What would you do?

[MelissaJulian 30]

About 10 days ago, one of my bridesmaids told me she no longer wanted to be in my wedding after she and I had a huge fight. She and my fiance don't get along very well, and I have known this for a while, but until the beginning of last week she seemed to be able to just keep quiet about this and help us celebrate our wedding. However, she seems to have changed her mind now. She brought back the bridesmaid's dress and shoes I bought her and told me to find someone else. I couldn't believe it! She left me with about 2 1/2 weeks (our wedding is a week from this Saturday) to find someone new to be a bridesmaid. My mom made me choose my sister, which I had NOT wanted to do for any number of reasons (first off, she is too large up top to fit in the dress, so we needed to get her a new one and then have it tailored).

Now my sister is being totally unbearable, and is demanding that she be made maid of honor since she's my sister. What's worse is my mom agrees! I have already had the same friend as my MOH since I got engaged in the spring, and it seems cruel to demote her now. Especially since I never wanted my sister in my wedding party in the first place! I know if I don't "promote" Rachel (my sister) to MOH, I won't have any rest from her or my mom, but if I "demote" Jen I will be doing something I don't want to do and I'll hurt her feelings.

Since many of my close friends are involved already in the wedding planning, I feel like I can't get an objective point of view on this, so I thought I could ask people here. So -- what would you do? I feel like I should stand my ground, but my fiance thinks I should go along with my mother and sister. Help!

[^_^ 5,021]

sheesh, women.

[LADYDARE 28]

You can have two maid of honor to please everyone.

[thongd4me 69]

This is in the category of "Solomonic" dilemma - like the slicing in two of the disputed baby.

I would stick to your guns with the MOH and tell your mom to back off or don't come to the

wedding. However, there has to be something to mollify your sister and that would be a

promise to make her godmother to your first born, or give her some other honor unrelated

to the wedding.

I don't know if there's something in the rulebook that says you can't have 2 MOH's, or

co-MOH's. You have a right to your own life but blood relatives you can't choose.

Maybe you never stood up to your mom before but this may be a time to start.

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

sue her!

[MelissaJulian 30]

If I actually got along with my sister, I wouldn't mind her being a co-MOH. But she is ALWAYS finding ways of making me feel bad about myself, how I look, etc. She's the favorite child of us two and she has always gotten whatever she wants in life. I do find it hard to stand up to my parents though, you're right.

[Krikit 1,164]

I think you should give Rachel the uber important job of looking after Jocasta.

[MelissaJulian 30]

I think you should give Rachel the uber important job of looking after Jocasta.

I would LOVE that! I only wish I could. As it stands, she already has teased me about how she has the hots for the best man, which she says is a good reason for promoting her. UGH! Families!

[JulianMelissa 52]

I'll just throw in a few more details lacking from Mel's post. As I've said before, her mum is right on this one. Sorry Mel, but she is. Jen may be a good friend of yours, but she's not a good friend of mine. Far from it actually, she's downright hostile. So as Mel's mum has quite rightly put to her on more than one occasion, how can that possibly start a marriage off on the right foot? My advice (as before) is to put family first. Friends will come and go, and I'm sorry but the loss of Jen's friendship would be no bad thing. Your family however, will always be there and who knows, maybe it's a good way for you to patch things up with sis. She's not as bad as all that, actually.

And I would appreciate it if we'd leave my mum out of this, as it has no bearing on the topic at hand.

[thongd4me 69]

If I actually got along with my sister, I wouldn't mind her being a co-MOH. But she is ALWAYS finding ways of making me feel bad about myself, how I look, etc. She's the favorite child of us two and she has always gotten whatever she wants in life. I do find it hard to stand up to my parents though, you're right.

You gotta be strong Cinderella.

[MelissaJulian 30]

I'll just throw in a few more details lacking from Mel's post. As I've said before, her mum is right on this one. Sorry Mel, but she is. Jen may be a good friend of yours, but she's not a good friend of mine. Far from it actually, she's downright hostile. So as Mel's mum has quite rightly put to her on more than one occasion, how can that possibly start a marriage off on the right foot? My advice (as before) is to put family first. Friends will come and go, and I'm sorry but the loss of Jen's friendship would be no bad thing. Your family however, will always be there and who knows, maybe it's a good way for you to patch things up with sis. She's not as bad as all that, actually.

And I would appreciate it if we'd leave my mum out of this, as it has no bearing on the topic at hand.

Julian, I know how you feel about this, but Jenn has already walked out of the wedding and now you want me to risk losing Jen too? And I know that Rachel has been emailing you about this and trying to get you to convince me. I just don't know what's right here -- to go with friends or family?

You gotta be strong Cinderella.

Thank you.

[^_^ 5,021]

I think mutual suicide might be the only way out of this.

[Fandango 1,439]

this thread has legs! w00t

[thongd4me 69]

I'll just throw in a few more details lacking from Mel's post. As I've said before, her mum is right on this one. Sorry Mel, but she is. Jen may be a good friend of yours, but she's not a good friend of mine. Far from it actually, she's downright hostile. So as Mel's mum has quite rightly put to her on more than one occasion, how can that possibly start a marriage off on the right foot? My advice (as before) is to put family first. Friends will come and go, and I'm sorry but the loss of Jen's friendship would be no bad thing. Your family however, will always be there and who knows, maybe it's a good way for you to patch things up with sis. She's not as bad as all that, actually.

And I would appreciate it if we'd leave my mum out of this, as it has no bearing on the topic at hand.

Proving you can't please everybody all of the time; but from the looks of things is there anyone

in the wedding party that approves of Julian? One bridesmaid made it a big enough issue to

bail out and it would not look good to have the MOH be someone not approving of the wedding.

Yes it is a question of will and past family differences, but if the groom supports the mom's

position that's not something to be ignored. Is Melissa blind to Jen's dislike of Julian?

You can't choose your family but they are with you for life. You hope for unconditional love

from both friends & family but it rarely turns out that way.

I was estranged from my brother for many years but he (and his wife who I believe was the

cause of the estrangement) is now starting to treat me with more respect and as a brother

which I believe is due to the good influence of my new wife. I think Melissa should let Julian

help her to bring her family together, but if he can't be given a voice in this thing the whole

wedding is likely to fall like a house of cards. Anyone who doesn't approve of the wedding

is a joker. I counseled to stand up to the mother at first, but this input sheds new light.

[Krikit 1,164]

And I would appreciate it if we'd leave my mum out of this, as it has no bearing on the topic at hand.

Of course it does. Every perfect wedding requires that someone be assigned the important task of looking after each mother to make sure every need is met and they don't cause trouble. Silly boy.

I think mutual suicide might be the only way out of this.