Parental Sabotage

[HondurasGirlMeli 0]

Hello! My fiancé & I are less than two weeks away from our interview date. We knew from the get-go my parents wouldn't be in agreement but it seems that now they feel if its "God's will" then my fiancé should come to the States on a student or tourist visa, before possibly getting married, instead of a fiancé visa. From everything I've read and stories I've heard, it sounds like the Embassy already knows that we intend to get married so to switch gears now would be nearly impossible. (I.e. they wouldn't give a temporary visa when they already have paperwork in-hand stating that the couple intends to marry)

My fiancé and I have known each other for 5 years and have dated for 3 years. I told my parents about the visa process over a year before submitting the paperwork. But they are convinced that if I just explain to the embassy that it would be better for my fiancé to learn the culture, language and become acclimated before getting married, they will understand. I understand that my family wants time to get to know my fiancé before we get married, but the process only allows a 90 day window to marry.

My fiancé and I want to get married and we are committed to making it work. My parents, on the other hand are convinced that it won't work and it appears that they will go to any lengths to stop us. (They even mentioned calling the embassy themselves and explaining if they would just give my fiancé a tourist visa first that would be best; or not to give us a visa at all). FYI, both my fiancé and I are 28. We're not exactly rushing into this.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Help!

Edited January 1, 2011 by HondurasGirlMeli

[ceadsearc 516]

If you want to get married, get married. It's your choice. I agree, it would be hard to get a tourist visa otherwise. Plus you'd still be in the same situation of needing to reapply for the K-1 later once he went back in order to get married, even if he did get the tourist visa. Unless YOU do not want to get married right away, continue on with your original plan.

[amykathleen2005 441]

Two choices. 1. Tell them to butt out and mind their own business. 2. Say that you understand their concern but you are going to do what you feel is best for your for your life.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Unfortunately, if your parents call or email the consulate it very well might sink your fiance's chances of getting a visa. They usually take reports from family members pretty seriously.

I think you really need to put your foot down with your parents. It's time to cut that apron string. You've been an adult for a decade now. You're more than old enough to be making these decisions for yourself. If I were in your shoes, I'd tell my parents to either accept the decision I made and welcome my fiance into the family, or stay out of it entirely. I'd also make it clear that if they did anything to sabotage the visa then I'd move to Honduras, marry my fiance, and they'd never hear from me again. Ever.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Hello! My fiancé & I are less than two weeks away from our interview date. We knew from the get-go my parents wouldn't be in agreement but it seems that now they feel if its "God's will" then my fiancé should come to the States on a student or tourist visa, before possibly getting married, instead of a fiancé visa. From everything I've read and stories I've heard, it sounds like the Embassy already knows that we intend to get married so to switch gears now would be nearly impossible. (I.e. they wouldn't give a temporary visa when they already have paperwork in-hand stating that the couple intends to marry)

My fiancé and I have known each other for 5 years and have dated for 3 years. I told my parents about the visa process over a year before submitting the paperwork. But they are convinced that if I just explain to the embassy that it would be better for my fiancé to learn the culture, language and become acclimated before getting married, they will understand. I understand that my family wants time to get to know my fiancé before we get married, but the process only allows a 90 day window to marry.

My fiancé and I want to get married and we are committed to making it work. My parents, on the other hand are convinced that it won't work and it appears that they will go to any lengths to stop us. (They even mentioned calling the embassy themselves and explaining if they would just give my fiancé a tourist visa first that would be best; or not to give us a visa at all). FYI, both my fiancé and I are 28. We're not exactly rushing into this.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Help!

One of the main requirements of the K-1 visa is that you be willing and ABLE to marry. That MEANS you do not need mommy and daddy's permission and the consulate does not give a rat's @ss what they think. If they call, the consulate will say "Uh-huh, thank you, have a nice day" The consulate can not just GIVE someone a visa, the person needs to APPLY for the visa. They are not going to give a student visa to a person applying for a fiancee visa.

You are 28 years old. There ARE NO "lengths" they can go to. Say "no"? And what? Get married if that is what you want. Mommy and Daddy will get over it. Send them an invitation to the wedding...or not. Your choice.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

One of the main requirements of the K-1 visa is that you be willing and ABLE to marry. That MEANS you do not need mommy and daddy's permission and the consulate does not give a rat's @ss what they think. If they call, the consulate will say "Uh-huh, thank you, have a nice day" The consulate can not just GIVE someone a visa, the person needs to APPLY for the visa. They are not going to give a student visa to a person applying for a fiancee visa.

You are 28 years old. There ARE NO "lengths" they can go to. Say "no"? And what? Get married if that is what you want. Mommy and Daddy will get over it. Send them an invitation to the wedding...or not. Your choice.

Gary, I think this depends a lot on the consulate. If the parents were to call the consulate in Honduras and say that they didn't approve of the marriage then they consulate's response would probably be as you say. On the other hand, if the consulate was in Egypt and the parents called and said they didn't approve of the marriage then that would probably be the end of the visa. Egypt cites lack of parental approval or involvement frequently in denying fiance visas. It's not the cultural norm there to marry without the consent of your parents.

In this case, I don't think the OP's parents would simply tell the consulate they didn't approve of the marriage. They would probably say that the relationship was a sham, and the OP's fiance was just playing the OP for a green card. Coming from the petitioner's parents, the consulate would take an accusation like that seriously.

[pushbrk 12,882]

Gary, I think this depends a lot on the consulate. If the parents were to call the consulate in Honduras and say that they didn't approve of the marriage then they consulate's response would probably be as you say. On the other hand, if the consulate was in Egypt and the parents called and said they didn't approve of the marriage then that would probably be the end of the visa. Egypt cites lack of parental approval or involvement frequently in denying fiance visas. It's not the cultural norm there to marry without the consent of your parents.

In this case, I don't think the OP's parents would simply tell the consulate they didn't approve of the marriage. They would probably say that the relationship was a sham, and the OP's fiance was just playing the OP for a green card. Coming from the petitioner's parents, the consulate would take an accusation like that seriously.

You're right, of course but given the parents' lack of understanding of the process of obtaining a visa, there's a good chance they don't know that's what they need to do to prevent it. Even so, they would evaluate the case on the merits. That's their job. The petitioner and applicant are not teenagers. The petitioner could write a letter (Get it notarized.)explaining his parents are meddling and asking that any input from them be disregarded. Include an evolution of the relationship in the letter.

Of course, it would be best to prevent any such meddling through firm, assertive but calm communication with the parents.

[Maxx121 14]

are your parents co sponsoring?

[HondurasGirlMeli 0]

No, my parents are not co-sponsoring.

It does appear that they were hoping that the relationship would just go-away. But, if I've been honest with them throughout the process than its not my fault they ignored the situation. Nor do I feel its my responsibility to change gears (or even consider changing gears) two weeks before our interview. On a side note, we may have to change our interview date back a month b/c we're having trouble getting his ID, passport & med exam.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

No, my parents are not co-sponsoring.

It does appear that they were hoping that the relationship would just go-away. But, if I've been honest with them throughout the process than its not my fault they ignored the situation. Nor do I feel its my responsibility to change gears (or even consider changing gears) two weeks before our interview. On a side note, we may have to change our interview date back a month b/c we're having trouble getting his ID, passport & med exam.

Maybe you could tell your parents that you've decided to go ahead and try for the tourist visa. Maybe that will keep them from meddling long enough for you to get through the K1 interview. As Pushbrk mentions, it doesn't sound like your parents understand the process very well. You might want to be careful how much you tell them about the adjustment of status process. If they know that you might have an interview where the bona fides of your relationship will be evaluated by an immigration officer then they might think about calling the USCIS field office.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. This is a time in your life when you should be happy, and want to share that happiness with your family. It sucks that they can't be more supportive.

[baron555 934]

Hello! My fiancé & I are less than two weeks away from our interview date. We knew from the get-go my parents wouldn't be in agreement but it seems that now they feel if its "God's will" then my fiancé should come to the States on a student or tourist visa, before possibly getting married, instead of a fiancé visa. From everything I've read and stories I've heard, it sounds like the Embassy already knows that we intend to get married so to switch gears now would be nearly impossible. (I.e. they wouldn't give a temporary visa when they already have paperwork in-hand stating that the couple intends to marry)

My fiancé and I have known each other for 5 years and have dated for 3 years. I told my parents about the visa process over a year before submitting the paperwork. But they are convinced that if I just explain to the embassy that it would be better for my fiancé to learn the culture, language and become acclimated before getting married, they will understand. I understand that my family wants time to get to know my fiancé before we get married, but the process only allows a 90 day window to marry.

My fiancé and I want to get married and we are committed to making it work. My parents, on the other hand are convinced that it won't work and it appears that they will go to any lengths to stop us. (They even mentioned calling the embassy themselves and explaining if they would just give my fiancé a tourist visa first that would be best; or not to give us a visa at all). FYI, both my fiancé and I are 28. We're not exactly rushing into this.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Help!

Are you a big boy/girl? Are you and adult? Can you take care of yourself and in the future you spouse?

Then make your own decisions and don't let anyone else tell you how to live your life. Only you two can make the decision for your collective future.

[ATPEACE 43]

OR maybe her parents knows something none of us knows. Why was the post necessary in the 1st place, was it just for venting or advise. So we should be careful of advise given. Is there something culturally involved, b/c it sound as if she needs her parents approval for some reason.

[Mike&Cherry 45]

Since you parents aren't going along with your plans, have there own ideas, and don't seem to accept it, then you should just tell them what they want to hear. Just do what you want without telling all of your plans in detail. Some family memebers may be happy for you and others may be concerned or completely against your plans. Utimately it's your happiness that matters first and not their's. They don't know your fiance, so they don't perceive him or know him the way that you do. For all they know is that he might be trying to scam you for a greencard. As you know that he is not. Your always going to have some type of opposition, but it's about how you handle it. Sometimes you should defend you fiance and sometimes you shouldn't tell all of your plans in detail. Your parents can go along with the program or against it, but either way your going to get married with or without them. Good luck.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Gary, I think this depends a lot on the consulate. If the parents were to call the consulate in Honduras and say that they didn't approve of the marriage then they consulate's response would probably be as you say. On the other hand, if the consulate was in Egypt and the parents called and said they didn't approve of the marriage then that would probably be the end of the visa. Egypt cites lack of parental approval or involvement frequently in denying fiance visas. It's not the cultural norm there to marry without the consent of your parents.

In this case, I don't think the OP's parents would simply tell the consulate they didn't approve of the marriage. They would probably say that the relationship was a sham, and the OP's fiance was just playing the OP for a green card. Coming from the petitioner's parents, the consulate would take an accusation like that seriously.

I doubt it highly. Phone calls from unidentifiable people claiming fraud simply won't fly. Why don't you or I call and say we are her parents?

However your suggestion was excellent. The OP should say to her parents...

"Im marrying (name of fiance) from Honduras. W can live here or live there. Which do you prefer?

Edited January 1, 2011 by Gary and Alla

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Maybe you could tell your parents that you've decided to go ahead and try for the tourist visa. Maybe that will keep them from meddling long enough for you to get through the K1 interview. As Pushbrk mentions, it doesn't sound like your parents understand the process very well. You might want to be careful how much you tell them about the adjustment of status process. If they know that you might have an interview where the bona fides of your relationship will be evaluated by an immigration officer then they might think about calling the USCIS field office.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. This is a time in your life when you should be happy, and want to share that happiness with your family. It sucks that they can't be more supportive.

I don't encourage adults to lie to their parents. Or children for that matter. Tell them how it is. "this is what I am going to do" That's it, that's all.

Unless she is expecting her parents to support her and her husband in their home or something. Theh you have to move out first (like a 28 year old shold have a few years ago) and THEN tell them what you will do.