how to wait patiently & positively

[Rob and Jill 82]

Clean out closets to make room for your spouse- Lots of room!!!

While you're cleaning out closets sell stuff on Ebay to make money for international shipping!

This is what I did:

Cleaned out closets.

Cleaned out bedrooms

Remodeled my living room

Spent lots of time with friends and family

Talked to him on Skype as often as possible

Played various and even free games with him online

Read and STUDIED everything we needed to do to make his K-1 go smoothly

Looked online for fun/free things to do when he got here and made a list

Checked in to various schooling opportunities for him

Called all my utilities/bank/insurance and such to find out how to add him to the accounts

Checked into Library cards

Checked into Volunteer Work- Anything to keep him busy

Got him the book to study for his driver license test

Made wedding plans

There are TONS of things that need to be done right after you're married and a lot you can complete before you're married. They all focus on bringing him/her here as well, so while it doesn't take your mind off of it as much, it does certainly help you accomplish a lot and keep you busy while you wait. It's also a good way to show you're excited that he/she is coming. "LOOK HUN!!!! This is YOUR closet" etc etc.

P.S. If you just want to numb your mind...Get a Netflix subscription and watch TV series by Marathon. I have an extensive list I watched while waiting if you need some suggestions for starting points!

[Sra Gomez 9]

Clean out closets to make room for your spouse- Lots of room!!!

While you're cleaning out closets sell stuff on Ebay to make money for international shipping!

This is what I did:

Cleaned out closets.

Cleaned out bedrooms

Remodeled my living room

Spent lots of time with friends and family

Talked to him on Skype as often as possible

Played various and even free games with him online

Read and STUDIED everything we needed to do to make his K-1 go smoothly

Looked online for fun/free things to do when he got here and made a list

Checked in to various schooling opportunities for him

Called all my utilities/bank/insurance and such to find out how to add him to the accounts

Checked into Library cards

Checked into Volunteer Work- Anything to keep him busy

Got him the book to study for his driver license test

Made wedding plans

There are TONS of things that need to be done right after you're married and a lot you can complete before you're married. They all focus on bringing him/her here as well, so while it doesn't take your mind off of it as much, it does certainly help you accomplish a lot and keep you busy while you wait. It's also a good way to show you're excited that he/she is coming. "LOOK HUN!!!! This is YOUR closet" etc etc.

P.S. If you just want to numb your mind...Get a Netflix subscription and watch TV series by Marathon. I have an extensive list I watched while waiting if you need some suggestions for starting points!

yay for netflix - it is a savior on those lonely nights

[Brownie07 7]

this is what im doing...

1 talk as much on the phone with your better half (thanks to vonage haha.. eventhough they have a limit for international calling)

2. go to the gym and workout (dont tell her/him) and get in the best shape possible.. it will be a good surprise for her/him when he/she sees you after 6-7 months.

I completely agree with #2 -- I joined a gym -- hoping to have a "transformation" before our next visit

[Brownie07 7]

this is what im doing...

1 talk as much on the phone with your better half (thanks to vonage haha.. eventhough they have a limit for international calling)

2. go to the gym and workout (dont tell her/him) and get in the best shape possible.. it will be a good surprise for her/him when he/she sees you after 6-7 months.

*I completely agree with #2 -- I joined a gym -- hoping to have a "transformation" before our next visit

*Completeling my masters

*Closet out "him closet"

*Developed K-1 visa OCD

*Finging out about drivers license, school for him and employment options

*Attending www.meetup.com events

*Spending time with friends

Does it always work? No (lol) but I try my best to maintain my life, develop as my individual self and prepare for his arrival -- all in an effort to be a good spouse and friend )

[FawkThisSite 13]

Skype everyday!

Start preparing documents together online.

Talk about your future together (This is a good one, really get to know what both of your goals are).

Seeing eachother everyday really helps.

When my SO left, she left a lot of clothes here with me. I cleaned out the side of the closet where I had stored a bunch of stuff and neatly hung all her clotes, put some of her stuff in drawers. Something to make her feel more comfortable when she comes home.

When I am out and I see something that she might like I don't hesitate to purchase it for her. Surprises are always nice... It will let her know that I never forgot about her for one second while she wasn't here with me.

Send eachother things... I just sent off a christmas present for her. Though they do not celebrate christmas, it is still a nice gesture. Plus, she gets to open it as soon as she receives it due to the fact that they do not celebrate it (Can't wait to see the look on her face).

Really really start preparing for the next step in the process.

To be honest with you, nothing will make you feel grounded. You found the love of your life and you have to be away from that person for an undisclosed amount of time. It is like something died in you, and you won't get it back until your SO arrives in your arms. Communication is key!... and if at times you can not speak with your SO (due to time zone differences) and having a hard time, the community here is very supportive. Good luck!

P.S. Remember... Each day is one day closer to spending the rest of your lives together. Keep your head up!

[coyote 3]

Hello All!

I was lucky enough to spend 7 months (I studied there) with my fiance in his country (Morocco). I returned home (US) 3 months ago. I'm trying to keep myself busy with work and school (I'm a university student), but still feel distracted with this waiting process. It's hard for me to feel focused or grounded in the things I do now that I'm home. I think part of what I'm experiencing is reverse-culture shock and the other part is simply missing my fiance. I'm curious about how you all have managed to keep focused, positive, and patient while your loved one(s) are so far away. I look forward to hearing any of your anecdotes, stories or tips!

I think it is so great that you are even asking this question. I agree with all of the remedies people have mentioned (except anything to do with religion, although that probably does help) -- but I also feel that there is no real remedy. My response is political action. I feel that the immigration process is inefficient and sorely in need of reform. My husband is now stuck in administrative processing -- our CR-1 visa has been approved but only conditionally to getting through this euphemism -- it's actually a security check.

Security, yeah, fine. But the problem is that the process is completely open-ended. It could take two weeks. It could take two months. It could take 15 months. I know someone whose wife was in administrative processing for 4 years -- until they sued. (She was in the U.S. and applying for a green card, so it wasn't as painful.)

I understand that the problem is not with the U.S. Department of State, but with the FBI. They have responded to pressure in the past, and speeded up name checks, but unfortunately the group that pushed them in this regard -- American Families United (www.americanfamiliesunited.org) -- which I found out about on this site, a great group and the only one representing us in the political arena -- is now unable to pay its lobbyists because it's run out of money. The folks who run it are very nice but not adept at fundraising, although they are trying.

So I guess I feel that it's not necessarily healthy to accept being treated poorly by a government agency that does not behave like any other in the U.S. -- there is no accountability, and there has been way too much political grandstanding on both sides of the illegal immigration issue, which only makes things worse for those of us who are following the rules.

In our case, with this administrative processing thing, American Families United is trying to institute a system in which, after six months, if a case hasn't been resolved, it has to go up before supervisory review and reasons given. Frankly, I think there should be a benchmark at 3 months; something where they have to give a reason for dragging it out further. The really horrible part of administrative processing and review (not exactly the same) is the uncertainty.

Clearly application processes should be both streamlined and more uniform -- no surprises -- and I can't see the need for so many redundant security checks. I think there are something like 3. Consulates should pick up their damn phones and drop the attitude. No more intimidation. It's a really terrible corporate culture.

If you have the time, I would suggest getting involved with American Families United and advocating for reform of both USCIS and the State Dept.'s Bureau of Consular Affairs -- which happens to be (still) headed by a Bush appointee with very unimpressive qualifications -- it's the same deal of security uber alles, forgetting that they are also providing a service to citizens who have rights -- and foreigners who have human rights and should be treated with dignity. Write a letter to Hillary Clinton. Get a petition going and send it to Hillary and to Janet Napolitano. A lot of changes can be made administratively.

I'm sure some people would rather meditate -- and it's probably better for your blood pressure. I can't say that thinking about this makes me feel better, but I do think that we would all feel better if the system improved.

Besides, it's the right thing to do. Reforms need to be made so people don't have to go through as much pain. And our government MUST be held accountable or there won't be so much demand to get into the U.S. -- we'll be just like everyone else.

[REINITA♥REY 8]

We use skype every day, phone calls, text messages (I can text international for free). We always say and know that this wait will be worth it, once we are together we will never be apart again. Here I try to organize and sort through things, make room in the dresser and closet. Sometimes I get a little down...We support each other. We both exercise, which helps to relieve stress. It is hard for me, I do not find myself enjoying outings with friends, etc....always thinking of my fiance and wishing we were together. Sleeping at night is becoming more and more difficult. Nothing like insomnia, but waking up a lot, not solid sleep, etc. I know this will all soon end and I will sleep like a baby. I know this will make us stronger.

[thelastpetitioner 218]

I've been trying to avoid answering this for the past couple of hours,as I'm battling my VJ addiction,but to be honest with you,at least for me,there is no easy way to wait patiently.then again our situation is different.for a long time ( about 4 months and nearly 3 and a half weeks,before we even sent the package ) us seeing together depended on when we get the second notice of action.SO was in the middle of a training trip to Korea,then moving to the states,adjusting to all that,and me dealing with my family ( for some reason families never get waiting to be with your loved one is hard as it is when you no control over it,you don't need those public pity parties )and school,i just felt miserable 25 hours a day.

so there is no patient way for the most part.you will have those moments where you lay on the floor,this close to bursting out in tears,thinking is it even worth it,and it is.for the most part it is.

while its unfortunate how things work in the immigration department,i think if a couple make it through this,they can make it through anything.

[mama n papa BEAR 1]

hey there... i know exactly how you feel right now. waiting is as hard as being away from your loved ones.. but, when i was in your position? just think of your happy moments, be optimistic on things,, this is really tough but trust me,,, if you guys have sincere feelings towards each other? then there you go, nothing to worry about, as a matter of fact, time will fly really fast and its all gonna be worth it in the end... be happy!

[mama n papa BEAR 1]

and oh! after i left the states? SKYPE became our newest bestfriend!

[Ribs & Beans 19]

Well, I can't say I am succeeding in waiting patiently, per se, but I'm making it. This is what I do:

• First of all, work full time, and go to school part time. That occupies a lot of my time
  
• Talk/chat/video chat every day
  
• Exercise almost every day
  
• Read a lot
  
• Clean
  
• Cook
  
• Crochet baby blankets for the ever-increasing number of babies my friends seem to be having
  
• Recognize little milestones and exciting events, like an extra day off of work, or the Harry Potter movie--always having SOMEthing to look forward to
  
• Spend way too much time on VJ
  
• Meditate
  
• Try to appreciate all of the little things that will probably go away once he gets here--like being able to eat chips and salsa for dinner, or not having to shave my legs on a regular basis (TMI? Sorry! Ha ha ha!)
  

I have countdowns/count-ups for everything. A woman I work with has told me I'm not patient at all. It has me wondering--what IS patience, exactly? Does it mean you're happy to wait? Does it mean you function normally while waiting? Well, I don't know anyone who would be happy to sit back and wait during this type of situation. But I think that having a normal, productive, and reasonably happy life during this process is a reasonable goal.

Good luck!

[blessedblessed 1]

I am SO PLEASED that so many people responded to my question.

I love so many of the ideas! Especially the cleaning, working out and taking local action.

Since I'm in school I unfortunately don't have a LOT of free time to start cleaning/organizing space for him (yet) but somehow I manage to think about him non-stop and this always distracts me when I'm out with friends/family trying to have a good time. Although I'm slightly ashamed to admit it, sometimes I don't bother going out for fun because I just don't want to think about going without him. This has to change because it's simply not healthy! So after reading all of these lovely posts, I've decided I'm going to force myself to do that, and reinvest/balance time with family and friends. In the meantime, I will take fun photos/videos/voice recordings that to send my fiance to give him a taste of what it might be like once he gets here.

Oh--and we do talk on either Skype or Vonage daily. That helps.

It's also reassuring to hear all of the personal stories that've been posted; it's nice to know I'm not alone. Feel free to keep those personal stories coming.

[dleeg 2]

Hi everyone!! Wow, very cool thread! It seems we can all agree that constant communication with our significant other is the biggest help of all. And since we are both waiting together and getting through this process together the end result will be more meaningful and joyous. We talk at least twice a day, emails and texts. And I get to see my fiance every Sunday (she doesn't have a computer so she goes to a internet cafe). I encourage her to enjoy her friends and family because things will change soon. Of course it's hard to wait. There are those days........ But we both see it as an exciting time. There is so much to look forward to with our futures. It's a personal journey for sure, but reading these posts makes me feel like we are all in this together. I work a lot so that helps. I love to oil paint, read and hit the gym. A good movie helps of course. But even during the aforementioned things that keep me busy, it comforts me that she is there with me spirit. And this is what keeps me going the most. And the fact that we will be together for Christmas and New Years.

Happy waiting....... there will be an end..... hopefully sooner than we think!!

Edited November 19, 2010 by dleeg

[cosmopolitan 0]

I just joined the community and it is truly a relief to read all the messages. Thank you!

I have been feeling the same way - unfocused, unstable, and impatient.

I am a young scholar specializing in globalization and it is quite ironic that I am personally facing the thickest wall of "nation-state" in the age of "globalization".

It is in deed harsh to be away from your loved one and you cannot meet in person.

In addition, you do have no control over the process. This is quite frustrating.

Also, I find it very challenging to plan my work because I have to visit the US for meetings. But my immigrant lawyer strongly suggested that I should not enter the country until the visa process completes. Anyway, let's continue to be patient and positive. Don't forget that you are not alone!

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Here is what I did

1. Finished remodeling the entire house

2. Sought out education possibilities for Alla, reviewed them with her, got documents from the universities, found out what they needed from her, got her transcripts and foreign diplomas, got her TOEFL scores, translated the transcripts and diplomeas and had them evaluated, applied ofr a private grant...got a 50% private grant. She started school 5 days after arriving.

3. Checked into all the education for our son (age 13, 8th grade) Checked into all the schools, the ELL programs, yada yada, yada. Discussed it with Alla, made decisions, got him enrolled in school. He started 2 days after arriving.

4. Checked into SS card needs drivers license needs, bank account ans insurance needs so that EVERYTHING was ready when she arrived and we simply knocked down all the pins when she got here

Day 1...have sex and sleep

Day 2 got SS number, got Pasha started in school

Day 3 open bank accounts, sign papers for grant

Day 4 Buy stuff for the house

Day 5 start school for Alla

Day 8 get married

YOU need to get all this stuff ready. One thing I NEVER DID...check USCIS website for "touches" or call USCIS for any reason.