Inappropriate or not?

[Merlion@ 0]

Back to the main point, it seems that the OP started this thread to validate her reactions. She wants to justify her angst. If we tell her that what she feels is right, her feelings would intensify and she might not talk to her husband for more than three days.

Anyway, I couldn't care less but I hope both of them get to fix this quick. There's more to 2011 than starting it with what has been done and may not even have any meaning.

Happy new year, Merlion!

Happy New Year! Thanks everyone for comments! I'm going to sleep. Tomorrow morning is a new day and I'll get ovr this. It's not worth it to let it consume me this much. We'll get back to work tomorrow and everything will return to normal.

Good-night!

[Merlion@ 0]

Happy New Year! Thanks everyone for comments! I'm going to sleep. Tomorrow morning is a new day and I'll get ovr this. It's not worth it to let it consume me this much. We'll get back to work tomorrow and everything will return to normal.

Good-night!

p.s. how can I close the poll if I wanted to? thanks!

nvm.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I think the silent treatment is over-reacting but I do it too, just not on purpose. I'm just upset and trying not to rant/yell and I do talk to him, just not normal talking, more monosyllabic.. Basically I'm trying to process it and determine if I am being irrational... anyway..

It wasn't a friend, it was a complete stranger, not even a friend of a friend.. and holding her hand whilst dancing was COMPLETELY inappropriate. Not to mention letting go of YOUR hand to dance with her solely for a moment.

The kissing on the cheek I don't think would have bothered you as much had he not already held her hand and danced with her. I think that put you on edge.

Speaking to her in french excluded you from the conversation, but her husband I assume could still hear it so I doubt it was anything inappropriate. If they spoke it out of ear-shot of the husband, and if she spoke english this was inappropriate. I understand the need to talk to someone from "home" in your native tongue, I'm sure you do too. Does he speak your language? Maybe now you know how he feels in that regard if he doesn't and you speak to others who speak english in your native language around him.

I do agree with everyone else saying you need to trust him but I think you need to talk to him about what is and isn't appropriate behaviour. This is all part of a relationship. Learning each others likes and dislikes. I think you can add this to your list of dislikes "no talking to random chicks in a language I can't understand and holding their hand".

**Edit - to close the poll click "report" and write that you are the OP and want it closed

Edited January 4, 2011 by Vanessa&Tony

[Merlion@ 0]

He came home, took a shower, and went straight to bed. I think I'll let it go and decide what I want to do.

Just for my sanity, is it worth it to call that lady and speak what I think of her? Not in an offensive way, just speak my mind. I wonder what her husband thought of all this.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

He came home, took a shower, and went straight to bed. I think I'll let it go and decide what I want to do.

Just for my sanity, is it worth it to call that lady and speak what I think of her? Not in an offensive way, just speak my mind. I wonder what her husband thought of all this.

I wouldn't because it makes you look insecure in your relationship.

Also, assuming that she was being strictly innocent about it, can you imagine if you were the one getting that phone call? I know I would be completely mortified and she may even want to "meet up" to talk about it. Or try and contact you in some other way to set things straight.

I don't think you could honestly be friends with this girl with your current feelings so calling her does nothing except give her power in your and your husbands relationship.

Don't waste your time. Just talk to your husband, explain to him your reasons for being upset with him. Perhaps apologise for taking so long to come to him to talk about it but that you needed time to process your feelings. Then let him say his peace, discuss it and let it go. Try and go out again in a social way at the earliest opportunity.. kind of like getting back on the horse to settle the bad feelings. Maybe go to a friends house etc.

Your husband is hurting now too. He feels you don't trust him. He's angry at you for staying silent. Probably mad at himself for being "stupid" or not being able to fix it. It will be fine, Tony and I have a discussion much like this. Though his was an online thing. Nothing too drastic, just hurt my feelings and we got over it. Don't worry

[Minya's wife 24]

He came home, took a shower, and went straight to bed. I think I'll let it go and decide what I want to do.

Just for my sanity, is it worth it to call that lady and speak what I think of her? Not in an offensive way, just speak my mind. I wonder what her husband thought of all this.

And you didn't say a word to him during this time? I really do think that the silent treatment is not the best way to deal with this.

How can speaking to this woman help your sanity at all? Think of the possibility that neither she, or her husband thought anything was out of the ordinary in what occurred the other night...so you calling and 'speaking' your mind may actually come as a surprise, and make the discussion rather uncomfortable. I wouldn't call...

[Merlion@ 0]

No, I'm not going to call. I'm going to sleep and taking it easy. I actually just spoke to a guy friend from back home who lives here and he said it was all out of being nice and polite and showing acceptance. I don't buy it 100% but I will move on. I don't want this to be interfering with me past today. Tomorrow, I'll wake up and go to work. I am seeing a therapist for other things and I will talk to her about it to get it out of my chest.

That is all. I will move on and try to work it out. Will talk to him in the morning when I'm rested.

[spookyturtle 9,465]

What if your husband finds out you talked to a male friend about it, won't he be jealous?

[Jenn! 918]

I haven't read all the responses yet, but I voted that it was inappropriate. The situation made me think of a time that I was dating this guy (we hadn't been dating very long and we were at that weird point where you're not sure whether you're exclusive or not). We were out one night at a karaoke club and we met this French girl. he was all excited to talk to her in French and they were a little too friendly for my liking, but I dismissed it as me being paranoid. Fast forward one month later and I find out that he started sleeping with her shortly after they met. I can't say that he cheated on me with her, but the whole thing still left me pretty pissed off.

So....I think I have some bias, but IMO you have a right to be upset.

[^_^ 5,021]

I haven't read all the responses yet, but I voted that it was inappropriate. The situation made me think of a time that I was dating this guy (we hadn't been dating very long and we were at that weird point where you're not sure whether you're exclusive or not). We were out one night at a karaoke club and we met this French girl. he was all excited to talk to her in French and they were a little too friendly for my liking, but I dismissed it as me being paranoid. Fast forward one month later and I find out that he started sleeping with her shortly after they met. I can't say that he cheated on me with her, but the whole thing still left me pretty pissed off.

So....I think I have some bias, but IMO you have a right to be upset.

C'mon Jenn, that's just basic etiquette. When a girl is nice to you and flirts with you the very least a man can do is sleep with her.

[Jenn! 918]

C'mon Jenn, that's just basic etiquette. When a girl is nice to you and flirts with you the very least a man can do is sleep with her.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Good thing you were not in California, where even dry humping casual acquaintances is the norm when saying farewell.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

thread closed at the OP's request