Vawa Scariness :(

[BritPipple 2]

I met my now ex-husband last year in april on an internet site after I had an operation and couldn't socialize the usual way.

We talked and talked for days via Gtalk and email and phone and we knew we really liked eachother. He then begged me to come and stay with him for a week in July and paid for my flights (I was nervous but I didn't want to pass up on true love) We had an amazing time, I met his whole family who were very nice (so it seemed) and we went on a short vacation to Seattle together and had the most wonderful time sharing what we wanted from a relationship and life.. I knew he was the one for me.

I left back to England and after a month of talking and emailing (sometimes for the whole day) his parents paid for him to come to stay with me at my home. Again we had the most amazing time together and at the end of our week he proposed to me.. I said yes.. We planned a wedding for early 2010 and started to talk about where we would live together, we basically ended up deciding that I should move to America with him.

A few weeks later his parents told me they wanted me to come and stay for the duration of a Visa Waiver (3 months) and I of course wanted to stay with him and spend time with him so we could plan further and discuss the important things. I left in September 2009 to go and spend quality time with him.

Before the end of september, he and his family persuaded me to elope with him then and there, It made sense at the because I didnt want to have to be away from him for a long period of time. After a lot of heartache to my family, We announced that we were getting married on Oct 10 2009. My mother and her husband flew out to give me away and we had a lovely wedding with the family...We moved into our first little apartment together and as soon as we were out of view of family things changed.

Two weeks later he decided to tell me he had a pending conviction for statutory rape on several accounts. The hearing was set for November the 3rd. I felt completely betrayed. Disgusted.. And I then found out that this had been while we were courting.. He went to work release jail for four months and left me locked up in an apartment by myself with no money, health insurance or ability to contact my friends or family, except on sundays when he would be allowed to come home for an hour, where he would tell me disgusting things he wanted to do to me and forced me to have sex on several occasions all the while talking to me like i was a piece of meat.. I was in denial. I couldn't bare to admit that I had married a sex offender. His parents had set up all the immigration for us and it was processing. In January 2010 I told him I wanted to go home, that immigration was to be stopped.He punched holes through the walls and doors of our apartment and tried to hit me.

His parents denied me my ticket home (which they had paid for in their names) And canceled it over the phone only to tell me later that they just didn't feel comfortable with me having access to it.

So I adjusted to being alone, I then started trying to get out and find help.

I went to a shelter to find help and the lady there offered me a room, but she wouldn't allow me to take my pet with me, I couldn't bare to leave her, So I started trying to make friends. I became close with a neighbor and basically moved my stuff into the spare room there. His family started stalking me and my neighbor telling them they knew what they were doing and they were helping the wrong person.

I applied for VAWA and told my husband again I wanted a divorce or annulment. He read my emails and found out i had written affidavits from my family and friends about the situation. He then got a lawyer and said I was an abusive spouse. The divorce didn't go through on those terms as I explained to his lawyer about the abuse i had experienced and the fact he LIED to me to marry me.

Anyway.. I filed this all back in May and I have had two correspondences, one saying they received my application ( I sent my affidavit, my family affidavit, Letter from the Womens Shelter, His criminal conviction papers, proof of shared residence and bank statements, photos of the damages in the apartment, pictures of us together before and at our wedding...)

And another saying that they had to get files from another office and that as soon as they did it would be expedited.. that is all.. and that was all back in june.... I havent had a RFE or a Prima facie.. I dont know what it means?!

I got my EAD and have been working, I just dont know what is going to happen. I have become invested in a new relationship that has made me feel like maybe bad things happen for a reason... Im looking at the bright side, I just dont want to lose what I have found and I am so scared that all the suffering and waiting will be in vain.

Does anyone have any ideas? I filed this all on my own.. I cant afford a lawyer.. I just need help and reassurance.. This doesnt sound like a usual case..

Thanks

[Mike&Cherry 45]

It's horrible what you went through and that you married a monster who hide the dark side from you. I'm happy that you got away. I don't have any experience with your situation. One thing that I didn't notice is that you haven't written anything about police reports or a restraining order. If you have these it will validate your case. If you don't have a restraining order and your still feel in danger from you ex-husband, you should file one and a police report. I hope that you have already done so. I hope that others here on VJ can give you better insight and I wish you the best and hope things get better.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

If your divorce has already been granted then you're going to be required to show that the abuse was the cause for the divorce. That's a prerequisite if you file a VAWA petition after you've divorced. Most VAWA petitioners don't divorce until after the VAWA case is completed because the divorce complicates things.

It doesn't sound to me like you presented sufficient evidence of the abuse you claim. Pictures of holes in the wall aren't much use. Evidence of his sexual assault conviction is certainly proof he abused somebody, but it's not proof that he abused you. What you'd need are police reports, medical reports, psych evaluations, etc. Evidence from credible third party witnesses who don't have any stake in whether your VAWA petition is approved.

I have to tell you that there are a number of things that are going to look odd to an immigration officer. For example, why did his parents bend over backwards to help their son find and marry a foreign bride, knowing that he was facing charges for sexual assault? Also, you said you "eloped" at the urging of him and his family, yet both of your families were at the wedding. You had a quickly organized wedding, but it doesn't sound like you actually "eloped".

You also mentioned you were "locked up in an apartment by myself with no money, health insurance or ability to contact my friends or family". But you also said he was only allowed to come home for one hour each Sunday. This meant you were virtually free of him for the other 167 hours each week. What stopped you from walking away, calling your parents, and going back to England?

Did the "statutory rape" charge happen to involve sex with a minor? If so, he would be barred from submitting any family based visa petition because of the Adam Walsh Act. As far as I know, this would include the I-130 he'd have to send with your I-485 in order to get you a green card based on the marriage. This would leave you with only two options for adjustment of status; asylum or VAWA.

There are pieces of this puzzle that don't fit quite right, probably because there are details we don't know. I wouldn't be surprised if the IO is scratching their head trying to figure out exactly what happened here. It's possible they might conclude that you divorced him and played the VAWA card after you found out his conviction made him ineligible to petition for you without a waiver, which is extremely difficult to obtain.

The term "prima facie" is Latin, meaning "on it's face". It's a legal term that's used when the evidence appears to be sufficient "on it's face" to support the allegations being made. You might not have received a prima facie because you haven't submitted sufficient evidence to support your VAWA claim. You should probably focus on getting more credible evidence.

[BritPipple 2]

We didn't divorce before I filed for VAWA. And as I said, He had gone into my emails and read an affidavit and after that (I tried to get proof of the IP address but googlemail wouldnt assist me without having a lawyer request it) , he filed for divorce stating that I was an abusive spouse, that i verbally and mentally abused him..I couldn't afford a lawyer so i handled the case by myself and just spoke to his lawyer about the whole situation, who realised that he was being fed a load of rubbish by my ex. We got divorced at the end of july for irreconcilable differences.

I have a feeling that him being married looked excellent to a judge. His lawyer even stated that he was a changed man, that he was married to me etc. It was sex with a minor. His lawyer got the charge amended to "felony injury to a child" I live in idaho (very bad transport and large space) and I had no vehicle, no way of getting out of the house and no-one i knew. His parents would drop groceries over to the apartment and I didn't have a cell phone or a land line. That is why for a long time i couldn't call home. I recently started using skype to handle that situation.

I never called the police because I was afraid. I have statements from a social worker, but i never had health insurance or a doctor so i didn't speak to a councelor. This all happened in a very small period of time. He submitted the i-130 etc before he was charged with anything, that was all approved. His parents thought he could do no wrong because he had bipolar disorder and excused every action with that, even when i told them what he had been doing.. they covered the hole in the wall and door and just said it was because he was upset... that isn't how a healthy person should deal with being upset

With regards the wedding, My mother didn't want to miss it (for obvious reasons) and booked a ticket a week before we got married. I suppose eloping is when you randomly get married, but we planned it a week before it happened so i suppose that doesnt count. I dont know.

For a period of time while he was incarcerated, I was hopeful that maybe i had just got the situation mixed up. Before he went to jail he told me that the girl had lied about her age, which is what he told the court. He then told me later on that actually he knew all along and couldnt tell me the truth about it because he had told the court that she lied or that he didnt know. It is an incredibly embarrasing thing to tell your entire family you have found the love of your life on the internet, much to their skepticism and then later admit that you have been a complete fool. I tried to go to the airport to use the original return ticket (with a ride from the neighbor), but again, my mother and father inlaw had cancelled my ticket and i had no money to my name, they wouldnt open the ticket up again for me to use unless i had the card holder with me ( my father inlaw)

Edited December 19, 2010 by BritPipple

[BritPipple 2]

He is now on probation, so I know he is under a tight watch, I have his PO's number and she wants me to tell her if anything happens again. I dont think he will be coming around any time as he doesn't know where i am anymore (unless his mother is parking outside the apartments again waiting to see if i am still there or leave the house). I should have called the police on him before. I feel ridiculous for not doing that.. although I did tell the work release center who were watching him, they didn't do anything.

[thelastpetitioner 218]

my question is,why havent you tried getting help from your parents?

you mentioned you tried to use the ticket your inlaws got you,why not call your parents and tell em what happened ( after you got to leave the house and get skype )?

Edited December 19, 2010 by thelastpetitioner

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

We didn't divorce before I filed for VAWA. And as I said, He had gone into my emails and read an affidavit and after that (I tried to get proof of the IP address but googlemail wouldnt assist me without having a lawyer request it) , he filed for divorce stating that I was an abusive spouse, that i verbally and mentally abused him..I couldn't afford a lawyer so i handled the case by myself and just spoke to his lawyer about the whole situation, who realised that he was being fed a load of rubbish by my ex. We got divorced at the end of july for irreconcilable differences.

Ok, then the divorce shouldn't be relevant. It's only becomes relevant to the VAWA case if the marriage was terminated prior to filing the VAWA petition.

I have a feeling that him being married looked excellent to a judge. His lawyer even stated that he was a changed man, that he was married to me etc. It was sex with a minor. His lawyer got the charge amended to "felony injury to a child" I live in idaho (very bad transport and large space) and I had no vehicle, no way of getting out of the house and no-one i knew. His parents would drop groceries over to the apartment and I didn't have a cell phone or a land line. That is why for a long time i couldn't call home. I recently started using skype to handle that situation.

I never called the police because I was afraid. I have statements from a social worker, but i never had health insurance or a doctor so i didn't speak to a councelor. This all happened in a very small period of time. He submitted the i-130 etc before he was charged with anything, that was all approved. His parents thought he could do no wrong because he had bipolar disorder and excused every action with that, even when i told them what he had been doing.. they covered the hole in the wall and door and just said it was because he was upset... that isn't how a healthy person should deal with being upset

I'm unclear on the timing of this. You said the crime occurred while you were courting, but that he wasn't actually charged until after you married and he submitted an I-130 on your behalf. It's not really relevant to your current case because you're not attempting to adjust status based on that I-130, but an immigration officer will often look at the timing of events to determine whether something is suspicious. A VAWA application would be scrutinized more closely if the US citizen being accused of abuse were statutorily barred from submitting a family based visa petition. It sounds like he was eligible at the time he filed the I-130, but there's a good chance he's not eligible now.

With regards the wedding, My mother didn't want to miss it (for obvious reasons) and booked a ticket a week before we got married. I suppose eloping is when you randomly get married, but we planned it a week before it happened so i suppose that doesnt count. I dont know.

For a period of time while he was incarcerated, I was hopeful that maybe i had just got the situation mixed up. Before he went to jail he told me that the girl had lied about her age, which is what he told the court. He then told me later on that actually he knew all along and couldnt tell me the truth about it because he had told the court that she lied or that he didnt know. It is an incredibly embarrasing thing to tell your entire family you have found the love of your life on the internet, much to their skepticism and then later admit that you have been a complete fool. I tried to go to the airport to use the original return ticket (with a ride from the neighbor), but again, my mother and father inlaw had cancelled my ticket and i had no money to my name, they wouldnt open the ticket up again for me to use unless i had the card holder with me ( my father inlaw)

"Elope" literally means to "run away", usually for the purpose of getting married. I think you just chose the wrong word, but you should probably be careful not use this word with USCIS. It doesn't accurately describe how you married.

The evidence of his conviction is secondary. It demonstrates his character (or lack thereof), and makes an abuse accusation more credible, but it doesn't directly prove abuse. The pictures of the holes in the wall are also secondary, but substantially weaker than the conviction. They don't come from an unbiased third party, they don't reliably prove that he was the one who did the damage, and they don't prove that he also abused you. I would consider both of these things to be good for shoring up a case that was already strong on primary evidence. His father canceling the return ticket is irrelevant. First, it's not something you have reasonable expectation of receiving, like food and shelter, so not receiving it isn't abuse. Second, even if it were considered a form of abuse, you can't claim VAWA based on abuse from an in-law parent.

While you have a reasonable explanation for not having primary evidence, USCIS can't approve petitions based on reasonable explanations. They must have some primary evidence. Without primary evidence, an immigration officer could just conclude that the abuse never occurred, even if they presume your secondary evidence is legitimate. They're going to compare your story with the evidence you have to back it up. You have evidence to back up some aspects of it, but so far I haven't heard any evidence to back up the abuse claim, and that is specifically what you have to prove.

I'm fairly certain that this is why you haven't received a prima facie yet. Frankly, I'm not sure what you could do.

[BritPipple 2]

my question is,why havent you tried getting help from your parents?

you mentioned you tried to use the ticket your inlaws got you,why not call your parents and tell em what happened ( after you got to leave the house and get skype )?

My parents know what happened. My father isnt exactly the wealthiest of people, my mum has offered to get a ticket.

The fact is that I have been here a while now and my life is what my life is.. If i can continue to build my life up here then I would rather do that than have to pack my life up into a suitcase and move into my mums house where I would have to re-establish myself AGAIN, I dont think that is abnormal really. I think the thing that upsets me is that I did not marry my ex for immigration purposes, which is obviously what VAWA will be looking at, I loved him for everything I thought he was and when he told me he had a pending conviction, I was incredibly confused and I wanted to see the best in him.

Before I met him i was perfectly content living where I was. The country I am from is not riddled with war or poverty which i am thankful for and I had a stable job and lifestyle. I think it will be hard to get that back without having those feelings of complete regret and failure. As It stands, I am working full time and paying my own rent, I will be completely reliant on my family for that if or when I get told to leave.

[BritPipple 2]

Ok, then the divorce shouldn't be relevant. It's only becomes relevant to the VAWA case if the marriage was terminated prior to filing the VAWA petition.

I'm unclear on the timing of this. You said the crime occurred while you were courting, but that he wasn't actually charged until after you married and he submitted an I-130 on your behalf. It's not really relevant to your current case because you're not attempting to adjust status based on that I-130, but an immigration officer will often look at the timing of events to determine whether something is suspicious. A VAWA application would be scrutinized more closely if the US citizen being accused of abuse were statutorily barred from submitting a family based visa petition. It sounds like he was eligible at the time he filed the I-130, but there's a good chance he's not eligible now.

"Elope" literally means to "run away", usually for the purpose of getting married. I think you just chose the wrong word, but you should probably be careful not use this word with USCIS. It doesn't accurately describe how you married.

The evidence of his conviction is secondary. It demonstrates his character (or lack thereof), and makes an abuse accusation more credible, but it doesn't directly prove abuse. The pictures of the holes in the wall are also secondary, but substantially weaker than the conviction. They don't come from an unbiased third party, they don't reliably prove that he was the one who did the damage, and they don't prove that he also abused you. I would consider both of these things to be good for shoring up a case that was already strong on primary evidence. His father canceling the return ticket is irrelevant. First, it's not something you have reasonable expectation of receiving, like food and shelter, so not receiving it isn't abuse. Second, even if it were considered a form of abuse, you can't claim VAWA based on abuse from an in-law parent.

While you have a reasonable explanation for not having primary evidence, USCIS can't approve petitions based on reasonable explanations. They must have some primary evidence. Without primary evidence, an immigration officer could just conclude that the abuse never occurred, even if they presume your secondary evidence is legitimate. They're going to compare your story with the evidence you have to back it up. You have evidence to back up some aspects of it, but so far I haven't heard any evidence to back up the abuse claim, and that is specifically what you have to prove.

I'm fairly certain that this is why you haven't received a prima facie yet. Frankly, I'm not sure what you could do.

The reason I see his crime as relevant as well as showing his character, Is because he lied to me for the entirety of our courting/dating. He hid what he had done and proposed to me under a false persona. I married him because he told me he was one person and after the fact, I discovered that he was someone else. I think that counts as pretty abusive behavior. Mentally. I felt like a mail order bride. I think the reason immigration didn't see it was because he didn't technically have a conviction when he filed in October. I think that his case probably took a while to process. I found a news report online about the crime that was posted in July and said the crimes occurred in June, he wasn't convicted until November.

I never expected anything from his parents because he had a job when we were married. As soon as he was convicted he lost his job for the nature of the crime and his parents took over paying for everything. I had no control over that and if i had been able to work at the time and provide for myself (without doing so illegally) I would have done so. I dislike being a burden on anyone.

I have more things I can send to VAWA, I just dont know whether to wait for an RFE or whether to do it without request. I already had my i485 interview where I explained everything to the officer and they basically put it on hold while VAWA was processing. I'm not sure what else to add...

Thanks for your advice it is much appreciated.

[rlogan 2,036]

It would be informative for us to know what happens in your case because as Jim has pointed out there does not exist primary evidence. You've used figurative terms like being "locked up" in the apartment. He was the one literally locked up (incarcerated) and other spouses have been kept inside with threats of violence or had documents withheld. So you have to be circumspect.

The one incident you mentioned that is clearly more VAWA grounds was trying to hit you, but if you don't report such things then the adjudicating officers are less likely to consider them.

He was a fraud, which is obviously abusive. But it is abusive of someone's trust as opposed to someone beating you or verbally abusing you in the typical VAWA sense.

You discovered his conviction, which disgusted you - as you have related it to us. That led to a divorce for irreconcilable differences. So this is different from you discovering he was abusive by beating you or literally locking you up in the apartment.

It is a terrible thing to do to someone. I cannot imagine the shock. "Oh, by the way, I'm going to prison..."

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

The reason I see his crime as relevant as well as showing his character, Is because he lied to me for the entirety of our courting/dating. He hid what he had done and proposed to me under a false persona. I married him because he told me he was one person and after the fact, I discovered that he was someone else. I think that counts as pretty abusive behavior. Mentally. I felt like a mail order bride. I think the reason immigration didn't see it was because he didn't technically have a conviction when he filed in October. I think that his case probably took a while to process. I found a news report online about the crime that was posted in July and said the crimes occurred in June, he wasn't convicted until November.

I never expected anything from his parents because he had a job when we were married. As soon as he was convicted he lost his job for the nature of the crime and his parents took over paying for everything. I had no control over that and if i had been able to work at the time and provide for myself (without doing so illegally) I would have done so. I dislike being a burden on anyone.

I have more things I can send to VAWA, I just dont know whether to wait for an RFE or whether to do it without request. I already had my i485 interview where I explained everything to the officer and they basically put it on hold while VAWA was processing. I'm not sure what else to add...

Thanks for your advice it is much appreciated.

The fact that he lied to you about his charges would certainly be grounds for a divorce, though it sounds like you may be in a "no fault" divorce state, in which case no ground would be required or accepted by the court. However, being deceived is very unlikely to be accepted as proof of abuse for a VAWA claim. Immigration law defines abuse as battery or extreme cruelty. Mental abuse would fall under the extreme cruelty classification. Suffering mental anguish can be considered extreme cruelty if it was unnecessary. For example, if someone told you that you had terminal cancer when you actually didn't then that would be extreme cruelty. On the other hand, if someone told you that you had terminal cancer and you actually DID, then that would not be extreme cruelty, even though the mental anguish would be the same in either case. In this case, your mental anguish was the result of him ultimately telling you the truth. Do you see the distinction?

Ok, in retrospect, you should have held nothing back in your VAWA filing. If you had other evidence then you should have submitted it initially. Applying for an immigration benefit is never a case where you should submit the minimum you think is necessary to be approved. Submitting additional evidence now might be possible. Don't just send it unsolicited, though. It will probably vanish without ever joining your case file. Make an infopass appointment and ask if you can submit additional evidence for your case. Don't wait for an RFE because you might not get one - you might just get a denial letter instead. Being proactive is always the best approach.

[Boiler 45,947]

It does seem a weak case and it may be too late to vamp it up.

At least a consultation with a lawyer who specialises in these cases might be worthwhile.

[thelastpetitioner 218]

My parents know what happened. My father isnt exactly the wealthiest of people, my mum has offered to get a ticket.

The fact is that I have been here a while now and my life is what my life is.. If i can continue to build my life up here then I would rather do that than have to pack my life up into a suitcase and move into my mums house where I would have to re-establish myself AGAIN, I dont think that is abnormal really. I think the thing that upsets me is that I did not marry my ex for immigration purposes, which is obviously what VAWA will be looking at, I loved him for everything I thought he was and when he told me he had a pending conviction, I was incredibly confused and I wanted to see the best in him.

Before I met him i was perfectly content living where I was. The country I am from is not riddled with war or poverty which i am thankful for and I had a stable job and lifestyle. I think it will be hard to get that back without having those feelings of complete regret and failure. As It stands, I am working full time and paying my own rent, I will be completely reliant on my family for that if or when I get told to leave.

honestly,i think if the abuse is so direct and on going that they are stalking you,leaving is the best option,im saying as a beneficiary to another.

your ex sounds like a complete psycho capable of doing very horrible things,plus he has his family's help.

VAWA is hard,but doable,over all in most cases.the question is it worth it?

[flustered 14]

dumb question but how does someone charged with statutory rape get to sponser someone??? I thought they did background checks etc??

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

dumb question but how does someone charged with statutory rape get to sponser someone??? I thought they did background checks etc??

He hadn't been convicted yet when he submitted the I-130. He would only have been ineligible to submit an I-130 if he had been convicted of a crime that was covered by the Adam Walsh Act.