Dating Internationally

[GhLove 4]

***Sorry so LONG... Hold on to your seats folks-lol***

Have you ever thought about this: "The United States has one of the highest divorce rates in the world: 45-to-50% of first marriages fail. On the other hand, in India, only 1.1% of marriages end in divorce. The low divorce rate can be attributed to arranged marriages."

"I did a little research and found another article that stated: Based on my understanding of the success rate of marriages for those entering the USA on a K1 Visa, they are equivalent to those in the U.S. It all comes down to how well you communicate and how much patience you have with each other. If you have those two qualities nailed down, there is a very high probability that your international relationship and marriage will succeed. Just like anything else in life, it takes work to make something great. In a marriage and especially in an international relationship, that work becomes a little bit harder. Don't full yourself in thinking that all you need to do is meet your potential spouse once in his or her country and then go off and live happily ever after. Those kinds of romances only happen in the movies"

Ghanaluv, I'm so glad you brought up this topic! And alot of people have already gave alot of words of advice. To be honest, I thought I was CRAZY when I first considered marrying someone from "Africa". I asked Allah over and over "God, are you sure?" lol. I have NEVER been one to believe in long distance... it just puts more challenges in a relationship, which is already challenging to begin with. Anytime you get two totally different people together... its challenging. I can barely get along with my sisters everyday, let alone someone from a different mother. lol. I know you should never say "never" but With all that being said I say this:

1) I dont think I could marry someone from a country I know nothing about. I think its extremely important to do your research! If I had not spent a few months in Ghana analyzing the culture (that was actually listed as one of the primary objectives on my educational contract..) I dont think I would have felt comfortable trusting the man I am soon to spend the rest of my life with. I feel I at least need to have a basic understanding of the norms of the society to understand the person and their behavior within a sociological context. Meaning.... how do you know what is normal or acceptable? How do you get to understand the person's values and beliefs? I LOVE the Ghanian culture because I feel like its a part of my African culture as an African American. I actually went to Ghana seeking to understand and ADAPT the Ghanaian culture, so with time I begain to understand and agree. My fiance and I are not totally 100% on one accord and may never be, but I think its important to at least share the same underlying values and principles.

2) I dont think I could marry someone internationally or cross country that I met online. I use to do alot of online dating... I liked online dating because it seemed you had more control in choosing your potential mate. You actually got to go through profiles and week out the "undesirables"..lol and I always asked myself "what attracted this person to me?". Once we started chatting or interacting, the motive would eventually surface whether good or bad. But with international online dating I have to ask: Why would a person purposely seek someone who is an Ocean away rather than choosing to have a relationship with someone who they can actually interact with at least on a bi weekly or monthly basis. What is their motive for embarking on such a challenge? Long distance relationships are EXTREMELY difficult... there is a lot of "lost in translation" stuff that happens on the phone and internet. It is true that distance makes the heart grow fonder.. but I just dont think I would have went out seeking it... So why did they? What was their motive for passing up all the girls in their country for a long distance relationship with someone they have never met?

3) What are the person's morals and do they have good character? I know this one is a little difficult to determine but you HAVE to study the person and those around them... Ask LOTS of questions. For me it was a little easier because I worked in the very high school he attended. He had a good reputation in the school, in his university and in the community in general. He was a God fearing man and a higly respected man everywhere we went. This was the MOST important thing to me. If someone fears God, there is a lot of things they might be more hesitant to do. My fiance and I were friends first (his strong faith in Allah and strong morals). I got to know him as a friend first with a group of other friends. He was less popular and more conservative.. but I knew that was exactly what I needed. The guys in Ghana who are more into western things (Hip hop music, American style dressing, movies, etc) seemed to be the very ones who would do ANYTHING to get to America. My fiance was the complete opposite... he LOVES his country. and as it was stated before, we actually considered living in Ghana rather than coming to the U.S. and we were both VERY happy living in Ghana together. Ofcourse my military career wouldnt allow that at the time. But anyone who doesnt appriciate who they are or where they come from makes me a little more leary. Not because they want to travel (nothing at all wrong with that), but when you alter your image/identity to something that is less acceptable in your country... it makes me wonder why?

4) Make friends in the country and introduce them to him... They know the country better than we do and can tell when something seems fishy. I have some really close friends who I knew since my very first trip to Ghana... they were able to help me weed out some of the bad guys. Also LEARN THE LANGUAGE!!! You would be suprised how often I caught someone in a lie because they thought I didnt understand what they were saying.

5) ***ONE OF THE BIGGEST FLAGS FOR ME WERE GUYS WHO WORSHIPPED THE GROUND YOU WALK ON!!! As Kofi said, alot of them will tell you they love you right away and shower you with compliments. Thats not realistic! REAL relationships come with disagreements and individual differences. My fiance and I argued alot just because of all the cultural difference. If they are always agreeing with you, praising you, buying things for you and going out his way to PROVE his love... if everything seems perfect because you are just so happily in love... there might be a problem. Real relationship require that you learn and adapt to each other.. which I believe comes with challenges.

With all this being said, I do believe in real international love. I mean, I wouldnt be here if I didnt. Allahu Akbar! (Arabic for God is Great!) I believe that Allah puts us in places for a reason and their is no national limits to his work. I believe God sent me to Ghana for that semester. God assigned my fiance to the school where I was located even though he was initially sent to the Northern region of Ghana. God introduced me to my best friend and God made it that his best friend was my fiance. God makes miracles happen everyday. However, I seek the guidance of God in everything I do! I'm a firm believer that if you ask, he will show you. In addition, I believe that marriage is a sacared and holy union that should not be played with. I see it as a permanent journey that you share with someone to build and maintain a healthy family. I believe that if we realize the challenges that international relationships brings and our eyes and hearts are wide open... anything is possible. These days, I don't think people truely put God first in their relationship. Myself and my husband are very faithful to our religion and we believe that only God can help us in our marriage. We realize that there are some very difficult times ahead and we talk about them constantly during this time of seperation. We pick a different topic every night (from kids, to saving/budget issues, to gender roles). We realize that it will not be easy and we won't always be "happy". But with prayer, communication, and patience we believe God will see us through. I guess the questions to ask here are: Who/What is the core of your relationship? When you take away money, status, citizenship, etc what do you have left? Could you go to his/her country and live happily in love? Is the line of communication open? How well do you really know each other?

Nothing in this world (except death) is guaranteed. Its all a leap of faith... We could all be wrong! But I find it interesting that there is a higher rate of divorce in America than in some countries that have arranged marriages. How is it that two people who were put together can stay together longer than people who choose themselves? I know that in many Islamic arranged marriages, the marriage is NOT based on this fantasy love but more on equal values, morals and good character. Although most Americans totally disagree with this concept... I think we have alot to learn from it.

University of Virginia Assistant Professor of Sociology, Brad Wilcox, says, "Too many Americans nowadays have unrealistically romantic aspirations for their marriage, and those aspirations are quickly dashed a month or two, or even a day after the wedding takes place. In an arranged marriage view, there really is the notion that marriage is more than a connection between two people. It's about establishing a new family, traditions, and sharing an economic life together, compatibility, upbringing and value, it's precisely what parents look for when arranging a marriage." explains Professor Wilcox.

I believe that Allah knows best. There are situations that have happened in my life that I thought were down right misery when it happened. But after the fact I can see that blessings came from it in one way or another. I either learned from it or it paved the way for a better oprotunity to come my way. I realize there are some horrible situations that people end up in with visa fraud. It makes me soooo sad when I hear these stories. I feel so bad that any human being could treat another person that way! I pray everyday that myself or none of the people I know ever experience that pain! May God/Allah bless us all and give us healthy/successful marriages that Allah will be pleased with! It is my only hope that we can all share our personal persectives and appreciate each other for what each individual brings to the board. I realize that I am just one person in the world coming from my own personal experience and knowledge. I am very thankful for VJ as I feel is a great place to learn, share and grow together. This website has become slightly addictive and a virtual family of support for me. By the grace of God, I only hope that there is something I can do or say to be of help to others.

[GhLove 4]

Many of us have met our fiancee or significant others via online dating, hook ups from friends or family, vacations overseas, internships overseas etc. Many of them seem to move fast immediately after meeting. Many marry or get engaged and start filing for visas to bring their SO to the states with them in less than a year. Just wondering if you guys ever wonder how true your international LOVE really is with marriage fraud being a major concern specifiaclly with west affrican countries??? Do you believe in LOVE at first site? Many would challenge us in how can you fall in love from the majority of your interactions being online. Yes, some of us do visit multiple times, but for the most part its usually a month or less. Have you met the familes or friends of your SO? If so, Are you close? do you get along? When was it that you knew I really do love this man or woman...I can spend the rest of my life with them? What was it that made you say he or she is the one? Just some thing to ponder? Lets Talk. Please share?

Actually I dont think I answered alot of your questions...lol

1.No I do not believe in LOVE at first site, cuz I couldnt STAND this man when I first met him...lol. But I do believe in infatuation and LUST at first site. I believe that love entails sacrifice... if you just met the person there is no challenge or sacrifice.

2.I get along with his family very well. In Ghanaian culture its important that the family sees you as a respectable person. I ate dinner with his family most nights because it was important to both of us that his family knew he was in good hands with me. Also, I believe when you marry the person you are also marring their family.

3. I knew that I loved him when I got on the plane and my whole world was upside down! He called me 10 times while in the airport and said he was having the same feeling. I never felt like I added so much to someone's life and them to mine. It really feels like "your other half" is missing! I realize more and more everyday that he loves me through his sacrifice and comittment to me.

4. The thing that made me say he was the one was that he was like no other guy I met in the U.S. or in Ghana. I always say- I was looking for something very quiet in a world full of noise. I never thought Id find a God fearing, responsible, educated, and hard working man who shared the same values as me. It was a very emotional day before I left and I wanted to run straight to the court and get married. But he is so strong to his principles that he refused. I dont know any other Ghanaian man that would have done that... he was the first person IN THE WORLD that showed me true genuine love and dedication.

[Heather Rae 2]

warning to all the women, i dont wanna rub anyone the wrong way, were all in the same boat. but i do wanna give you a real friends experience with a man from west africa. he came over on a work visa, about 7 years ago, she met him, and shortly after they started to date. they dated for a year, and she was head over heals in love with him. he had the african work ethic, meaning he did his share of work without complaint. always put her on a pedestal, made her feel special. she was in love and had no inklings about fraud. they got married 5 years ago. OVERNIGHT he was a different person. used words like fat pig, lazy, b word, and actually started abusing her physical as well as emotionally. he got what he wanted from her, which was permanent residence in the usa. if anyone has been to ghana, we all know they worship the ground we walk on, they all have the ''dream'' and will do WHATEVER IT TAKES. of course their parents siblings cousins friends and everyone else make it seem legit b/c they are happy for that person to get ''the chance''. there is nothing that makes me more mad is a man touching a woman like he did to my good friend. i cried many nights with her as she was down after getting beat up and felt ultra low.

on top of all the bad things going on in her life, her parents had no idea her daughter was married. she had no support from any family member. where were from interacial marriage dont happen. she honestly was scared if her dad found out that his week heart would fail and that it would kill him. she honestly thought she would give her dad a heart attack so she went 6 years without them knowing. talk about juggling your life, misery, and depression. she finally listed to me and got a divorce, then he did some crazy things, and she had to get help from family b/c he was getting dangerous. thank God she is away from him now but talk about 7 years of misery, which started out, with nothing but joy and happiness. gals ask your man what is the number 1 goal or what does he want for himself. me being christian, i would hope the answer would be, to make it through this life on earth with my spouse and help her get into heaven with me, b/c eternity is the ultimate goal. if he gives you a answer like, to have a nice job and a big house with many cars? gals that sounds great but it sounds to me your a pawn to his dream, dont be fooled like my good friend please.

God bless i hope this helps 1 person

chris

thanks Chris I totally understand. I have asked my husband those hard questions and he said he only wants to live his life with me forever til God takes us home. He also said if I should go home before he does he will follow shortly after cause he knows he can't live without me. He really don't have much interest in coming to the states but is coming cause of me and my family and would be fine with me moving to Ghana if that is what it will take for us to be together forever. He don't worship the ground I walk on he treats me with love care and respect as I do him. So in my case he hasn't changed a bit and is so full of faith and God and has helped me out in that area of my life as well. Thanks for your post...Sorry for your friend hope she is healing.. God Bless.

[MensahLuv 4]

Actually I dont think I answered alot of your questions...lol

1.No I do not believe in LOVE at first site, cuz I couldnt STAND this man when I first met him...lol. But I do believe in infatuation and LUST at first site. I believe that love entails sacrifice... if you just met the person there is no challenge or sacrifice.

2.I get along with his family very well. In Ghanaian culture its important that the family sees you as a respectable person. I ate dinner with his family most nights because it was important to both of us that his family knew he was in good hands with me. Also, I believe when you marry the person you are also marring their family.

3. I knew that I loved him when I got on the plane and my whole world was upside down! He called me 10 times while in the airport and said he was having the same feeling. I never felt like I added so much to someone's life and them to mine. It really feels like "your other half" is missing! I realize more and more everyday that he loves me through his sacrifice and comittment to me.

4. The thing that made me say he was the one was that he was like no other guy I met in the U.S. or in Ghana. I always say- I was looking for something very quiet in a world full of noise. I never thought Id find a God fearing, responsible, educated, and hard working man who shared the same values as me. It was a very emotional day before I left and I wanted to run straight to the court and get married. But he is so strong to his principles that he refused. I dont know any other Ghanaian man that would have done that... he was the first person IN THE WORLD that showed me true genuine love and dedication.

THANKS FOR YOUR RESPONSE. YOU ALSO TOUCH ON SOME VERY IMPORTANT ASPECTS WHEN PURSUEING AN INTERNATIONAL RELATIONSHIP. My questions was only to open up the court to get discussion started but this is an open post to share your experience in anyway.

[Lonelycouplez 4]

Ghanaluv,this is a good topic you brought up. Marriage or Relationship fraud is very common nowadays in africa and Ghana is a good example. Ghanaian guys do not work nowadays,what they do is go on the net and look for foreigner especially americans just for them to get the chance to go to the States.These guys tend to depend on their foreign fiancees for up keeping money. One could ask himself why doesn't he work? While in a relationship with one woman,they still look for other women on the internet who will be assisting them finacially. Even before he looks for women online,he already has someone he is dating in Ghana. They go to the extent of introducing their girlfriends as sisters and the girlfriends agree because she wants her so called guy to enter the US.I'm a ghanaian and living there right now and this is a fact. There's one guy in my area who brings different types of women from the states every Year with the intention of marrying her.his parents are aware of it and they welcome each and every woman with hospitality because they want their son to go to the states. You can never tell what they are up to.

I met my fiance when he came to ghana after travelling to the US for years. He happens to be my father's friend's son so his dad brought him to greet my dad and that was where we met.from there we saw each other every other day before he travelled back to the US. He came back a year later and we got married at that time of his visit.that was in 2008.he returned and filed the CR1 for me.I don't have ny second thoughts on my husby because he is wonderful and matured.we love each other very much only we don't talk on the phone often .we talk every other day but send emails often cos he's kinda busy at work. The fraud is possible especially in the situation where the ladies are rather petitioning for their partners and the guys always depend on the ladies for money...this is one thing to be careful about.

[MensahLuv 4]

Ghanaluv,this is a good topic you brought up. Marriage or Relationship fraud is very common nowadays in africa and Ghana is a good example. Ghanaian guys do not work nowadays,what they do is go on the net and look for foreigner especially americans just for them to get the chance to go to the States.These guys tend to depend on their foreign fiancees for up keeping money. One could ask himself why doesn't he work? While in a relationship with one woman,they still look for other women on the internet who will be assisting them finacially. Even before he looks for women online,he already has someone he is dating in Ghana. They go to the extent of introducing their girlfriends as sisters and the girlfriends agree because she wants her so called guy to enter the US.I'm a ghanaian and living there right now and this is a fact. There's one guy in my area who brings different types of women from the states every Year with the intention of marrying her.his parents are aware of it and they welcome each and every woman with hospitality because they want their son to go to the states. You can never tell what they are up to.

I met my fiance when he came to ghana after travelling to the US for years. He happens to be my father's friend's son so his dad brought him to greet my dad and that was where we met.from there we saw each other every other day before he travelled back to the US. He came back a year later and we got married at that time of his visit.that was in 2008.he returned and filed the CR1 for me.I don't have ny second thoughts on my husby because he is wonderful and matured.we love each other very much only we don't talk on the phone often .we talk every other day but send emails often cos he's kinda busy at work. The fraud is possible especially in the situation where the ladies are rather petitioning for their partners and the guys always depend on the ladies for money...this is one thing to be careful about.

[/quot

Thanks for your response. I sure all the stories shared here will help someone to open their eyes and really investigate. Many have read this thread, but few have responded. I sure many are taking all the advice in. I have really been schooled on the things people do to come to America. Majority of my friends are African and majority of all the guys I dated are too People start to wonder if im African as well.LOL I have 2 friends who have friends who experience the relationship fraud that you explain here. The most recent was last year where one lady met a guy on black planet.I really dont trust dating on social networks. People can make there own fantasy life online and pretend to be whoever they choose. This guy had a fake picture which she fell in love with. All she was bragging was how fine he was. Within a week the guyes had butter her up with all his sweetness and lies and she fell for it! He told her he did international business and he had a business in a little suburban town in IL. Nothing much is there. Just a small college town! He told her he would come spend a few weeks with her. He gave her real places such as the name of the company he did business with and the hotel he was staying. He made it so believable. He did his research and she googlge the business and call the hotel to see if a reservations was made at the hotel.All Legit places. So he really had her fooled. Came the day he was to travel he did not show. He came up with a story that he got stop at the airport for sthing I dont remember now. Then the next time he was to travel he said his mom became sick and thats when he ask for money. Like a dummy she wired him money and every 2 weeks around her pay date he came up with some story to get more money. After the 3 times she caught on. I told my friend to tell her to be careful and what guys do get money.

Another was a lady who was dating a guy online and became close to a man overseas. She was very gullible becasue she had experience a bad relationship with a black guy in the States and did not want to date black guys anymore.She was a white lady. The guy told her he was from London and was white as well. So he said. Later to find out he was a black guy from Africa with a strong african accent. She was very naive He was sending her bad checks to deposit in her account and had her wiring her money out of her bank account It got so bad that eventually she got caught up with the law and was being investigated because of the checks. HE HAD HER COMMITTING BANK FRAUD AND SHE DID NOT have a clue. I am saying all these to say be careful with the online dating. People can hide behind a screen and most times do not have goof intentions. Ask yourself why would someone want to engage in a relationship with someone in a country over 4000 mile plus away when there are so many beautiful women in their country?

[Zee Bee 61]

There seem to be a lot of "new" people who do not know my story so I will rehash for your benefit

I am Ghanaian-American (I have been going to Ghana every year since I was little for as long as I can remember). I'll spare you all the little details. I actually met my husband through my cousin. They are best friends and went to school together and we just happened to cross paths when I was in Ghana visiting family. We only saw each other for 2 or 3 days of my 2 month vacation, but we decided to keep in touch. Our relationship grew after I got back to the US.

My husband's family and my family have a lot of history. My father-in-law used to work for my grandfather. My brother-in-law and my uncle are good friends. I knew my mother-in-law before I knew my husband (it was funny when he tried to introduce me to her and I was like "I already know who she is). My grandfather was actually the one who named my husband at his naming ceremony (my father-in-law was not able to be there so my grandfather got that honor). I just found that out when we went to visit our families in Ghana this past July.

We just filed for the removal of his conditions (yay!!). Its been a roller-coaster but definitely more ups than downs. We are both working full time and going to school full time so we are busy but we make time for each other. We see my sisters (who live in the Midwest) a few times a year and he has 2 brothers in VA that we see every month or more often. When we all get together its a crazy fun time but we are truly one big happy family.

I *think* that sometimes people are too quick to label the dissolution of a marriage as fraud. Sometimes it just doesn't work out for whatever reason. The international and visa aspect of it make it that much more complicated in a lot of situations and instead of admitting failure, I think that some people like to think that its the immigrant's fault.

One thing I have learned about visa fraud is that if its going to happen it will because people who are desperate will find a way. Some people are so focused on getting here that they do not care what they have to do. Some do get their families involved to make it seem as real as possible.

I think that its always important to keep the good and bad in perspective. From reading stories on VJ and knowing people who have gone through this I am convinced that there is no formula for determining what set of hoops to jump through to make sure your relationship is "fool proof". So many times someone will post that their relationship is over, someone asks if there were any red flags and 9 times out of 10 the reply is "There were some red flags but I just ignored them. They were....".

Every person's truth is their own. Some people meet once, get married and are together forever. Others have lots of visits, live together etc, and the marriage fizzles after a year.

Every person is different, as is every relationship. What everyone needs to do is ensure that there is no doubt in YOUR mind that the relationship is real. People have their own ways of figuring things out.

[MensahLuv 4]

There seem to be a lot of "new" people who do not know my story so I will rehash for your benefit

I am Ghanaian-American (I have been going to Ghana every year since I was little for as long as I can remember). I'll spare you all the little details. I actually met my husband through my cousin. They are best friends and went to school together and we just happened to cross paths when I was in Ghana visiting family. We only saw each other for 2 or 3 days of my 2 month vacation, but we decided to keep in touch. Our relationship grew after I got back to the US.

My husband's family and my family have a lot of history. My father-in-law used to work for my grandfather. My brother-in-law and my uncle are good friends. I knew my mother-in-law before I knew my husband (it was funny when he tried to introduce me to her and I was like "I already know who she is). My grandfather was actually the one who named my husband at his naming ceremony (my father-in-law was not able to be there so my grandfather got that honor). I just found that out when we went to visit our families in Ghana this past July.

We just filed for the removal of his conditions (yay!!). Its been a roller-coaster but definitely more ups than downs. We are both working full time and going to school full time so we are busy but we make time for each other. We see my sisters (who live in the Midwest) a few times a year and he has 2 brothers in VA that we see every month or more often. When we all get together its a crazy fun time but we are truly one big happy family.

I *think* that sometimes people are too quick to label the dissolution of a marriage as fraud. Sometimes it just doesn't work out for whatever reason. The international and visa aspect of it make it that much more complicated in a lot of situations and instead of admitting failure, I think that some people like to think that its the immigrant's fault.

One thing I have learned about visa fraud is that if its going to happen it will because people who are desperate will find a way. Some people are so focused on getting here that they do not care what they have to do. Some do get their families involved to make it seem as real as possible.

I think that its always important to keep the good and bad in perspective. From reading stories on VJ and knowing people who have gone through this I am convinced that there is no formula for determining what set of hoops to jump through to make sure your relationship is "fool proof". So many times someone will post that their relationship is over, someone asks if there were any red flags and 9 times out of 10 the reply is "There were some red flags but I just ignored them. They were....".

Every person's truth is their own. Some people meet once, get married and are together forever. Others have lots of visits, live together etc, and the marriage fizzles after a year.

Every person is different, as is every relationship. What everyone needs to do is ensure that there is no doubt in YOUR mind that the relationship is real. People have their own ways of figuring things out.

Thanks Zee for sharing your story. Congrats on your process thus far. It really helps to have an understanding and connections of the SO background. Alot times it does not work because of the cultural differences.. Most times the USC does not have that benefit and have to look a little deeper to learn and understand the culture. I agree every relationship is different but there are some common things among people who are only in it for thr GC.

I found this interesting http://www.immigrationmarriagefraud.com/signs-of-marriage-fraud/signs-signals-of-immigration-marriage-fraud.html

[Bluehill 1]

Talking about marriage fraud? I am living proof that it happens now than ever. I am a victim of visa/marriage fraud. You can read about my misery I just posted on this forum: NOW I CAN GO CRY MYSELF A RIVER. It is a matter of luck. I was unlucky and to naive.

[MensahLuv 4]

Talking about marriage fraud? I am living proof that it happens now than ever. I am a victim of visa/marriage fraud. You can read about my misery I just posted on this forum: NOW I CAN GO CRY MYSELF A RIVER. It is a matter of luck. I was unlucky and to naive.

Sorry to hear this has happen to you. Hope things are getting better for you. I did read your thread and the suggestions given. What have you decided to do? Have you located her?

[Bluehill 1]

Yes, she is working in a nursing home. I called that nursing home and spoke to her. She had made it clear that God has answered her prayers that is why she is here not because of me.

[lori7734 6]

I must admit. Online dating is one thing I could never do .Meaning, I would never wold have allowed myself to let a International connection to happen. I would not have attempted to travel to see a guy I met online.I would have been too scared. You are much braver than me. Did you travel alone on your first trip. That greatitwork for you though.

LOL yes i traveled alone was i scared no bcs at any point if i were scared i wud have cancel the whole trip no matter wat money i spent.

[forchika 4]

Hello Everyone,

I wanted to reply to this discussion, after reading everyone replies. I do not believe in love at first sight, I think you know automatically if you have a physical attraction to a person. It is possible to develope a personal connection to someone online. The way that this happens is by spending time asking questions of a person, talking about any and everything. Finding out about the person's family life, there dreams and desires. You want to know the good and the bad!! For my husband and I these are the things we discussed on a daily basis for months everyday before I went to meet him. My story is very much like Heather Rae. When I traveled to Nigeria I meet mom( who came to greet me and was there waiting for me upon arriving to the East), I meet all of his sisters(5 of them),a brother some of them were married with kids. I meet friends,uncles and his Bishop where he went to church if he was home. I never doubted whether or not I was going to be safe. I knew and they did take very good care of me.I am not as close to the family back in Nigeria because of the distance but, I think about them and love them all. One of his sister's is here in Atlanta. She stayed with us for a month or two. We are working on that relationship because we had a little bump in the road because of how she choose to stay, but we get along well with each other. She came to the house yesterday and she cooked a Thanksgiving dinner for us. I would have to say it was after the visit that I knew I loved this man and everything he stood for. He was just as he presented himself to me. We have been married for 3and 1/2 yrs, celebrating fourth Anniversary in April. We have had some ups and downs but no major problems. I always say it is hard to keep two people on the same page constantly but, if I have an issue we discuss it and he makes every attempt to make a correction. I still love him he" is my sweetheart" ,my bunches".

I agree with Zee every person is different ,as is every relationship.I agree with Zee some are quick to lable dissolution of marriage fraud and there are some that never had any good intentions as in Bluehill's case(sorry about your situation). She is clearly mistaken "God has answered her prayers". That was her making things happen for herself and will be wondering why her path is so difficult." You reap what you sow". I always have and still believe that one. She will get whats coming to her. I wish you the best Bluehill! If both are willing to compromise and work hard at continously building the relationship, you can make it work!!!!

[Afrikan Queen 11]

never intended to do any long distance dating or internet relationship it just happened. At first I didn't blieve in it and then we became close and he made me laugh and we enjoyed each other. Then we moved to phone calls which at first was a little difficult he has that african accent and I had never even been out of the country before. It was totally something different for me and it took time to for us to grow and learn each other. But I believe God placed him in my life and he is a true blessing and has been from the start. II have been with my husband for over 2 years now it was 14 months before I ever traveled to Ghana and We are approaching our first wedding anniversary in Dec.. I didn't have love at first site...my life didn't allow me to trust so much at first.. He earned my trust over time. We were and still are very vocal and leave no questions unanswered.. It is kind of funny some traditions in countries... I felt like a teenager when I went to see my husband for the first time.. There was a big family meeting and we had to answer hard questions about our relationships and intentions toward each other before the family gave a blessing for us to be married. I'm very close with my mother in law and his entire family. I talk to his brother online about everyday. I talk to my husband by phone and email and text messages to many times a day to count. We are very close and can just about finish each other sentences now. We have been through a lot and he has been there for me much more than I have for him, due to circumstances in my life here in the states. As for marriage fraud....I know there is lots of it have seen it through many people but my marriage...I have my eyes wide open and my husband truly loves me, as I truly love him. I have been to Ghana 3 times this year and stay about a month everytime I went. I took my daughter and grandson with me in April and our families bonded really well. My daughter calls my husband her father cause he has already been more of a dad to her in this time period than her own father in her life time and she is 19... My family, daughter, grandson, mother, niece all communicate with my husband and his brother. The communication with his mother is a little more difficult she don't speak much english but we do communicate and she is learning. We are very much in love and hate to be apart but stay in constant communications. I'm going back right after Christmas for our anniversary. We have an awesome relationship in person and over the distance.. But the distance is very hard on us as it is all couples going through this. We would all rather be with our loved one on a daily basis... and that is why my husband I have a set time every day we talk for a certain amount of time on the phone. We text all the time and never lose contact with each other and always share all that is going on in our lives both with his there and mine here. Just as we would if we were in one place together.

Your experience is very similar to mine....it just happened. His family asked me a lot of questions too. I had made some serious inquiries before I even went to see him just because Nigeria is a high fraud country. Unfortunately, I don't have the luxury of travelling to see my baby often. I hope to visit his family once more before he comes to the US. Until then we talk everyday via phone or IM.

[Afrikan Queen 11]

thanks Chris I totally understand. I have asked my husband those hard questions and he said he only wants to live his life with me forever til God takes us home. He also said if I should go home before he does he will follow shortly after cause he knows he can't live without me. He really don't have much interest in coming to the states but is coming cause of me and my family and would be fine with me moving to Ghana if that is what it will take for us to be together forever. He don't worship the ground I walk on he treats me with love care and respect as I do him. So in my case he hasn't changed a bit and is so full of faith and God and has helped me out in that area of my life as well. Thanks for your post...Sorry for your friend hope she is healing.. God Bless.

My husband didn't seem to have much interest either in coming to the US at first. The only reason he is coming is because I am here, otherwise he would stay in Nigeria where is family is. This is why it was so difficult for us to decide where we will marry and live, neither one of us wanted to leave our families. However, we figured it would be easier for us to travel to Nigeria to see his family than for him to travel to Nigeria to see my family. I know everything will work out for us if it is God's will.