divorce

[internetkafe 0]

Steal your baby? What are you talking about? The baby is going to be his also, not just yours. I can not understand women when they think they are the ones ´owning´ babies. Grow up woman!

well here is my problem.. we are together for 4 years and married for 2.. we just found out we are pregnant and hubby decited not to be a part of this.. to make the story short i wont have an abortion and he wont be in his/her life.. so i am flying back home to germany to be with my family and to raise my child.. now my question is should we file for divorce now and take care of my visa.. which i should get in june 2007 (the 10 year one) but i dont even wanna have it anymore cuz i am not coming back.. and is there something i can do so he wont get my baby? i am just soooo darn scared that he comes to germany in a couple years and trys to steal my baby.. should we go to a lawyer that he writes his rights over to me? i dunno what to do? :help

[diadromous mermaid 36]

In all due fairness, and in consideration of the emotionally charged situation not to mention the hormones, hypnotiqwife meant that her husband might prohibit her from having an active role in the child's life because she would be the only one in the family without an automatic claim to US citizenship.

However, since she received the green card since I last visited this thread, my advice to her would be to attempt to preserve her residency in the USA, no matter whether she does decide to return to Germany in the interim. There might come a day when, and certainly after having reached this far, it might be an option she would wish to more seriously consider.

Edited September 2, 2006 by diadromous mermaid

[The_dip_sticks 0]

Hi if you dont have any funds available to talek to get some legal help you might try to look for the local chatoliccharaites office in your area. They offer free or low cost legal assitance to people who need it. Maybe you can call a local Cathoilc parish and as them about the closest chatolic charaites offies in your area. Here is the main link http://www.catholiccharities.org/ccimmigration.html#Legal I hope it helps.

[The_dip_sticks 0]

EDITED:

Hi if you don’t have any funds available to get some legal help you might try to look for the local catholic charities office in your area. They offer free or low cost legal assistance to people who need it. Maybe you can call a local Catholic parish and ask them about the closest catholic charities office in your area. They even offer local workshops for people who need help filing out their petition forms for family remembers. Here is the main link http://www.catholiccharities.org/ccimmigration.html#Legal Catholic Charities help lots of people with immigration issues. Their lawyers will be able to guide you in the right direction to protect you and the baby in what ever imigration path you decide to take. I hope it helps. Sorry to hear about everything you are going through.

[KarenCee 3]

Steal your baby? What are you talking about? The baby is going to be his also, not just yours. I can not understand women when they think they are the ones ´owning´ babies. Grow up woman!

well here is my problem.. we are together for 4 years and married for 2.. we just found out we are pregnant and hubby decited not to be a part of this.. to make the story short i wont have an abortion and he wont be in his/her life.. so i am flying back home to germany to be with my family and to raise my child.. now my question is should we file for divorce now and take care of my visa.. which i should get in june 2007 (the 10 year one) but i dont even wanna have it anymore cuz i am not coming back.. and is there something i can do so he wont get my baby? i am just soooo darn scared that he comes to germany in a couple years and trys to steal my baby.. should we go to a lawyer that he writes his rights over to me? i dunno what to do? :help

With all due respect...it takes more than sperm to make a father. To say that he has no intentions of being a part of this child's life is irresponsible on his part. Yes, this baby will biologically be his, but like I said, that does NOT make him a father. My ex is the sperm donor for my daughter but my husband (her stepfather) is her father. Does that sound like I own my daughter? If so, that's your opinion. My daughter knows who loves her. Personally, I think the OP sounds very grown up for having to deal with such a situation as this.

As for what diaddie says, I think that's entirely possible. With both of the losses that can cause one to be afraid of losing again, therefore removing oneself emotionally from the situation to prevent the pain that losing a child brings.

[knowledge 0]

Steal your baby? What are you talking about? The baby is going to be his also, not just yours. I can not understand women when they think they are the ones ´owning´ babies. Grow up woman!

well here is my problem.. we are together for 4 years and married for 2.. we just found out we are pregnant and hubby decited not to be a part of this.. to make the story short i wont have an abortion and he wont be in his/her life.. so i am flying back home to germany to be with my family and to raise my child.. now my question is should we file for divorce now and take care of my visa.. which i should get in june 2007 (the 10 year one) but i dont even wanna have it anymore cuz i am not coming back.. and is there something i can do so he wont get my baby? i am just soooo darn scared that he comes to germany in a couple years and trys to steal my baby.. should we go to a lawyer that he writes his rights over to me? i dunno what to do? :help

With all due respect...it takes more than sperm to make a father. To say that he has no intentions of being a part of this child's life is irresponsible on his part. Yes, this baby will biologically be his, but like I said, that does NOT make him a father. My ex is the sperm donor for my daughter but my husband (her stepfather) is her father. Does that sound like I own my daughter? If so, that's your opinion. My daughter knows who loves her. Personally, I think the OP sounds very grown up for having to deal with such a situation as this.

As for what diaddie says, I think that's entirely possible. With both of the losses that can cause one to be afraid of losing again, therefore removing oneself emotionally from the situation to prevent the pain that losing a child brings.

Yes, and as Mermaid pointed, and your current state is confused, with good reasons, counselling might be useful in order to clarify the thoughts a little bit, before any decision; if there have been tragedies in the past, i strongly believe they have to be verbalized in an adequate place, a process which is called mourning; if you husband does not want to, that's a red flag that he might not be able to touch a sensitive spot, and this might take time to open up. Thus, i recommend a bit of patience if possible for you. All this is useful for the child, for later when he'll ask questions and want to know from where he comes or what happened around his original story.

[EsOrEnNa 0]

a lil update..we talked for a while and we decited to try it again.. not only for the baby but for other reasons too.. i dont wanna go into details again but he said its not the babys fault why he acted like that.. its some other reasons.. a guess it helped a lil that i looked for lawyers cuz he changed real quick.. thanks for the help girls

[Savanphil 3]

a lil update..we talked for a while and we decited to try it again.. not only for the baby but for other reasons too.. i dont wanna go into details again but he said its not the babys fault why he acted like that.. its some other reasons.. a guess it helped a lil that i looked for lawyers cuz he changed real quick.. thanks for the help girls

Good to see that you guys are patching things up. I hope everything works out well. Goodluck with everything especially the baby

[Yodrak 7]

hpnotiqwife,

Good luck.

Yodrak

... .. a guess it helped a lil that i looked for lawyers cuz he changed real quick.. ....

[Kajikit 65]

It honestly sounds to me like the thought of another possible loss scared him silly and made him want to run - if you're not there for something, you can't get hurt by it.

I'm glad you're giving it another go and I hope the two of you can work it out.

[akdiver 3]

I'm sad for him, that he is so willing to dismiss his own child in this way... that he would expect you to terminate this pregnancy without any regard for your feelings. That's it in a nutshell really. If he doesn't give a rat's a$$ about your feelings, then there's clearly more going on here than just him rejecting his child

WHILE that may be true (and probably is), one could just as easily say, "I'm sad for him, that you are so willing to dismiss your own husband this way...that you would expect him to be a father to a child he doesn't want, without any regard for his feelings. That's it in a nutshell really. If you don't give a rat's as about his feelings, then there is clearly more going on here than you just rejecting him."

Both views are equally valid - it's just a matter of perspective.

Cheers!

AKDiver

[JenT 0]

I'm sad for him, that he is so willing to dismiss his own child in this way... that he would expect you to terminate this pregnancy without any regard for your feelings. That's it in a nutshell really. If he doesn't give a rat's a$$ about your feelings, then there's clearly more going on here than just him rejecting his child

WHILE that may be true (and probably is), one could just as easily say, "I'm sad for him, that you are so willing to dismiss your own husband this way...that you would expect him to be a father to a child he doesn't want, without any regard for his feelings. That's it in a nutshell really. If you don't give a rat's as about his feelings, then there is clearly more going on here than you just rejecting him."

Both views are equally valid - it's just a matter of perspective.

Cheers!

AKDiver

That is, after all, the beauty of this forum, isn't it? Perspective.