Still Married?

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I kind of feel like a long distance relationship is better to build on at times because of like you said you learn more about each other within a month than a couple of 9 years. With a local relationship you have physical but when you date someone online all you have is time to talk and get to know each other. I think the hardest part is actually getting to the person. I know I can hold out til then but I also know right now I don't have a full time that doesn't make things easy on us considering the path my gf and I are taking.

I disagree. Talking doesn't necessarily mean you can know the person better. Nonverbal communication, IMO, reveals more of the chemistry between two people than talking. Also, in a LDR, you can't really know how the other person interacts and reacts to others, until you've been with them and witnessed for yourself. You'll see how they handle stress, anger, conflict. When you aren't around the person physically, I think there's more a tendency to fill in the gaps with our romantic ideals about the other person, than in a normal courtship.

[John*&*his*GG 2]

I think you can interact quite a bit. Just depends on how you go about your online relationship skype for example with mine and my gf's relationship you can see a lot of emotional and feelings towards each other. You don't need touching all the time to know what each other is thinking.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I think you can interact quite a bit. Just depends on how you go about your online relationship skype for example with mine and my gf's relationship you can see a lot of emotional and feelings towards each other. You don't need touching all the time to know what each other is thinking.

Ok, but how do the two of you interact or react to other people in various situations and how will either of you know without being together in those situations?

[LaL 418]

I disagree. Talking doesn't necessarily mean you can know the person better. Nonverbal communication, IMO, reveals more of the chemistry between two people than talking. Also, in a LDR, you can't really know how the other person interacts and reacts to others, until you've been with them and witnessed for yourself. You'll see how they handle stress, anger, conflict. When you aren't around the person physically, I think there's more a tendency to fill in the gaps with our romantic ideals about the other person, than in a normal courtship.

[John*&*his*GG 2]

Ok, but how do the two of you interact or react to other people in various situations and how will either of you know without being together in those situations?

We support each other in each individual situation. Eventually we will have physical to back it up. Online relationships builds a foundation. Personally I rather have what me and my gf have than any physical relationship I have ever have or even in my case online relationships. My gf and I we know about each, we have our feelings, we have fun, we support each other even without touch. We know what each other is thinking because we took the time to get to know about each other. We haven't just sat here and starred at words on a screen. We have shared tears and smiles and then pulled each other together when things have gotten rough.

I can't say I ever felt this way about any girl I met here. I haven't really known any of my ex. Sure you can touch in real life. You can have sex and even see emotional in real life. Go on dates but how much do you really know about the other person. My first gf I was with her about 6 months. She cheated on me 3 times and even within that 6 months that's all I knew. I didn't even so much of her favorite color but I learned that and so much more within the first week of my current girl. Talking and being online builds a good foundation and prepares people for being in real life.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

We support each other in each individual situation. Eventually we will have physical to back it up. Online relationships builds a foundation. Personally I rather have what me and my gf have than any physical relationship I have ever have or even in my case online relationships. My gf and I we know about each, we have our feelings, we have fun, we support each other even without touch. We know what each other is thinking because we took the time to get to know about each other. We haven't just sat here and starred at words on a screen. We have shared tears and smiles and then pulled each other together when things have gotten rough.

I can't say I ever felt this way about any girl I met here. I haven't really known any of my ex. Sure you can touch in real life. You can have sex and even see emotional in real life. Go on dates but how much do you really know about the other person. My first gf I was with her about 6 months. She cheated on me 3 times and even within that 6 months that's all I knew. I didn't even so much of her favorite color but I learned that and so much more within the first week of my current girl. Talking and being online builds a good foundation and prepares people for being in real life.

Cheating can and does happen in long distance relationships. It's not so much about being able to touch her physically, but observing how she behaves in certain situations. When you are chatting over long distance, most of the time, the focus is just the two of you - no other real life distractions. Unfortunately, too often in normal courtships, couples don't make that kind of effort to spend time together without distractions. It sounds like that is what you experienced before and what you are finding in your LDR is one on one time without any distractions. That part is good, but I would caution not to mistake that as meaning you really are getting to know your partner better than if she were here with you.

[John*&*his*GG 2]

Cheating can and does happen in long distance relationships. It's not so much about being able to touch her physically, but observing how she behaves in certain situations. When you are chatting over long distance, most of the time, the focus is just the two of you - no other real life distractions. Unfortunately, too often in normal courtships, couples don't make that kind of effort to spend time together without distractions. It sounds like that is what you experienced before and what you are finding in your LDR is one on one time without any distractions. That part is good, but I would caution not to mistake that as meaning you really are getting to know your partner better than if she were here with you.

I know about the cheating too well. I would say unfortunately but I'm glad it happened because it lead me to my gf. I know it isn't likely to happen with her either we have built a lot of trust. We always know where each other are and even if another guy hits on her she tells me about it. I never think anything of it because she shows me she is mine and likewise with me to her.

Distractions is another thing too because currently I'm living at home til I can better my personal situation. She is on a work visa and lives with 2 roommates. So even online we have our own distractions. Not only that stuff happens people get sick, plans get canceled, not everything works the way we want it to. I can see her reactions with those kind of things. It doesn't have to be in person to see how and what she cares about.

I do agree with you when you say I can get to know her better in person. I just prefer to start things out like this and I'm glad we did. I think talking gives us a good foundation to build a relationship in person on. Also speaking of distractions another good thing that I find is with an online relationship I can't get her pregnant too early. I want to get to know her and have time for ourselves without the 'oh no we're pregnant what are we going to do now?' interruption.

Edited December 17, 2010 by jstl1978

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I know about the cheating too well. I would say unfortunately but I'm glad it happened because it lead me to my gf. I know it isn't likely to happen with her either we have built a lot of trust. We always know where each other are and even if another guy hits on her she tells me about it. I never think anything of it because she shows me she is mine and likewise with me to her.

Distractions is another thing too because currently I'm living at home til I can better my personal situation. She is on a work visa and lives with 2 roommates. So even online we have our own distractions. Not only that stuff happens people get sick, plans get canceled, not everything works the way we want it to. I can see her reactions with those kind of things. It doesn't have to be in person to see how and what she cares about.

I do agree with you when you say I can get to know her better in person. I just prefer to start things out like this and I'm glad we did. I think talking gives us a good foundation to build a relationship in person on. Also speaking of distractions another good thing that I find is with an online relationship I can't get her pregnant too early. I want to get to know her and have time for ourselves without the 'oh no we're pregnant what are we going to do now?' interruption.

I wish you the best.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

I kind of feel like a long distance relationship is better to build on at times because of like you said you learn more about each other within a month than a couple of 9 years. With a local relationship you have physical but when you date someone online all you have is time to talk and get to know each other. I think the hardest part is actually getting to the person. I know I can hold out til then but I also know right now I don't have a full time that doesn't make things easy on us considering the path my gf and I are taking.

Meeeh. I don't know about that.

Some people can spin pretty good bull over the internet. It's pretty easy to tell someone all sorts of BS when you aren't looking them in the face.

Of course, some people spin pretty good bull in real life also. So there ya go.

IMO, the internet is just another way to meet people. It's a "new" way as opposed to the old ways (like bar hopping ). It's not nearly as "weird" as it was ten years ago (or even five).

Here's where I think the difference is for long-distance couples who meet online. IF the relationship is true, THEN the time you spent getting to know the person before the face-to-face can be very precious time indeed. IF the marriage is true, and successful, that means it becomes more "day to day". THEN the challenge is remembering what you learned while apart. THEN the challenge becomes remembering how to spend time together like you did online.

If your marriage ends up being true, you will have to hold on with all your might to that time when you yearned for each other while separated. Because a true marriage means you are together every day, and you can start to take each other for granted. Remember that.

[Canadiandggal 49]

I was married and divorced from someone I met IRL before I met my current husband. My current husband and I knew more about each other in a month than my ex and I did in 9 years. Of course my ex had no emotion and no soul, but that's a different story.

We got to know each other by writing before we got married, we shared everything. We still do. I couldn't ask for more. It's been 2 years now.

It's funny, we still chat via IM, when we are in the same room. We just got used to it.

Hmm no emotion and soul... I had one of those... To this day I cannot believe I was with him... so glad I found Chris

[John*&*his*GG 2]

Meeeh. I don't know about that.

Some people can spin pretty good bull over the internet. It's pretty easy to tell someone all sorts of BS when you aren't looking them in the face.

Of course, some people spin pretty good bull in real life also. So there ya go.

IMO, the internet is just another way to meet people. It's a "new" way as opposed to the old ways (like bar hopping ). It's not nearly as "weird" as it was ten years ago (or even five).

Here's where I think the difference is for long-distance couples who meet online. IF the relationship is true, THEN the time you spent getting to know the person before the face-to-face can be very precious time indeed. IF the marriage is true, and successful, that means it becomes more "day to day". THEN the challenge is remembering what you learned while apart. THEN the challenge becomes remembering how to spend time together like you did online.

If your marriage ends up being true, you will have to hold on with all your might to that time when you yearned for each other while separated. Because a true marriage means you are together every day, and you can start to take each other for granted. Remember that.

I know about people pulling bull. I got burnt twice from long distance relationships. Both times they were actually in the country just different states. I won't go into too many details but both lied and one of them cost me about $800 in flights from her not showing up at the airport and lying about who she is. I was stupid and went there on 2 pictures............lesson learned.

My gf gained trust with me right away by getting on web cam. She has two jobs and I don't have one at the moment and 8 months later she still supports me. I look at our distance being the hardest object to overcome I feel as if we can get passed it we can make it through anything.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Errrm.

What do you mean, she still "supports" you?

[scandal 951]

I was married to the first one for 17 years.

I'm now happily remarried for 2.

I don't regret the first marriage. It produced my kids and many good times and good memories. But boy am I glad it ended.

For what it's worth, marriage #1 was "old style" - met at university. Marriage #2 was online LD relationship. I would never have met my wife without the Internet, so there's that.

[Fandango 1,440]

I disagree. Talking doesn't necessarily mean you can know the person better. Nonverbal communication, IMO, reveals more of the chemistry between two people than talking. Also, in a LDR, you can't really know how the other person interacts and reacts to others, until you've been with them and witnessed for yourself. You'll see how they handle stress, anger, conflict. When you aren't around the person physically, I think there's more a tendency to fill in the gaps with our romantic ideals about the other person, than in a normal courtship.

Good Lord, Steven took the words outta my mouth! Is it the apocalypse?

[John*&*his*GG 2]

Errrm.

What do you mean, she still "supports" you?

Supportive of me emotionally. Example 'there there everything will be ok' not her exact words she isn't that lame. She never has once said she can find someone better because I don't have a job. She sees me trying and sees me getting the interviews. She tells me for each one I don't get it hurts her too because she knows how badly I want a job and even though I haven't been able to get one yet she still stands by me. This is one of the reasons I love her because out of the dozen of girls I've dated met she actually accepts me for who I am and not how much money I have or am going to have. Things like this makes me not mind going all the way to Jordan to get her. She is well worth it to me.