MENA making one upset....

[Mithra 1,185]

Oh honey this guy is using you or at least trying real hard. He should NEVER be asking you to pay his bills and certainly not asking to buy anyone an iphone. Please get out of this situation. Thank you for coming back to clarify the situation.

[tiffmal 6]

To the OP- I am very sorry you are being put through this. No woman deserves that treatment from a man. Your instincts as a woman and a mother are leading you to question this situation and that's good! You deserve better and so does your child. Please think twice about moving there. Breaking up is hard we all know that. No matter how much you miss him, how much you cry, how much he begs, it will get better. You have a son to look after so just remember that when times are hard. I wish you the best and I hope you choose to stay in the states with your son.

[msheesha 548]

Just know that he survived before he knew you. There are many without jobs in Morocco and they still survive. Consider the welfare of your child and yourself first. Seek counseling if you can, it will be the best investment. He's probably on to his next victim since he's not getting money from you

And, more importantly YOU and your child survived before him! And, you don't need him or the aggravation he brings with him!

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Sorry for my absent. The reason I asked that question is because if things do not go his way I am the one who gets the backlash. I felt like he wasn't being honest with me. How does one who is a teacher go through his salary and he also has a part time job. He has no responsiblities for anybody, not his parents or siblings. It's just him. And he asked to pay his rent this month, and I just totally flat out said no.

I was spending money like crazy to get ready for this move internationally. Getting documentation together. I felt like he was adding more stress by making these crazy request of getting all these things in America for him, when he knows money is tight. I mean every month we go over line by line about bills and finances.

So with him getting attitude because I said no, then his temper is flying out through the roof. He is so upset. Won't answer my calls. He only calls to say where is my money?! This is not the first time he has done this.

The first time he did this was when I was going through a lot of stress and he asked me to pay for his divorce from his wife.(they had been seperated for 1.5-2 years at the time.) And he gave me such a crazy amount. And he said oh divorces are expensive here in Morocco. I said really? Costing more than an American divorce. He said oh the rest was going to be spent on our wedding. WHAT THE WHAT?!

When we end the first time that should have been it. However, his mother and best friend kept talking to me to see this 'change' and if i am honest with myself i never saw it. Nevertheless, it's always about give me give me give me. I spent over 75.00USD to call him, because he says he doesn't want the magicjack or vonage in his home. Phone cards are better. And he needs the new iPod touch for his brother cause he's wanting to start a rapping career. And he needs the iPhone 4. I don't even have an iPhone 4.

And he says this is because by giving him these things plus paying the rent to help better himself for our arrival.(<<<THE DUMBEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD.)

it's all about money for him. i can't take it. and his best friend actually said i'm in the wrong, because i'm not doing more for him?!

So needless to say we are not speaking at the moment. I need to calm down and regroup. I just can't afford him!!!!! He's needs a wealthy woman, and I am not it.

The mother and his friend talked to you because this is a family project to get him over to the USA with his rich wife who will support him while he saends all his money home. Please please please for your daughters sake and i speak from experience, end this . You will destroy your childrens life. No child needs some temperamental moody ####### yelling and screaming stateside when one thing doesnt go their way? Do you really want this for your daughter. Not a day goes by that I dont regret marrying the monster I married who ruined my life, my mothers life and my childrens psyches. Not a day goes by that I dont regret every minute.I had plenty of time to get out and didnt listen to a damn person excusing away his cruel, abusive and psychotic behavior. He too begged for money back home, lied about it and acted like a spoiled ####### there and here. It wasnt until life bit him in the #### and he actually had to work and suffer and face life here that he improved somewhat but I will never ever forgive him or his jerkwad family for the visa grab they set me up for. You have to be honest with yourself. Dont hurt your little girl cause you are lonely

You wont change him and I could never advise anyone to marry anyone from MENA who wasnt kind and 100 balanced. If they are wacky, they will be wacky times 200000 when they get here and wreak havoc all over your life stateside. You think the money problems are bad now, wait till he gets here and either claims you have abused him, physically and emotionally abuses you here on us soil and you cant get rid of his terrorisng ,emotionally blackmailing butt. The fact his parent are in on it, trying to explain away his psychotic behavior makes it worse. RUN.. RUN..If they arent normal at this point, it will get worse and worse.

[Tunisia216 2]

You have just described the classic " love rat". I know your not with a Tunisian man, but here is a site that pretty much applies all across the board for any country and describes what " bezness" is, what a " love rat " is and gives some of the common tricks and excuses they use. http://www.tunisia-love.com/signs-of-bezness-in-tunisia.htm

[Mithra 1,185]

That site is AWESOME!!! LOL!

[LaL 418]

You have just described the classic " love rat". I know your not with a Tunisian man, but here is a site that pretty much applies all across the board for any country and describes what " bezness" is, what a " love rat " is and gives some of the common tricks and excuses they use. http://www.tunisia-l...-in-tunisia.htm

new vocab word for the day!

[Always+Forever 7]

Sorry for my absent. The reason I asked that question is because if things do not go his way I am the one who gets the backlash. I felt like he wasn't being honest with me. How does one who is a teacher go through his salary and he also has a part time job. He has no responsiblities for anybody, not his parents or siblings. It's just him. And he asked to pay his rent this month, and I just totally flat out said no.

I was spending money like crazy to get ready for this move internationally. Getting documentation together. I felt like he was adding more stress by making these crazy request of getting all these things in America for him, when he knows money is tight. I mean every month we go over line by line about bills and finances.

So with him getting attitude because I said no, then his temper is flying out through the roof. He is so upset. Won't answer my calls. He only calls to say where is my money?! This is not the first time he has done this.

The first time he did this was when I was going through a lot of stress and he asked me to pay for his divorce from his wife.(they had been seperated for 1.5-2 years at the time.) And he gave me such a crazy amount. And he said oh divorces are expensive here in Morocco. I said really? Costing more than an American divorce. He said oh the rest was going to be spent on our wedding. WHAT THE WHAT?!

When we end the first time that should have been it. However, his mother and best friend kept talking to me to see this 'change' and if i am honest with myself i never saw it. Nevertheless, it's always about give me give me give me. I spent over 75.00USD to call him, because he says he doesn't want the magicjack or vonage in his home. Phone cards are better. And he needs the new iPod touch for his brother cause he's wanting to start a rapping career. And he needs the iPhone 4. I don't even have an iPhone 4.

And he says this is because by giving him these things plus paying the rent to help better himself for our arrival.(<<<THE DUMBEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD.)

it's all about money for him. i can't take it. and his best friend actually said i'm in the wrong, because i'm not doing more for him?!

So needless to say we are not speaking at the moment. I need to calm down and regroup. I just can't afford him!!!!! He's needs a wealthy woman, and I am not it.

I replied in your "living in morocco" topic.

Monica

[MaghrebiMama 1]

First of all, All I can say is "wow". I can completely understand what you are going through. How can someone who is wanting you to move to his country expect you to pay out so much. Not only for himself BUT his family too.

You said it right in your last sentence. "He needs a wealthy woman and I am NOT it."

Go with your gut feelings. Have faith in yourself. It sounds like this man thinks he has a meal ticket and even his family is in agreement

Specially if he has others talking to you telling how he has changed.

Best thing you can do is to cut all monetary ties you have with him and then see how he reacts.

Good luck!

we are over. we have been over a little over 2 weeks I guess. I am not good at remembering recent dates. anyway guys, I wish you all the best with your marriages and relationships. Me i am done with this matter. For me i've been burnt twice dealing with Moroccans. Not to say all are bad. I am just saying I do not believe they are for me. Wishing you all the love and happiness in the world.

MM

[tiffmal 6]

Good for you. You did the right thing!

[Batta 6]

we are over. we have been over a little over 2 weeks I guess. I am not good at remembering recent dates. anyway guys, I wish you all the best with your marriages and relationships. Me i am done with this matter. For me i've been burnt twice dealing with Moroccans. Not to say all are bad. I am just saying I do not believe they are for me. Wishing you all the love and happiness in the world.

MM

I just cannot understand why American women are running after MENA men!! I can understand why I married my husband, since we both are from the same MENA country, share same religion and culture. This did not mean we had it easy but was a little bit comforting.

I see a lot of women here trying to find love in overseas relationship which to me the percentage of survival is very limited. The same issue over and over again. I know how MENA men think about the American women, they just want to marry them to come to the state. The US VISA is like gold in the street. I swear if you print million visas and throw it in middle of any Arabic country it will disappear in the blink of an eye.

Arab men are dying to come to the state, they marry just to get a green card, later they will go back home and find a woman from their own culture to have children with. I am NOT saying all MENA are like that but a HIGH percentage is.

I think it is better to find someone locally rather than wasting resources going there and at the end take a stab in your own heart.

There are plenty of Good American men that are by far better than MENA men, just remember that.

[MaghrebiMama 1]

I just cannot understand why American women are running after MENA men!! I can understand why I married my husband, since we both are from the same MENA country, share same religion and culture. This did not mean we had it easy but was a little bit comforting.

I see a lot of women here trying to find love in overseas relationship which to me the percentage of survival is very limited. The same issue over and over again. I know how MENA men think about the American women, they just want to marry them to come to the state. The US VISA is like gold in the street. I swear if you print million visas and throw it in middle of any Arabic country it will disappear in the blink of an eye.

Arab men are dying to come to the state, they marry just to get a green card, later they will go back home and find a woman from their own culture to have children with. I am NOT saying all MENA are like that but a HIGH percentage is.

I think it is better to find someone locally rather than wasting resources going there and at the end take a stab in your own heart.

There are plenty of Good American men that are by far better than MENA men, just remember that.

I kinda agree with you on that note. I mean i'm muslim, and just locally is better. I won't go into much detail with my personal life, but ALHAMDULILLAH for the community looking out for me. Ironically I'm not terribly upset by what happen. It's just a eye opener. life will continue to go on. insha'Allah Allah will continue to protect my son and I from the evils of this world.

Edited November 10, 2010 by MaghrebiMama

[MaghrebiMama 1]

You have just described the classic " love rat". I know your not with a Tunisian man, but here is a site that pretty much applies all across the board for any country and describes what " bezness" is, what a " love rat " is and gives some of the common tricks and excuses they use. http://www.tunisia-love.com/signs-of-bezness-in-tunisia.htm

WOW!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT CAN YOU SAY TO THAT?! However you are right. In Maghreb areas this is exactly right. (Morocco, Algeria, Tunisia, Libya, Mauritania, and Western Sahara.) I used to think it was not realistic, but the more I watch, the more I see and the more I know. Per example: there is a nice size of Moroccans that live where I live, and the men always marry non-muslim with children, and when their papers/documentation is sorted, they 99.99% leave them to go to home to marry somebody else. It's like clock-work. One is on his way right now back to Casa.(leaving in 2 weeks I believe)

The guy that is leaving, his best friend is somewhat of a direct person. He said once, Why truly marry? We said for love. He said, nah. we marry we come we get sorted. You think we can live without sex? This is the best way cause we get our cake, our sex, and we eat 2. Of course after the strange comment we no longer speak even on salutation terms. Thus, realizing the seriousness and watching others around me, I begin to fully understand this is how most of them think. Which is so tragic.

However, there are expections to the rule, that would be that I do see some that marry women with children,(no more than 2), but they usually have to be accpeted by the family and really a practining muslim and ready to fully adapt to the culture if they are not already apart of the culture.

I've seen some women give their children back to their 'fathers' so they can marry and be socially accepted in rank within the family. Alhamdulillah, I've never had to do this, but I've seen it done.

As far as my situation, my ex-husband is Mauritanian. So, i'm socially accepted due to the fact I'm an ex wife of a Maghreb and that I have a child that is Maghrebi. The culture is very similar to Morocco, however the road of re-marrying has been very difficult due to the fact I have a male child. Other men DO NOT LIKE AND PREFER NOT to raise another man's son. Issues with linage which is also very important to them. They love to brag how many children they have even if they don't raise them.

Nevertheless, being on this site and reading different articles has really help shed light and better help me understand. Thank you so much ladies and sisters of the MENA. :-)

MM

[~Jackie~ 30]

"...is a nice size of Moroccans that live where I live, and the men always marry non-muslim with children, and when their papers/documentation is sorted, they 99.99% leave them to go to home to marry somebody else. It's like clock-work. "....

99.9% ....that is high. After 7 years on VJ~I have come up with my own number...85% . Our AOS interviewer has her own number...she believes 100% are fraud.

Jax

[Jenn! 918]

68% of statistics are made up