What to do next?

[James and Cynthia 70]

I am sad to hear your story. I can understand you being upset. But it's only been one day, and you have known her for so long. I would think on the first day, you would both be full of emotions and love. It doesn't sound like that is the case. If not, there must be more to the story than just the things you recently found.

Facebook is such a problem. I wish people understood how it causes such trust issues. It goes both ways, some people push facebook way too far, and others get jealous about it way to easy. Are you sure she just didn't tell you about it because she was afraid you would be upset. Maybe it is not a serious thing. How many friends does she have? Does she mention you on it? You should talk to her about it. I would think you have talked about facebook and other networking sites before just now.

Are you sure the text messages are from a boyfriend? Maybe just a friend. Don't you know her friends and social environment? I think that should come natural in an engagement. If not, then that should have been a warning sign. What other warning signs have you had?

I think you should give it more than just one day. Talk to her. If you really love her, then show her the respect of at least a good talk. You never know what will happen next.

-James

[Tahoma 2,292]

It's very mean, mean to the Philippines consulate; seriously I don't think the consulate would consider it their problem.

Some people seem to be worried that she will just stay in the states illegally, thereby profiting from the scam. The consulate

wouldnt make her leave.

There is nothing sinister or mean about taking her to the Consulate. The Consulate is likely to pay her way back to the Philippines if she couldn't, and the airlines wouldn't. That is where the idea of taking her to the Consulate came from.

The OP wrote a msg in tagalog that seems to say that He is a philippino who grew up here in the states and I think his relatives are

neighbors of her relatives back in PI. If that's the case then he needs to proceed with caution for the sake of his relatives.

Who cares what her relatives think? He did nothing wrong. She's a scammer. Why should that fact be hidden from anyone?

It's a legitimate point that the text msg could be old and all the OP told us was they said I love you. Lying about having a facebook account does not by itself justify putting her on a plane tomorrow.

Didn't you read his previous post? The text messages are dated the day she left the Philippines. Lying about her facebook account is just bagoong on the mangga.

back to being mean though, If he decided %100 that he was being scammed from the get go, and he has any worries about her making up charges of abuse. The solution is to take her for a drive into mexico. The mexican's dont stop you on the way in.

Once they are in mexico the dirty deed is done. The americans won't let her back in. He could buy her a

ticket on the mexican airlines back to PI. Once in that situation she would happily get on the plane. Here in the states I don't think

you can force them on to the plane.

I seriously hesitate to post this because it could also be used by some jerk here who has simply changed his mind, but it is such a good solution for the flat out scammers. If you would for instance find an email saying she was going to divorce you and bring her

boyfriend over here at the first opportuinity, Then I say a mexican vacation is appropriate, and skip the plane ticket to PI.

Now that's mean.

He can't force her on any plane anywhere, not here in the U.S, and not anywhere else either. She doesn't deserve a free plane ticket from him either.

What the heck is a Kano

You are.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

back to being mean though, If he decided %100 that he was being scammed from the get go, and he has any worries about her making up charges of abuse. The solution is to take her for a drive into mexico. The mexican's dont stop you on the way in.

Once they are in mexico the dirty deed is done. The americans won't let her back in. He could buy her a

ticket on the mexican airlines back to PI. Once in that situation she would happily get on the plane. Here in the states I don't think

you can force them on to the plane.

...

What the heck is a Kano

Stranding her in Mexico would be beyond mean, Part of the Philippine Consulates' in the US mission is to look after Philippine citizens in the US including helping to repatriate them if the situation is appropriate.

FYI, if you're an AmeriKANO then you are a Kano, it Filipino slang for an American.

[rlogan 2,036]

Stranding her in Mexico would be beyond mean, Part of the Philippine Consulates' in the US mission is to look after Philippine citizens in the US including helping to repatriate them if the situation is appropriate.

Yea, I agree with Tahomatoo. I'm a proponent of protecting yourself maximally without being vengeful. You also run the risk of making a VAWA application look valid by acting in a vengeful manner. It is his right to sever relations completely, but he cannot actively do her harm.

Individual circumstances dictate particulars, and the more recent revelation about having family neighbors calls for tact but nevertheless resolve. I would note though that it is virtually impossible to carry on a love affair without family knowing about it, so these people are not very good neighbors to participate in the fraud by concealing it from him.

The man stated his mind was made up and her cheating/lying was unacceptable in a wife. That is his right. He asked for advice on ending the process, not advice on whether to continue the relationship.

You bet she's going to learn a lesson - and it is the right one. So is her family. So are other neighbors and onlookers. If instead everyone learned the wrong lesson that lying, cheating, and scamming is the way to fortune then the social consequences are terrible.

This guy is doing a lot of people justice. I do not agree with counselling people to allow lying, cheating, and fraud of this magnitude. Because it teaches others that it is acceptable. All you have to do when you are caught is say "oopsie", and everything is OK. A one-night fling with Manny Pacquiao - I could forgive that. I'd probably want the details.

[Maxx121 14]

I actually liike teh idea of stranding them in mexico, but yeah its a bit extreme, i would go with the lesser and take them to the embassy, thats what its their for.

And i would make sure her entire family knows about it and a few of her neighbors to. She should feel ashamed of herself, and if she doesnt her family and friends will make sure she does.

Make her make you a friend on her facebook and make friends with all her friends, then let them all know what she has done.

[Atencio 43]

The Mexico idea is very good idea but if you guys are worried about VAWA I think this would just led to evidence for such a claim. The truth is Mexico can be dangerous and no matter what my fiancee did to me I would feel like ####### if something happened to her from a stunt that I did. I would just collect all the evidence you had and send her home.

[MikelanNida 28]

man, i am really sorry about your situation, i have a suggestion, since you mentioned your families know each other maybe you should get them involved! I think if anyone can get to the bottom of this,they could, but i understand if its time to go, its time to go. take care and choose wisely .

[Tahoma 2,292]

The Mexico idea is very good idea but if you guys are worried about VAWA I think this would just led to evidence for such a claim. The truth is Mexico can be dangerous and no matter what my fiancee did to me I would feel like ####### if something happened to her from a stunt that I did. I would just collect all the evidence you had and send her home.

Seriously, I wouldn't send her to Mexico either. I was trying to make the point that she is not required to return to the Philippines. She simply is required to leave the U.S. by the end of the 90 days.

Actually, I would drop her off today at the nearest shelter or social services agency and let her deal with finding her own way home. She should feel fortunate to get a ride that far. I would not have any legal nor moral obligation to assist her beyond that point.

I would also report her to ICE, change the locks on my doors, and take steps to protect my finances.

[jrmejia 31]

Seriously, I wouldn't send her to Mexico either. I was trying to make the point that she is not required to return to the Philippines. She simply is required to leave the U.S. by the end of the 90 days.

Actually, I would drop her off today at the nearest shelter or social services agency and let her deal with finding her own way home. She should feel fortunate to get a ride that far. I would not have any legal nor moral obligation to assist her beyond that point.

I would also report her to ICE, change the locks on my doors, and take steps to protect my finances.

C'om dude have a heart. I just hope he does it like I would. The gentleman and respectable way.

My 2 cents

[rlogan 2,036]

Being a doormat for frauds is neither gentlemanly nor deserving of respect. The relevant part being MAN.

The most important kind of respect a man has to have in order to qualify for that title (man) is self-respect.

[jrmejia 31]

Being a doormat for frauds is neither gentlemanly nor deserving of respect. The relevant part being MAN.

The most important kind of respect a man has to have in order to qualify for that title (man) is self-respect.

So being a MAN is to show disrespect? Okay we don't need to argue that.

my 2 cents.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

So being a MAN is to show disrespect? Okay we don't need to argue that.

my 2 cents.

No, being a man means that you stand-up for yourself and respect yourself first.

For example, you don't enter into a relationship that you know is most likely one way emotionally because you know that not only do you deserve to have someone love you for yourself (not the greencard you can get for them) but you also refuse to settle for less than that.

I think the implication is obvious to just about everyone else reading this thread.

[Tahoma 2,292]

C'om dude have a heart. I just hope he does it like I would. The gentleman and respectable way.

My 2 cents

Judging from your posts, I'm certain you'll have your chance.

OK...I'll bite...I can hardly wait to hear your idea of the "gentleman" (sic) and "respectable" way to deal with a scammer who has stolen your money, your time, and your emotional energy.

And while you're at it, you might care to explain why your posts about your own fiancée have been so ungentlemanly and so disrespectful.

[Tahoma 2,292]

@Both Robert and Bob...+1

[jrmejia 31]

Judging from your posts, I'm certain you'll have your chance.

OK...I'll bite...I can hardly wait to hear your idea of the "gentleman" (sic) and "respectable" way to deal with a scammer who has stolen your money, your time, and your emotional energy.

And while you're at it, you might care to explain why your posts about your own fiancée have been so ungentlemanly and so disrespectful.

Just because we have few little arguments do not necessary means that our relationship will fail once she comes to USA. But if anything goes wrong, some action will be taken but in a gentle way. But that is me okay? I love her too much to "mistreat" her in any way!

Just my 2 cents.