Heartbroken and deceived---need help/advice

[SaddenedNow 5]

Well, where to start? I met a filipina online about a year ago. She sent me a message in a chatroom for my local area where I live, so I was quite surprised she was in the Philippines. I was looking for a local woman, and had no thoughts of meeting a foreign girl.

We chatted for several days daily, for hours and hours, then it became weeks, and then a month. We really seemed to have similar life goals, and really liked one another. She is younger than I, but educated, and rather mature (so she seemed) for her age. We have 18 years separating our ages, but she is a young adult, and I consider myself an older young adult. Neither of us have children, nor have either of us been married previously. We both discussed the advantages of starting ones own family, without the complications of ex spouses and children from prior relationships.

There was a period of 10 or 12 days where I did not get any messages from her, nor was she online at all for that period of time. I realized how much I was missing this girl already, and finally managed to get ahold of her. It took 6 phones calls, but finally she answered. She said she had been working alot, and she thought I was just a guy messing around with her and not serious about a relationship with a foreign girl. I had already decided and told her I wanted to visit, but upon realizing just how much I really missed talking to her online, I planned a trip to meet her as soon as I reached her. I really missed her, and I wanted to find out if this was for real.

I visited her in the Philippines, and we really hit it off, and got along so well, and had a good time together. I asked her to marry me while there, knowing the process of bringing a fiance could/would be lengthy. I knew what I wanted, and she said she did too.

The process went smooth. She arrived here a few months ago, and we got married.

Well, things changed shortly after we married. She asked me to stop calling her 'hon' or honey, a term we had been using since we first met. She said she wanted to be addressed by her first name by me. The romantic activities stopped too. She says that she 'just doesn't want sex right now'.

Well, fast forward to yesterday, when I was getting ready to reinstall my operating system on the computer. I started to look at my files I wanted to back-up, including my chat logs. But I noticed an unfamiliar name on the list. And to my surprise, the chat logs between her and this person seem to contain a lot of 'I love you' statements.

Now the chats are 90 percent in Bisayan/Cebuano, but as always in the Philippines, enough english is used that I can tell that this is more than a simple 'love you' to a friend. The conversations begin a day after we arrived together to the US, and go up until the day after our wedding. In fact, she clearly expresses her love for him multiple times, THE VERY DAY AFTER WE TOOK OUR VOWS!!!

Well, I am sad, and angry, and confused, and really not sure what to do. My instinct is to give it a few days, lay the whole situation out for her, and then send her back to the Philippines with a one way ticket, then seek an annullment.

However, I am not sure if that is the right course. Even though I feel betrayed, she is my wife, and I should let her be part of the decision of how to move forward.

I am posting seeking two things:

First, of course, advice, opinions, and ideas.

Secondly, I am hoping someone could interpret the chat logs for me from Bisayan to English. I really think the degree of deception could play a part in how I will go forward, but to know the degree of deception, I feel I need to know what has been said in the chats: does she talk negatively about me, express regret, discuss what her intent is/was?? I have no idea. I just know the conversations are very flirtly at the least, with expressions of love for one another stated by both.

If you can help me with translation, please send me a message, and I can email a copy of the chat. I really need help and guidance here.

Thanks.

[Zai & Gary 6]

I would not adjust status for her at this point. Put her on a one way flight back to the Philippines. She appears to have just wanted to immigrate here.

[Sunny123 44]

Sounds like she may have just used you to get into the U.S. If you gut insticts are telling you something is wrong listen to them there's usually a reason why... As far as tranlating them just google translator and there are many different free translator services available. There's one actually available from Google and from yahoo. I hope everything works out for you.

[David & Kezia 25]

It sounds like she purposely sought you out just to marry you and be able to go to the US. It's a simple and oldest psych trick of courtship to get you hooked and attached, then make you miss her and go after her. Send her home, annul her, and report her to the Dept of State (USCIS, Embassy, etc.).

As for the translations, you may email or PM me those chat logs.

-Kezia

[SuperDuper! 230]

I would not adjust status for her at this point. Put her on a one way flight back to the Philippines. She appears to have just wanted to immigrate here.

+1. Send her back!

[coraliesolms 47]

I am sorry for your heartbreak! Send the transcripts to someone who understands, get the full grasp of what is really going on, and then talk to her about it. If she gets defensive and mean, and is not willing to explain herself, then its time to end things. Definately before her status is adjusted. Keep these longs as evidence of her ill-intent, ICE will need them and can use them if she tries to adjust her status herself.

[SaddenedNow 5]

Sounds like she may have just used you to get into the U.S. If you gut insticts are telling you something is wrong listen to them there's usually a reason why... As far as tranlating them just google translator and there are many different free translator services available. There's one actually available from Google and from yahoo. I hope everything works out for you.

Bisayan/Cebuano is not a language that can be computer translated currently, especially with the IM chat slang, and the amount of english that filipinos mix in with their native languages.

[Ms.M 4]

+1. Send her back!

i agree... send her back.. maybe i can translate with you the chat, you can send it to me and i will help you to translate it... i understand visaya because my mom and dad are visaya... so that your mind will not confused anymore... im sorry to hear what happen to you after to pursue her visa to come over there and got married.. sad but you need to decide before its too late..

[RiaTan 5]

send her back, she's not worth it.. Then remove ur affidavit of support, go to uscis and report it. Divorce her asap so she Cant wander around , be careful, when she goes out from ur house u dnt know she will do TNT or illegal alien, bfore it happens send her back on one way ticket.

[SaddenedNow 5]

send her back, she's not worth it.. Then remove ur affidavit of support, go to uscis and report it. Divorce her asap so she Cant wander around , be careful, when she goes out from ur house u dnt know she will do TNT or illegal alien, bfore it happens send her back on one way ticket.

That is the most confusing part. She was contemplating (as in crying herself to sleep every night) going home after she was only here 3 or 4 weeks. She misses her family so much and has been having a lot of difficulty adjusting. I had even priced one way tickets. So her desire to stay in this country is not all that strong. I just wish I would have caught all this before the wedding and before paying for the adjustment of status. I love her very much, but love has to go both ways

[pookaphilus 12]

It sounds like she purposely sought you out just to marry you and be able to go to the US. It's a simple and oldest psych trick of courtship to get you hooked and attached, then make you miss her and go after her. Send her home, annul her, and report her to the Dept of State (USCIS, Embassy, etc.).

As for the translations, you may email or PM me those chat logs.

-Kezia

...I also agree..a relationship without trust will never go forward...trust is one of the most important ingredients of living happily together..dishonesty is a form of disrespect..report her to the USCIS and try to stop her AOS..and make sure you kept copies of those chatlogs..that's a good evidence..if she will threaten you, report her..sorry to hear about what happened..so sad to know that as well...just have faith..God will provide..

btw, I understand Bisaya/Cebuano..I was born in Davao..God bless..

Edited November 16, 2010 by pookaphilus

[Samoray 165]

She's a user, If you canceled the adjustment of status she has no choice but leaving or running away and becoming illegal

[VanessaTony 3,567]

That is the most confusing part. She was contemplating (as in crying herself to sleep every night) going home after she was only here 3 or 4 weeks. She misses her family so much and has been having a lot of difficulty adjusting. I had even priced one way tickets. So her desire to stay in this country is not all that strong. I just wish I would have caught all this before the wedding and before paying for the adjustment of status. I love her very much, but love has to go both ways

It is likely that she's not happy, but that it's still fraud because while she may not be happy, marrying you is a means to an end. Whether that's income for her family, bringing a new husband over once yuo're out of the picture.. who knows.

What I do know is cheating is never good. Day after the wedding is abhorrent. it is 100% clear that she only married you for the greencard. There's not other reason to be telling another person the DAY after your wedding that she loves them.

I would wait for the translations though.. might not be as bad, or could be worse, than it looks.

**Edit - what part of the process are you at? Biometrics done? EAD or AP received? How many days/weeks or months have passed since you applied? It is possible to get the GC without an interview so time is of the essence if you want to "send her home". Not to mention getting her out of the house, never being alone with her in case she tries VAWA... lots to do and I don't know how much time you have.

Edited November 16, 2010 by Vanessa&Tony

[one...two...tree 2,762]

That is the most confusing part. She was contemplating (as in crying herself to sleep every night) going home after she was only here 3 or 4 weeks. She misses her family so much and has been having a lot of difficulty adjusting. I had even priced one way tickets. So her desire to stay in this country is not all that strong. I just wish I would have caught all this before the wedding and before paying for the adjustment of status. I love her very much, but love has to go both ways

Then I wouldn't jump to conclusions about her motives to leave her life back in the Philippines to be with you. Let her fly back home without shutting the door to any future for your relationship.

[naypime 8]

how long shes been there?i feel sorry for what she did..i am also a filipina and feel bad whenever i heard stories like this......being away to my hubby kills me everyday cause were missing each other then heres your wife get there in States so easy and doing this kind b.s to you is obviously just mean one thing...she's just using you!i know a filipina who lives close to my house having a usc fiance whose supporting her financially for couple of years and guess what shes been doing???shes using the usc money to her filipino bf and shes sleeping and staying with the filipino guys house it is not a "hearsays" i see it myself ...i hate her so bad and if i only know how to contact her usc bf and tell him what shes been doing while shes gone...and shes also telling her friends that she really dont love her fiance and its all about the money...im like wth!!...if you feel like that theres something going on, decide now for it will get worst later....once you have that chat log translated and it says theres really something going on...you have to follow all this vj'ers advice to you...i know it gonna hurt now but it gonna hurt you even more later when you guys have kids or you guys have been together for so many years.....time will heal and you will be thankful one day that you didnt end up being with someone that will betray you forever in your life....Man that has a good heart and has good intentions with someone deserves better...May God Enlighten you and help you find what your heart is longing for.... Godbless us everyone!

Edited November 16, 2010 by jumer12