How to kick my wife out of this country?

[SimplyMacy 4]

Your comment made me think of how some mean people abandon their unwanted pets by driving far away and leaving them to fend for themselves as they drive off. Listen, she is your wife and not an unwanted animal. You should be honest with her. If you do no longer want to be with her then say so and ask for a divorce rather than tricking her into going to Belize with you and leave her there.

As far as removing the conditions of her permanent residence, she might still be able to remove the conditions on her own if she can prove that the marriage was entered in good faith and things just did not work out. You cannot just ship her back to her country now that you have realized she is "very ignorant and stubborn," according to you.

Agreed!

[HeatDeath 430]

A disturbing number of people seem drawn to marriages to immigrants because they believe that the whole immigration issue gives them a power advantage in the marriage. And during the engagement, it does.

But guess what? Once that 2-year green card was issued, your power differential evaporated.

There is NO WAY, after the 2 year card is granted, that you can "kick [someone] out of the country". Period. And any serious attempt you make to do so can be reversed back onto you, kung-fu-style, and used by them as proof of abuse, which only increases their independence from you, immigration-wise.

Even if you were to refuse to cosign her removal of conditions, she could simply initiate divorce and do it herself. You have no legal ability to coercively remove her PR status at all.

And frankly, a competent lawyer could probably use your initial post as the centrepiece of a reasonably convincing VAWA petition. Abandoning, or attempting to abandon your spouse in a foreign country isn't going to be looked upon kindly by any USCIS adjudicator, divorce judge, or decent human being.

[sea-monkey 13]

If he were to kick her out of the country and divorce, he would be off the hook for any spousal support obligations, right?

[HeatDeath 430]

Nope, I-864 puts the petitioner on the hook until the beneficiary gets their US citizenship, gets 40 quarters of US employment, voluntarily abandons their PR status, or dies.

Divorce has no bearing whatsoever on the obligations of an I-864 signee, and leaving a GC holder in a foreign country and hoping she doesn't just grab the next flight back to the US [or stealing her GC to attempt to prevent a return] doesn't either.

[PAPA MIO 2]

Setting up a trip to take her home is a good idea and seems it will allow you to move on without incident. And she will be safe at home and away from you and people that will assist her to enrage you.

You do not want to end up like Hans Reiser.

Hans ReiserHans Reiser

[Kevin- 13]

Well, I have been married for almost two years and I have concluded that this will go nowhere. I have been taking therapy with my wife, because she is extremely unsecured and jealous. If i watch a commercial and an attractive girl pops up my wife go crazy and accuses me of everything. I cannot even go to work if there is a girl working there, because she thinks i am cheating on her. She was cheated many times and left with one kid, who I also brought to this country. This has been going on for a while now. I thought my love for her would help her overcome it, but she is very ignorant and stubborn and she is the normal one and not everyone else. I have the biggest fights with her over the smallest things and it is affecting my health, job, and other things.

It has not been two years yet since she entered the country so no conditions have been removed. What options do i have? I know this sounds mean, but I do not want her in this country because i know it would not work out for other reasons. I was thinking of taking a trip to her country and get into a fight and leave her instead of making up, which I am the only who tries every time. Then get a divorce there and take all documents with me. Is there a way I can get her green card voided? by telling the I will not remove the conditions? how does this work? help please.

My answer to the title of this thread is DON'T.

If there's been no infidelity, don't divorce her and don't ship her back to her country. I'm basing what I write next on this one post, assuming a few things. Forgive me if my assumptions are in error.

"For better or for worse." To be quite honest, I think you're being lazy about fixing your marriage. You should not get married unless you love the person enough to go to the ends of the earth for them. You haven't reached the ends of the earth yet. If she actually thinks you've cheated on her and still is with you, she may be enduring immense emotional pain just because she loves you enough to stay with you even through the "cheating" she imagines. She might not actually think you're cheating on her, but could just be very angry about the past infidelities and is taking that out on you. Yes, that is unjust, but you can handle it and help her get over what they did.

So why, you might ask, do I say you're being lazy? There is more you can do to assure her that you are not cheating. It may not be as easy as a long drawn out quarrel (which isn't easy). But, it's not impossible. Show her that you're willing to do anything to earn her trust. Stop watching TV, and she can no longer accuse you of lusting over the ladies on the screen. Really, if you're not willing/able to give up TV for her, how much do you actually love her? When she's not angry, you need to tell her you love her very much and ask what you can do to assure her that you're not like those other guys, that you're not cheating on her. If what she says is possible at all, do it. You could get another job, or build a work-from-home career (I can help with that if you're interested). Maybe your line of work is such that she could visit you at work. Or maybe you could send her a picture of yourself from your cell phone every 30 minutes. Yes, this could be called ridiculous. This is the "for worse" part that you signed up for.

Are you ever going anywhere without her? (aside from work) Don't. If you're going "out with the guys", then put that on hold until your marriage is in tip-top shape. Get joined at the hip and go everywhere together. It might end up that you have to remain this way to keep your marriage in good shape, but the results will be low stress and high happiness.

If you're both seeing the counselor together, maybe it's time for a different counselor. If it's only her, it's possible you got a really bad one who is only making things worse (I know people who have actually had malicious marriage counselors who work to destroy their marriage). Try another one, and don't just grab one out of the phone book.

Try not to yell. I don't know if you are, but most people seem to yell in heated arguments. So, try not to yell anymore. Be calm in tone and word choice, even if she's screaming at you. Be solemn (don't just act it, be it), yet caring. Don't say hurtful things to her, even if they're true, and even if she's saying hurtful things to you. Also remember that it takes two people to argue. Don't let yourself be the one to start any argument. And, if the apparent topic of the argument is not a giant issue, don't argue about it. "Yes, dear", "Okay honey", and "I'm sorry", are phrases you should become intimate with, but not with any sarcasm.

Get this book. Read it, and ask her to read it as well.

Finally, my signature contains tidbits that are good for life in general, including marriage.

[AlexJane 2]

Just leave her alone,,,,pay her the support she deserves,,,and go on with your life....

[HeatDeath 430]

Setting up a trip to take her home is a good idea and seems it will allow you to move on without incident. And she will be safe at home and away from you and people that will assist her to enrage you.

You do not want to end up like Hans Reiser.

Hans ReiserHans Reiser

If this is not extremely dry, finely honed sarcasm, it is in very poor taste.

It might be both.

[PAPA MIO 2]

If this is not extremely dry, finely honed sarcasm, it is in very poor taste.

It might be both.

No it is great advice without the poetry.

[thelastpetitioner 218]

Setting up a trip to take her home is a good idea and seems it will allow you to move on without incident. And she will be safe at home and away from you and people that will assist her to enrage you.

You do not want to end up like Hans Reiser.

Hans ReiserHans Reiser

what an idiot hans reiser is.

[yamashitariki 4]

@nyankee : I would say work it out with her. She is probably broken emotionally from the past experiences, and needs constant reassurances (this is tedious). I guess your patience has worn thin, it is very trying and exhausting on your part. Which would explain the very frustrated tone in your email to exorcise her from your life as a viable but desperate solution.

However, be responsible. Have you met with a marriage counselor yet before deciding on this?

I still believe it can be worked out, she loves you and fears most of losing it. She has lost the trust in her judgement and dreams, therefore all these necessary harassment comes forth. You need to also make her realise the destruction of her actions and work with her to find alternate routes for her to attain her emotional needs. If she loves you, she will try as much as you would a second chance.

[Wyld Blu 35]

Being an extremely jealous person, has no bearing, and is no way to measure how much a person loves you. An extremely jealous person generally has self esteem and control issues. You can be in a marriage with a very jealous person who doesn't love you at all, but wants to control the relationship because of very low self esteem, and lack of control in their own lives. Please don't confuse extreme jealousy with love.

-Blu- just sayin'

[thelastpetitioner 218]

Being an extremely jealous person, has no bearing, and is no way to measure how much a person loves you. An extremely jealous person generally has self esteem and control issues. You can be in a marriage with a very jealous person who doesn't love you at all, but wants to control the relationship because of very low self esteem, and lack of control in their own lives. Please don't confuse extreme jealousy with love.

-Blu- just sayin'

you have to keep in mind jealous and controlling are two different thigns,jealousy usually comes from bad experience,and the jealous part of the relationship usually just needs more information about their partners schedule and day to day life than the partner is comfortable giving.

controlling is one goes out of their way just to make sure their partner does what they want them to do.if it makes sense.controlling is a deal breaker in each and every way,jealousy usually indicates painful past

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

FWIW,

OP if you abandon her in her country of origin without her greencard then you are a criminal as that greencard isn't your property. All she will have to do is go to the US Embassy and they can provide her assistance and you've now made her a victim of an abusive USC husband.

If she entered the marriage in good faith then just divorce her and move along.

And regarding your original question: You can't kick her out because you didn't allow her in!

Edited November 8, 2010 by Bob 4 Anna

[Wyld Blu 35]

you have to keep in mind jealous and controlling are two different thigns,jealousy usually comes from bad experience,and the jealous part of the relationship usually just needs more information about their partners schedule and day to day life than the partner is comfortable giving.

controlling is one goes out of their way just to make sure their partner does what they want them to do.if it makes sense.controlling is a deal breaker in each and every way,jealousy usually indicates painful past

Not necessarily, You state that the jealous part of the relationship just needs more information about their partners schedule and day to day life. This can also be a form of control. If I need to know about every single thing my husband/wife does, everywhere they are going or are going to go and who they are talking to at any given time, it makes my partner responsible to report back to me on every single thing. This is a form of control. If 'you" don't tell me EVERYTHING I need to know, then the "punishment" is my jealous rage, and you being accused of all sorts of infidelities. Extreme jealousy is usually a control and self esteem issue.

That said, trying to get your spouse removed from the country YOU brought her to in order to start a new life with you, after a few years of her now establishing a new life here, because you no longer get along is just cruel and also controlling. Unless there are other issues which you have chosen not to tell us, I think you need to just get divorced and let sleeping dogs lie.

-Blu-