Fraudulent Marriages

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I'm honestly surprised by the number of fraudulent marriages that seem to be happening among Fil/Am couples here on VJ. So I thought I'd start a poll to get other people's perspective on why they think this is happening and what can be done to prevent it.

Edited November 16, 2010 by 8TBVBN

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

I want to answer your poll but I can't because under "What were the things during your long distance courtship that built your trust in your relationship?" you don't have "She/He never asked me for Money." and "She/He only told me about an financial problems they were facing AFTER they had resolved it without my help."

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I want to answer your poll but I can't because under "What were the things during your long distance courtship that built your trust in your relationship?" you don't have "She/He never asked me for Money." and "She/He only told me about an financial problems they were facing AFTER they had resolved it without my help."

I personally don't think those are automatic disqualifications for having trust in the relationship. It really depends on the situation.

[fox fox 5]

adding the phone cyber sex...lol. freaks.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

I personally don't think those are automatic disqualifications for having trust in the relationship. It really depends on the situation.

Yeah but the question isn't what destroyed trust, it's what built it...

Maybe add something about How they handled money in relation to the USC?

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Yeah but the question isn't what destroyed trust, it's what built it...

Maybe add something about How they handled money in relation to the USC?

Well, it's not a perfect or complete poll. There are several things listed that I think most will find at least one attribute that applies to them.

adding the phone cyber sex...lol. freaks.

Filipinos invented cybersex.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

Well, it's not a perfect or complete poll. There are several things listed that I think most will find at least one attribute that applies to them.

Okay fair but in how many of these recent threads is money one of the issues? I don't think you can get good results when a common theme is excluded.

[MikelanNida 28]

hello everyone, i hope its ok if i put in my 2 cents, i think as long as marriage is a way out of a bad situation, people will abuse it . ask yourself what would you do to escape a situation that was really bad, i mean if you felt you were trapped,slowly starving, or oppressed in some way, or maybe to help your children? would you lie?, cheat?, steal?. I know these are not the only reasons people do it, alot of it is just selfish reasons. But until we can read minds this will continue to happen. Just my opinion.

[Tahoma 2,292]

Filipinos invented cybersex.

...and text-sex too...

[one...two...tree 2,762]

...and text-sex too...

I was actually just throwing that out there to kick up some dust.

[Kevin- 13]

You left out the obvious one: being honest. Honest-looking is unrelated to actually being honest.

I would agree that an important trust aspect is how they dealt with money subjects. There are cases where the first paragraph of communication *ever* between the USC and the Foreigner is asking for money for something. And then there are cases where they never ask for money at all. Many other ways that handling of finances is a massively important issue in building trust.

Another option to include could be "transparency", i.e. not holding back any details of their life and their past, whether good or bad.

Not covering or hiding or disguising whatever their bad personality traits are (everyone has them!)

I don't know if it's possible to add things to the poll once it's underway though.

[DARUMA07 25]

I'm honestly surprised by the number of fraudulent marriages that seem to be happening among Fil/Am couples here on VJ. So I thought I'd start a poll to get other people's perspective on why they think this is happening and what can be done to prevent it.

Steven, honestly I believe when there is major differences in age, attractiveness and income will open the door to being scammed. As ways to prevent these things from happening, a person has to rely on GUT INSTINCT........ If they think they are being scammed then they probably are!!!

Get to know your SO family and friends.... Take your time !!!! Let the relationship grow before making any commitment to marriage.. These are just a few things that might help prevent it.... I'll let others chime in on their ways to preventing these things from happening....

Been a long day! Gotta crash!!

[rodceasar 34]

Personally, the fraud in this and other cases doesn't suprrise me at all. My wife is from Africa that this was a concern as well. First off, people need to visit their significant other in their country more than 1 time to get a good idea of the person you are marrying. I understand the cost issues but think about the cost to be incurred later when it doesn't work out and you've been scammed. Also, get an idea of the culture of that country and region. I've been to Thailand for an extended time and there were things I noticed right off. Alot came into play while frequenting bars and talking with natives about their lives in their country. Many women there work in strip clubs and sex shops while married with children and supporting thier husband, parents, own children and siblings. Culturally, there's nothing wrong with this way of life there, at all. Perfectly legal and the norm. I knew that I could have married one of the most beautiful women in Thailand, if I had desired but the chances of her marrying for love would have been highly unlikely. It would have been to escape.

People look for love in the wrong places and worng ways. Getting married without having a solid face-to-face relationship is the 1st mistake. Not meeting and getting acquianted with the spouses family and friends in mistake # 2. Getting married, simply due to beauty is mistake # 3 and from my experience, American men will marry Phillipino women on the fly with little information about that person and most refer to it as the "Asian Persuasion" here. Finally, people need to understand what life in a Developing Country is like and this will help you to see the picture a bit more clearly. I know when I met my wife and saw the living conditions of most people, I thought about what I would do to get outta there and it doesn't at all surprise me that many will take that route to escape to a better life.

These are only my thoughts and observations but people need to be realistic before you jump into something like this...

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Personally, the fraud in this and other cases doesn't suprrise me at all. My wife is from Africa that this was a concern as well. First off, people need to visit their significant other in their country more than 1 time to get a good idea of the person you are marrying. I understand the cost issues but think about the cost to be incurred later when it doesn't work out and you've been scammed. Also, get an idea of the culture of that country and region. I've been to Thailand for an extended time and there were things I noticed right off. Alot came into play while frequenting bars and talking with natives about their lives in their country. Many women there work in strip clubs and sex shops while married with children and supporting thier husband, parents, own children and siblings. Culturally, there's nothing wrong with this way of life there, at all. Perfectly legal and the norm. I knew that I could have married one of the most beautiful women in Thailand, if I had desired but the chances of her marrying for love would have been highly unlikely. It would have been to escape.

People look for love in the wrong places and worng ways. Getting married without having a solid face-to-face relationship is the 1st mistake. Not meeting and getting acquianted with the spouses family and friends in mistake # 2. Getting married, simply due to beauty is mistake # 3 and from my experience, American men will marry Phillipino women on the fly with little information about that person and most refer to it as the "Asian Persuasion" here. Finally, people need to understand what life in a Developing Country is like and this will help you to see the picture a bit more clearly. I know when I met my wife and saw the living conditions of most people, I thought about what I would do to get outta there and it doesn't at all surprise me that many will take that route to escape to a better life.

These are only my thoughts and observations but people need to be realistic before you jump into something like this...

Great post. I think you hit the nail on the head, that for many women coming from these developing countries, love is not their primary motivator for marrying a USC, and it is incredibly naive for the USC not to understand how her economic plight plays into the courtship. The economic disparity between the USC and the foreign spouse from one of these countries tends to make the USC a lot more attractive in the eyes of the foreign spouse as well as cloud both sides' judgment about one another.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Steven, honestly I believe when there is major differences in age, attractiveness and income will open the door to being scammed. As ways to prevent these things from happening, a person has to rely on GUT INSTINCT........ If they think they are being scammed then they probably are!!!

Get to know your SO family and friends.... Take your time !!!! Let the relationship grow before making any commitment to marriage.. These are just a few things that might help prevent it.... I'll let others chime in on their ways to preventing these things from happening....

Been a long day! Gotta crash!!

Hi Danny! Well said. It seems though that some USC lack a gut instinct or they seem to defy common sense.