MENA making one upset....

[MaghrebiMama 1]

Assalaamu'Alaykum/Salutations:

I hope this finds everyone okay. I'm just wondering, has of the women that are engaged or married to their MENA men can upset you with their tempers to where you just want to withdrawal the petition?

MM

[thelastpetitioner 218]

im the middle eastern,and yes,we got there once.it was the pressure and stress of everything,from the petition,to schedules,to us not knowing how to handle our anger and frustration,but we went at it smoothly and slowly and it worked out,it took time,maybe about 2 weeks to even consider keeping the process going (CSC is taking its time so,we thought worst case scenario if the problems continue we will cancel it at the NVC or consulate stage ).

but we are glad we took our time,and our process going slow as a turtle so far has been a blessing in disguise,so i dk,thats our story

[tiffmal 6]

If you are having doubts now, then withdraw before its too late. Just cut your losses. You don't want to take such a huge chance with something that might not end up the way you want. Don't settle!

[amysaid 9]

Marriage is stressful, long distance relationships are stressful, intercultural relationships are stressful... so it happens. It didn't happen in our case, but I have seen it happen in others. It takes a lot of patience, commitment and flexibility. But be careful, some people have withdrawn the petition and then changed their minds, which you can't really do very easily with USCIS.

[Golden Gate 530]

Assalaamu'Alaykum/Salutations:

I hope this finds everyone okay. I'm just wondering, has of the women that are engaged or married to their MENA men can upset you with their tempers to where you just want to withdrawal the petition?

MM

This is a trial of patience. Both sides need to see it like that though...

[New Beginnings 32]

You need to look at what is really making you upset. Look logically at the situation and you'll find your answer. I don't think SO's making each other upset is limited to MENA couples, I think that's ALL relationships. Just work together to handle the problems and you'll be fine. Make sure that they are meeting all the items on your "deal breaker" list though!

[~Jackie~ 30]

We had a rough start (and that's putting it lightly) but with communication and understanding we are still together and finally growing closer. Most of us have very limited time with our SO's before actually living together. So that makes for some preeeety stressful situations.

Only you can tell how much you can accept. We all have different tolerance levels. Some cut and bolt and some hunker down. I am glad I didn't give up on Ibrahim. He's a gem and now that all the immigration stuff is over, we not just have fun...we enjoy.

I hope it all works out for you

Jax

[SuperDuper! 230]

If you are having doubts now, then withdraw before its too late. Just cut your losses. You don't want to take such a huge chance with something that might not end up the way you want. Don't settle!

What he or she said!

The red flags are flying when the temper starts erupting. But DENIAL is a powerful force.

And if a man is known as having a hot headed temper, why would any sensible lady sign up for that situation in the first place?

[moroccogirlny 100]

Assalaamu'Alaykum/Salutations:

I hope this finds everyone okay. I'm just wondering, has of the women that are engaged or married to their MENA men can upset you with their tempers to where you just want to withdrawal the petition?

MM

Just curious, have you met your fiance in person yet? I see you are moving to Morocco in December and getting married. Perhaps you should live with him first and get to know each other before even filing? Casablanca is one of the toughest consulates. Being that you only know your fiance since March and plan on getting married and filing on the 1st visit could be a red flag to them.

[Always+Forever 7]

Assalaamu'Alaykum/Salutations:

I hope this finds everyone okay. I'm just wondering, has of the women that are engaged or married to their MENA men can upset you with their tempers to where you just want to withdrawal the petition?

MM

I will tell u from my experience...it won't be easy at first...I knew my fiance for over a year before I spent nearly 4 mths there with my daughter...and it still wasn't easy. But if you really love someone, then all of the hard stuff is worth it...makes all the good times seem just that much better And (as u said) things are moving quickly...this whole process is stressful whether u're together in person during it or not. I think most couples going through the visa process (atleast once) wonder "is all of this worth it?", and that is a decision u have to make yourself. And truthfully...I wouldn't jump in to a marriage as soon as u get there...take your time (since it seems like u plan on living there for awhile anyway) & let u & your son get used to being over there & with him & make sure that its exactly what you want & thought it would be. And as others have stated...you need to spend a lot more time in person together before getting anywhere near filing, or it is a HUGE red flag to Casa. In my opinion, they only really count the time spent together BEFORE the application was sent...I know they will find out about any other visits after the application, but they usually have a good idea of what they are going to do before the interview based on the application given. I wish u the best of luck in your journey & hope everything works out for you guys. And feel free to msg me if u ever have any questions. I just noticed u have posted for DCF...from what i understand (someone correct me if i'm wrong) u need to have residency for 6 mths, but that doesn't mean u have to be married for 6 mths...depending on connections & the city, u MIGHT be able to get residency before getting married.

Monica

[caybee 21]

If by "temper" you mean his temperament and disposition, the way he handles life's challenges, that is part of the adjustment you'll make with each other once he arrives, and it isn't easy, but it's doable if both partners work at it and are willing to make some compromises.

If instead by "temper" you mean quickness to anger, just keep in mind that the way a person handles anger is very difficult to change once they're an adult, so whatever you're seeing now when you chat for, at most, a few hours a day is what you are going to see when you're living under the same roof and life hands you a different set of challenges.

The visa process can bring out the worst in people, and it's not unusual for couples to argue more than usual during this time, even almost to dislike each other sometimes, and since many of us haven't had the opportunity to grow as a couple in person yet, a lot of this can be overcome once we're living together. But if either partner reaches the point of feeling unsafe because of the other person's level of anger, that's a different matter.

Although couples can and do compromise, nobody can change another person. When going into a life partnership, I don't think it hurts to just assume that any negative behavior you see now will remain with that person, period. That simplifies things. You ask yourself, Do I love this person, and can I live with them as they are now for the rest of my life? If the answer is yes, then worst case, you've got a partner you love with a few traits you don't like but can live with, and best case, you and your partner will grow and compromise, and some of those negatives will fade.

A dear friend once advised me not to marry a man with a bad temper, but to marry a kind man who wears bad ties. You can fix the ties.

[Mithra 1,185]

By temper what do you mean? Getting upset easily and saying disrespectful things? Or are there arguments and misunderstandings on both sides. I experienced the latter when we were going through our "journey". Not because of the visa or immigration. It was mostly the stress of living apart and not being able to fully express ourselves over the phone or online. That part is frustrating. I can't say that I thought about withdrawing the petition at any point but I did think about flying over there to kick his azz a few times. I don't think it's entirely easy for anyone to deal with an LDR. I guess you have to evaluate what is making him angry or how bad it is and if it's something that you think will improve once you're living together full time. If he's being disrespectful and causing you pain emotionally then you may want to reconsider the relationship. It's easier to leave him where he is then to deal with a monster that isn't easy to get rid of once he's in the US. As another poster has said, be very sure that you do want to withdraw because it's not so easy to backtrack once you do withdraw. There's a big difference between stress of living apart and misunderstandings AND someone who is emotionally (and possibly physically) abusive. The latter most likely will not change.

[Crossed_fingers 128]

If by "temper" you mean his temperament and disposition, the way he handles life's challenges, that is part of the adjustment you'll make with each other once he arrives, and it isn't easy, but it's doable if both partners work at it and are willing to make some compromises.

If instead by "temper" you mean quickness to anger, just keep in mind that the way a person handles anger is very difficult to change once they're an adult, so whatever you're seeing now when you chat for, at most, a few hours a day is what you are going to see when you're living under the same roof and life hands you a different set of challenges.

The visa process can bring out the worst in people, and it's not unusual for couples to argue more than usual during this time, even almost to dislike each other sometimes, and since many of us haven't had the opportunity to grow as a couple in person yet, a lot of this can be overcome once we're living together. But if either partner reaches the point of feeling unsafe because of the other person's level of anger, that's a different matter.

Although couples can and do compromise, nobody can change another person. When going into a life partnership, I don't think it hurts to just assume that any negative behavior you see now will remain with that person, period. That simplifies things. You ask yourself, Do I love this person, and can I live with them as they are now for the rest of my life? If the answer is yes, then worst case, you've got a partner you love with a few traits you don't like but can live with, and best case, you and your partner will grow and compromise, and some of those negatives will fade.

A dear friend once advised me not to marry a man with a bad temper, but to marry a kind man who wears bad ties. You can fix the ties.

[rachbel 2]

Assalaamu'Alaykum/Salutations:

I hope this finds everyone okay. I'm just wondering, has of the women that are engaged or married to their MENA men can upset you with their tempers to where you just want to withdrawal the petition?

MM

You better be with the one who show his real temper either it makes you happy or upset than being with the one who hide it to reach what he wants:) and i`ve seen and meet a lot of this kind of peaple who hide their real faces. be patient and Best luck to you.

[Staashi 371]

Sister, I don't know you at all, but if it was me, I would RUN. If he's showing you his true self under what I consider to be one of the least stressful parts of the immigration process (I personally think AOS and ROC are more difficult), then I would have a serious self examination and decide if this is the temper that I would like to deal with for the rest of my life. I would also say, be grateful that he showed you his hideous side now...makes it alot easier to say "ciao"!