Parental Sabotage

[JohnC811 4]

Looking at your time line you are already 7 months invested in the process, and at the interview stage, why would you throw it all away, all the hard work and time spent getting to this point. If it was me I know my fiancee, I am sure that this is what I want. My decision was made when I petitioned for the visa for her. You being of legal age have a right to make your own decisions, and you don't need their permission. That being said do what you know is right for you.

[AlexJane 2]

Your 28yrs old right? Or not?

[rlogan 2,036]

A parent threatening to sabotage a fiance visa is a problem. Not necessarily an immigration problem, but at the very least a life problem.

The way people are counseled to deal with controlling parents is to present them with enforceable choices that are win-win situations. Not in a threatening way, but in a mature, adult way.

If your parents want to have normal interaction and contact with you after marriage, then they can choose not to interfere. If they want to act over-controlling and maliciously or even threatening so with proposing sabotage - then they are going to be choosing far less or even no interaction with you in the future. War is not the normal state of interaction between parents and married adult offspring. Choosing war means they are cutting themselves off from you.

This is not a threat on your part. This is just the road they are choosing, and it has no other ending.

A tactic of maliciously manipulative people is to "play dumb". A reasonable person only needs to be told once that if they meddle with immigration and if they change the visa application to tourist after a K-1 has been filed for Christ's sake they are sabatoging the immigration.

If they persist and feign innocence, they will also act completely surprised when the immigration is turned down but my goodness how convenient it just so happens to serve their objective.

You need to think very carefully about parents who are willing to be so calculatingly cruel while lying about their intentions. You have not given much to go on, but the main thing is you are 28, not 15. My guess is that on the one hand your parents have been over-controlling, but on the other hand you have allowed it.

Edited January 1, 2011 by rlogan

[Dweezy 3]

Well, I would say this, be careful because one call to the consulate may throw a monkey wrench in what your trying to acheive here. I have learned that its better to be safe than sorry with these consulates overseas. Because your considering a student visa after you have already applied for a fiance and are close to the interview, leads me to believe you yourself might have doubts for what ever reason. I dont doubt that you love your fiance, I would hope so after 5 years, but parents or no parents, if you yourself are having doubts about the marriage, you need to think this out. Parents dont just go away, you can keep them as far away from your personal life as you like, especially if you live in another country, but they dont just go away. Theres holidays, child birth, medical emergencies, etc.. etc.. and parents somehow find their way into your life especially if you are close to them and it sounds like you are. Parents will use God, country and money, to protect their babies which unfortunately no matter how grown you get you will always be to them. Now, with that said, its your life, if you love your fiance proceed as plan dont make any abrupt changes to your plans, if your doubts are as a result of your parents words and actions be strong and keep running the race, but if the doubts were already there, and your parents words and actions just made them plain to you then you have got some thinking to do. As one person said here, a notarized letter stating that your parents are meddling in your affairs might be a good precaution, that should be relatively inexpensive to accomplish, it will show the consulate that you are serious about your marriage.

Edited January 2, 2011 by Dweezy

[james&olya 1,121]

Unfortunately, if your parents call or email the consulate it very well might sink your fiance's chances of getting a visa. They usually take reports from family members pretty seriously.

I think you really need to put your foot down with your parents. It's time to cut that apron string. You've been an adult for a decade now. You're more than old enough to be making these decisions for yourself. If I were in your shoes, I'd tell my parents to either accept the decision I made and welcome my fiance into the family, or stay out of it entirely. I'd also make it clear that if they did anything to sabotage the visa then I'd move to Honduras, marry my fiance, and they'd never hear from me again. Ever.

Being an adult means making your own decisions for major life events and then taking responsibility. If you consider yourself an adult act like one! Kindly, gently, but firmly tell your parents they must support your adult decision, that you would like their support, but you have made your decision. Good luck!!

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

I doubt it highly. Phone calls from unidentifiable people claiming fraud simply won't fly. Why don't you or I call and say we are her parents?

However your suggestion was excellent. The OP should say to her parents...

"Im marrying (name of fiance) from Honduras. W can live here or live there. Which do you prefer?

It's not difficult for them to confirm who they're talking to. The parents would know information about the petitioner that an average person, even a close friend, probably wouldn't know. Would you know the petitioner's father's birthday and where he was born? No, and neither would I, but the petitioner's father would and so would USCIS. It's written on the petitioner's G-325A.

I don't know about the consulate in Honduras, but the FPU at some consulates make a habit of calling the relatives of the petitioner and beneficiary. If they get even a hint from any of the relatives that the relationship is a sham then they'll deny the visa. They might take derogatory information from an ex-spouse with a heavy grain of salt, but they would tend to think that the petitioner's parents wouldn't have a motive to lie.

[Golden Gate 530]

I guess my question is: Why would they think the relationship is a sham just because the parents don't agree with it? How does that make it a sham?

[Golden Gate 530]

I re-read what you wrote and I can see it happening if the parents say it is a sham, and they believe the parents' lie. So how does one get around this matter to convince the consulate it isn't a sham, in that case?

[USC1961 251]

Congratulations on making it this far. Being in a relationship for as long as you have is a great accomplishment. However your post does point out there are obviously a few things that you need to work out with yourself, your fiance and your parents. R

It is imperative that you separate what is best for you and your fiance, from what your parents think is best. It concerns me that you are worried enough about what your parents might do to sabotage your application, that you posted it here in the forums. But it is even more concerning that your parents would be so controlling to tell a grown 28 year old what "god's will" is to support their logic. Since you are the one that is going to be living with and marrying your fiance, not your parents, you need to be sure about what you are doing independently of what your parents or anyone else thinks.

If I was in your shoes I would do three things. First as others have already pointed out, tell your parents thanks for the advice but that YOU and YOUR fiance will be making the decision. Let them know in a firm but polite way to butt out. Second get far away from their influence long enough so you can sort things out in your own heart and mind. Take the time to sort out in your own mind independently what direction you should be going.

Third I would prepare your fiance for a rough reception. Touch bases with him and let him know that no matter what your parents say, that you support him 100%. There is nothing worse than living in a foreign country with meddling in-laws. I know from experience it is very disconcerting. You need to be your own couple standing on their own, living a good distance away from them. This may mean another state if it needs be.

I really hope the best for you. Happy New Year!!

Edited January 2, 2011 by Cruise77

[ArabLoveMorocco 1]

....if the consulate was in Egypt and the parents called and said they didn't approve of the marriage then that would probably be the end of the visa. Egypt cites lack of parental approval or involvement frequently in denying fiance visas. It's not the cultural norm there to marry without the consent of your parents....

That is very true with ANY Arab country if the petitioner/beneficiary are from an Arab heritage. It is just how the culture is, and the US embassy staff in Arab countries know this culture very well. Parental non-approval would be a huge "red flag" if the OP was in an Arab culture, since you cannot possibly be trully engaged in the arab culture without the parent's approval. However I doubt the OP is arab, and Hundoras is not in the Middle East or North Africa. So his parents approval is not that important.

I would definately go through with the interview and continue the application process since I would sell my left testicle (excuse my language) to be at this stage of the game (we all know how hard it is to even reach the interview stage). You can deal with your parents later, after your fiance gets the visa in her hand. If they love you, they will accept you and her...ALL PARENTS DO....EVENTUALLY.

Good Luck.

[ArabLoveMorocco 1]

I guess my question is: Why would they think the relationship is a sham just because the parents don't agree with it? How does that make it a sham?

Again, it depends on the country and culture the US Embassy is in. The diplomates at US Embassys are very knowlegable of the country's language and culture (that is why they are stationed there in the first place, and that is why it is them who issue the visa). Do not let the long blonde hair and the "All American Girl" look of the interviewer fool you. She knows the local culture in-side out, and can speak fluent Arabic with the best of them. As an Arab country, Morocco is just like any other Arab country. Hell, when one proposes, he does not propose to the lady...he proposes to her father!!!!

Edited January 2, 2011 by ArabLoveMorocco

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

It's not difficult for them to confirm who they're talking to. The parents would know information about the petitioner that an average person, even a close friend, probably wouldn't know. Would you know the petitioner's father's birthday and where he was born? No, and neither would I, but the petitioner's father would and so would USCIS. It's written on the petitioner's G-325A.

I don't know about the consulate in Honduras, but the FPU at some consulates make a habit of calling the relatives of the petitioner and beneficiary. If they get even a hint from any of the relatives that the relationship is a sham then they'll deny the visa. They might take derogatory information from an ex-spouse with a heavy grain of salt, but they would tend to think that the petitioner's parents wouldn't have a motive to lie.

The consulate calling relatives listed by the petitioner or beneficiary is not the same as someone calling the consulate, unsolicited, and claiming to be the relatives. I can only imagine the fire and brimstone to be incurred if consulates start denying applications based on anonymous phone calls. It would not be that difficult to have a copy of the G-325a for example. Sorry, Jim, but there is not even anecdotal evidence in high fraud consualtes of visas being denied due to unsolicited phone calls.

I sincerely believe the OP has nothing whatever to worry about form her parents in regard to the visa process.

That said, 28 year olds don't need parental permission unless they are expecting the parents to pay for everything. In that case, the visa is the least of their problems.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

That is very true with ANY Arab country if the petitioner/beneficiary are from an Arab heritage. It is just how the culture is, and the US embassy staff in Arab countries know this culture very well. Parental non-approval would be a huge "red flag" if the OP was in an Arab culture, since you cannot possibly be trully engaged in the arab culture without the parent's approval. However I doubt the OP is arab, and Hundoras is not in the Middle East or North Africa. So his parents approval is not that important.

I would definately go through with the interview and continue the application process since I would sell my left testicle (excuse my language) to be at this stage of the game (we all know how hard it is to even reach the interview stage). You can deal with your parents later, after your fiance gets the visa in her hand. If they love you, they will accept you and her...ALL PARENTS DO....EVENTUALLY.

Good Luck.

Then I am sure someone can cite ONE case where a visa was denied because someone claiming to be the parents called the consulate (not the other way 'round) and stated the marriage was a sham or fraud, etc. Should be easy enough.

[Al422 221]

You should be looking at the embassy's web site as well as googling operative terms to see how seriously the embassy will take parental sabotage. Hopefully they won't, but you don't want to wait until your fiance's interview date to find out that they succeeded.

Should you launch a preemptive attack by writing to the embassy and telling them how far out of touch your parents are with reality? Should you just shrug their threats off? That depends on your research. I read all of the posts here, and nobody seems to have specific knowledge of how this particular embassy will handle it. Finding that out should be your first order of business.

As for the AOS interview, since you are 28, I see no reason why your parents need advance notification when you go on it.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Many parents are shocked by a choice to not go American in the choice of a spouse. Many grew up when half the world was considered a threat and instead of practicing recycling they practiced air raids and bomb attacks. My schools as a child had air raid shelters. One of my sisters spent a year sending me articles about scammers. You have to hold to your dreams and let your parents know you understand their concerns and are glad that they care but that you have thoroughly thought this through and plan to proceed. Tell them you hope they will support you in the next phase of your life, but that you will go forward without their support if you must. Be prepared for a cold period as your parents test your resolve a bit more but keep to the path.