Heartbroken and deceived---need help/advice

[marklovetina 52]

@SaddenedNow...

I'm glad you caught this scammer red-handed before things went any further. Right now she's not responding to you because she knows she's busted. Do not trust her. Anything else she tells you will only be for the purpose of continuing her scam.

It's obvious that she was on the five-year plan with her Pinoy boyfriend. Her plan was to use you to become a citizen and then dump you so that she could petition her boyfriend. In the meantime, she was going to send your money to him. And she was going to visit the Philippines in order to visit him.

As you can see, she knew she had a lot to gain from you. She thought she could have a better life in the U.S. with her boyfriend. Forget about her degree. There are countless thousands of Filipinos in the Philippines with degrees who are unemployed or underemployed.

For example, if she had a BS in Nursing, her prospects would be dim in the Philippines. Tens of thousands of nurses in the Philippines can't find a job in their field and they can't even get a volunteer job...even though most volunteer jobs now require the volunteer to pay the hospital!

Even if she did get a nursing job, it would not pay more than $250 per month. And you can bet that any Filipino nurse knows that they can make twenty times that much in the U.S. That's just one example. The point is that her life in the Philippines was not a bed of roses, she believed she could have a better life here in the U.S., and she was willing to scam you to get it.

The fact that she is an unsophisticated scammer and got caught should not make any difference in your decision to dump her. She deserves it...and you deserve much better.

:thumbs:

Edited November 17, 2010 by godsgift

[David & Kezia 25]

She always seemed to be on the same page with me about love, life, and family. She discussed with me how she wanted our children raised, to be modest, and not spoiled, and to live 'simple' as she puts it. I really do not think her original intent was to 'snag' me or deceive me. She has a business degree and had a decent job in the Philippines, so her financial prospects were/are better than many.

I think as the process moved along, she was most likely courted by her ex-boyfriend, and even as her feelings redeveloped for the boyfriend, she had gone 'too far to stop' in her mind towards the visa process.

So I think there are deceptive people that remain so, people with good intentions that become deceptive, and deceptive people that develop regret and better intentions. How can you tell the difference? Obviously I do not know.

If she intended to catch you (which she obviously did), she would of course attract you with honey and do/say all the good things that you want to hear.

As for the "degree" and a decent job, lots of people have degrees and even PhDs here in the Philippines. Many of our schools are diploma mills who just keeps on letting incompetent people graduate as long as they get the money from the tuition and miscellaneous fees. So when someone from the Philippines says that she or he has a degree (even a doctorate which could also be "doctored"), don't think too much about it right away. Inquire first about her school, and ask around or research if the school has a good reputation for being strict in upholding standards of quality education, and if she has good grades. Degrees are a dime a dozen here, so to speak. I even know of many PhDs in our province who got their doctorates by just buying a thesis from someone who makes them, and then goes around bragging and being arrogant about their being a "doctor" and would get mad at you if you don't call them "doctor", even if they are not medical doctors and just a "doctored" PhD.

[David & Kezia 25]

Well, initial translations are in---they apparently enjoy cyber sex on web cam, they both shower 'I love you's' on each other, and they were planning to enjoy sexual activity if she would make a visit in March or April. So, all in all, it is bad. I told her today, 'honey, I think we need you to return to the Philippines. I printed out the summary of the chat, the original chat, and a partial exact translation. She did not say a word, and still has not. I asked 'when are you ready to go?'.

No EAD or AP given yet, no Biometrics, no interview. Only have received the NOA so far, and of course I know the $1010 fee is nonrefundable---that could have covered a plane ticket. I am scouting airfares for travel in the next few days---the prices are not bad with 2 or 3 days notice ---running $850 to $990 about for a one-way.

And yes, I hold open the possibility for things to resolve positively, however the chances are slim to none since I will always have to wonder about trust issues. She refuses to discuss any of the issues---the withholding night time romance, the cyber sex activity---hard to resolve when a person will not talk about it. She will learn a valuable lesson, because I think she split with this guy a year ago because he impregnated another while they were dating. I am sure history will repeat itself, and maybe she will realize the opportunity for a better life she is throwing away.

And yes, I know many can be happy even if they do not have much money and have to struggle. If being around family and familiar old friends is her goal and priority, then I guess she can do well with that.

But again, a miracle could happen when there is a resolution---who knows?

I'm really sorry about this, but don't pin your hopes on a miracle and a "resolution". The way it looks now, if ever there will be a resolution, it will be a fake one, and will be more acting for her until she gets her greencard.

As for plane fares, try Expedia, because everything is cheaper there compared to the actual website of the airlines. Do that and take her to the airport yourself to make sure that she doesn't go into hiding (and get you into trouble), and better report her right away before she actually does so while you're away at work or before she reports you for abuse.

[David & Kezia 25]

Missing home and family I fully understand and am sympathetic towards. Expressing deep love to another the day after our wedding is not excusable to me. And the denying me only started after we were married: prior to that, she engaged in physical romance almost daily, sometimes twice daily. And she enjoyed it. She asked once if I was done, and I said yes, then she said she wasn't so we continued.

Too much information, I know, but she REALLY was into nighttime romance for several months, then it just stopped. Oh well, does not really matter right now.

She might have enjoyed it, because as her boyfriend said, she seems to can't survive without it, or she might have just been acting to keep you hooked before she actually got you in the bag. And you're right, the rest is inexcusable, so just ditch her.

[David & Kezia 25]

Very strange. You are describing a perfect couple. I wonder if maybe she was just joking with that guy? That is a possibility? I doubt a person not in love with you will let you use her body and give you her love.

WAKE UP!!! People have been using their bodies to get what they want, for time immemorial...

Everything you are typing remind me of my fiancee. She has a very nice JOB in Dubai and also has a degree. She always tell me about wanting a simple life and things like that.

I wonder if you should give her a second chance? Just thinking aloud.

I SAID WAAAAAKKKKKEEEEEE UUUUUUPPPPPP!!! Read my other post. Degrees aren't much here, unless you come from a really good school. She can even be summa cum laude from a diploma mill school but in my book she would still have to prove herself if she can beat a highschool freshman at any UP High School or from Phil Sci.

Give her a second chance because she has a very nice job and she said she only wants a simple life?

There is always a huge difference between believing and doing or merely saying.

Sure, give her a second chance and wait until you catch her red-handed before you decide to ditch her. That's the most moronic thing to do.

You've sure got it right, and the term is MORONIC!

[David & Kezia 25]

This is horrible what is happening to you. I hope that you have a good resolution. You should notify ICE right away before she starts to make any bogus claims of abuse. You never know what type of ####### she will pull. Make sure you don't tell her that you contacted them. They should be able to do much more than USCIS will do. They will enforce the law upon her; She will receive justice whether good or bad. Here's a link of a similar situation that happened to another VJ memeber. You should really check it out for good advice. He has almost completed the whole process of dealing with your type of situation

link

Also once she is gone you felt that she is a true scammer then should add her info on to this website: link

This will help prevent from her doing this to someone else in the future. www.dragonladies.com is dedicated to compiling a list of scammers to bring there activities into the open and help those who are looking for real love to stay away from these scammers.

And remember once a cheater always a cheater. She cannot be trusted because the trust was never there from the beginning. Please becareful on how you proceed so that she does not make false acuasations against you. I really do hope the best for you and that this ends soon, if you want it to. True love is out there, but sometimes it takes a while to find.

Attention to MODERATORS/ADMINS: Can that link be included in one of the pinned posts on the Philippine board, so the people here can see them and be pre-warned? And can that other thread be "moved" or something to our board, so that it will appear both in our board and to that other board where it's now posted? Thanks! :-)

[Mike&Cherry 45]

Maybe at first she was genuine or maybe not, but all of that has changed now and you can't get that back. The trust was completely broken and can not be regained. But this was a false sense of trust because it never existed. The fact that she made vows to you before God and then had a boyfriend on the side is horrible. She has no heart and soul and no compassion for you. I think she was crying herself to sleep at night because she missed her boyfriend so much. How can another human being do this to another without feeling extremely guilty? Most of all how can she continue to keep doing it and deceiving you? Because she definately had other motives and dreams that did not involve you in the future. Imagine how things would have turned out if you never found out these things she has been hiding. No matter what the outcome is, when her time is done here on earth there will be a place in hell for her.

It's been about 24 hours since your original post, has she said anything to you yet? Has she even been able to look at you? Where is she right now? I think she's realizes that her plans are failing and that her new life is caving in on her. I wonder what she is thinking and what her next step is and what her plans will be. Please proceed with caution. It may help to keep and electronic journal(Gmail) of the time and events as they unfold. Most of all try to remain strong and keep your composure. Hopefully this will soon be all over.

[David & Kezia 25]

No EAD or AP given yet, no Biometrics, no interview. Only have received the NOA so far, and of course I know the $1010 fee is nonrefundable---that could have covered a plane ticket. I am scouting airfares for travel in the next few days---the prices are not bad with 2 or 3 days notice ---running $850 to $990 about for a one-way.

As I said in my other post, you could get cheaper tickets at Expedia. Another way is for you to dump her at the Consulate and let them deport her, or bring her to the police or something.

As for your losses, someone in another thread has reported that his ICE agent told him that since he "reported a fraudulent activity and have proof of that reporting to her (emails and such)" he can claim his losses on his "tax filing as theft by fraud". That's what you should do and you could only do that if you report her right away to ICE, whether or not you are still hoping for a resolution. It's your insurance on that, whatever happens in the future. Do call them NOW!

[duskyThings 1]

awww..

your experience is definitely not a good one..and i just feel sad that things like that happen, or rather,i feel sad that there are Filipinas who do terrible things like that..

but,it's still a blessing,i guess,that you found out soon enough..right?

at least you can still do something about it..

Goodluck to you!

[Kevin- 13]

Also check out sidestep.com and bt-store.com for tickets, as well as Expedia as "David & Kezia" said. Sidestep is a site that searches other travel sites. Bt-store is just another one which I sometimes find the best rates on.

[Maxx121 14]

i actually found that buying my ticket directly from china airlines is cheaper, go figure.

[Mike&Cherry 45]

Attention to MODERATORS/ADMINS: Can that link be included in one of the pinned posts on the Philippine board, so the people here can see them and be pre-warned? And can that other thread be "moved" or something to our board, so that it will appear both in our board and to that other board where it's now posted? Thanks! :-)

That's a great suggestion.

[Tahoma 2,292]

Very strange. You are describing a perfect couple. I wonder if maybe she was just joking with that guy? That is a possibility? I doubt a person not in love with you will let you use her body and give you her love.

WAKE UP!!! People have been using their bodies to get what they want, for time immemorial...

It's no wonder that some guys get scammed so easily. Even the clueless are allowed to petition someone.

[Matt and Evieve 1]

Stop it! Those of you who talk of God should know what an annulment is and why the Catholic Church grants them! This marriage is a farce - and never was true to begin with so stop telling the guy to try and save it for Christ's sake. She's an evil, conniving deceiver and he has every right as well as obligation not to drink her poison anymore.

We have different views to things. I am entitled to mine as you are entitled to yours. He was asking for advice or opinions and those were my take. Even I myself can say that it is very hard to do but I said a big BUT there. I know what the girl did is very stupid. But there's nothing wrong also if both parties will talk about it. Your instinct will tell you if someone is sincere or not. But then, there's no time to prove who is right or wrong here. What the OP needs is help. In the long way, his decision will stand. So, all I could offer for now is to pray for him and her that they may be guided to whatever outcomes this may lead.

[Matt and Evieve 1]

Since like you've made your decision already and everything is handled well. I hope everything will continue to be smooth in your life now. It might take a while but you will be vindicated when the time comes.

God bless you!