Re-adjustment Advice

[BellaRose 7]

I'll give my personal situation first but I would like to get some advice on how to make the adjustment from life from the home country to life in the U.S. as easy as possible for my husband.

I met my husband here in the States. He had already lived here for seven years prior to our meeting and was very adjusted. We lived together for a year and he has been in his home country for the past two years waiting for our case to go through. Now his day consists of farming, fishing, climbing trees for cocnuts, making a fire from scratch to cook his recent hunt, and sleeping in a structure with no walls. (i.e. Survivor Samoa)

He would sometimes call me and ask how to look something up on the computer (basic google search) but when he was here he was on the internet more than I was. I wasn't exactly concerned until yesterday I emailed him a single page form to fill out for NVC (which consisted of name birthday address and signature). And later on he told me he was confused. So I retyped the entire form with answers into an email. He again said he was now confused on which to print and send to me. I literally had to instruct him to pick up a pen and fill the form out step by step. He laughed because he finally realized what a reject he was being but come to think of it he hasnt filled a form out in two years because I have been doing this whole process. I can't blame him.

Anyway I never thought that he would need a re-adjustment period but it will be over two years away from civilization. And honestly I'm worried because he will come back a changed person. I'm still in love with him, but life at home will most likely be different than what it was when I first lived with him. Mostly because many things have changed around here and I will have to get him up to speed from his current state.

I was just wondering what I could do to make it easier on him. Does anyone have opinions from a USC stand point or veiws of those who came here and went through the adjustment process already?

[Aztec&Taino 144]

I'll give my personal situation first but I would like to get some advice on how to make the adjustment from life from the home country to life in the U.S. as easy as possible for my husband.

I met my husband here in the States. He had already lived here for seven years prior to our meeting and was very adjusted. We lived together for a year and he has been in his home country for the past two years waiting for our case to go through. Now his day consists of farming, fishing, climbing trees for cocnuts, making a fire from scratch to cook his recent hunt, and sleeping in a structure with no walls. (i.e. Survivor Samoa)

He would sometimes call me and ask how to look something up on the computer (basic google search) but when he was here he was on the internet more than I was. I wasn't exactly concerned until yesterday I emailed him a single page form to fill out for NVC (which consisted of name birthday address and signature). And later on he told me he was confused. So I retyped the entire form with answers into an email. He again said he was now confused on which to print and send to me. I literally had to instruct him to pick up a pen and fill the form out step by step. He laughed because he finally realized what a reject he was being but come to think of it he hasnt filled a form out in two years because I have been doing this whole process. I can't blame him.

Anyway I never thought that he would need a re-adjustment period but it will be over two years away from civilization. And honestly I'm worried because he will come back a changed person. I'm still in love with him, but life at home will most likely be different than what it was when I first lived with him. Mostly because many things have changed around here and I will have to get him up to speed from his current state.

I was just wondering what I could do to make it easier on him. Does anyone have opinions from a USC stand point or veiws of those who came here and went through the adjustment process already?

His life sounds ideal to me: getting physical activity, fresh food and air, no cheap thrills and no bills, no technology (media, tv, etc.) He probably gets to enjoy many sunrises and sunsets... It is a wonder that he would give all that up!

It will take an adjustment, for sure! How sad life in the US can be...

[RICARDO4EVA2 194]

don't know if two years from " civilization " is enough to now allow him to do (read/write) basic things... Even so... perhaps enrolling him into a class/course for english/mathematics (not advanced)... Or on a cheaper and more convenient path you could get the CD programs for the 2 courses listed above.

I must say though IF he's calling you to ASK you how to do research (look things up) on the internet in google search that means he has access to civilization/technology.... No?

[BellaRose 7]

There are two internet cafes on the island that must be paid for to use. And he does not have access to the computer on a regualar basis. He still knows how to read and write but his thought processes have diminished. The brain is a muscle and needs excercise. When you aren't exposed to "paperwork" for a long time, simple instructions can sound confusing. The courses sound like a good idea. I guess he could even go into a technical school like cooking or construction that is more hands on to transition him into a possible (am I pushing it) associates degree of applied science?

"Aztec and Taino"...absolutely it is an amazing place. I would actually rather live there and bring my children up in that envirionment. I tried to move there with him last year, but after a month my one year old daughter got sick to the point of me getting on the next plane and rushing her to the hospital in the states where she was admitted. I went through various medical treatments as well but not to the point of hospitalizations. The culture is amazing but our immune systems can't cope with the environment (another backlash of the states: we arent bread for survival). A dream of mine is to save enough money to build a small house with some western ammenities and build a little corner store for income in his country. But that is far away from where we are now. Thanks for your comment because I feel the same way about the U.S. sometimes.

[RICARDO4EVA2 194]

lol maybe pushing it for a associates degree (now) but that is a good path once he has gotten back to where he's comfortable. I think the immune system of people in many countries are stronger.... Life is good... Peaceful... definately not as sttessful so I could see why u would have wanted to reside there.

[rlogan 2,036]

Life is also full of infections, fire ants, mosquitos, flies that incessantly stalk your open wounds, sleeping on hard ground, smoke from daily fires getting in your eyes and lungs, lack of variety that modern technology and economics gives to you...

People in modern cities can do all of that too. Just get off your cushy bed inside and go out into the night and lie on the ground. When you get sick, don't go to the doctor. When was the last time you pulled the guts out of an animal you just killed, carefully cutting around the ####### to pull the lower colon through the hip joint? Do you have to crack the bone covering that little section, or are you good enough with a knife to separate the colon from the meat without having to crack the pelvis like me? Ooooh - shoving your arms all the way up into the chest cavity to pull out the heart and lungs. Yeah!

The fact people don't do that when they have the choice demonstrates exactly why someone would want to leave that life. People romanticize it when they've never lived it.

[BellaRose 7]

Life is also full of infections, fire ants, mosquitos, flies that incessantly stalk your open wounds, sleeping on hard ground, smoke from daily fires getting in your eyes and lungs, lack of variety that modern technology and economics gives to you...

People in modern cities can do all of that too. Just get off your cushy bed inside and go out into the night and lie on the ground. When you get sick, don't go to the doctor. When was the last time you pulled the guts out of an animal you just killed, carefully cutting around the ####### to pull the lower colon through the hip joint? Do you have to crack the bone covering that little section, or are you good enough with a knife to separate the colon from the meat without having to crack the pelvis like me? Ooooh - shoving your arms all the way up into the chest cavity to pull out the heart and lungs. Yeah!

The fact people don't do that when they have the choice demonstrates exactly why someone would want to leave that life. People romanticize it when they've never lived it.

Thank you for putting light to that. I don't like so much talking about the negatives of my husband's life right now because it makes me depressed. But that is exactly what he does and it is extremely hard work to just survive. You don't know what its like until you actually experience it yourself. I still have my scars on my legs from my first trip where the flies were eating away at my mosquito bitten flesh. And those damn mosquitoes are immune to repellent and get you right through your clothes. They are GINORMOUS. All of the insects look more like rodents. I witnessed a cockroach literally the size of my hand be devoured by a spider the size of my head. (p.s. this was at night when I went into the little bathroom shack and it was raining...when it rains and it is night time all the creatures look for shelter. So as Im sitting there I see what looks like dirt on the white toilet paper roll, I look above my head and it is a massive spider feasting on a massive cockraoch and the black specs were crumbs of the cockroach's shell. I almost had a heart attack.)

Something I will never forget is watching him swim out into the ocean and catch fish with his net. He throws the net up on the warf, takes one of the fish and bites straight into its raw flesh. spits out the scales as if they were sunflower seed shells...and then dunks it in the ocean to make it salty before he goes for the eyeballs. I thought I was watching a bear eating his lunch on the national geographic. If it was on TV it would have had serious ratings but actually living there and experiencing it myself was no walk in the park.

Beautiful views won't put food on the table ( or floor in my husband's case)

The upside of this is that if the end of the world is coming then I have a husband that knows how to provide for his family using nothing but the earth.