My dad

[Captain Oates 911]

I honestly did not mean it harshly but was wondering if the dad thought so since you said they have the same facial features and he was older than your Dad. I will say a prayer that your Father will come around to his senses.

Problem solved

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Cassie,

I am so sorry you are going through this. After my Mother died, my brother wouldn't talk to me and only talked to my Dad to criticize him because he didn't think we mourned her thoroughly enough because we didn't fall apart with grief like he did . He's since come around and things are back to normal but it was tough at the time.

My husband experienced his ex-wife interferring with his relationship with his daughter to the point where she did intercept mail going in both directions and told his daughter that he wanted nothing further to do with her and told my husband that his daughter wanted nothing to do with him. She intercepted phone calls as well. The first thing he did when they divorced is hired someone to locate her and re-establish contact. He didn't know if she would want to hear from him or not but he loved her very much and cared about what happened to her and wanted to know where she was. It was when he found her and they arranged to meet that the actions of his ex-wife came to light. Fortunately, our relationship with my step-daughter is now wonderful but I know my husband is heart-sick about all the years he missed because he believed his ex-wife's comments.

If you think it is a possibility that your father's wife is possibly running interference, perhaps you might want to take one of your family members into your confidence - a sister or someone who is in contact with your father - and arrange for them to accompany you and make an 'in-person' visit with him. Try to find a time when your husband's wife won't be present, if you can, and go to the house. See if your father is willing to talk with you about the situation (your family member can wait outside if that works, but would be good to have at least in the area for moral support). You may find that he is now more receptive to you and your marriage but just doesn't know how to break the ice without losing face.

I don't know what you can expect, but at least you would know one way or another. If all goes well, then you can start re-building the lines of communication. If it doesn't, then you will have to cross that bridge when you come to it.

Good luck.

Edited January 4, 2011 by Kathryn41

[Fandango 1,440]

Go to your dad's house. Ask him yourself. I realize from your post, that you don't live in the same area, but I'd make the effort to see directly what the hell was going on.

Edited January 4, 2011 by Lisa C

[Dan and Judy 614]

Ideas Benny and I've bounced around about why dad's not talking to me.

• Dad gave me some money to help me catch up on some bills in 2007. Dad and Benny met December 2007. The last I heard from dad was in Jan/Feb 2008 about my car problems. Perhaps he thinks I paid for Benny to come here.
• Dad and Benny have a similar look (facial structure, mustache, etc. are very similar). Perhaps this disturbs him.
• Benny is two years older than dad. Perhaps this scares him.

If only dad would say why he's not talking to me anymore then I'd have some idea how to approach things with him!

I think that's your bingo. If he and Benny didn't have a conversation that Benny's not telling you about then he's probably weirded out by the age thing. I can see where it would be possible to feel like he has been replaced and is no longer necessary. You kinda got a father and husband rolled into one. Your relationship before seemed to be him helping you and giving advice. I dont even have a daughter but if I had a 20 year old daughter and she married a guy

around her age, I would feel comfortable giving advice to both of them and if they needed some financial help, I would be inclined to help. but if you change her husband to a guy actually older than me Im not going to be so inclined,

Im also guessing that if I had such a daughter and she asked my opinion ahead of time, I probably would have objected to her marrying a guy older than me.

Im not talking about logic, Im talking about gut feeling

I don't have any problem with women marrying older men.........but if it was my daughter???????????

Naturally with the limited information supplied, I'm just filling in my own blanks.

You said the last you heard from him was about your car problems.

If he told you, you need a new muffler and then you said "Benny dosnt think I need a new muffler" that could very well be a deal killer.

In general if he gave advice and you didn't follow it. If he was already feeling weirded out by the age thing that could push it over the edge.

let's mention the possible 800 .lb gorilla in the room.

If your father feels like you are supporting your husband instead of the other way around , that's a closed case.

The reason your dad stopped talking to you is emotional not logical.

He could feel your husband is better than him and his ego is crushed by it.

He could feel your husband is a jerk and you've made the biggest mistake of your life but it's too late for him to do anything about it so he just avoids you.

In the end there is probably not much you can do to change his feelings, so just concentrate on you and your husband

[cassi9879 20]

I honestly did not mean it harshly but was wondering if the dad thought so since you said they have the same facial features and he was older than your Dad. I will say a prayer that your Father will come around to his senses.

Thanks

[cassi9879 20]

I don't know dad's new contact information so now I only have his email address to reach him.

Dad and Benny just chatted a little when we had lunch.

The response I got from dad about the car trouble was asking if I knew how to drive a stick (manual transmission). I replied that I didn't since he didn't teach me. Nobody I knew drove a stick (and to my knowledge nobody I know currently does either).

[Dan and Judy 614]

I don't know dad's new contact information so now I only have his email address to reach him.

Dad and Benny just chatted a little when we had lunch.

The response I got from dad about the car trouble was asking if I knew how to drive a stick (manual transmission). I replied that I didn't since he didn't teach me. Nobody I knew drove a stick (and to my knowledge nobody I know currently does either).

you can do people search , you just pay I think $10 or so on those websites, Dosnt your grandmother have his contact information. I think somebody you know, knows his info, if you want it , just ask

[Fandango 1,440]

Well, we can all speculate tilt he cows come home, but it's not going to solve a thing. Best bet would be to ask a relative for his new contact info....if they bought a house, check property tax records, google his name, see if he has a FB, i dunno....but talking face to face is the only thing that's going to solve this problem for you.

Good luck

[cassi9879 20]

I emailed grandma and she said that she's mentioned to dad several times that he needs to keep in touch with me. She said dad was at their house for one day for Christmas 2009 and one day for Thanksgiving 2010. So it's like he's cutting them out too.

Grandma said that they're not technically moving at this time. Dad will be in Huntsville trying out a new job. "They don't plan to sell the house or move, but I don't see how he can be keep up the house, mowing, snow removal, other things. And driving back and forth, if only once a month, will get tiring. We asked him to let us know where he is staying and keep us informed on what is going on, but so far have heard nothing."