Heartbroken and deceived---need help/advice

[Fandango 1,439]

I'm calling baiting on this. Everyone gets bad breath and puts their pants on one leg at a time....Ya might as well say, "So your S*** doesn't stink, either?"

Baiting? Absolutely not...I am baffled by the notion that that poster has said only unhygienic people get bad breath, and I'm trying to get clarification. Certainly not combative as your above example implies.

Is it the most relevant post of the thread? Of course not. But it does amuse me. *shrug*

Edited November 19, 2010 by Lisa C

[Kevin- 13]

Not really sure who is bating or who actually is being accused of bating. The point of Steven's post is correct though. Everybody has bad breath sometimes. If you stop "loving" somebody over something small, then you didn't really love them. I'd extend this to point out that the OP still loves his "wife", in spite of what she's done. He's still being respectful, not angry, etc. Even though it can be argued she might deserve poor treatment from him, he's still behaving like a gentleman. This is love.

I've carried this concept around in my signature here for awhile now, heheh.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

uhm excuse me, I disagree. you can love a person no mattter what yes, but BAD BREATH?! seriously? Thats why there's the word HYGIENE. And if you do love the person you should be health conscious. brush, wash and bathe.

people with condition called halitosis

People get "bad breath" for a myriad of reasons:

1. Eating onions or garlic

2. when they wake in the morning

3. Halitosis as you said

4. Tonsillitis (and other throat infections)

5. When they're sick and vomiting all the time

It does NOT mean they're unhygenic.. it can, but it's not always the case so it's ridiculous to make that sort of statement. I'm willing to bet the person you're attacking about this simply meant one of those situations like "will you still love her when you smell her breath in the morning?".. it's a common saying/question implying that when you spot this first "fault" will it matter to you?

Not really sure who is bating or who actually is being accused of bating. The point of Steven's post is correct though. Everybody has bad breath sometimes. If you stop "loving" somebody over something small, then you didn't really love them. I'd extend this to point out that the OP still loves his "wife", in spite of what she's done. He's still being respectful, not angry, etc. Even though it can be argued she might deserve poor treatment from him, he's still behaving like a gentleman. This is love.

I've carried this concept around in my signature here for awhile now, heheh.

exactly.

Edited November 19, 2010 by Vanessa&Tony

[Tahoma 2,292]

...the OP still loves his "wife", in spite of what she's done.

If SaddenedNow thinks he loves this scammer, then he has a serious character flaw and needs professional help.

exactly.

Exactly what?

[Mike&Cherry 45]

People get "bad breath" for a myriad of reasons:

1. Eating onions or garlic

2. when they wake in the morning

3. Halitosis as you said

4. Tonsillitis (and other throat infections)

5. When they're sick and vomiting all the time

It does NOT mean they're unhygenic.. it can, but it's not always the case so it's ridiculous to make that sort of statement. I'm willing to bet the person you're attacking about this simply meant one of those situations like "will you still love her when you smell her breath in the morning?".. it's a common saying/question implying that when you spot this first "fault" will it matter to you?

exactly.

Bad breath is also caused by tooth cavities.

I've read a few stories of scammers and marriage fraud here on VJ. I've always wanted to see the face of these people committing these acts. I wish there was a picture of this scammer on here.

[Gumbolette 58]

Ok guys.. knock it off! There's a lot to talk about here rather than talking about bad breaths. If y'all want to talk about hygiene now.. make another thread. Don't hijack someone else's thread who is hurting and in pain.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I'd extend this to point out that the OP still loves his "wife", in spite of what she's done. He's still being respectful, not angry, etc. Even though it can be argued she might deserve poor treatment from him, he's still behaving like a gentleman. This is love.

I agree, but where we disagree is when some people think love is enough to make a relationship. I think that is not only inaccurate, it is also potentially dangerous or at least destructive. Sometimes loving someone means leaving them, especially as an act of loving yourself.

[marklovetina 52]

Ok guys.. knock it off! There's a lot to talk about here rather than talking about bad breaths. If y'all want to talk about hygiene now.. make another thread. Don't hijack someone else's thread who is hurting and in pain.

I agree, but where we disagree is when some people think love is enough to make a relationship. I think that is not only inaccurate, it is also potentially dangerous or at least destructive. Sometimes loving someone means leaving them, especially as an act of loving yourself.

that's why there's a saying, if u want to love others u should know how to love and respect urself first...

Edited November 19, 2010 by godsgift

[Markieboy 104]

[Tahoma 2,292]

@OP...Has the scammer boarded her flight yet?

[ExSaffer 0]

How was expecting to get slapped around upon his discovery of her deceit a Red Flag?

In some countries is't quite common for the police to turn a blind eye to spouse/child abuse or even spousal rape. Heck in some countries it isn't even illegal.

How was it a red flag, ummmmmmm only in it being the first step in the VAWA "unwritten" handbook as a way to stay in this country!!!!

But sure, let him go ahead and slap her around like she expected, then he won't have to pay for her flight home, she will be able to stay right here and he won't have a cheating problem on his hands anymore.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

How was it a red flag, ummmmmmm only in it being the first step in the VAWA "unwritten" handbook as a way to stay in this country!!!!

But sure, let him go ahead and slap her around like she expected, then he won't have to pay for her flight home, she will be able to stay right here and he won't have a cheating problem on his hands anymore.

Ok, your context is turned around a little bit. Generally Red Flags are indicators of Fraud. Things like lack of physical intimacy and such, you know not behaving as you wold expect in a true relationship.

Her expecting to get slapped when he is angry really doesn't indicate that she's trying to set him up for VAWA especially since she didn't set-up the situation to provoke him to get physically violent with her.

[sea-monkey 13]

@OP...Has the scammer boarded her flight yet?

Something sounds fishy. Look at some of the recent stories. They've all sent the girls packing. One guy, bought the ticket the same day or next.

This guy is just stringing us all along

[BigJohn 4]

The OP is just in love and has abused spouse syndrome. Considering reconciliation he's no better than the woman who gets beaten up but tries to make it work with the man because she loves him. The OP obviously loves the girl, but it takes two people in love for a successful marriage. One thing I have learned is that no matter how much you want to, you can't make yourself love someone else. From the sound of his story to me, I'm not sure the girls original intent was to defraud the guy and scam him. I think she wanted to love him. But wanting to love someone isn't going to keep you from playing around with your ex boyfriend who you really do love. OP can love her all he wants and want her to love him back, but she is never going to love him the way he loves her, and the sooner he realizes that and moves on the better. She has proven herself to be someone who makes bad decisions and is WILLING to hurt him to get what she wants - and he is going to have only himself to blame when she hurts him more with a violence charge to stay in the country. I am surprised the OP hasn't posted the last few days... which makes me think he is still thinking/talking reconciliation. If he had revoked her status or made arrangements to put her on a plane, I bet he'd have posted by now. He is probably ashamed to post it because he knows what the consensus is here that he should do. I hope I'm wrong.

[piglett 16]

The OP is just in love and has abused spouse syndrome. Considering reconciliation he's no better than the woman who gets beaten up but tries to make it work with the man because she loves him. The OP obviously loves the girl, but it takes two people in love for a successful marriage. One thing I have learned is that no matter how much you want to, you can't make yourself love someone else. From the sound of his story to me, I'm not sure the girls original intent was to defraud the guy and scam him. I think she wanted to love him. But wanting to love someone isn't going to keep you from playing around with your ex boyfriend who you really do love. OP can love her all he wants and want her to love him back, but she is never going to love him the way he loves her, and the sooner he realizes that and moves on the better. She has proven herself to be someone who makes bad decisions and is WILLING to hurt him to get what she wants - and he is going to have only himself to blame when she hurts him more with a violence charge to stay in the country. I am surprised the OP hasn't posted the last few days... which makes me think he is still thinking/talking reconciliation. If he had revoked her status or made arrangements to put her on a plane, I bet he'd have posted by now. He is probably ashamed to post it because he knows what the consensus is here that he should do. I hope I'm wrong.

VERY WELL SAID !!!!

piglett