MENA making one upset....

[~Jackie~ 30]

Coming from an actuary, I'll believe that.

There are MANY success stories, most involve the couples being close in age and having children together.

J

[momof1 205]

Coming from an actuary, I'll believe that.

There are MANY success stories, most involve the couples being close in age and having children together.

J

I agree. I've been married to my MENA man for over 8 years. We're well matched in looks and a typical age difference for a man from his country. I was young(21) never married and didn't have any kids when we were married. He was 30 and never married. We have two boys(7years and 4 months) and my IL's are very accepting of our marriage. They treat me exactly as they treat the other daughter in law who is Algerian. I gave them their first grandchild and that counts for a lot

Most people who are blindsided by the fraudsters failed to notice the signs from the beginning. They are blinded by "love" and didn't realize how compltely mismatched they are as a couple.

If my husband hadn't already been in the US, I wouldn't have dared to bring him so far away to the US. I have to give a lot of you ladies credit for being so brave, and I hope it works for all of you.

[Mithra 1,185]

Batta, I both agree and disagree with you on some points.

My husband works with several Arabs from various countries. He has a Palestinian co-worker who married a woman from his country, had a child then shipped her back to Palestine so he could "live his life" ie fool around here with American women. He has a Jordanian co-worker who was married to a Lebanese woman and they had two children. She left him and got him for a lot of money in the divorce. He's now burned on Arab women and will only be involved with American women. He has another Jordanian co-worker who married an American girl for "papers" but now loves her yet she's giving him trouble since she's young and doesn't "know how to be a wife". He doesn't want to leave her but he doesn't like how she and her family act. Apparently his MIL stole money from him or whatever. Lots of drama from these guys it seems. Anyways, scams happen and real love and marriage happens. It seems to be a roll of the dice.

Regarding the comment about why American women "chase" MENA guys. Well get online and no matter where you are or what kind of chat room or social network you're involved in there are MENA guys all over it. It seems they chase Americans not the other way around. The women get caught up in the romance of it all because let's face it - MENA guys lay it on pretty thick.

[100% Al Ahly Fan 53]

Regarding the comment about why American women "chase" MENA guys. Well get online and no matter where you are or what kind of chat room or social network you're involved in there are MENA guys all over it. It seems they chase Americans not the other way around. The women get caught up in the romance of it all because let's face it - MENA guys lay it on pretty thick.

You said it sista! Not just in romance...hell my little boy proves that to me on a daily basis. We are of MENA heritage but we were both born and raised here. Must be in the bloodlines

Batta, I think I understand what your saying and feel that if a women (or man) can find a person locally it would certain be easier for all parties involved. But, I also feel a person should be able to chose whoever they like so if ya like 'em MENA, Asian, European or American go for it. Just find a good one.

MM, I'm glad to here you've gotten out of this relationship. No one deserves this sort of treatment. I hope he's learned something from this and hasn't moved on to his next victim but he may soon see his pockets are completely empty and crying back to you. Remember "MENA guys lay it on pretty think" so be prepared to hear how he's a changed man, he loved you, can't live without you and will do whatever it takes to make it work. Best of luck to you.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

WOW!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT CAN YOU SAY TO THAT?! However you are right. In Maghreb areas this is exactly right. (Morocco, Algeria, Tunisia, Libya, Mauritania, and Western Sahara.) I used to think it was not realistic, but the more I watch, the more I see and the more I know. Per example: there is a nice size of Moroccans that live where I live, and the men always marry non-muslim with children, and when their papers/documentation is sorted, they 99.99% leave them to go to home to marry somebody else. It's like clock-work. One is on his way right now back to Casa.(leaving in 2 weeks I believe)

The guy that is leaving, his best friend is somewhat of a direct person. He said once, Why truly marry? We said for love. He said, nah. we marry we come we get sorted. You think we can live without sex? This is the best way cause we get our cake, our sex, and we eat 2. Of course after the strange comment we no longer speak even on salutation terms. Thus, realizing the seriousness and watching others around me, I begin to fully understand this is how most of them think. Which is so tragic.

However, there are expections to the rule, that would be that I do see some that marry women with children,(no more than 2), but they usually have to be accpeted by the family and really a practining muslim and ready to fully adapt to the culture if they are not already apart of the culture.

I've seen some women give their children back to their 'fathers' so they can marry and be socially accepted in rank within the family. Alhamdulillah, I've never had to do this, but I've seen it done.

As far as my situation, my ex-husband is Mauritanian. So, i'm socially accepted due to the fact I'm an ex wife of a Maghreb and that I have a child that is Maghrebi. The culture is very similar to Morocco, however the road of re-marrying has been very difficult due to the fact I have a male child. Other men DO NOT LIKE AND PREFER NOT to raise another man's son. Issues with linage which is also very important to them. They love to brag how many children they have even if they don't raise them.

Nevertheless, being on this site and reading different articles has really help shed light and better help me understand. Thank you so much ladies and sisters of the MENA. :-)

MM

I have a child that is Moroccan and she is amazing and beautiful but I would never say that I am socially accepted because of it. I do have some very very good Moroccan friends because they were my clients for my job and got to know me over a period of time together with my daughter and my daughter played with their children and ate with them. My daughter will walk up to any North African and say " I am from Morocco." She has an arabic name, very arabic looks with long dark hair and berber eyes ( the almond chinesey eyes) She has lighter skin than most but looks very little like me. To be a mother to an arab is to defend them profusesly because you are a mother to one.

I think the jury is out as far as I am concerned about mixed marriages. I have watched Algerians married other Algerians beat the living ###### out of each other and the Algerian husband go back and marry a first cousin and the 2 wives fight like its Jerry Springer. I have watched some horrific situations with Tunisians abducting their kids back to Tunisia and to this day my American female friends has not seen her kids in 3 years and it doesnt look like they ever will come back to the states. I think the Jerry Springer stuff happens to arabs married to arabs too. I think also arab wives are a lot more patient with non sense than most Americans. Yes I think in many ways an older woman marrying a guy from mena needs to brace herself because I just have never seen one in the 10 years I have been around mena extensively ever work out. I know successful long term relationships exist with the older woman younger man scenario but everyone I knew years ago is divorced . As far as same age relationships, I think they have as good of a chance of working as any other marriage, the stressors are just higher, especially for the sponsor wife who has to put everything out and gets very little back alot of time.

I just dont think that you can put a cookie cutter label on people because there will always be an exception. I read an obit from a Moroccan who was married to an American for like 15 years and they had 2 kids and she died of cancer and he was grief stricken. People are people and just when you think you know everything, someone comes along and changes everything. My daughters father, as bad as hes been to me and to other women, honestly will always know his daughter. I would never malign him or his culture to my daughter even though honestly my mom thinks I should wipe every bit of arabicness out of her life and her identity because of what her dad then subsequently another arab put her through. I look at things a different way. If I carry hate against lets say Moroccans or mena people because I have been hurt, then I will make her feel bad about herself in some way. I am very aggravated about some of the games these guys play to get here or to use women but its not all of them.

I think only time will tell but I wouldnt move your little son there if he s not manning up. It will hurt him forever and you cannot glue hearts back together. I regret alot too and honestly all my regrets piled up are about my children and about making marriage choices or choices that werent in their best interest which mainly was bringing someone over here who only wanted papers and to wreak havoc on our lives. My daughter didnt need anymore. If I would have been a good mom, I would have stayed alone and never brought someone over here because she needed me not me going overseas looking for my life without regarding what effect it would have on her. And shes Moroccan. It doesnt make her more accepted. It makes her MORE vulnerable to pain that another person from her culture will impart on her when he has dumped me for greener pastures. Just a thought

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I just cannot understand why American women are running after MENA men!! I can understand why I married my husband, since we both are from the same MENA country, share same religion and culture. This did not mean we had it easy but was a little bit comforting.

I see a lot of women here trying to find love in overseas relationship which to me the percentage of survival is very limited. The same issue over and over again. I know how MENA men think about the American women, they just want to marry them to come to the state. The US VISA is like gold in the street. I swear if you print million visas and throw it in middle of any Arabic country it will disappear in the blink of an eye.

Arab men are dying to come to the state, they marry just to get a green card, later they will go back home and find a woman from their own culture to have children with. I am NOT saying all MENA are like that but a HIGH percentage is.

I think it is better to find someone locally rather than wasting resources going there and at the end take a stab in your own heart.

There are plenty of Good American men that are by far better than MENA men, just remember that.

Its funny . If you as an Arab say these things its ok. If an American says this, we are Debbie downer and dont know what we are talking about. I have to disagree with you a little though. I know Algerians married to Algerians who are absolutely AWFUL to their wives as well as Egyptians and Moroccans who cheat and are miserable. Marrying an arab is no guarantee of happiness for the arab man,especially if he has been over here since he was quite young. I do agree that many will say whatever it takes to get here but to paint all arab on arab marriages as idyllic is not really responsible either. There are some Moroccans that I know that were in lifelong love marriages with their spouses although it may be that country because I really dont know of many mena that are still with their wives other than like one Egyptian, One Iranian ( I work with his 29 year old daughter.. dad iranian mom american and several Moroccans. Maybe it is country specific because Moroccans seem to integrate over here much better than some and just blend I guess.

Most Americans that have met these guys did not chase. It was much more the other way around

PS. Being arab doesnt make you immune from visa fraud nor does make things bulletproof. If you have any doubt about that, ask any Beurette from Paris for a horror story about marrying someone from the BLED. France has plenty of French arabs that have been taken for a ride. I agree that its a huge risk that probably wont work out but being arab doesnt make it automatically work

[Teffah 5]

If you are having doubts now, then withdraw before its too late. Just cut your losses. You don't want to take such a huge chance with something that might not end up the way you want. Don't settle!

I do not agree with this at all, over arguements? I guess it depends on how bad things are. Once my fiance arrived here, I wondered what I was thinking- things were awful!! But as he adjusted and we adjusted to each other things are much, much better!

[sachinky 465]

Brother needs an iPhone to start a rapping career????

Seriously, lady. Run. Run like hell. GTFO.

Edited December 20, 2010 by sachinky