MENA making one upset....

[Teffah 5]

We had a rough start (and that's putting it lightly) but with communication and understanding we are still together and finally growing closer. Most of us have very limited time with our SO's before actually living together. So that makes for some preeeety stressful situations.

Only you can tell how much you can accept. We all have different tolerance levels. Some cut and bolt and some hunker down. I am glad I didn't give up on Ibrahim. He's a gem and now that all the immigration stuff is over, we not just have fun...we enjoy.

I hope it all works out for you

Jax

Great answer! I am going through at awful stage now. I love my husband to pieces but sometimes, ARG!! We are learning about each other more and more, but we still slip up and mess up.

[tiffmal 6]

I dont quite understand the dilemma here. You are not married to this guy right? You have no obligations to him. If you are already having problems then end it. Go find yourself a nice man who does not have a temper. Put yourself first. Do you really want to spend the rest if your life with someone you are having doubts about? You don't have to prove yourself to anyone. We all make mistakes. If you are unsure and concerned, its better and much easier to stop the situation before it gets out of hand. Good luck

[Mithra 1,185]

The OP never returned to clarify about this temper. Telling her to leave the guy and we don't know the extent of his temper is a bit premature. I have a temper, I think everyone has some sort of a temper. We all get angry, right? I would hate for someone to give up on me because I was in a pissy mood one day. However, we don't yet know how bad this "temper" is. It's sad that many people in this board will automatically say, "dump him" without really knowing what's going on.

[Always+Forever 7]

The OP never returned to clarify about this temper. Telling her to leave the guy and we don't know the extent of his temper is a bit premature. I have a temper, I think everyone has some sort of a temper. We all get angry, right? I would hate for someone to give up on me because I was in a pissy mood one day. However, we don't yet know how bad this "temper" is. It's sad that many people in this board will automatically say, "dump him" without really knowing what's going on.

Was thinking the same thing

[tiffmal 6]

The OP never returned to clarify about this temper. Telling her to leave the guy and we don't know the extent of his temper is a bit premature. I have a temper, I think everyone has some sort of a temper. We all get angry, right? I would hate for someone to give up on me because I was in a pissy mood one day. However, we don't yet know how bad this "temper" is. It's sad that many people in this board will automatically say, "dump him" without really knowing what's going on.

I don't know why she would be posting if she was concerned about his great temperment. She said temper and I think its obvious she means he has a bad temper- bad enough for her to seek advice. The usual vibe here is to convince the ladies things will get better. Well im just saying why should she send for him and make such a huge commitment if she is not sure? I think she needs to really think about it. Of course she can make her own decisions and I am only giving her the advice I personally feel she might want to consider. Whether we know all the details or not doesn't really seem relevant. This isn't a grand jury- just people giving their perspective.

[Mithra 1,185]

The details are relevant because it affects how the people in this forum would advise her. If she said he was in a grouchy mood sometimes or they argued occasionally and things got heated my advice would be different than if she said he's demeaning towards her and screams at her all the time for no reason. Huge difference between the two scenarios. And you're right, this isn't a grand jury or whatever but the girl came here for advice and we shouldn't just brush her off by saying "dump him" just because the word "temper" was used. She may just be under stress herself and is a bit sensitive right now. Who knows. This is why she should clarify more about her situation. Her idea of bad temper may be skewed right now? Or maybe not. Maybe the guy is a major dickface.

Edited November 2, 2010 by je veux ton amour

[tiffmal 6]

What I mean about it not really being relevant is that at the end of the day only she really knows what is going on and she is the only one who can decide what is best for her. Im sure she would be able to recognize the degree of concern that is appropriate whether she is just grumpy or if he is just a complete #######. Even if she was just grumpy it doesn't seem like he responded well which might be why she is upset. Either way I still think that if she is unsure she should think about it and not be afraid of ending things if she needs to.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Assalaamu'Alaykum/Salutations:

I hope this finds everyone okay. I'm just wondering, has of the women that are engaged or married to their MENA men can upset you with their tempers to where you just want to withdrawal the petition?

MM

It doesnt get any better when they get here if they are already having temper tantrums. Its awful especially if you have children living with you and you bring a tempremental ####### over here and they wreak havoc on your life and your family.

I think the women that withdraw petitions after they see red flags are smart as hell

[MaghrebiMama 1]

It doesnt get any better when they get here if they are already having temper tantrums. Its awful especially if you have children living with you and you bring a tempremental ####### over here and they wreak havoc on your life and your family.

I think the women that withdraw petitions after they see red flags are smart as hell

Sorry for my absent. The reason I asked that question is because if things do not go his way I am the one who gets the backlash. I felt like he wasn't being honest with me. How does one who is a teacher go through his salary and he also has a part time job. He has no responsiblities for anybody, not his parents or siblings. It's just him. And he asked to pay his rent this month, and I just totally flat out said no.

I was spending money like crazy to get ready for this move internationally. Getting documentation together. I felt like he was adding more stress by making these crazy request of getting all these things in America for him, when he knows money is tight. I mean every month we go over line by line about bills and finances.

So with him getting attitude because I said no, then his temper is flying out through the roof. He is so upset. Won't answer my calls. He only calls to say where is my money?! This is not the first time he has done this.

The first time he did this was when I was going through a lot of stress and he asked me to pay for his divorce from his wife.(they had been seperated for 1.5-2 years at the time.) And he gave me such a crazy amount. And he said oh divorces are expensive here in Morocco. I said really? Costing more than an American divorce. He said oh the rest was going to be spent on our wedding. WHAT THE WHAT?!

When we end the first time that should have been it. However, his mother and best friend kept talking to me to see this 'change' and if i am honest with myself i never saw it. Nevertheless, it's always about give me give me give me. I spent over 75.00USD to call him, because he says he doesn't want the magicjack or vonage in his home. Phone cards are better. And he needs the new iPod touch for his brother cause he's wanting to start a rapping career. And he needs the iPhone 4. I don't even have an iPhone 4.

And he says this is because by giving him these things plus paying the rent to help better himself for our arrival.(<<<THE DUMBEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD.)

it's all about money for him. i can't take it. and his best friend actually said i'm in the wrong, because i'm not doing more for him?!

So needless to say we are not speaking at the moment. I need to calm down and regroup. I just can't afford him!!!!! He's needs a wealthy woman, and I am not it.

[moroccogirlny 100]

Sorry but I smell SCAMMER!

[msheesha 548]

Get out of the situation! ####### are you waiting for? A neon flashing sign to drop on your head?

Seriously, you're about to put yourself AND your child into a horrible situation. For the sake of your child, don't do it.

[msheesha 548]

MaghrebiMama ~ you're planning to move there next month, right?

What could possibly be motivating you to do so at this point? I find

this really disturbing. You have a child & it seems obvious from what you're saying that this guy in Morocco doesn't care about you or your child. If he did, he wouldn't be taking money from your child & wanted all those i-pod things - especially for his brother to start a rap career. If he cared about your child, he would be finding out about schools there for your child & you wouldn't have to ask strangers about it on some forum where the answers can be iffy at best. AND, he's a teacher?!? If he's a teacher, why do you have to ask on here about schools? Why isn't he all over finding a school and the information on it for your child?

THINK!!! If it's this uncomfortable for you now, how much worse it will be when you are there!

[JeanneVictoria 55]

I'm saddened by what you are putting yourself through. Please heed the advice of these wonderful people here in MENA and

DON'T GO! Take your time, think and re-think of what is going on. Please don't get yourself in a situation where it's impossible

for you to return. First and formost THINK of your beautiful child. Can you really think of what your child will be going thru with

his temper? Save your money. If it's love, then it will survive without demands or tempers. You deserve much more and so does

your child. Take control of this situation and do what you KNOW is the right thing.

[moroccogirlny 100]

Just know that he survived before he knew you. There are many without jobs in Morocco and they still survive. Consider the welfare of your child and yourself first. Seek counseling if you can, it will be the best investment. He's probably on to his next victim since he's not getting money from you

[And_Sam 44]

Sorry for my absent. The reason I asked that question is because if things do not go his way I am the one who gets the backlash. I felt like he wasn't being honest with me. How does one who is a teacher go through his salary and he also has a part time job. He has no responsiblities for anybody, not his parents or siblings. It's just him. And he asked to pay his rent this month, and I just totally flat out said no.

I was spending money like crazy to get ready for this move internationally. Getting documentation together. I felt like he was adding more stress by making these crazy request of getting all these things in America for him, when he knows money is tight. I mean every month we go over line by line about bills and finances.

So with him getting attitude because I said no, then his temper is flying out through the roof. He is so upset. Won't answer my calls. He only calls to say where is my money?! This is not the first time he has done this.

The first time he did this was when I was going through a lot of stress and he asked me to pay for his divorce from his wife.(they had been seperated for 1.5-2 years at the time.) And he gave me such a crazy amount. And he said oh divorces are expensive here in Morocco. I said really? Costing more than an American divorce. He said oh the rest was going to be spent on our wedding. WHAT THE WHAT?!

When we end the first time that should have been it. However, his mother and best friend kept talking to me to see this 'change' and if i am honest with myself i never saw it. Nevertheless, it's always about give me give me give me. I spent over 75.00USD to call him, because he says he doesn't want the magicjack or vonage in his home. Phone cards are better. And he needs the new iPod touch for his brother cause he's wanting to start a rapping career. And he needs the iPhone 4. I don't even have an iPhone 4.

And he says this is because by giving him these things plus paying the rent to help better himself for our arrival.(<<<THE DUMBEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD.)

it's all about money for him. i can't take it. and his best friend actually said i'm in the wrong, because i'm not doing more for him?!

So needless to say we are not speaking at the moment. I need to calm down and regroup. I just can't afford him!!!!! He's needs a wealthy woman, and I am not it.

First of all, All I can say is "wow". I can completely understand what you are going through. How can someone who is wanting you to move to his country expect you to pay out so much. Not only for himself BUT his family too.

You said it right in your last sentence. "He needs a wealthy woman and I am NOT it."

Go with your gut feelings. Have faith in yourself. It sounds like this man thinks he has a meal ticket and even his family is in agreement

Specially if he has others talking to you telling how he has changed.

Best thing you can do is to cut all monetary ties you have with him and then see how he reacts.

Good luck!