Is it really such a bad thing for a filipina to be with a foreign man?

[Maxx121 14]

I ask because cathy and i have been having alot of cultural talks of late thanks to some of the posts i have read here and it brought up something i didnt know happened when i was there that she finaly told me. Mind you she is rather passive and lets alot slide, i on the other hand am not and let very little slide.

When i visited cathy for the first time she really didnt stay in my hotel and her parents always made her sister accompany us until they were comfortable with me (which i thought was kinda cool and old school ) The last night i was there we got in late and i was leaving on the early flight so we went back to teh hotel picked up my things and left. Since it was so late her sister stayed home.

When i was in the cab i didnt have any cash to pay the driver as i gave it all out in tips when leaving. We stopped at a BDO to use the atm at like 4 am. i couldnt find my card and was taking a bit longer at the ATM than i realized. Cathy did something odd that i didnt pay much attention to, she got out the car and came to the ATM to ask me if i was alright. I didnt pay much attention at the time cause she was waaay overprotective of me while i was there and we were in a rush to pick up her parents as they were comming to the airport with us to see me off.

Now she tells me that the cabbie said something waaaay screwed up to her and offended her and thats why she got out cause she didnt want to be alone with him in the car. Mind you i was just saying to her Wow that guy was nice, he told me that i better hold onto you becasue you are a keeper, he said you were a good one and must be raised very well because of the way you carry yourself and that i am lucky. When i said that she got upset then told me everything.

She didnt tell me then becuase she said i would make a scene. hehe me, make a scene. hehe.

Now if this was the only time it wolda been nothing, but i had to put a few guys in their place while i was there and she would always tell me "just wear your smile", which kills me when she says that, even when its obvious shes uncomfortable. i mean why smile at someone being rude to you.

She started to explain to me about how some view filipinas who date older foreign men. But i dont fit the mold of the average foreigner coming to the phills.

So im just curious, is it me or have others encountered crazy things when there or am i just making a big to do over nothing?

[thelastpetitioner 218]

i was raised by a Filipino for about 6 years and i can tell you that filipino women let a LOT slide.BUT as far as what others think goes,its the same everywhere really,while interracial and international relationships arent as uncommon anymore,i personally have been questioned by complete strangers in different countries UAE AND malaysia about how i managed to " bag myself" an " american boy ",he was also questioned a couple of times whether or not we are from the same country and how our relationship happened.

people say a lot of cheap and really unpleasant stuff,regardless of their nationality.its not just the Philippines,its all over the world.dont let what others say effect you.

and good job on having cultural talks with your fiance,shows how mature and serious you guys are,its really a relief to see some people are aware of the effects of the cultural difference.

Edited October 29, 2010 by ygr

[A and T 82]

Same thing happened to me, my wife and I were walking and going to take the pedi cab. But we decided not to and instead go to the mall (near the pedicab) . Originally I was walking towards the guy to get in, wife says lets to into the mall, so I tell them to nevermind, we will go into the mall instead.

He mumbles something in tagalog , later my wife is crying apparently he said lots of nasty things calling her names and saying I was just going to use her and leave her

She didnt tell me what he said until we were long gone from the area.

I also picked up on how a lot of the men there treated women really bad, as if they were just objects only. Several guys constantly questioned why I was married , what I did for money , etc And seemed sort of arrogant about the questions

Some of the guys are scary there, just seem like angry, controlling, stalker types. Of course this was only a few occourances, I would say 95% of the time everyone was excellent to us.

[thekfc 26]

When we were out walking there were times that my wife would pull me closer to her. There were certain streets that she didn't want to walk with me on because of the people there but I would walk on these same streets with her nephews - no one would say a thing to them or mess with them

There was one time that we were in a meter taxi and about a few minutes into the trip, the driver turn off his meter & tried to "negotiate" a fare - my wife sent out a text & told the driver to go instead to another location, when we got there - the tourist police was waiting.

Other than the above, I haven't experience anything any "negativity". We got married in the Philippines with her entire family, friends & neighbors in attendance.

[Markieboy 104]

No, there is nothing wrong with a Filipina being with a foreign man. If the two are happy together, why should this be of concern to others?

IMHO, this is a perfect example of crab mentality or sour grapes. People who say some sh!t about couples do that because they are small and insecure people. They wish they were in another, better situation. But, since this is not possible, they resort to tearing down others. It is done out of spite and bitterness.

If people will talk about you, they will talk about you in the Philippines...in the States...and wherever you go. There are haters worldwide. You can't please everyone. So as long as the two of you are happy, that's what really matters.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I ask because cathy and i have been having alot of cultural talks of late thanks to some of the posts i have read here and it brought up something i didnt know happened when i was there that she finaly told me. Mind you she is rather passive and lets alot slide, i on the other hand am not and let very little slide.

When i visited cathy for the first time she really didnt stay in my hotel and her parents always made her sister accompany us until they were comfortable with me (which i thought was kinda cool and old school ) The last night i was there we got in late and i was leaving on the early flight so we went back to teh hotel picked up my things and left. Since it was so late her sister stayed home.

When i was in the cab i didnt have any cash to pay the driver as i gave it all out in tips when leaving. We stopped at a BDO to use the atm at like 4 am. i couldnt find my card and was taking a bit longer at the ATM than i realized. Cathy did something odd that i didnt pay much attention to, she got out the car and came to the ATM to ask me if i was alright. I didnt pay much attention at the time cause she was waaay overprotective of me while i was there and we were in a rush to pick up her parents as they were comming to the airport with us to see me off.

Now she tells me that the cabbie said something waaaay screwed up to her and offended her and thats why she got out cause she didnt want to be alone with him in the car. Mind you i was just saying to her Wow that guy was nice, he told me that i better hold onto you becasue you are a keeper, he said you were a good one and must be raised very well because of the way you carry yourself and that i am lucky. When i said that she got upset then told me everything.

She didnt tell me then becuase she said i would make a scene. hehe me, make a scene. hehe.

Now if this was the only time it wolda been nothing, but i had to put a few guys in their place while i was there and she would always tell me "just wear your smile", which kills me when she says that, even when its obvious shes uncomfortable. i mean why smile at someone being rude to you.

She started to explain to me about how some view filipinas who date older foreign men. But i dont fit the mold of the average foreigner coming to the phills.

So im just curious, is it me or have others encountered crazy things when there or am i just making a big to do over nothing?

Try to put yourself in their shoes. Imagine if 'wealthy', older Arab men from the Middle East were flocking to the town you live in, courting young American girls and taking them to their country, what do you think your honest reaction would be? And imagine that for most of these young women, their only chance of making a better life for themselves is to leave your town and go live in the Middle East? I would recommend you try and understand rather than get defensive.

In the most cynical and perhaps pragmatic view of Fil/Am courtships is that it is a commodity. Countless young Filipinas sign up with international dating sites in the hopes of courting a Kano or other 'wealthy' foreigner to escape the cycle of poverty that most of them are stuck in. While there are plenty of Filipinas that don't fit exactly into that generalization, a good majority of them do. Does that make these relationships a sham or less valid than other marriages? No. But understanding that reality of Fil/Am courtships will help you to better deal with the problems that go along with it, including the disapproving glares from bystanders.

When I first visited my wife in the Philippines, I was fortunate enough that her parents allowed me to stay in their home, although they were a bit apprehensive toward me. I just tried my best to let them get to know me. And as far as my parents were concerned, they were even more apprehensive about me getting involved with a woman who lives thousands of miles away.

Edited October 29, 2010 by El Buscador

[mrs. carey 4]

Hi! I'm a Filipina who came from a middle class family and graduated from one of the top universities here in the Philippines. Born and raised here but worked and lived in the US for more than a year and that's when I met my fiance.

As to your question Maxx 121, there is absolutely nothing wrong with a Filipina having a relationship with a foreign man. We are very much free to choose who to love and be with regardless of race, age, religion, etc. And given the fact that we've been colonized by different races for hundreds of years, it is not a surprise anymore and there isn't any rule set in stone for this. The thing is that here in the Philippines, whenever people see a Filipina with a foreign man (especially an older one), they stereotype her as someone who's with you just for the money or the citizenship. I can't blame them though, 'coz unfortunately some Filipinas really do this. But then again, NO ONE is in the position to judge.

Regarding us letting almost everything slide, that's because we've been raised by our parents not to start fights with other people. As long as we can endure what they are saying or doing, then we let it pass.

I don't want to be rude or discriminating. It is a fact that scary, angry, controlling, stalker type of guys would normally come from slums. Uneducated males who doesn't have anything to lose. I, myself, experience being whistled at or rudely talked to (given that I am wearing decent clothes---shirt and jeans) by these people. And obviously, i would just let it slide and pretend not to hear anything for I should know better and I don't really want to mess with them 'coz you'll never know, they might just attack me with a knife or something.

Don't get me wrong but there's a ton of nice people here, but just like in every other country, the bad ones still do exist.

AND LESSON #1 whenever you come to the Philippines, try to AVOID DODGY AREAS to minimize the occurrence of such things.

[rheanick 42]

I ask because cathy and i have been having alot of cultural talks of late thanks to some of the posts i have read here and it brought up something i didnt know happened when i was there that she finaly told me. Mind you she is rather passive and lets alot slide, i on the other hand am not and let very little slide.

When i visited cathy for the first time she really didnt stay in my hotel and her parents always made her sister accompany us until they were comfortable with me (which i thought was kinda cool and old school ) The last night i was there we got in late and i was leaving on the early flight so we went back to teh hotel picked up my things and left. Since it was so late her sister stayed home.

When i was in the cab i didnt have any cash to pay the driver as i gave it all out in tips when leaving. We stopped at a BDO to use the atm at like 4 am. i couldnt find my card and was taking a bit longer at the ATM than i realized. Cathy did something odd that i didnt pay much attention to, she got out the car and came to the ATM to ask me if i was alright. I didnt pay much attention at the time cause she was waaay overprotective of me while i was there and we were in a rush to pick up her parents as they were comming to the airport with us to see me off.

Now she tells me that the cabbie said something waaaay screwed up to her and offended her and thats why she got out cause she didnt want to be alone with him in the car. Mind you i was just saying to her Wow that guy was nice, he told me that i better hold onto you becasue you are a keeper, he said you were a good one and must be raised very well because of the way you carry yourself and that i am lucky. When i said that she got upset then told me everything.

She didnt tell me then becuase she said i would make a scene. hehe me, make a scene. hehe.

Now if this was the only time it wolda been nothing, but i had to put a few guys in their place while i was there and she would always tell me "just wear your smile", which kills me when she says that, even when its obvious shes uncomfortable. i mean why smile at someone being rude to you.

She started to explain to me about how some view filipinas who date older foreign men. But i dont fit the mold of the average foreigner coming to the phills.

So im just curious, is it me or have others encountered crazy things when there or am i just making a big to do over nothing?

Its unfortunate that you encounter those kind of thing. But its not limited in the Philippines. I normally travel in my previous work. When i was talking to our company supplier in Singapore and they learned that my fiancee is an american(a co-worker), our supplier told me not to visit certain area in singapore. Coz other people might think that i'm one of those prostitute going out with caucasian guys.

[Psoas10 17]

I never really stood out when I was there. Everybody I met was nice to me, and offering me beer and pulutan in the province. Then in Manila I had no one stare at me or us, except for the time on the LRT, when I could not figure out how to use the card. Then people realized I was not from PI. I think the fact the I am a local born mixed Asian from Hawaii, made me blend in in PI more than a 6 foot plus older Kano. I guess things are different in region 1,esp Ilocos Norte. The first question for me was, if knew some relative in Waipahu, Kalihi, or Ewa Beach, since I am from Hawaii, they were always nice to me.

[Maxx121 14]

Ok at least i know its not just me then, but I doooo understand i came from slums just got out of em is all. But like the idiot i am i visit slums all over teh world,like on the nights when Cathy was not there (parents wouldn’t alow her without chaperone when I first went) I would be bored and just go for walks. A habit I picked up in the military is to go to some of the bad areas and just look around and see what its like there and compare it to where I grew up, the people, the places, the problems. And much of it produces the same mentality. (cathy had a fitttt when she found out)

See me and my friends didn’t have to deal with foreigners taking our females we had to deal with guys who had what we didn’t taking them, and jealous is the same all over. In the phils They handle it in the same bad way, and the fact that women let men slide with it there is the reason it prolly goes on.

If we did that with the wrong female where i grew up there would have been about 30 guys in the street fighting it out, mind you, this happened every now and again, but not so often it turned into a deterrent and led to the “ im not fighting over no female mentality” which gave women more room to become the arrogant people they are in certain societies.

Another thing that got under my skin is when one of her male friends would get touchy touchy with her, he would pull her and laugh be very ruff and she would give him her fake laugh and he would treat her like she was a guy even though it was obvious she was uncomfortable (maybe to me anyway) . When I first saw it it caught me off guard cause she hates that. So I asked her whats his problem, and she explained it off like oh that’s just how he is, when I said but you hate that, she just said its fine. So when she wasn’t around I pulled him to the side and told him what was proper and what was not, he just smiled and change the subject and we went on talking.

But he never did that again and she called me one day and said he was being supper protective of her with their friends and said he never does that what did I say to him and I told her. She was so very shocked and said that wasn’t nice, but then said thank you in her own way.

its just annoying cause i was raise to believe you dont disrespect women, and my sisters where raise to beleive dont let a man disrespect you.

culture shock i guess

[Maxx121 14]

I never really stood out when I was there. Everybody I met was nice to me, and offering me beer and pulutan in the province. Then in Manila I had no one stare at me or us, except for the time on the LRT, when I could not figure out how to use the card. Then people realized I was not from PI. I think the fact the I am a local born mixed Asian from Hawaii, made me blend in in PI more than a 6 foot plus older Kano. I guess things are different in region 1,esp Ilocos Norte. The first question for me was, if knew some relative in Waipahu, Kalihi, or Ewa Beach, since I am from Hawaii, they were always nice to me.

hehe yeah i stand out like a soar thumb, the entire time i was there i saw only one other black guy in the robinson. was funny cause we both looked at each other and shared a special understanding and just smiled and never said a word hehe

[thelastpetitioner 218]

you shouldnt worry about what is common in phils,because well soon youre going to be living in the states,you have to be protective of her,since she lets a lot slide,appropriate and in appropriate,but never the less,dont get bothered about what others think or say about you,this is just the beginning.in the interview ,for both k-1 and AOS,youre pretty much going to have to PROVE Your relationship,which to me is nothing short of getting judged for your relationship.

[justashooter 430]

it's not limited to phils. i had to smack more than one chinese guy in the face for trash talking my chinese wife. none of them expected me to understand their insults, and they were all suprised to wind up on their asses on the blacktop. most times we were in a crowd of strangers, and someone would say, in english, "he deserve that". once i answered, "tian xia, huang di yuan" (heaven is high, and the emperor is far away - people try to get away with stuff when they think they can)

[Atencio 43]

This is an interesting topic. I didn't see anything like described though I can imagine. I have heard similar things now and then with the remark that white or Asian women take all the good black men. I noticed the two times I was in the Philippines that a lot of people knew my wife as we were walking around because of her being a teacher for 18 years. It seemed like everyone was happy for her. Maybe due to the respect that teachers are given in the Philippines; maybe her age.

[Maxx121 14]

it's not limited to phils. i had to smack more than one chinese guy in the face for trash talking my chinese wife. none of them expected me to understand their insults, and they were all suprised to wind up on their asses on the blacktop. most times we were in a crowd of strangers, and someone would say, in english, "he deserve that". once i answered, "tian xia, huang di yuan" (heaven is high, and the emperor is far away - people try to get away with stuff when they think they can)

Thats the main reason im trying to learn the language now, its just so hard to find a book that teaches it here in the US. I found one called Conversational Cebuano ( or something like that) but its not all that good bot it will do for now.

I just hate that in some contries people think americans are stupid. They dont realize how much tourism dollars mean for a counties economy.

But if i knocked someone out cathy would have a heart attack hehe, i would have to send her on her way first

@Atencio: yeah ive lived through that all good black men are taken by white or asian women thing, bleck women say that about their missed opportunities, cause balck guys who date interracially have at some point dated black women. ive dated interracially all my life and the funny thing is, most women dont think you are good unless they can put you under a microscope in some way.

Alot of american women make microscope checks based off visual and materialistic things when it comes to men they date, i dont pass alot of those visual material checks so the ones i wuold want to date wouldnt give me a second look unless i pressed real hard for a shot. I dont have time for all that and have instead chose to stop looking, when i did that i found that I was dating interracially much more, no idea why really. now i have my cathy and it just so happens she is asian and cares about the same things tha i do and i love her for that.

go figure...

(oh and "sore" - hehe spelling errors dont mind me i rush when i type)