Honesty, Fidelity and Culture

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I'm wondering if romantic types are much more susceptible to being cheated on or doing the cheating themselves? They are the ones who are led by their emotions rather than their rationale. I believe it is not only possible for a married person (happily even), to develop romantic feelings towards someone other than their spouse, but that it is more common than people are willing to admit. However, most rationally minded people understand that romantic feelings are fleeting and are NOT the basis of real love, so they don't act on such emotional impulses.

Anyhow, I am curious what others here think about infidelity and why it happens, as well as how much does culture play are part in it?

[Psoas10 17]

Well it seems that in certain parts of PI, it is common for the women to look for kano men and try to get to PI. Yet you cannot say that all women from PI are bad and only looking to get a green card. Where I live most Filipinos come through family ties or trying to bring a childhood sweetheart here. The main thing is one can never judge ones motives until meeting them and seeing where they come from. I will say this, when it works out well, then it really does. I am really happy that I have my wife from PI. Her values fit it perfect here, vs me marrying a puti from the mainland.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Well it seems that in certain parts of PI, it is common for the women to look for kano men and try to get to PI. Yet you cannot say that all women from PI are bad and only looking to get a green card. Where I live most Filipinos come through family ties or trying to bring a childhood sweetheart here. The main thing is one can never judge ones motives until meeting them and seeing where they come from. I will say this, when it works out well, then it really does. I am really happy that I have my wife from PI. Her values fit it perfect here, vs me marrying a puti from the mainland.

Do you know anyone though who has kept a boyfriend on the side, while they courted a foreigner? Some of these women seem pretty successful about being able to hide it until they've finally been granted a visa and have arrived in the states. I wonder how the Consulate can do a better job of filtering out these kinds of fraudulent immigration schemes? How can the USC guard himself from this happening to him? These women seem to prey on men who are easily persuaded. Perhaps these dating sites could be more discriminant about who they allow to join? Maybe some lawsuits or some tighter regulations requiring that these dating sites do some background check on the women would greatly reduce fraud?

[gueuze 2]

Culture... hmmm... makes me think... are women from Pakistan, Egypt, or Israel more likely to stay faithful to their husband with the fear of being stoned or punished harshly if they mess around? Do women who enjoy a more permissive society easily fall into infidelity?

[Atencio 43]

Culturly I think women from the Philippines are more likely to stay married in a bad marriage because they were taught to just make the best of the situation

I dont really think the rationale person as really any different than the romantic. The romantic is driven by emotion as you say while the rationale person can easily justify his situation with so called rationale thoughts which may be anything but.

[gueuze 2]

I had a Filipina officemate before and according to her:

1. she has a married Fil-Chinese bf

2. while in a relationship with that guy, she had a one-night stand with her married boss

3. she got pregnant and was threatened by the person who impregnated her so they cut ties

4. she raised her kid who is now about 5 years old after telling her married bf

5. the married bf keeps supporting her and the child that's not his

6. she kept a sexual relationship with an engaged guy while keeping the married bf

7. she stopped the fubu relationship with the engaged guy a day before he got married

8. she corresponded with a military guy who promised to bring her to Virginia but later on said that he would be deployed to Iraq so plans must change

9. she now chats with a divorced ex-military American who has a six-year-old child

10. she is still with the Fil-Chinese bf

all those guys are not more than 35 years old while she is in her late 20's

That woman and I are somehow friends for more than a year now but we just have completely different values.

She is a great mom and a great friend but her relationships are terrible so I rarely make comments on that matter.

IMO, she is hugely insecure. It makes her feel special whenever someone showers her with monetary gifts and attention. I guess insecurity has a lot to do with infidelity. There are people who crave to feel wanted, desired. They find affirmation of their worth that way. They fail to realize that security starts within oneself. They want other people to make them feel how important, wanted, and valued they are.

[Gumbolette 58]

This topic tickled my hibernating anger for women from my own country who does such conscienceless, fraudulent act.

Coming from my own point of view, I believe women who are more likely to prey foreigners usually Americans, are the ones who are more than desperate to taste the so called American dream. A bragging rights both having a 'kano" and being in the US is a jackpot.

These women are more and likely looking for an easy way to have a comfortable life thinking Americans can give it to them in a silver platter. Then, when their expectations were not met, they tend to seek comfort from another man's presence.

The ultimate goal of these women is to emigrate all her family to the US. (Why not? I think its nice too). And for these American men, who would like to meet, marry someone from the Philippines because women are, (first of all, HOT), caring, loving, affectionate yada yada yada... tend to be more vulnerable in terms of opening their doors for a possible marriage. First of all, I don't believe on love at first sight, so as love at first "Hi, ASL pls?", Love is discovering, molding, and knowing your partner inch by inch of his/her self that includes even you knew each other from the internet.

Establish Honesty. That I mean, Your honesty to her and her honesty to you. I know there is no way you will know if the girl is really telling the truth from the first 2 or 3 months of your getting to know each other stage, but I would say that as a man, you should be careful enough to spot a red flag. (i.e, She is so eager to talk to you, she'd always sends you offline messages, saying she misses you,-- Come on man!) .

Fidelity. Build it Bigger. --- Fidelity is a big word. If you give your gf/ spouse all the reason to be faithful to you, chances are she'd return the favor. But if you happen to have a spoiled little brat, chances are she'd play around.

Culture plays a very vital rule in an interracial marriages. Couples needs to give it sometime to really learn the process of adjustment and the rest will follow. Understanding, open mind and heart is the primary key to make that cultural gap nonexistent.

My thoughts to the women who are concealing their bad acts to their spouses.--- Everything comes to an end, and how ever long you can keep your tiny little secrets, truth will prevail.

My thoughts to the men which has soft heart-- Guard your hearts. Never let predators persuade you. Always make sure that you know the consequences of engaging yourself to a form of relationship like what we all had since square one.

Edited November 19, 2010 by Cutie_Patootie

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I dont really think the rationale person as really any different than the romantic. The romantic is driven by emotion as you say while the rationale person can easily justify his situation with so called rationale thoughts which may be anything but.

Actually, that's a really good point. A wise person once said, "Our minds let us know what we cannot feel, and our hearts let us feel what we cannot know."

[Armenia 18]

Culture (including family, education, community) may play a part in a person's tendency to engage in infidelity as culture does contribute to shaping a person's sense of right and wrong. It does not matter if you are a romantic or a "rational" person, it boils down to how strong your sense of right and wrong is.

I believe that when you're a single person and have to interact with a married person (at work, school/church activities, etc.), you have to immediately set your "invisible" boundaries. If you're a woman but the guy is married, "interact" but be always conscious that you have to be careful with how you behave or with what you say. It does not matter if your closeness to the married guy is "innocent" because it matters a great deal how the guy's family perceives your relationship with the married guy. IMO, if every female/male on the brink of falling for a married person stops and thinks about what the impact of her/their actions would be on the married person's wife/husband and children, that person would stop from pursuing/continuing his/her affair. And, that is why, I view men/women who engage in adulterous affairs as, generally, very inconsiderate and selfish people. How can anyone knowingly hurt another person? What does it matter if you are so much in love or in lust with the person? You should be able to control what you say or what your hands/feets/ mouth/body do. What does it matter if the married person says his/her spouse does not love her? The married person should leave/separate/divorce his/her spouse if he/she wants to be in a relationship with another person. The only acceptable excuse to me to have been involved in an illicit affair is if the single person had no knowledge that the other person was married/in a relationship with someone else.

I just do not get people who would deliberately hurt others who have not harmed them in any way. I know some women who had/have affairs with married men. It's always about their feelings and how the guy feels . They never talk of the guy's wife or children. That doesn't surprise me. Once you start considering the feelings/welfate of other people, it would be mighty difficult to justify selfish behavior. Some people, however, do seem to completely lack empathy/sympathy. I knew a guy who enjoyed the attention that women and gay guys gave him (the guy was good looking) and hooks up with several of them at a time. He rationazes by saying that what's he's doing is just harmless play. I pointed out to him that "it may just be a game to you but it's not to the women you're involved with. Based on what the women wrote or said to you, they each thought that you're serious about your relationship with them." It's rare though that I encounter quite such a narcissistic person.

Yes, I am one judgmental b-i-t-c-h but I do practice what I just preached here.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Culture (including family, education, community) may play a part in a person's tendency to engage in infidelity as culture does contribute to shaping a person's sense of right and wrong. It does not matter if you are a romantic or a "rational" person, it boils down to how strong your sense of right and wrong is.

I believe that when you're a single person and have to interact with a married person (at work, school/church activities, etc.), you have to immediately set your "invisible" boundaries. If you're a woman but the guy is married, "interact" but be always conscious that you have to be careful with how you behave or with what you say. It does not matter if your closeness to the married guy is "innocent" because it matters a great deal how the guy's family perceives your relationship with the married guy. IMO, if every female/male on the brink of falling for a married person stops and thinks about what the impact of her/their actions would be on the married person's wife/husband and children, that person would stop from pursuing/continuing his/her affair. And, that is why, I view men/women who engage in adulterous affairs as, generally, very inconsiderate and selfish people. How can anyone knowingly hurt another person? What does it matter if you are so much in love or in lust with the person? You should be able to control what you say or what your hands/feets/ mouth/body do. What does it matter if the married person says his/her spouse does not love her? The married person should leave/separate/divorce his/her spouse if he/she wants to be in a relationship with another person. The only acceptable excuse to me to have been involved in an illicit affair is if the single person had no knowledge that the other person was married/in a relationship with someone else.

I just do not get people who would deliberately hurt others who have not harmed them in any way. I know some women who had/have affairs with married men. It's always about their feelings and how the guy feels . They never talk of the guy's wife or children. That doesn't surprise me. Once you start considering the feelings/welfate of other people, it would be mighty difficult to justify selfish behavior. Some people, however, do seem to completely lack empathy/sympathy. I knew a guy who enjoyed the attention that women and gay guys gave him (the guy was good looking) and hooks up with several of them at a time. He rationazes by saying that what's he's doing is just harmless play. I pointed out to him that "it may just be a game to you but it's not to the women you're involved with. Based on what the women wrote or said to you, they each thought that you're serious about your relationship with them." It's rare though that I encounter quite such a narcissistic person.

Yes, I am one judgmental b-i-t-c-h but I do practice what I just preached here.

Awesome post! Outstanding.