of "things to do before I die".

[kharkovpoacher 4]

This past August, Vekas second weekend "in country" a big group of us headed to Lake Gaston for a weekend. My parents have a house there, my ex-wifes brother has a house along with another good friend, all within 2 miles. We had a crowd of people including my ex-wife, her new husband, my three sons, ex brother-in-laws with their families. First story. Friday night after eating dinner on the way there. Only needed massive amounts of pivo to survive "nature." Veka and my sons get out of the truck. It is right at dusk but Veka wants to go exploring to the water. Only about 40 yards to the boathouse. It did not take but a minute and her favorite English curse came. "freakin' animals!!!" She comes back to me house all distraught. She walk by a bush and was swarmed and bit by some insect. The bites all over her legs looked like mosquito bites on 'roids. She probably got 10 on each leg. First, I have been going there for 40 years and never had this happen. Second, I think she had a worse then normal reaction. Third, I think it is all of the lotion, oils, ointments, etc. that smells so good to me that attracted them. She was visibly upset. She wanted to go back to Raleigh then and there. I know the crowd was like "we are in for a long weekend." Lastly, why did she not go down the gravel path to the water. The mystery question.

The next morning, we all wake up, make our grocery list, me, Veka, my ex, and her husband go to the grocery store. Let me tell you, there is one grocery store on a 20 miles plus long lake. On a Saturday morning it would have rivaled any WallyWorld for the "trash" that was shopping. Of course, Veka was dressed for battle the way a Russian woman attacks the world. High heels, mini-skirt, tight fitting top holding back her weaponry. It was a little chaotic in there and I think Veka caused a few cart accidents with the rubberneckers. Finally, we have two carts loaded with pivo and a can of bug spray for the queen. Essentials for the lake. We are waiting in line and Veka makes an astute observation. "How come no one in America dresses nice like me, bad pants, no shoes? At first I thought this was a cheap jab at my ex, but she was dressed casually but nicely. I glanced around and I noticed that it was elastic waistband city, no offense Brad. It was sweat pants, wife beaters, crocs, all that Walmart had to offer. Of course she was not quiet with her question and I have a loud deep voice. Without trying to hide it, I responded "in America most people don't care about their appearance, especially at the lake. Also, look, the women have too many Kilos to wear nice heels like you, they would break them." My ex and her husband fell out laughing, a spinkling of others waiting in line laughed too. The cons definitely outweighed the pros, (no pun intended)about ten people from the trailer trash personal including two cashiers just stopped and gave us that look. What did I do then, I walked over and gave my smokinhotkova a kiss on the cheek and called her "my queen" in Russian. Finally, checkout time. I was watching the "buffet killer" closely. I figured after my comments and her stare of dis-content for my comments she would scan each item two or three times. Meanwhile "my queen" was rearranging everything the bag boy was putting in the cart. We found a way to annoy him too. At least he got good cleavage shots for his trouble.

My oldest son was tasked with teaching Veka how to drive the jet ski. Of course, this was her first time in life driving anything with an engine. Also, she knew everything. My 14 year old wanted to kill me. I just wanted to drink a beer in peace and quiet, with my ex. That is peace and quiet.LOL. They survived, barely according to my son. I think that is where he got his first grey hair. He gave me my first ones, it is only right that I am responsible for his. Then it came to skiing. We had four boats up there, but I have the mac-daddy. A MaterCraft ski boat. It is fast, powerful, a corvette of boats. After about two hours of skiing I noticed my queen pouting. She wanted to drive. Okay, well any gray hair that I had fell out. She had one speed, full throttle. It took me a while to get her driving sanely with a skier behind her. Of course we had to have the obligatory Russki photo-op of her driving the boat.

The last incident that happened was late that night. Pivo was on ice, music going, fishing lines in the water. There were probably 15 to 20 of us on the dock. Crowded, but manageable. My youngest son caught about a 3lb. catfish, showed everyone, then proceeded to chuck it in the water. The Russki looked like Bryan Urlacher trying to get in the backfield. She came out of her chair up near land, knocking the table, bouncing off of my nieces, hitting a couple other peoples chairs causing spillage of adult beverages. Upon her arrival at the end of the pier, can't believe she didn't go in, or anyone else for that matter, she proceded to start spitting and sputtering in English, Russian, maybe Chinese, about the fish that was thrown away. She was appalled that we would "waste" a good fish like that. I tried my best to explain to her, that we were fishing for fun, not the oven. I got the look from people that I needed to "reel in the Russki." After about three more smaller catfish were caught and released, she could not stand it anymore. She said something under her breath and went up to the house. I know she did not say "Dobry nacht." I told everyone she is fine. She probably was sharpening the fillet knife.LOL. For my eggs. Only those married to a Russki will understand that.

Luckily, after the first impressions of that weekend, Veka has really settled in, calmed down, relaxed, and has become friends with all of my friends, too and including my ex. I've got many other funny instances from the past 5 months. Later dates on those though.

Lastly, Brad, when we were in Louisville drinking(I was drinking) and gambling, my Veka and my ex were at Wrightsville Beach together. My ex called me and said that she would be Vekas wingman anytime. I'm thinking she was referring to the attention and drinks that were coming their way. When guys would bring drinks over Veka would speak nothing but Russian, my ex would just nod her head and say one of the three words of Parusski that she knew. I heard it was funny, the guys did not know what to do, they would stand there like knots on a log for a minute and then walk away. Classic.

[Brad and Vika 129]

Funny stuff my friend Get used to the "I know everything" shtick, by the way. You have to wait for her to get burned when you aren't around to rectify the situation. Of course, that doesn't mean you were ever right . Also, try telling her that eating the fresh catfish (and the garbage they eat) CAUSES the WalMart waistband problem - you will never hear a complaint again. And keep calling her queen.... really.

[Brad and Vika 129]

You stayed at the Hotel Belarus ? You lucky dog you. There's a upscale strip joint upstairs called "Club Versus". Little did I know it was coed. Kira got a table dance there from some dude who looked like he was in the Olympic swim team, and I getting a dance from some chick who looked like she could have been his mom. It must have been a payback for the night before when we went to the strip joint at Hotel Planeta.

Been there (I think it was called EuroWorld or something then), and the casino underneath. I got thrown out of the casino for winning - at roulette no less. The game was insanely crooked. Ten Russians with mistresses playing the second 2/3 of the layout, and the dealers were timing the drop. The Russki were losing nine out of ten spins. I just bet the other 1/3. The Russians were watching, so the house had to pay me. After I was up about $400, I looked behind me, and I couple of huge gents (vor zarkonia I presume) were standing right over me. I left in a hurry. The cage refused to cash me out in dollars or explain why, and a Czech guy finally told me to "get the hell out before there was trouble" and "dude, change the money back at the hotel". On my way out, one of the goons tells me "YOU NO COME BACK HERE". Message received My business partners told me that I was lucky - if I were staying anywhere else, the militsia would have fined me for something and removed the winnings. That was my social baptism in Belarus.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

Been there (I think it was called EuroWorld or something then), and the casino underneath. I got thrown out of the casino for winning - at roulette no less. The game was insanely crooked. Ten Russians with mistresses playing the second 2/3 of the layout, and the dealers were timing the drop. The Russki were losing nine out of ten spins. I just bet the other 1/3. The Russians were watching, so the house had to pay me. After I was up about $400, I looked behind me, and I couple of huge gents (vor zarkonia I presume) were standing right over me. I left in a hurry. The cage refused to cash me out in dollars or explain why, and a Czech guy finally told me to "get the hell out before there was trouble" and "dude, change the money back at the hotel". On my way out, one of the goons tells me "YOU NO COME BACK HERE". Message received My business partners told me that I was lucky - if I were staying anywhere else, the militsia would have fined me for something and removed the winnings. That was my social baptism in Belarus.

LMAO! Your killing me! I gotta show my friends this post. This is typical Belarus.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

No strip joints ? One thing Alaska does excel at other than fishing and hunting is our strip clubs...well that's what I thought anyways until I went to Minsk the first time. The dancers at the ones in Minsk blow ours away. Now Moscow, St. Petersburg and Kiev are supposed to have some good ones. I haven't had a chance to check them out yet, but it's on my list of "things to do before I die".

No, and oddly enough it is not becuse of some silly law. You can go grocery shopping naked if you want (no, I don't, much to everyone's relief) Being in the construction industry, discussions of the weekend's "Canadian Ballet" are common on Monday's. We had a "Hooter's" in Vermont but it closed. Lack of interest. For that matter the one and only McDonalds in Burlington closed also. We are the only state whose largest city has no McDonalds.

In Donetsk there is an unusual bar/club that we like to go to. It is kind of a "sports bar" for lack of better term, with lots of video games and an indoor shooting gallery using air rifles. Most of the targets at the shooting gallery are some form of German. There are, for no apparent reason, at least two topless girls dancing on the bar at all times. Alla, who is usually jealous and posessive over even the thought of a photo of another woman, has no problem with going to this place. Go figure. She understands the girls are just there to attract clients to spend money. But you couldn't call it a "strip club" and there are no lap dances or anything like that.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Been there (I think it was called EuroWorld or something then), and the casino underneath. I got thrown out of the casino for winning - at roulette no less. The game was insanely crooked. Ten Russians with mistresses playing the second 2/3 of the layout, and the dealers were timing the drop. The Russki were losing nine out of ten spins. I just bet the other 1/3. The Russians were watching, so the house had to pay me. After I was up about $400, I looked behind me, and I couple of huge gents (vor zarkonia I presume) were standing right over me. I left in a hurry. The cage refused to cash me out in dollars or explain why, and a Czech guy finally told me to "get the hell out before there was trouble" and "dude, change the money back at the hotel". On my way out, one of the goons tells me "YOU NO COME BACK HERE". Message received My business partners told me that I was lucky - if I were staying anywhere else, the militsia would have fined me for something and removed the winnings. That was my social baptism in Belarus.

And they wonder why they have problems attracting tourists.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

"Smokinghotkova" I have to remember that one. I call Alla the "Ukrainian Princess" I should not let her know that you guys call your wife "Queen"

we lived on the lake when Alla arrived and I had a similar "fish story" As a bachelor I fished every day, every evening and really didn't care if I caught anything to interrupt my leisure and cigar. So Alla arrives and we go to the pier and after a few minutes casting I catch a usual size northern pike (Shooka). She was all pleased. I took the fish out of the water and casually un-hooked it while I was talking and tossed it back in the lake. She jumped up and ran to the end of the pier (just as you describe). "Where is the fish????" In the water. (stammering) "The fish goes away?" Yes, of course. "What do mean of course? You throw away food???? What is wrong with you???" After that I was sworn never to throw away fish again.

[Brad and Vika 129]

After that I was sworn never to throw away fish again.

Interesting this. I found that the swearing, i.e. swear to never again (fill in the blank here) was coming WAY too often to suit me. I understand that a man who breaks his promises is viewed everywhere with the yellow eye. My wife can't remember how the "remoter" for the TV works, but has a mind like a steel trap when it comes to my promises. Mostly now I refuse to swear to anything because I don't want to have to break a promise. Works fine, but the first time she said "swear to me" and I said "hell no" we had a pretty lively discussion.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Interesting this. I found that the swearing, i.e. swear to never again (fill in the blank here) was coming WAY too often to suit me. I understand that a man who breaks his promises is viewed everywhere with the yellow eye. My wife can't remember how the "remoter" for the TV works, but has a mind like a steel trap when it comes to my promises. Mostly now I refuse to swear to anything because I don't want to have to break a promise. Works fine, but the first time she said "swear to me" and I said "hell no" we had a pretty lively discussion.

There are some of those areas I will not swear to either. Some because they are just stupid. "Swear to me you will never make a man cave and put up photos of girls in bikinis" Go away.

Then of course there is the problem that the law requires all bass, smallmouth or largemouth, to be 12", walleyes have to be 15" in length or you can't keep them. "Stupid law, some people have no food and you have to throw food in the water because it is not huge" Huge? "Yes, that is like 30cm, that is a huge fish to eat"