Lazy husband

[Fandango 1,439]

Nab wins the 'best post of the thread' award. Seriously, I loved it, but especially the 'you are not his mother, not his child, you are his wife' bit.

awesome!

[Angelheart1962 6]

My husband has been here six years. I helped him find a job when he first arrived. He worked there one year and was unhappy, so he quit. He won't look for another job. I've brought home applications, told him about openings, offered to send him to school, tried to help him start a business. Nothing is working. I told him last month that he needs to look for something or else I will throw him out. He says that yes, he knows he needs to get a job. Still, he does nothing. He spends his days online, his nights out with friends. I'm at a loss at what to do.

Divorce his happy ####!

[IndigoSkies 168]

I am late to the party but I have the best solution. Castrate him.

[kennym 275]

Why are people asking about relationship issues on an Immigration Website? It's great there are relationship experts on this site, but seriously, what makes people think anyone can provide helpful advise without knowing either person personally..

Please, people, if you need help with your relationship, either talk to your spritual leaders at your church, friends, family, counselor, or find a relationship forum... this is simply a bad place to get advise.. Anyplace on the internet is awful for relationship advise.. don't put any value on advise given from anyone about specific issues to any relationship, that's just asking for trouble...

Kenny

Castration, then divorce, then hang'em..

Edited November 20, 2010 by kennym

[RICARDO4EVA2 194]

Why are people asking about relationship issues on an Immigration Website? It's great there are relationship experts on this site, but seriously, what makes people think anyone can provide helpful advise without knowing either person personally..

Please, people, if you need help with your relationship, either talk to your spritual leaders at your church, friends, family, counselor, or find a relationship forum... this is simply a bad place to get advise.. Anyplace on the internet is awful for relationship advise.. don't put any value on advise given from anyone about specific issues to any relationship, that's just asking for trouble...

Kenny

Castration, then divorce, then hang'em..

Because we are human and some have gone thru the same thing... the SAME could be said about immigration assistance why not say seek a professional.. lawyer... etc

[kennym 275]

Castration, then divorce, then hang'em..

Sorry, bad advise, this might affect any future plans for Fiancee or Spousal petitions...

Now, if you were to ask a question like "How would castration affect my Husbands AOS?", I would understand the reason for asking that question on VJ...

[kennym 275]

Because we are human and some have gone thru the same thing... the SAME could be said about immigration assistance why not say seek a professional.. lawyer... etc

Can I say this on VJ "BOLOGNE"... How does anyone know we've gone through the samething? do you know them? You read 3 or 4 written sentences and you know enough to give relationship advice? "BOLOGNE"

Ok, but it's insane to take any advise from anyone on the internet about relationships.. Immigration has rules and processes. Relationship is completely diferent and there are soo many things specific to a relationship that we can't possibly know unless we have a personal relationship with the poster and her family that offering advise is almost as ridiculous as taking advise from a complete stranger..

But good luck with that!!

Edited November 20, 2010 by kennym

[kennym 275]

Nab wins the 'best post of the thread' award. Seriously, I loved it, but especially the 'you are not his mother, not his child, you are his wife' bit.

awesome!

I agree... Great stuff Nab!...

The question is; is he a looser or is he willing to contribute?

[nab 74]

the thing about advice is to see as much as possible, take what applies to your situation, keep what might be helpful if the first things dont work, throw out the rest and move forward. definitely the situation would not get better with inaction, anger or any type or grudge holding toward the spouse when it has taken BOTH of them to make this situation.

sometimes it is very hard to treat the ones closest to us the best but they deserve it the most.

[nab 74]

thank you all for the thumbs up on the advice but really cant take the credit... grandma made me a very organized person (though in the last few months, during this visa process i've become very disorganized for first time in life!!! it's making me crazy!). she and grandpa gave an excellent example of two people treating each other with kindness, respect, and love even after many years together... so beautiful!

[Kathryn41 3,205]

I agree, great post, Nab.

For those who asked about why someone posts this type of question in an immigration forum, please scroll up to the top of the page and read the title of this forum: 'Finding Work in America'. Finding or going to work after someone arrives in the US is a continuation of the process of immigrating to a new country and is a valid topic for discussion. While the individual involved may just be lazy as suggested, it may also be that there is a cultural aspect involved and the issue concerns the US/Immigrant couple making a life together after the immigrant arrives in the US. Immigration isn't just the nuts and bolts of the process to get here and stay here - it is also about the people involved in the relationship.

Edited November 20, 2010 by Kathryn41

[Used to be broken 147]

Can I say this on VJ "BOLOGNE"... How does anyone know we've gone through the samething? do you know them? You read 3 or 4 written sentences and you know enough to give relationship advice? "BOLOGNE"

Ok, but it's insane to take any advise from anyone on the internet about relationships.. Immigration has rules and processes. Relationship is completely diferent and there are soo many things specific to a relationship that we can't possibly know unless we have a personal relationship with the poster and her family that offering advise is almost as ridiculous as taking advise from a complete stranger..

But good luck with that!!

First of all its Bologna, second didn't she say he goes online all day and hangs out with the friends at night? No rocket science here, throw that fish back in the pond and cast for a new one. 50% of the planet is Men, life is short, don't stress and fuss over a character issue because a leopard will not change his spots.

Op should not waste another minute of precious time trying to rehabilitate a loser who has no work ethic. This is America land of opportunity, no reason for a bum to be home all day while you toil and trouble earning a living.

The best reason for taking advice from a stranger is they won't sugar coat it, they have no dog in the fight and they can call it like they see it. Family and friends always have an agenda.

[luckytxn 2,264]

This is your fault to have allowed this to go on so long. You are an enabler. I have seen this happen before and I even had to show tough love on my brother. I gave the bum a certain date and stuck to it. On that date he was cut off totally. Within a month he had found a job. He had also started being able to contribute. He is still doing well and this was about 3 years ago. It was my fault to have let it go on as long as it did. (About a year)

As for his all day on the internet then assume that it is for no good and cut that off. If he goes out with friends every night then let them take him in and support him. A man is supposed to be a man and work and bring home a living. This means stability in a home. With stability comes confidence and confidence means a sense of self worth. If he is depressed that you make a lot more than tough.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Can I say this on VJ "BOLOGNE"... How does anyone know we've gone through the samething? do you know them? You read 3 or 4 written sentences and you know enough to give relationship advice? "BOLOGNE"

First of all its Bologna,.

Actually it's "baloney" as in "nonsense". http://oxforddictionaries.com/view/entry/m_en_us1224644#m_en_us1224644 (it's a corruption of the word "Bologna")

When referring to the town, Bologna is correct for ITALY. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bologna

When referring to the town, Bologne is correct for FRANCE (very small town). http://www.indigoguide.com/france/bologne.htm

Edited November 20, 2010 by Vanessa&Tony

[Fandango 1,439]

But what of the delicious processed lunch meat, Vanessa??? Show some love!!!!!!!!