Heartbroken and deceived---need help/advice

[ExSaffer 0]

She asked why I do not behave with more anger towards her, and she said she is surprised I did not slap her. I explained that getting physical is not only not in my character, but it does nothing helpful.

I dont usually comment much here on Visajourney, as my journey is almost complete, but your message was on the front page today, and I read the whole thing, and felt the need to reply!!!

This was a red flag for me.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

This was a red flag for me.

How was expecting to get slapped around upon his discovery of her deceit a Red Flag?

In some countries is't quite common for the police to turn a blind eye to spouse/child abuse or even spousal rape. Heck in some countries it isn't even illegal.

[Mike&Cherry 45]

dude...if you're willing to fool yourself by making excuses like what you've been saying on your posts....then you do deserve what you're getting from your wife/gf/significant other that is taking a dump on your head and crapping all over you.

jrmejia would be the worst marriage counselor ever. I can't believe the advice that he gives. And I'm tired with hearing his two cents; it's completely worthless advice. His fiance/wife isn't even here yet, but when she arrives he is definately going to be put through the ringer. And I'm sure that he will cry about it here on visa journey. I can guarantee that it's going to happen based upon everything that he says.

[adiiann 163]

A cheater will always be a cheater.

[marklovetina 52]

It's irrational to think that you can reconcile something that never was. There is no marriage to restore because it was a fraud to begin with. She never loved you. She simply used you. She loves her boyfriend in the Philippines.

dude...if you're willing to fool yourself by making excuses like what you've been saying on your posts....then you do deserve what you're getting from your wife/gf/significant other that is taking a dump on your head and crapping all over you.

On the positive side of things, when he comes here crying about how he was fooled/scammed or whatever word he chooses to use we can simply point him to these recent threads and not waste our efforts repeating things to him for the 5 millionth time!

[RenaissanceMan 0]

JRMejia,

Also painful for me... It has been over 20 years since my American (born and raised) Filipina (German, Spanish) wife left me after being unfaithful on several (maybe many) occasions. I remember what the pain was like at that point in my life and I have no desire to go through that 'hell' again.

But, just the same I am now conversing with a young lady from Santa Cruz Isl. (PH) in hopes that I may see the end to being alone finally.

I have to admit that this story has given me pause, but at this point I have no reason to doubt when she says 'I love you', even though I have what might be considered a rather strange definition of "love" (which may not align with hers), and do not understand HOW she can make that profession - having never met me in person - never looked into my eyes. I believe that 'love' is NOT an emotion or a feeling (that one can fall in and out of), although emotions and feelings ARE elicited and experienced as a product of 'love'. What I believe 'love' IS, is the willingness and stubbornness on the part of one person to place the needs, cares, pleasure, and health of another person above themselves (kind of like what God did when He sent His Son to die on a Roman cross for the sins of a world).

As in your post, I have NO IDEA as to whether she is a good or bad 'apple', so the only recourse I can see now is to afford her a certain level of unearned trust and unmerited favor with her words. And hope with all my heart that this IS the end to my searching and waiting.

I have noticed that it seems quite easy for a Filipina (and most Asian women) to say (type) the words "I love you", but to what depth do those words strike, when they are so seemingly nonchalantly expressed ?!? Is it an American thing to NOT understand this ? Or just a 'guy thing' ?!?

Somewhat Confused,

Bruce

Hello,

This reading is too painful. I just can't how a person can do that to another person. It is very difficult for me since I am in the process of bringing my fiancee to USA. I have no idea if she is a good apple or not.

It is like flipping a coin. I know they say "i love you" but do they really mean it like we do?

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I believe that 'love' is NOT an emotion or a feeling (that one can fall in and out of), although emotions and feelings ARE elicited and experienced as a product of 'love'. What I believe 'love' IS, is the willingness and stubbornness on the part of one person to place the needs, cares, pleasure, and health of another person above themselves (kind of like what God did when He sent His Son to die on a Roman cross for the sins of a world).

EXACTLY!

I have noticed that it seems quite easy for a Filipina (and most Asian women) to say (type) the words "I love you", but to what depth do those words strike, when they are so seemingly nonchalantly expressed ?!? Is it an American thing to NOT understand this ? Or just a 'guy thing' ?!?

I think you are tapping into something there. Romantic feelings during courtship often get expressed as 'I love you's', but that kind of love is more on the level of seeing a cute puppy and holding it in your arms. It sure feels good, but until you've committed to taking care of that little puppy (feeding it, house breaking it), you haven't really loved that puppy in the true sense. I wouldn't discount those romantic feelings because they are the necessary part of courtship, but I think that many people, no matter what culture or background, get caught up in those fleeting feelings, clouding their judgment about the more important aspects of courtship, like compatibility, honesty and trust.

The real test of love is whether she (or he) can still utter those words when their partner has bad breath, farts, snores, or looks like they've been hit by a train.

[jrmejia 31]

she cheated on him. And your right maybe she felt lonely and she maybe felt like she cant relate and talk to anybody but only to her family and friends online. Some people are eager to go here but sometimes once they get here they see that its really different here. Not if you make friends but still most of the time your friends get busy too so at the end of the day they will think of how nice to be with thier family and friends in the Philippines.

Nobody is perfect and neither of us here. You cant really judge a person immediately by what she has done. There is always a space in our heart to learn how to forgive and forget. And maybe give another chance unless they dont want to. And besides shes only been here for how many weeks. Some people are weak to get tempted to be unfaithful and unfortunately shes one of those people. God bless to you OP.

[NVC FAN :( 18]

Man your wasting your time! i wasted 5 years of my life with a woman similiar to your wife. thank god i did not marry her though! You will not catch her again, she will make sure of that. she will ride you for the 3 year citizenship, then the power that you had! that power that you gave away 3 years ago IS HERS! now your powerless, you can threaten her all you want and she just smile and laugh in your face.

if you had any brain or logical thoughts , send this woman back. if she continues talking to you in the future petition her again!

chances are that she will go back to ph and be banging that dude.

what are you going to do when you and her visit ph, your going to keep her on a leash the entire time, monitor her phone calls.

you asking for all kinds of pain, message me and well meet up and i will just beat the living ###### out of you . thats what you will want after she gets done with you.

[annaprice 17]

The real test of love is whether she (or he) can still utter those words when their partner has bad breath, farts, snores, or looks like they've been hit by a train.

uhm excuse me, I disagree. you can love a person no mattter what yes, but BAD BREATH?! seriously? Thats why there's the word HYGIENE. And if you do love the person you should be health conscious. brush, wash and bathe.

[Fandango 1,439]

uhm excuse me, I disagree. you can love a person no mattter what yes, but BAD BREATH?! seriously? Thats why there's the word HYGIENE. And if you do love the person you should be health conscious. brush, wash and bathe.

Only unhygienic people have bad breath?

[annaprice 17]

Only unhygienic people have bad breath?

people with condition called halitosis

[Fandango 1,439]

people with condition called halitosis

You've never once had bad breath?

[SuperDuper! 230]

You've never once had bad breath?

I'm calling baiting on this. Everyone gets bad breath and puts their pants on one leg at a time....Ya might as well say, "So your S*** doesn't stink, either?"

[jrmejia 31]

[quote name=NVC FAN ' timestamp='1290132200' post='4299270]

chances are that she will go back to ph and be banging that dude.

Why do you have to be so cruel with that statement? You hurting him more. Can we have some respect please it hurts me when you guys comment like that.

Sorry if I came on your too hard. Not my style.

My 2 cents.