Heartbroken and deceived---need help/advice

[Colin&Lori 6]

ok i usually get really mad at these type of posts about how someone could do something like this to a person....

but i would get them chat logs sorted out first before you try and do anything...now i haven't seen them so i don't know to a degree how flirty there seem (e.g you picking out a few English words and flying to assumptions)

not trying to defend the person....but from what you said about how she misses her country...what if she is talking to her friend....it could be something along the lines of "i want to go home but i love him so much"

actually nevermind... you kept picking out "I love you" didnt you? and not "I love him"?

in that case ditch her ####### and send her back home....but make sure to get those chat logs sorted out to find the level of intent of fraud

[David & Kezia 25]

That is the most confusing part. She was contemplating (as in crying herself to sleep every night) going home after she was only here 3 or 4 weeks. She misses her family so much and has been having a lot of difficulty adjusting. I had even priced one way tickets. So her desire to stay in this country is not all that strong. I just wish I would have caught all this before the wedding and before paying for the adjustment of status. I love her very much, but love has to go both ways

I emailed you the translation. She is regreting a lot of things, missing her family, and missing her boyfriend. Her boyfriend also makes her sound like a nympho, but she's denying you so it must be just you that she doesn't like. Ditch her.

[Glyn and Kathy 288]

Wow, no advice, but just wanted to say how sorry I am that you're going through this.

[Colin&Lori 6]

I emailed you the translation. She is regreting a lot of things, missing her family, and missing her boyfriend. Her boyfriend also makes her sound like a nympho, but she's denying you so it must be just you that she doesn't like. Ditch her.

ahhhhh thought it would be like this...just thought I would give her at least a chance

nevermind what I said ditch her she's a #######

[Kevin- 13]

I'm really, really sorry to read this. I'll pray for you. You don't sound like a person who will get angry, which is good. Show her what a truly loving human being is like by continuing to behave lovingly all the way up to when she gets on the plane. Maybe it will help her realize she should fix up her life.

Hmmm. I'm going to take what could be the most unpopular stance on this, but I think it's the right thing to do. If she asks to be forgiven, to give up her "boyfriend" and stay with you and be your wife, and a be better person, do it. In the biggest possible picture, the amount you have to lose by doing this is relatively small compared to what could be gained.

But if that somehow happens, protect yourself by moving most of your money into a separate account. Start keeping a daily journal by emailing yourself in a gmail account (yes, gmail specifically, for many reasons). A journal with an undeniable date stamp from each day can be a slight help against any false accusations she may try to make later. You'd of course have to set some a few new rules, especially about internet chatting. But part of real forgiveness, if you choose to give it, is taking on a genuine belief that the person won't do it again.

[Brad and Vika 129]

Duplicat posts removed.

VJ Moderation Team

[Brad and Vika 129]

To the OP - you can use any translator program online (like google translate) to get a better idea of the logs content. Best of luck.

[jrmejia 31]

Hello,

This reading is too painful. I just can't how a person can do that to another person. It is very difficult for me since I am in the process of bringing my fiancee to USA. I have no idea if she is a good apple or not.

It is like flipping a coin. I know they say "i love you" but do they really mean it like we do?

[Markieboy 104]

I also don't have any advice to offer. I am sorry you are in this situation.

[David & Kezia 25]

To the OP - you can use any translator program online (like google translate) to get a better idea of the logs content. Best of luck.

Free translation programs wouldn't be of any help, if the words are shortened to SMS slang, and the words themselves are a mix of Cebuano, gayspeak, English, and misspellings of whatever languages they are using.

It's frustrating (and embarrassing for another Filipina like me) to see stories like these online. However, there are users and opportunists everywhere, and they come from all ages, sexual orientations, color, socio-economic backgrounds, so the best lesson for all of these is not to rush through things and to be really really sure. There's always an advantage of going through things "slowly but surely", just like my Mom would always tell us when we were kids. You can't be absolutely sure, but if take all the precautions, do things right, and be very much aware and conscientious on things, you can at least minimize the risks, and make the risks you are taking a "CALCULATED RISK". It means you are at least 80-95% sure before you go ahead and take one of the major risks in life.

This reading is too painful. I just can't how a person can do that to another person. It is very difficult for me since I am in the process of bringing my fiancee to USA. I have no idea if she is a good apple or not.

It is like flipping a coin. I know they say "i love you" but do they really mean it like we do?

As for you, you seem to have a very hard head, and still willing to go through the whole process despite the many red flags that we have all discussed in detail in the many threads where you have posted. When this happens to you and worse, I have only one more thing to say after all the advice you've got here: "serves you right for not listening!"

[Matt and Evieve 1]

I'm so sorry this has happen to you. I am a Filipina and also came from Visayan province. I just went to the city to study. I can help you with the translations if there are still more.

I noticed how you compose your plight here, I can see that you are such a good man by way of saying things. You hold your anger so well because of your love for her. The Bible says, Love covers a multitudes of sin. This is true as Jesus Christ showed it. I don't know if you've talk to her already about all you've found out. Maybe it's about time to tell her everything. It can be difficult and also be painful but this is the way out. You need to let it all out and she needs to tell you all as well. Try to work things out if possible because you two are married already BUT if she's not that willing and sincere to work it out, it's time to do everything lawfully, I believe. Offer your forgiveness but tell her too that the relationship has to stop.

You deserve someone better. I hope things will get better slowly soon. I'll be praying for you and the girl.

God bless you!

[Atencio 43]

Best of luck to you on whatever you decide to do

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

I emailed you the translation. She is regreting a lot of things, missing her family, and missing her boyfriend. Her boyfriend also makes her sound like a nympho, but she's denying you so it must be just you that she doesn't like.

I can understand missing her family but SHE STILL HAS A BOYFRIEND IN THE PH!!!!! I mean that really leads one to believe that she might have thought she could be in a shame marriage for 3 years to get Citizenship then dump you for him, it's one of the more common scams out there...

I would say the most telling thing is that she maintained a local boyfriend during the entirety of your relationship and even while denying her husband she engages is chats of a sexual nature with him...

Sorry to hear about it, whatever you decide be sure to protect yourself. You can revoke the Affidavit of Support anytime prior to her AOS being approved, just contact USCIS and also make an infopass appointment to drop-off a copy of your written notice if that i the path you choose to take.

Personally I wouldn't even offer to pay for her return flight, let her hitch-hike to the nearest PH Embassy and beg for a ride back home. If she really tried at the marriage then I would say different. If she goes TNT then she'll have a ####### life here without a chance to adjust and bring her PH boyfriend over, serves her right.

WATCH OUT FOR A FALSE VAWA CLAIM... Never be alone with her...

Edited November 16, 2010 by Bob 4 Anna

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I emailed you the translation. She is regreting a lot of things, missing her family, and missing her boyfriend. Her boyfriend also makes her sound like a nympho, but she's denying you so it must be just you that she doesn't like. Ditch her.

Wow. I'm really surprised that she made it through her interview for her visa, but I know that this happens unfortunately, and it's because of bad apples like this that poison the whole bunch. Send her back and notify immigration along with the chat logs for evidence.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Hmmm. I'm going to take what could be the most unpopular stance on this, but I think it's the right thing to do. If she asks to be forgiven, to give up her "boyfriend" and stay with you and be your wife, and a be better person, do it. In the biggest possible picture, the amount you have to lose by doing this is relatively small compared to what could be gained.

That's the kind of gullible ignorance that perpetuates these kinds of schemes. You will know a tree by its fruit and this one is poisonous. This guy would be better off jumping off a cliff, flapping his arms in the hope of a soft landing than to even entertain the idea of staying with this conniving deceiver.