Just Looking for Advice

[Gingerpants 8]

Just to reiterate what Aoife said, don't count on finding work in Ireland. I applied for hundreds of jobs and attended dozens of interviews in Dublin and still came out unsuccessful. It got so bad that we were eventually forced to move out of the city because we couldn't afford to live there on his salary alone. I don't know much about how France's economy is doing but I don't think it's nearly as bad and they have similar terms for earning a partner's visa over there. (I see you were actually talking about a holiday working visa but if you two have been together for 2+ years you can get a partners visa that will allow you to work.)

[DaveyOntario 1]

Kathryn41: I have no intention of working illegally in Canada, nor did I say that I would. The method which I described was finding a job while traveling in Canada, & with the chance of obtaining a positive LMO & job offer, taking it to the border to get a TWP, which is possible because US Citizens are TRV exempt. Please don't mistake me for doing anything illegal in Canada. Also, please don't think I assumed I could pick up & go anywhere I please; in fact I think I was quite clear in my posts that I am aware I can actually only easily work in Ireland, on a WHV, & that Canada would be difficult to find work because of the LMO process. I understand the sovereignty of individual nations.

Past that, I appreciate your advice. I'm happy that you filled me in on the specific details of the Affidavit of Support. You're right, & it seems like moving away would & could probably hurt our chances of actually fulfilling the K-1, in the long run. You're definitely right about international relationships, faster or slower; excellent way of putting it. Makes sense of course.

Many thanks for the opinions!

Regards

Hi Jared,

What are your ties now to the US? Are you currently working and own real estate?

Have you thought about moving to a border city/town in the US bordering Canada, renting an apartment, doing sales/etc. in US therefore securing US ties and income?

Your friend then could move to a Canadian City/town apartment bordering US within minutes of you for a period of 6 months. If you travel back into the US daily for work and have US ties I would think there would be no problem at the border. I also think that your friend would be able to travel from Canada to the US to visit providing you two with the time you need together to decide your destiny. Perhaps some VJ members could confirm if this scenario would be appropriate.

Good luck!

[JaredLCo 5]

*places in this thread where I mention "moving" to Canada & looking for work, should be interpreted as "traveling" to Canada & looking for work*

Keep all the different outlooks coming, I'm thrilled to see so much input!

Gingerpants: Yep, that's exactly what I've read about Ireland; Dublin included. It's unfortunate, certainly, that the one place we could both go fairly easily to live & work for 1 year just suffered a particularly hard economic blow. (Everywhere is hurting I suppose, but I also feel for the Irish). I'm not exactly sure how France's economy is doing, but I'm interested in the Partner's Visa. We've been together for almost 2 years exactly. I'll have to look into it more; thanks for mentioning it!

DaveyOntario: Currently my ties to the US are: employed at the same company for the last 2 years, very close with my family, & renting (help paying the mortgage) a house from my parents. Funny you mention the border living; this was my parent's suggestion as well! With them, & you, bringing this up as a possibility, you've now both got me researching just exactly how to pull this off. I could live & work in Buffalo, & her in a nearby Canadian city, just across the border. I will say it seems too good to be true; I feel like there's probably a small detail in daily border crossing that would hold us back, but I need to read more & see what I can find.

Merci beaucoup! Please keep any input rolling in! I'm all ears for cross-border living/relationship info, too!

[JaredLCo 5]

A slight update:

After much deliberation (& exhaustion of options), we've semi-decided to go forward with the K-1 process! (inside I'm jumping & yelling happily)

I'm (we're) looking now for any words of encouragement, or further advice, to help us push that "semi" off the semi-decided quoted above!

We've been together for 2 years almost, traveled to each other, talked every day; been through a lot. The perspective that with long-distance relationships, you have to move faster, or slower than you would normally do or wish, couldn't be more true. We both have acknowledged that given the circumstances, normally we would wait a few years after our exclusive relationship developed & living together, before deciding to get married; but feeling as sure as we do about each other & the possibility of being together permanently, we don't feel like we're being too risky, as a whole.

That being said, any little push of motivation from any angle would be gladly appreciated...staying positive!

Is it the entire end of the world of we cancel the K-1 or nullify things within a few years? Again, we wouldn't do it if we weren't sure about each other, but the comfort of a safety net that the world isn't going to end for each of us, if we for whatever reason go sour, can sometimes be a huge motivator in moving forward.

Any encouragement about the aftermath, the process & waiting (for the K-1), visiting while waiting for the K-1, or positive thoughts in general would be a huge boost. (our journey truly is unfolding on VJ)

Thank you all

Edited November 5, 2010 by JaredLCo

[JaredLCo 5]

*shameless bump*

any encouragement or advice, regarding my last post?! ^^

[Kathryn41 3,205]

A slight update:

After much deliberation (& exhaustion of options), we've semi-decided to go forward with the K-1 process! (inside I'm jumping & yelling happily)

I'm (we're) looking now for any words of encouragement, or further advice, to help us push that "semi" off the semi-decided quoted above!

We've been together for 2 years almost, traveled to each other, talked every day; been through a lot. The perspective that with long-distance relationships, you have to move faster, or slower than you would normally do or wish, couldn't be more true. We both have acknowledged that given the circumstances, normally we would wait a few years after our exclusive relationship developed & living together, before deciding to get married; but feeling as sure as we do about each other & the possibility of being together permanently, we don't feel like we're being too risky, as a whole.

That being said, any little push of motivation from any angle would be gladly appreciated...staying positive!

Is it the entire end of the world of we cancel the K-1 or nullify things within a few years? Again, we wouldn't do it if we weren't sure about each other, but the comfort of a safety net that the world isn't going to end for each of us, if we for whatever reason go sour, can sometimes be a huge motivator in moving forward.

Any encouragement about the aftermath, the process & waiting (for the K-1), visiting while waiting for the K-1, or positive thoughts in general would be a huge boost. (our journey truly is unfolding on VJ)

Thank you all

Congratulations on reaching a decision . I think this is a wise course that you are choosing. I know it can seem somewhat overwhelming at first - not just the whole immigration paperwork but the whole decision that you are going to be getting married and starting a new life together. There is a new level of permanence even though you already felt like things were permanent.

Your concerns about 'waiting' until you were able to experience your exclusive relationship for a while before proceeding to the next stage are understandable. I don't know if you will find it any consolation or not, but . . . the K-1 process itself will take some time, so you will have a number of months and possibly up to a year (I don't know how fast France is processing K-1s these days but I know Canada is taking a LONG time ) to get used to the idea . Going through the process and the paperwork will be stressful at times but it will also serve to open up a new level of intimacy for the two of you. After all, this is your future life together you are now putting into place.

So, you both have homework to do now, to become familiar with the process and start putting together the necessary paperwork. The more you both know and study about the process, the easier it will be for you to do it right and make sure you don't encounter any of the problems that end up causing delays. You can do this on your own, and you should be able to visit each other during the process. Just have your fiancee be prepared to provide proof of her ongoing ties and commitments to her home country to reassure border authorities that she is not planning on immigrating on that visit. Having copies of the submitted immigration paperwork often helps reassure the border guards that you are indeed following the correct process.

Yes, if things don't work out and you want to cancel the process, yes, you can do that at any time - either before the approval of the petition or before the approval of the Visa. The only real challenge would come if you did that more than once and re-applied for another K-1 visa - there are restrictions on how many you can file.

Just to let you know, the K-1 is the start of the immigration process. It is best to think of it as receiving permission for your fiancee to come to the US, get married and then apply for permission to remain in the US. Her initial status is only valid for 90 days. After you are married, you start the 2nd phase of immigration - getting the green card (Permanent Resident status) which will allow her to live in the US as your wife. While I encourage you to read ahead on what is involved in the process, I will also suggest that you don't let it overwhelm you. You just take it one step at a time and you will have plenty of time within which to work, You approach each stage as you get to it, and by the time it arrives, you will be ready- especially if you hang around with us here on Visa Journey during the process.

You may wish to check out the Regional Forums to find other VJers who are also going through the same process as you are from the same country. It helps to know you are with 'friends' along the way.

Good luck, and again, congratulations.

Edited November 5, 2010 by Kathryn41

[JlovesA 109]

A slight update:

After much deliberation (& exhaustion of options), we've semi-decided to go forward with the K-1 process! (inside I'm jumping & yelling happily)

I'm (we're) looking now for any words of encouragement, or further advice, to help us push that "semi" off the semi-decided quoted above!

We've been together for 2 years almost, traveled to each other, talked every day; been through a lot. The perspective that with long-distance relationships, you have to move faster, or slower than you would normally do or wish, couldn't be more true. We both have acknowledged that given the circumstances, normally we would wait a few years after our exclusive relationship developed & living together, before deciding to get married; but feeling as sure as we do about each other & the possibility of being together permanently, we don't feel like we're being too risky, as a whole.

That being said, any little push of motivation from any angle would be gladly appreciated...staying positive!

Is it the entire end of the world of we cancel the K-1 or nullify things within a few years? Again, we wouldn't do it if we weren't sure about each other, but the comfort of a safety net that the world isn't going to end for each of us, if we for whatever reason go sour, can sometimes be a huge motivator in moving forward.

Any encouragement about the aftermath, the process & waiting (for the K-1), visiting while waiting for the K-1, or positive thoughts in general would be a huge boost. (our journey truly is unfolding on VJ)

Thank you all

Good luck on filing!

I can definitely agree with what you said about how long distance relationships run at different paces than you'd prefer. My fiance and I were both really not interested in getting married and aren't the type of people to rush into anything. But we knew if we wanted to live together, we had no choice but to get married. It can be frustrating and cause bumps in an otherwise healthy relationship, so be prepared to experience some not-so-pleasant feelings along the way.

Other than that, the K1 process really isn't that complicated. Just read the instructions and the guides. Make sure you understand everything and if something isn't in the guides, don't assume it's a problem or requirement. The process is only as complicated as you make it. You seem like an intelligent guy so I don't think you'll have much trouble with this.

The best thing about the K1 process is that eventually it's over! Keep your eyes on the prize and remember to be patient.

If you need any advice, feel free to PM me!

Edited November 8, 2010 by JlovesA

[Gemmie 142]

I agree with the others, personally in your situation I would've went forward with the K1 as well. Moving to another country and finding work would be incredibly hard, especially with the current economy in Ireland, and the uncertainty of a job in Canada.

I understand your wanting to spend time together in person before you commit to getting married, especially because life together isn't exactly normal life (with one of you on vacation). Me and my husband didn't want to get married at that point in our lives either, but unfortunately there was no other option if we wanted to be together. (The UK has a visa for unmarried partners but it requries you to have lived together for two years prior - which is almost impossible!) As Kathryn said, things speed up and slow down in long distance relationships and sometimes all you want to do is stop everything and take things at your own pace. i.e. Having time together before getting married, you wish you could slow it down. The visa process itself, you wish you could speed it up. But if you believe your relationship is strong enough to get married, I advise you to go with the flow.

[JaredLCo 5]

Thank you SO much for the replies!!!

Kathryn41: Very awesome, I'm extremely grateful.

JlovesA: Thanks for sharing, saying that you were in the same situation, not interested in getting married yet, but knew it was the only way to live together, etc. Hearing other stories of struggle & success definitely help. Thanks for saying it doesn't seem like we'll have much trouble with this...I hope you're right! Well said, the best thing about the K-1 process is that it's eventually over, & keep our eyes on the prize! Great advice.

Gemmie: Same to you, for sharing & giving advice. It sounds like we weren't & aren't the only ones in this position, so it's comforting & reassuring to know people have been here, & gone forward, & succeeded. We do believe our relationship is strong enough, & we appreciate all the insight coming in; it helps tremendously.

If anyone else would care to add positive words of encouragement...we're taking all forms of motivation, to start!

[Nikki + Tomislav 7]

Hi Jared, my fiance and I felt the same way. We've come to terms with the fact that our relationship is different than a "normal" relationship and we have to speed up our marriage much sooner than we probably would have otherwise. It's hard because you imagine the proposal and the surprise of it all but at the same time, I know our love is so real and so strong because long distance relationships are so hard and the K-1 journey definitely tests the strenghth of relationships. That being said, I'm so excited to begin real life with my love and this is the best option of us to be together, for good. Good luck on your journey! Keep us posted on how things are going

[JaredLCo 5]

Nikki + Tomislav: Thank you for your response! It's comforting to know so many other people have felt the same way we do, with just trying to make a responsible decision, but realizing that it's different than a "normal" relationship, having to speed things up, more than we normally would have. Long distance relationships are definitely hard, & the journey does test the strength, I agree. Thanks for the encouragement, & the wish of good luck! We will keep everyone posted, for sure. We're getting there!

Any more info, advice or tales of success are welcome!

[captal 2]

I can share my tale as well. I (US citizen) moved to Japan to study Japanese in August 2008, the last thing I had in mind was dating a Japanese girl as I'd heard awful stories from friends regarding relationships with Japanese women. Of course it is always when we are NOT looking that we find what we want. I met a nice country girl, not at all like the typical city girl that my friends had told stories about. We started dating a couple months after we met and I didn't really view it as a serious relationship. However the more time we spent together, the more I realized that she was different from any girl I'd dated previously, and we found our relationship getting more serious. About 9 months into my time in Japan I just got sick of being there and didn't feel like I belonged so I looked at what options were available. Our relationship was definitely not at a stage where I would consider marriage, but one option came to the front that would enable us to keep dating, stay together and move out of Japan.

When we had first met, my girlfriend told me she was planning on moving to Australia within two years because she had spent three months there and loved it. Before I moved to Japan I had spent a year and a half in Australia studying and I also loved it. In the end we both decided to apply for working holiday visas in Australia, and continue our relationship there. It's been over 9 months that we've been in Australia and our visas will expire in February, so we're considering the next step. Which is why I'm here on VJ We've been dating over two years now, and traveling and living together for almost a whole year so I feel a lot more comfortable making a decision about our relationship now, then I did in mid-2009 when I was sick of living in Japan. (we're also considering heading back to Japan, where I have a sponsored visa available)

We also considered going to Ireland after this working holiday to do another, but heard the economy was awful, so axed that. New Zealand is another option, but we both feel that just delays the inevitable.

So my advice is to look into working holiday in Australia or NZ- the Australian economy is really good- finding real career work can be tough- but if you have sales experience you should be able to find something quickly, and you can always bartend. Both US and French citizens are eligible for 1 year working holiday in Australia (with a possible 1 year extension). (good jobsites are seek.com.au or monster.com.au, but I found working with a recruiter to be the best/fastest method) If you'd like any specific advice, let me know.

Edited November 18, 2010 by captal

[JaredLCo 5]

captal: Many thanks for sharing your story! It's SO great to see SO many people & couples have similar tales & similar thoughts & predicaments. You have basically been in our same situation, & it's encouraging to know you successfully struggled through it. In my situation, she has already gone & lived in Australia for 7 months. We had considered NZ/Australia, but because she had already been down there & lived & worked, we decided against it. The distance it is from France & US, the price of the plane tickets, etc. Especially with her already having been there, we just decided the K-1 at this point makes more sense, for us. It's a tough call but that's where we stand right now. Currently trying to do more research on what exactly legal marriage means in US, & all the steps for starting the K-1 process.

And once again, ANY feedback or advice, words of encouragement....always welcome!

[JaredLCo 5]

*UPDATE*

We have compiled our I-129f package, etc, & put it in the mail!!! Sooo exciting!

Working on our time-line now!

Thanks to all, for support & priceless information. This website (people) has helped tremendously.

We'll keep you updated!

Merci beaucoup!

[villaspurs 65]

Congratulations--may your journey be smooth and happy!