What to do next?

[jrmejia 31]

If you think just cheating, I would vote for telling her what you found out and tell her you will be buying her a plane ticket back to PI.

good luck

Dan

Correct.

Edited December 6, 2010 by jrmejia

[Krikit 1,164]

I am going to move this topic from the Philippines forum to Effects of Major Changes so that the OP's questions can be addressed properly. You are requested to keep things civil and take the morality discussion elsewhere. Thank you.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

Wow this one's still going? I thought it was summed up that the girl doesn't love the OP, has a boyfriend back in Phils, and he's not going to try and make her love him? Aren't we just sending her back to the Phils?

Well that's what the OP decided but a few seem to think that you can actually love a scammer without knowing who they really are and that the scammer love is worth fighting for!

Honestly I'd still like Jr to answer my questions about the scenario I posted (an example of course) and also my wife's question of who would wear the wedding dress (ha ha ha LOL)...

[sea-monkey 13]

I love the Mexico option

If you do go that route, make sure you video tape the setup and put it up on youtube, that would be pure gold and a deterrent to other scammers

[Krikit 1,164]

Second warning. Any further Off Topic-type comments in this thread will result in administrative action being taken.

[Tahoma 2,292]

After almost a year of submitting the K1 petition, my fiancee finally arrived from the Philippines yesterday. Great news right? Not quite. The first thing she did was ask where the computer was so she can go on the internet. I asked if she had a Facebook page and she said no but later on I stumbled on the history of websites visited and she actually did have a Facebook page and also a new email address. Her cellphone also had no signal even though her Globe sim card was suppose to be setup for roaming. I thought maybe there was no signal because the cellphone was not setup correctly for the right network. So I check her phone and I stumbled on her saved text messages which had whole bunch of I LOVE YOU messages ..the only thing is the messages wasn't for me or from me. So at this point, despite all the money I spent on getting her here, I can't marry a person who is lying to me all this time. Now do I have to tell immigration that I will not pursue marriage (fill out forms)...and she will probably go back to the Philippines? Because I know I signed an affidavit of support and I don't want to be liable for her anymore. Thanks for any suggestions.

Thanks for your suggestions. The only thing is there is more to this. I've known her for more than 10 years. She lives next door to my grandmother's house in the Philippines. Now of course during a long distance relationship there will be miscommunication, arguments, breakups, get-togethers. We've taken trips to Hong Kong and Macau the past few years. I've paid for her medical bills when she was in the hospital including her asthma medicine which delayed her interview back 2 months. And I admit after all this, I've been taken as a fool. That's why it needs to end. BTW, the texts messages were from her and the other party dated last Friday Dec 3, the same day she left the Philippines.

Hi again RC...

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I'm glad that you decided not to pursue marriage with a scammer. You made the right decision.

I will suggest again that you call ICE and report her. Also, contact the USCIS and let them know you will not be marrying her, and why. You won't be bound by the Affidavit of Support.

At this point, I advocate that you do the civil thing and give her a choice of a ride to the local shelter, a ride to the nearest social services agency, or a ride to the airport. Under no circumstances would I spend another cent on her...no plane ticket...nothing. Fraud should never be rewarded.

My best wishes to you.

[rlogan 2,036]

Wow this one's still going? I thought it was summed up that the girl doesn't love the OP, has a boyfriend back in Phils, and he's not going to try and make her love him? Aren't we just sending her back to the Phils?

Well, we had some people jump in claiming that the Bible demands that we force ourselves to love someone that clearly does not love us.

I'm glad the thread is here in "Effects of Major Changes" because this area is better suited for advice on how to disentangle yourself from a scammer.

So, back on track here. It doesn't sound to me like the OP is the least bit vindictive so good on him for that.

You can't be taking them to Mexico and abandoning them because any actions that support the contention that he is a person that would cause her harm makes a VAWA claim look more legitimate.

So you can drop them off at the consulate, or a shelter, or the airport with a ticket home - contacting ICE and USCIS to inform them of the situation at the same time - being on guard at all times against a fraudulent VAWA filing.

[Mr. K 8]

Send her back.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Just my 2 cents.

Okay. Saying "my 2 cents" means "this is my opinion". Given this is an OPINION site, you can stop writing "just my 2 cents" at the end of just about all of your posts (I saw one without it.. I was shocked).

The time when "my 2 cents" is valid is when you're offering advice NOT based on answering the OP. Such as when they're asking for immigration advice and something they said makes you want to give relationship advice.

PLEASE stop writing "my 2 cents" at the end of your posts when you're replying directly to the OP.

---

OP - There was a thread in the last month or so where something similar happened to someone else. He actually found out that she was sending "love" messages the day after they got married (as well as before). While this sucks, at least you found out now rather than later.

As someone else stated (WAY back there before all the back and forth started), be careful not to be left alone with her. While she can't get VAWA without marrying you, she might not know that an try and make your life bad by accusing you of abuse. If she has friends/family in the area, invite one of your friends over to bear witness as she packs and moves out so you can't be accused of something. Call ICE first and let them know what's been going on so if she DOES try and accuse you of something, you reported it BEFORE she tried to accuse you, making it less likely she'll be believed.

Once again I'm sorry this is happening to you. Protect yourself first, and send her home.

Edited December 7, 2010 by Vanessa&Tony

[jrmejia 31]

Honestly I'd still like Jr to answer my questions about the scenario I posted (an example of course) and also my wife's question of who would wear the wedding dress (ha ha ha LOL)...

We have different point of view on things. It does not mean you are wrong and I am right or you are right and I am wrong. It is just a matter how we handle things.

About the pants: So you think controlling anger = wearing the the skirt?

We need some happy face every now and then

[jrmejia 31]

Hi again RC...

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I'm glad that you decided not to pursue marriage with a scammer. You made the right decision.

I will suggest again that you call ICE and report her. Also, contact the USCIS and let them know you will not be marrying her, and why. You won't be bound by the Affidavit of Support.

At this point, I advocate that you do the civil thing and give her a choice of a ride to the local shelter, a ride to the nearest social services agency, or a ride to the airport. Under no circumstances would I spend another cent on her...no plane ticket...nothing. Fraud should never be rewarded.

My best wishes to you.

Can I comment?

Why do some people keep saying she is a scammer? I still believe that if he is going to send her back, to do with style. Like a gentleman.

Best of luck to the OP and i hope he takes the respectable solution.

[sachinky 465]

If I was the Kano in a situation like this I would not say a thing to her once I was sure of the situation, instead I would:

Plan an interesting trip with her that includes a stop at the nearest Philippine Consulate. Of course since you've told her you'll be gone for a week on this fantastic trip she'll likely pack most of her stuff (and you can sneak the rest of it into your car.

Once you get to the PH Consulate, explain to the first employee you meet that she has scammed you to get to the US and you will never marry her so under the rules of her K-1 Visa she must return home. State that since you've already spent a few thousand dollars on her you don't feel obligated to pay for a return ticket as she was lying to you the whole time.

Leave her there as you return to your car for her luggage. Once you've deposited her luggage with her, return home.

Now you can inform ICE of her scamming ways either before or after the drop-off to protect others from her ill intentions.

+1000

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Can I comment?

Why do some people keep saying she is a scammer? I still believe that if he is going to send her back, to do with style. Like a gentleman.

Best of luck to the OP and i hope he takes the respectable solution.

How is she not a scammer? She was sending text messages to someone else (not the OP) that she loved them. She not only sent those messages before she left, she also sent them the DAY she left the Philippines to be with her fiance (the OP).

There is nothing else to take from this other than this girl is using this guy. Whether she's simply a cheater, or someone who is using him for immigration benefits we don't know, but she's at least scamming the OP into thinking she is his one-and-only.

[sachinky 465]

I guess your description of love isn't pure... too bad...

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. . .And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. - excerpts from 1 Corinthians 13:4-13

Lame!

[amykathleen2005 441]

How is she not a scammer? She was sending text messages to someone else (not the OP) that she loved them. She not only sent those messages before she left, she also sent them the DAY she left the Philippines to be with her fiance (the OP).

There is nothing else to take from this other than this girl is using this guy. Whether she's simply a cheater, or someone who is using him for immigration benefits we don't know, but she's at least scamming the OP into thinking she is his one-and-only.

Now, to play the Devil's Advocate a little bit......couldn't she say that to a friend? Or a relative?