Am just beside myself

[Angel Eyes Yuseef 5]

This lawyer was a real peice of work. But I had a lawyer that did immigration on the side that gave me a 30 minute call about his opion on Arabian men. And then told me that i can come and pay him $150 a half hour to learn more about my scandalous life. Proud to say I did not need his services. But i am not sure what your fincial situation is, it is not my business. But I have learned that since there not living with us and there income does not interwine with ours. That is is a lot easier to say that yes i am married but seperated. It is just a legal term but legal and means his fiances do not overlap with yours anymore. I have learned this through my finacel lawyer. Maybe this can help you.

I contacted a lawyer today for some advice on my finances......and I was just taken so off guard....we were on the phone for about 20 minutes....and this is no exaggeration when I say that about 17 minutes of that phone consult was about how once my husband comes here and gets his greencard, that he is going to divorce me, and use me for everything I got. I can't believe a consult that was supposed to be about my finances turned out to be him telling me that I need to leave this marriage. He started asking me how long we were together, how we met, if he was muslim, where he was from, who's idea it was to get married, if my family or friends knew about this marriage...the list goes on and on....he made a comment that I must have heard all of this from friends and family, and I said actually, no, because I have a lot of support from them.

He proceeded to say that it boggles his mind that nobody in my family or friends have told me to run from him. He told me he has been practicing law for many years, and has seen it all. So he kept saying his advice would be to leave him, because the whole situation stinks to high hell.

Then, after all of this, he told me two conditions upon hiring him...1: that he is very casual when he is out of the courtroom, and 2: that if I hire him, he will be blunt about how he feels about my situation, and will continue to tell me to run, run the other way!

I don't think I have ever been so utterly humiliated. At this moment, I am feeling embarrassed, shut down, and like a fool...I just wanted to share this, because I don't want to tell my husband about this.

I have to add that after he found out where my husband was from, that is when he really got on how he wants me nothing for the greencard...when he told me how shocked he was that my family didn't stop me from marrying my husband, I told him my mom was an immigrant, and that they are very open-minded...he then proceeded to say that he was an immigrant also, from england. Then when asking me if my husband sends me money, I told him money can't leave morocco unless under very strict circumstances, he said that he doesn't know international law well, but that was the most fishy and ridiculous thing he has ever heard...

[Vanessa1 7]

I contacted a lawyer today for some advice on my finances......and I was just taken so off guard....we were on the phone for about 20 minutes....and this is no exaggeration when I say that about 17 minutes of that phone consult was about how once my husband comes here and gets his greencard, that he is going to divorce me, and use me for everything I got. I can't believe a consult that was supposed to be about my finances turned out to be him telling me that I need to leave this marriage. He started asking me how long we were together, how we met, if he was muslim, where he was from, who's idea it was to get married, if my family or friends knew about this marriage...the list goes on and on....he made a comment that I must have heard all of this from friends and family, and I said actually, no, because I have a lot of support from them.

He proceeded to say that it boggles his mind that nobody in my family or friends have told me to run from him. He told me he has been practicing law for many years, and has seen it all. So he kept saying his advice would be to leave him, because the whole situation stinks to high hell.

Then, after all of this, he told me two conditions upon hiring him...1: that he is very casual when he is out of the courtroom, and 2: that if I hire him, he will be blunt about how he feels about my situation, and will continue to tell me to run, run the other way!

I don't think I have ever been so utterly humiliated. At this moment, I am feeling embarrassed, shut down, and like a fool...I just wanted to share this, because I don't want to tell my husband about this.

I have to add that after he found out where my husband was from, that is when he really got on how he wants me nothing for the greencard...when he told me how shocked he was that my family didn't stop me from marrying my husband, I told him my mom was an immigrant, and that they are very open-minded...he then proceeded to say that he was an immigrant also, from england. Then when asking me if my husband sends me money, I told him money can't leave morocco unless under very strict circumstances, he said that he doesn't know international law well, but that was the most fishy and ridiculous thing he has ever heard...

I don't know your lawyer and I don't know all of the details of your case so take what I say with a grain of salt as my opinion is really just based on your comments and my own experience. With that disclaimer, if it were me, I definitely would find a new lawyer. You stated a few days ago that the lawyer said the RFE was due to you getting married on the first visit. I whole-heartedly disagree with this since my husband and I were married on our first visit and we had no problems. The lawyer I saw was simply to look over the paperwork and he let me ask as many questions as I needed to. He never once belittled my relationship with my husband nor did he make judgments. I have also read many other experiences where people were married on the first trip. It's tough to get the time off that is required to get married in Morocco so it's not uncommon. When I was going through the whole process I did call USCIS and they said they only thing they are concerned about with respect to the NOA2 is the fact that you are married. I think one VJ poster, whose name I do not remember, said it best in one post. If you are going to be in a long distance relationship you must have perfect trust. You obviously have it and married your husband so if he has given you no reason to doubt him, then don't just because a lawyer said things. From other items you said, he obviously doesn't understand Moroccan culture. I say if it really is the case that you have no red flags just blow it off, read up on the guides here in VJ, ask lots of questions on the process, and you can handle this by yourself. Now, if you have special circumstances we are not aware of this may be why you contacted the lawyer but if not, it really is possible to do this without one. So many of us here did and were successful. Again, I only saw a lawyer once for him to look over my initial I-130 paperwork to make sure it was filled out correctly and get a few questions answered. The rest of the way I relied on my husband, myself, and VJ. Of course, the choice is yours and only you can know what's best in your individual situation.

[Vanessa1 7]

I don't know your lawyer and I don't know all of the details of your case so take what I say with a grain of salt as my opinion is really just based on your comments and my own experience. With that disclaimer, if it were me, I definitely would find a new lawyer. You stated a few days ago that the lawyer said the RFE was due to you getting married on the first visit. I whole-heartedly disagree with this since my husband and I were married on our first visit and we had no problems. The lawyer I saw was simply to look over the paperwork and he let me ask as many questions as I needed to. He never once belittled my relationship with my husband nor did he make judgments. I have also read many other experiences where people were married on the first trip. It's tough to get the time off that is required to get married in Morocco so it's not uncommon. When I was going through the whole process I did call USCIS and they said they only thing they are concerned about with respect to the NOA2 is the fact that you are married. I think one VJ poster, whose name I do not remember, said it best in one post. If you are going to be in a long distance relationship you must have perfect trust. You obviously have it and married your husband so if he has given you no reason to doubt him, then don't just because a lawyer said things. From other items you said, he obviously doesn't understand Moroccan culture. I say if it really is the case that you have no red flags just blow it off, read up on the guides here in VJ, ask lots of questions on the process, and you can handle this by yourself. Now, if you have special circumstances we are not aware of this may be why you contacted the lawyer but if not, it really is possible to do this without one. So many of us here did and were successful. Again, I only saw a lawyer once for him to look over my initial I-130 paperwork to make sure it was filled out correctly and get a few questions answered. The rest of the way I relied on my husband, myself, and VJ. Of course, the choice is yours and only you can know what's best in your individual situation.

I'm a bit embarrassed but I got you mixed up with another person who is waiting for their NOA2. I saw on your signature that you are at the NVC. Sorry about that! That's what I get for reading fast later in the evening. LOL!

[tany1157 161]

I'm a bit embarrassed but I got you mixed up with another person who is waiting for their NOA2. I saw on your signature that you are at the NVC. Sorry about that! That's what I get for reading fast later in the evening. LOL!

HAHAHA, it's ok!!!!!! You were the nice person who messaged me last week cheering me up! I am so bad at returning personal messages, so I want to say THANK YOU! because you took the time to write some very kind words to me. I obvi will not work with this lawyer, but was just pretty humiliating....and usually I am a big mouth, and don't let anyone say anything to me, but for some reason, I didn't do it with this guy! Anyways, I finally spoke with my husband about it last night, because unfortunatly, lol, he knows me too well, and knows when something is bothering me. So, we talked about it. I guess I just have to accept that people will think this about me and my marriage, and only time will tell....but in the meantime, I know what I am doing.....

[Gugusitolindo 32]

Hey girl, dont care what other ppl think. Be sure of what you want, and ppl will talk no matter what. The problem is , ppl believe you are asking their opinion when in fact, it does not matter.

Also, there are ways, and ways....of saying things.

Blind opinion from that lawyer does not matter. You are the only one that has to live with your decisions.

Dont take it to heart, unfortunately ppl are humans. No every opinion and scenerio apply to the actual reality of your life.

Take care!

[malika215 3]

Look, I use to have those moments too in the beginning. But after five years my husband has proven his character to me. Look at it this way. My son thinks he has the all american marriage. He signed a note for $250,000 for his inlaws to open a business. It failed and he had to pay it. So you can be had by an american or an immigrant - it makes no difference. If he won't work, go to the govt and let him go home. No biggie. I have huge confidence in my husband after all this time. Marriage is always a chance. I also know my husband's culture very very well and I'm able to separate the most of the phonies from the real McCoy. Just keep your eyes open and LISTEN.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I contacted a lawyer today for some advice on my finances......and I was just taken so off guard....we were on the phone for about 20 minutes....and this is no exaggeration when I say that about 17 minutes of that phone consult was about how once my husband comes here and gets his greencard, that he is going to divorce me, and use me for everything I got. I can't believe a consult that was supposed to be about my finances turned out to be him telling me that I need to leave this marriage. He started asking me how long we were together, how we met, if he was muslim, where he was from, who's idea it was to get married, if my family or friends knew about this marriage...the list goes on and on....he made a comment that I must have heard all of this from friends and family, and I said actually, no, because I have a lot of support from them.

He proceeded to say that it boggles his mind that nobody in my family or friends have told me to run from him. He told me he has been practicing law for many years, and has seen it all. So he kept saying his advice would be to leave him, because the whole situation stinks to high hell.

Then, after all of this, he told me two conditions upon hiring him...1: that he is very casual when he is out of the courtroom, and 2: that if I hire him, he will be blunt about how he feels about my situation, and will continue to tell me to run, run the other way!

I don't think I have ever been so utterly humiliated. At this moment, I am feeling embarrassed, shut down, and like a fool...I just wanted to share this, because I don't want to tell my husband about this.

I have to add that after he found out where my husband was from, that is when he really got on how he wants me nothing for the greencard...when he told me how shocked he was that my family didn't stop me from marrying my husband, I told him my mom was an immigrant, and that they are very open-minded...he then proceeded to say that he was an immigrant also, from england. Then when asking me if my husband sends me money, I told him money can't leave morocco unless under very strict circumstances, he said that he doesn't know international law well, but that was the most fishy and ridiculous thing he has ever heard...

The fact of the matter is he was bluntly honest with you. Did you ask him about if he has had cases involving mena/american marriages that turned out badly for the woman. No lawyer , especially if you had prior dealings with him would ever say that unless they have seen something go very south for someone.

If you do have money, especially substantial amounts of it, you absolutely need either a post nup or a pre nup covering allocation of assets if a divorce occurs. You are not a fool but in community property states, your new husband could make a claim for some of your assets and if they get the right attorney, absolutely get some of your money. I have seen 2 women lose in excess of 80000 to MENA husbands and while the majority would never ever ever ever do anything to hurt you, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with having a post nup drawn up and asking your moroccan husband to sign it relinquishing rights to your finances and property and that he agrees only to take what he brings into the marriage or contributes to. Nothing wrong with that whatsoever. The lawyer could draw that up. Secondly , it can serve as property settlement in the event of a divorce. Its called a POST NUP. If he refuses to sign it, he doesnt love you anyway and you can tell him its for estate purposes. There was a girl on here who leveraged her house for a guy she brought over with kids and he screwed her over and she lost her house..I think he was from Jordan. I know a woman who inherited money from her late husband and her mom in NC and the guy from Morocco ended up with all her furniture and her apartment and she lost her job as well from the guy having her arrested when she went back to get her stuff.

Your lawyer might be a jack leg but there is NOTHING wrong with getting a post nup or a pre nup if you have assets..The marriage may very well last but you need your assets protected... especially if he is bringing nothing to the marriage but "love sweet love".

Talk to him about preparing and one and let your spouse know you need it signed...

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

The fact of the matter is he was bluntly honest with you. Did you ask him about if he has had cases involving mena/american marriages that turned out badly for the woman. No lawyer , especially if you had prior dealings with him would ever say that unless they have seen something go very south for someone.

If you do have money, especially substantial amounts of it, you absolutely need either a post nup or a pre nup covering allocation of assets if a divorce occurs. You are not a fool but in community property states, your new husband could make a claim for some of your assets and if they get the right attorney, absolutely get some of your money. I have seen 2 women lose in excess of 80000 to MENA husbands and while the majority would never ever ever ever do anything to hurt you, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with having a post nup drawn up and asking your moroccan husband to sign it relinquishing rights to your finances and property and that he agrees only to take what he brings into the marriage or contributes to. Nothing wrong with that whatsoever. The lawyer could draw that up. Secondly , it can serve as property settlement in the event of a divorce. Its called a POST NUP. If he refuses to sign it, he doesnt love you anyway and you can tell him its for estate purposes. There was a girl on here who leveraged her house for a guy she brought over with kids and he screwed her over and she lost her house..I think he was from Jordan. I know a woman who inherited money from her late husband and her mom in NC and the guy from Morocco ended up with all her furniture and her apartment and she lost her job as well from the guy having her arrested when she went back to get her stuff.

Your lawyer might be a jack leg but there is NOTHING wrong with getting a post nup or a pre nup if you have assets..The marriage may very well last but you need your assets protected... especially if he is bringing nothing to the marriage but "love sweet love".

Talk to him about preparing and one and let your spouse know you need it signed...

Your lawyer might be a jack leg but there is NOTHING wrong with getting a post nup or a pre nup if you have assets..The marriage may very well last but you need your assets protected... especially if he is bringing nothing to the marriage but "love sweet love".

Talk to him about preparing and one and let your spouse know you need it signed...

I think he meant is he supporting you from morocco or contributing to the marriage... Money cannot leave morocco but it can be saved there to spent on things there in both of your names...

Lawyers dont always say things the way we want to hear them but often there is a grain of truth in what they say. If you come from money and you married someone penniless, it would cause most lawyers to shake their heads. If you have enough money that you even need to talk to an attorney to manage it and you married someone without money, whether it be a foreigner or an american, any lawyer worth their salt would tell you to protect your assets. I am not wealthy but my parents are and I sure as hell would not merge finances without a heavy prenup to protect what my family worked hard for. He was rude but not off base to be careful

[Jenn! 918]

If he refuses to sign it, he doesnt love you anyway and you can tell him its for estate purposes.

Is that so? I would never sign a prenup. Maybe I am incapable of love.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Is that so? I would never sign a prenup. Maybe I am incapable of love.

Did you have assets to bring into the marriage or were they your parents? You are pretty young and with my understanding, its a first marriage for you and your husband and neither had kids. When you are dealing with a woman who has a 250,000 house or more in her name and getting ready to inherit assets from elderly parents, there is absolutely nothing wrong with her taking care of whats hers, especially if she is entering into a marriage with a guy much younger than her and who is bringing nothing to the table. Its unfair for her to give up what she worked for all her life to him when they separate and many of these states have community property laws. For someone who sells something and buys a house with one of these guys, which has happened on the boards, even if it is usually her downpayment, he is entitled to half the house if they separate. For you, who has a new baby with an age matching husband and you both are on pretty level footing ( living in Mass is extremely expensive,) I dont know your take on it.. But watching someone with tons of money marry someone with nothing in an already risky situation and telling them do not worry is frankly irresponsible. Her lawyer may have very well looked at the age difference and for all we know she has a ton of money and he doesnt want to see her lose it under community property laws. There is nothing wrong with seeking advice from a competent attorney and knowing that half of your things just became the husbands. In California, everything is community property and in Florida, even homesteaded properties can be claimed if there was increase in equity or improvements, requiring the divorcing spouse to buy out the other.

I would hate to see a vulnerable woman have to part with her money without knowing the facts.

This goes for American marriages as well as mena

[Jenn! 918]

I'm just saying that I myself would not sign a prenup - and I think it's unreasonable to say that someone who wouldn't sign one was after your money. You say that there's nothing wrong with her getting a prenup as though there is no debate over the concept of a prenup. If I were in the position where I had a lot to lose financially, then I probably wouldn't get married at all.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I'm just saying that I myself would not sign a prenup - and I think it's unreasonable to say that someone who wouldn't sign one was after your money. You say that there's nothing wrong with her getting a prenup as though there is no debate over the concept of a prenup. If I were in the position where I had a lot to lose financially, then I probably wouldn't get married at all.

Why not? There is nothing wrong with getting married, rich or poor. But to dismiss the lawyers concerns without knowing the assets of the girl or the back story may not exactly be the right things to do. He perhaps knows more about whats going on with her and feels concerned which may not be a bad thing. I certainly would be if a 45 year old friend met a 27 year old on the internet and really , who cares where he is from , and she is wealthy or reasonably well off and hes penniless. Thats a big risk and she does indeed need to be careful,regardless of origin

[Jenn! 918]

Why not? There is nothing wrong with getting married, rich or poor. But to dismiss the lawyers concerns without knowing the assets of the girl or the back story may not exactly be the right things to do. He perhaps knows more about whats going on with her and feels concerned which may not be a bad thing. I certainly would be if a 45 year old friend met a 27 year old on the internet and really , who cares where he is from , and she is wealthy or reasonably well off and hes penniless. Thats a big risk and she does indeed need to be careful,regardless of origin

Why wouldn't I get married if I didn't trust the person 100%? That's a silly question.

Again, there is a lot of debate over prenups - that's all I'm addressing.

[tany1157 161]

I don't want to say my personal finances here, but I am NOT rich....I work hard, but don't really have anything....my husband and I are only 3 years apart, and really, we will both be starting over when he gets here, as I am living with my parents right now....I personally would not sign one, and would be offended if someone who was supposed to love and trust me would ask me to sign one. I also come from a middle-upper class family, and material things are not first priority....I married someone who is on the same wave length as me...now if I came from a wealthy family, and had a home and many assets BEFORE I got married, maybe I would feel otherwise....but because of my life circumstances, I wouldn't sign one. Just my opinion....

Also, this guy is NOT my lawyer....I spoke to him just this time for a free consult, and it had nothing to do with my marriage....he just gave his opinion without me asking him.....also, I am a fairly intelligent woman, and I know there is a risk in this kind of relationship, but love is a risk, no matter where you find it, and if you never take that risk, how will you ever know if it was true or not??? In my case, it is finally the love I have wanted, and that is all that matters to me.

Edited January 7, 2011 by tany1157

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I don't want to say my personal finances here, but I am NOT rich....I work hard, but don't really have anything....my husband and I are only 3 years apart, and really, we will both be starting over when he gets here, as I am living with my parents right now....I personally would not sign one, and would be offended if someone who was supposed to love and trust me would ask me to sign one. I also come from a middle-upper class family, and material things are not first priority....I married someone who is on the same wave length as me...now if I came from a wealthy family, and had a home and many assets BEFORE I got married, maybe I would feel otherwise....but because of my life circumstances, I wouldn't sign one. Just my opinion....

Also, this guy is NOT my lawyer....I spoke to him just this time for a free consult, and it had nothing to do with my marriage....he just gave his opinion without me asking him.....also, I am a fairly intelligent woman, and I know there is a risk in this kind of relationship, but love is a risk, no matter where you find it, and if you never take that risk, how will you ever know if it was true or not??? In my case, it is finally the love I have wanted, and that is all that matters to me.

I hope things work out. Its important for women with alot of assets before marriage to have some kind of separation of assets. Many states are community property states. However, if you arent inheriting anything and if neither has any money, then it doesnt matter does it