What to do next?

[mcdsnight 5]

hahahaha, you are amusing read your post again, hahaahah i been cheated on by an ex and the feeling of being cheated on is not good, so i experienced it first hand, i didn't do anything about it, but what happened? he did it again, and did it made me feel better that i treated him nice the first time? I thought i did, but what happened in the end? i left and the can't help but be angry with myself because was being stupid. I am a catholic and what was I thinking then?forgive and forget. but it does not work that way. everytime i remember that guy i feel disgusted.

you guys have your ways. you do whatever you want. if you think there's a good way in treating cheaters,liars and scammers, then okay go ahead be happy

in the end it's your call.

Yes it's our way, this is me. This is how I deal with things... My opinion.... then there goes the word respect.

[jrmejia 31]

Sorry guys good topic but I need to sleep. I like to be in the office around 6.20am.

Night all. Hope I did not offend any one.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

How do you have a relationship with someone who has been lying to you? I mean if you don't really know them how can you honestly say that you were in a relationship with them or love them?

How can a relationship that never was real continue?

It has nothing to do with ego or anything, if someone is not truthful with you then you don't really know them do you?

If you don't know who they really are how can you love them?

Bob, you are missing the point. You are focusing too much on anger and ignoring other things. That is where the discipline of respect comes into play

What? How does protecting yourself equate to being angry?

You are missing the point that if someone is lying to you then you don't love them but the image of them that they have tricked you into believing. Nothing to do with anger and everything to do with honesty.

Example (may be on the extreme end but work with me here):

You spend 6 months calling, texting, e-mailing & skyping someone in the PH. You're emotionally invested. Finally you visit and find out she is really a guy who can pass as a female until you get him nude. He was just stringing you along for the gifts & money you sent and he had 5 other Kanos in the same situation.

Do you love him?

Will you continue the relationship as long as he comes clean with you and promises to never lie to you again?

Who will you invite to the wedding?

[Tahoma 2,292]

Your powers of avoidance are amazing! First, you tell me how you would handle a scammer differently. Then, when challenged to explain yourself, you completely avoided the subject. What "action" would be taken? What "gentle way" would you use? How could you possibly love a thief who never loved you and only wanted to scam you? What kind of sick love is that? Would you treat someone who burglarized your home the same way?

You also completely avoided explaining your hypocritical behavior regarding your posts about your own fiancée. Do you think they were gentlemanly and respectful?

Simply amazing...

I would talk to her in a nice way. I will explain calmly the situation. If she admits her wrong doing, there is a good sign that things can get better. If she denies it? Guess what? I kindly will tell her that we can not get married and she needs to return to the Philippines. I buy her the ticket and put some money in her purse. END OF STORY.

But that is me. It is the way I function.

Geeez...Of course she is going to admit her wrongdoing in the face of overwhelming evidence of guilt. What else would a scammer do? Do you think she's stupid? Admitting her wrongdoing will simply allow her to continue scamming you until she gets her Green Card. How does that make things better? You are still being scammed. That's her game...she's a scammer.

On the other hand, if she doesn't admit her scam, you buy her a ticket, put some money in her purse, and yet she refuses to leave your home, what's the "END OF STORY" then?

By the way, it has not gone unnoticed that you still haven't addressed your ungentlemanly and disrespectful posts about your own fiancée.

[annaprice 17]

Geeez...Of course she is going to admit her wrongdoing in the face of overwhelming evidence of guilt. What else would a scammer do? Do you think she's stupid? Admitting her wrongdoing will simply allow her to continue scamming you until she gets her Green Card. How does that make things better? You are still being scammed. That's her game...she's a scammer.

On the other hand, if she doesn't admit her scam, you buy her a ticket, put some money in her purse, and yet she refuses to leave your home, what's the "END OF STORY" then?

By the way, it has not gone unnoticed that you still haven't addressed your ungentlemanly and disrespectful posts about your own fiancée.

nice one

[annaprice 17]

What? How does protecting yourself equate to being angry?

You are missing the point that if someone is lying to you then you don't love them but the image of them that they have tricked you into believing. Nothing to do with anger and everything to do with honesty.

Example (may be on the extreme end but work with me here):

You spend 6 months calling, texting, e-mailing & skyping someone in the PH. You're emotionally invested. Finally you visit and find out she is really a guy who can pass as a female until you get him nude. He was just stringing you along for the gifts & money you sent and he had 5 other Kanos in the same situation.

Do you love him?

Will you continue the relationship as long as he comes clean with you and promises to never lie to you again?

Who will you invite to the wedding?

Hun , I have one question though? who would wear the dress?

[Tahoma 2,292]

I guess your description of love isn't pure... too bad...

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. . .And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. - excerpts from 1 Corinthians 13:4-13

The problem with quoting passages about love is the fact that the OP never had any love with this woman. You can't love a mirage.

And while we are quoting the Bible, I would be happy to contribute some of my favorite quotes:

> "But if ... evidences of virginity are not found for the young woman, then they shall bring out the young woman to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her to death with stones..." (Deuteronomy 22:20,21)

> "If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter into life maimed, rather than having two hands, to go to hell, into the fire that shall never be quenched." (Mark 9:43)

> "One of illegitimate birth shall not enter the congregation of the Lord." (Deuteronomy 23:2)

> "Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the cruel. " (1 Peter 2:18)

> "Women should be silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak, but should be submissive, as the law also says." (1 Corinthians 14:34)

[annaprice 17]

The problem with quoting passages about love is the fact that the OP never had any love with this woman. You can't love a mirage.

And while we are quoting the Bible, I would be happy to contribute some of my favorite quotes:

> "But if ... evidences of virginity are not found for the young woman, then they shall bring out the young woman to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her to death with stones..." (Deuteronomy 22:20,21)

> "If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter into life maimed, rather than having two hands, to go to hell, into the fire that shall never be quenched." (Mark 9:43)

> "One of illegitimate birth shall not enter the congregation of the Lord." (Deuteronomy 23:2)

> "Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the cruel. " (1 Peter 2:18)

> "Women should be silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak, but should be submissive, as the law also says." (1 Corinthians 14:34)

oh you are awesome finally somebody that makes sense

[rlogan 2,036]

[qupote=mcdsnight]Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. . .And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. - excerpts from 1 Corinthians 13:4-13

Amusing.

If you are going to quote a bronze-age political-religious document for guidance, then at least do it in context.

1: Corinthians is allegedly a letter from the Apostle Paul to the Church at Corinth, experiencing some kind of political battle within its church. It does contain a lot of material about marriage, rituals, political affairs, etc. - but you obviously don't know much about it because you can't even cite the part relevant to this situation.

There is a part of 1 Corinthians that is relevant. 1 Corinthians 5 speaks of sexual immorality in the Church of Corinth, and Paul is emphatic throughout that chapter to throw them out of the church, to deliver them to satan for the destruction of their flesh - and here you are actually taking Corinthians out of context to tell this man to associate himself with a person who is sexually immoral by that biblical standard. Paul even states in 1 Corinthians 5:9 that he has written them before about this very thing and over and over again tells them not to associate with sexually immoral people.

He goes on to say not only to expel them from among you, but not to even eat with them. In 1 corinthians 6 he says to FLEE from sexual immorality.

Paul writes multiple times, in other words, and is insistent on this business of sexually immoral people and he counsels to get away from them, not to force yourself to accept them as someone to dedicate the rest of your life to.

The thing that bothers me about people so quick to condemn others with the Bible is that they generally do not have much understanding of the Bible, and instead of seeking advice on the point in question simply take some quote completely out of context in order to buttress what is actually their own opinion about something.

So the irony here is that the people quoting the Bible are the ones giving the opposite advice from what the Bible actually says in this chapter about the girl cheating on her fiance.

The people giving sound advice from a biblical perspective are the ones saying to disassociate themselves from her, and not even to lower themselves to eating with her - to flee from her.

I am not a Christian but I can read, and I have spent a lot of years doing it. I constantly see Christians hypocritically beating other people over the head with the Bible and the best thing you can do to give these hypocrites a run for their money is to know the Bible better than they do.

[Dan and Judy 614]

Didn't you read his previous post? The text messages are dated the day she left the Philippines. Lying about her facebook account is just bagoong on the mangga

Sorry, It wasn't there for me to read when I started typing my last post. I was just running off of the google translantion of

his post in tagalog.

At the risk of getting beat up by Tahoma again.

To the OP:

In your original post you wern't asking anybodys opinion about whether or not you should drop this girl, you were just asking

the proper way to go about doing it. Well that's been answered a few ways here and it's your job to separate the wheat from

the chaff.

Your 2cnd post in english, mentions that you've known her 10 years and she lived next door your Grandmother.

and you paid for her medicine and hospital bills.

You could have given that information to stress that you didnt deserve this and you didnt deserve this.

Im thinking that you gave that information to indicate that you are not comfortable just kicking her out into the street.

All of the opinions expressed here are on the basis of 3 or 4 paragraphs that you have written.

Filling in my own blanks, I would say this girl is not "evil".

somehow by virtue of her living next door to your Lola, you started a long distance relationship with her.

From a practical standpoint she would have been foolish to not hook up with you if she could. you can afford to pay for hospital bills and medicine and the rest of lifes necessities.

Sometime during or maybe before your long distance relationship she hooked up with another guy.

Im guessing for most of the long distance relationship you wern't in the Philippines and she went with the "love the one you're with"

philosophy. That's wrong, bad, immoral and human.

In most relationships this would be called cheating. Since your girlfriend gets the benefit of coming to the US it is suspicious for

scamming. In my mind the difference would be whether or not she entered into the relationship with bad intentions or not, or if she

was planning on marrying you just long enough to get her status.

If you think scam I still vote for a trip to mexico.

If you think just cheating, I would vote for telling her what you found out and tell her you will be buying her a plane ticket back to PI.

If you need to dump her anywhere dump her at a hotel close to the airport.

The biggest problem with forgiving her and proceeding with the original plan would be, you can't trust her.

You would have to spend years worrying that she would divorce you when it was convienient for her.

good luck

Dan

[Tahoma 2,292]

If you are going to quote a bronze-age political-religious document for guidance, then at least do it in context.

The thing that bothers me about people so quick to condemn others with the Bible is that they generally do not have much understanding of the Bible, and instead of seeking advice on the point in question simply take some quote completely out of context in order to buttress what is actually their own opinion about something.

So the irony here is that the people quoting the Bible are the ones giving the opposite advice from what the Bible actually says in this chapter about the girl cheating on her fiance.

The people giving sound advice from a biblical perspective are the ones saying to disassociate themselves from her, and not even to lower themselves to eating with her - to flee from her.

I am not a Christian but I can read, and I have spent a lot of years doing it. I constantly see Christians hypocritically beating other people over the head with the Bible and the best thing you can do to give these hypocrites a run for their money is to know the Bible better than they do.

Robert...Here's another big +1 (Twice in the same thread! )

[Maxx121 14]

Im just curious to know what all you decided OP. Im sure by now you guys have talked. Whatever you do i wish you the best.

[jrmejia 31]

By the way, it has not gone unnoticed that you still haven't addressed your ungentlemanly and disrespectful posts about your own fiancée.

Which post are you referring too? Yes I posted I had small argument with her but I always respect her. Well, we still have little argument every now and then but nothing major.

[jrmejia 31]

When anger takes over, disaster is the result of many of the actions.

Edited December 6, 2010 by jrmejia

[Jared and May 16]

Wow this one's still going? I thought it was summed up that the girl doesn't love the OP, has a boyfriend back in Phils, and he's not going to try and make her love him? Aren't we just sending her back to the Phils?