HELP

[lukeandmay 0]

I need help. My fiance is totally different from when she was over there. I cant kiss her, barely touch her. She pushes me away. She has been here a month now, but she seems to be addicted to the cell phone and internet talking to some friends back home. She has told me that if we dont work out she would hide. They call it "T-N-T" If i should not marry her and I take her to the airport and she goes in to hiding will it count against me with the US govenment if I should ever find someone else? I know I am not perfect and I hope she comes around but I need to feel loved and just not giving all the love. I want to just cut off the cell and internet and just make it where she has to deal with me but that will cause more problems. I am so patient but I can only take so much. I dont want to be held liable if she skips out on her visa. Please help me!!! I do love her but I feel she dont love me.

[Joan >3 Bob 20]

You do not provide enough information to be able to read into this.

Who and where does she call on the cell?

Does she already have friends from back home here in the USA?

[anthokad 3]

I need help. My fiance is totally different from when she was over there. I cant kiss her, barely touch her. She pushes me away. She has been here a month now, but she seems to be addicted to the cell phone and internet talking to some friends back home. She has told me that if we dont work out she would hide. They call it "T-N-T" If i should not marry her and I take her to the airport and she goes in to hiding will it count against me with the US govenment if I should ever find someone else? I know I am not perfect and I hope she comes around but I need to feel loved and just not giving all the love. I want to just cut off the cell and internet and just make it where she has to deal with me but that will cause more problems. I am so patient but I can only take so much. I dont want to be held liable if she skips out on her visa. Please help me!!! I do love her but I feel she dont love me.

Sorry to hear about your ordeal.......just after one month???? If you make up your mind on sending her back, get the authorities involved(police maybe)to avoid her going into hiding. Well, it will probably make it tougher for you to get someone else over to live with you in the states.....but hey, would you live in 'hell' for the fear of trying again?

Having said all, i wish you both can make it work.........but if all else fail, look well before you leap next time. Best of luck!

[lukeandmay 0]

You do not provide enough information to be able to read into this.

Who and where does she call on the cell?

Does she already have friends from back home here in the USA?

She has her girlfriends call her here on my cellphone and she has a friend that she has known for a long time here in the states and a few other scattered across the USA

[Filipinawife0210 15]

There are plenty of negotiable options for you. As pointed out above, who and where she calls has no bearing on your situation. Point is, she IS calling someone else instead of talking to you....

First and foremost, you need to understand that she is in a new country, with everything that entails such as culture shock, homesickness, etc. I know plenty of guys who have brought SOs from the Philippines, and other places scattered around the world. They all said that the first month to two months was the hardest. She is seeking out comfort from those she feels closest to. Calling, texting, e-mailing, chatting is her way of dealing with the newness of the situation.

That said, I can offer some advice. Try getting her out of the house. The more you do together as a couple right off the bat, the less homesick she will be. Keep her mind on something else. Seek out Filipinos in your local area, that she can hang out with while you're at work. Someone close by that has had the same experience may help a lot, and help her to see that she is not the only one to go through this life-changing event.

I have already made a deal with my wife. I told her that once she gets here, if she starts to feel homesick, we can plan a trip for her to go home for a bit. Suggest to your wife, without making it sound like a bribe, that after you marry, and settle in a bit, she can go home once she gets her advance parole approved. I know couples who have done this, and it helped. It may not happen right away, but it gives her the chance to have something to look forward to, as well as letting her know that you understand what she is going through, and you want to help. Your attitude in this is just as important. You need to let her know you are there, and she can come to you, instead of her friends. Tell her that you cannot read her mind, and that if it's going to work...as a couple...you need to communicate with each other. If she's willing, seek counselling.

In the end, whichever you choose, after all of the a$$pain that you went through to get her here, do all you can before giving up on her. She is in a vulnerable state right now, and needs comfort. Getting that from her family, and close friends may be what she needs right now, but if it goes on for too long, you need to come to grips.

If that happens, and you choose to send her home, you can overcome it if you find another Filipina. You'll have to answer some questions come interview time, but it can be done.

Good luck!

[MikelanNida 28]

first i am sorry to hear of your situation, its a terrible feeling to not feel your love is returned, but i think its time to just sit her down with one simple question, "do you love me?" if she says yes, you two have some work to do, if she says no then your work is over. i hope it works out for you, take care and just keep your cool, its easy to get carried away when love is on the line. just my opinion.

[jandk 6]

I need help. My fiance is totally different from when she was over there. I cant kiss her, barely touch her. She pushes me away. She has been here a month now, but she seems to be addicted to the cell phone and internet talking to some friends back home. She has told me that if we dont work out she would hide. They call it "T-N-T" If i should not marry her and I take her to the airport and she goes in to hiding will it count against me with the US govenment if I should ever find someone else? I know I am not perfect and I hope she comes around but I need to feel loved and just not giving all the love. I want to just cut off the cell and internet and just make it where she has to deal with me but that will cause more problems. I am so patient but I can only take so much. I dont want to be held liable if she skips out on her visa. Please help me!!! I do love her but I feel she dont love me.

MAN! I am sorry to hear that.. sounds like she is using you for citizenship.. to be honest without sugar coating the situation. This would be the case of sending her back and just explaining to the Immigration later on if there is a later on as to why you did what you did, you know what I mean?

[marklovetina 52]

good that u are not married yet.. the best thing u will do... buy her a ticket and send her back here in the Philippines, those pinay like her should teach some lesson... red flag, she is using u only just for GC...

ur gf just arrived there in US.. if she is in love with you then she will enjoy every day of her life with u only the fact that u been away from her for several months... for a couple of months a woman who is madly in love with her man will be totally busy with her BF/ husband only... not with friends...

sorry to hear ur situation... and good luck...

[jrmejia 31]

Lately,

Each time when I check for my NOA2, for some reason, I get a bit nervous. Maybe cold feet? or maybe because threads like this one?

Sorry to hear that. One of the thing I fear the most is just that.

(can we add a broken heart to our emoticons)?

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Never marry if your not happy with how things are. Right now you both should be so happy to see each other. If you don't marry record to ICE that you did not marry and that you no longer support the immigration. Keep copies of the phone records. Make sure you don't let her get any evidence that you are abusive. As soon as you are sure you don't want to marry buy a ticket and ask for police assistance in getting her removed from your residence. Change the locks and don't meet her ANYWHERE without a third party. Her only path to stay is abuse and she will do whatever she need to stay even if it ruins your life.

[rheanick 42]

I need help. My fiance is totally different from when she was over there. I cant kiss her, barely touch her. She pushes me away. She has been here a month now, but she seems to be addicted to the cell phone and internet talking to some friends back home. She has told me that if we dont work out she would hide. They call it "T-N-T" If i should not marry her and I take her to the airport and she goes in to hiding will it count against me with the US govenment if I should ever find someone else? I know I am not perfect and I hope she comes around but I need to feel loved and just not giving all the love. I want to just cut off the cell and internet and just make it where she has to deal with me but that will cause more problems. I am so patient but I can only take so much. I dont want to be held liable if she skips out on her visa. Please help me!!! I do love her but I feel she dont love me.

If you are not happy. Dont marry her. Buy a ticket and bring her to the airport. Then report to USCIS the status of your relationship. If she goes T-N-T, then it would be her mistake. She has to face those consequences not you.

[lukeandmay 0]

Are all filipinas like this? I cant take this much more. I want a lady that i can tell her I love her and not get a blank stare. I wish all this was my fault but i know its not. I am sure there are some good ones out there. Just have to learn from my mistake!!! Thanks everyone

[Scott and Mhay 57]

No not all filipinas are like this. I would send her back. Don't marry her. Many red flags here. Nothing wrong with not getting married & realizing it was a mistake now and not later when you have 2 get divorced, give her half, and possibly child support 2. I know all this from experience. If it don't feel right now, get out while you still can.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

If you are loved by a Pinay you will know it without a doubt...

[thelastpetitioner 218]

i would justify her not being physically comfortable with you as adjusting to the new country and blah blah blah,what i dont get,is her threatening you.someone truely homesick yet in love couldnt possibly EVER threaten their love that they would get them in trouble and go " hide out" and stuff like that.

i dont think its just adjusting to the new life,i think its fraud