New Life

[Fandango 1,439]

Looks like the situation is solved http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=2803

That link is to this thread...I'm confused!

Listen Nate....only you know what to do...but I gotta say...your pic on your webpage...I don't know if it was the intent or not, but your fiancee doesn't look like a happy bunny. I'm prolly reading too much into it, but she just looks completely defeated there to me.

sorry, you got to it before I completed my edit

Hahha, too quick a trigger finger I guess

[Canuck Carrie 1]

Well said. Look, my fiancee, who lives in Vietnam, was leary of saying yes to marriage with me because she knew people would think she was just trying to come to the U.S. She is very sensitive about that. She has friends who have made the journey to the U.S. under false pretense.

There has to be genuine love and friendship that you KNOW is real, otherwise, you are going to regret it.

My advice to this guy: Learn Vietnamese if you want a Vietnamese wife. It's a huge deal.

Are you for real? That's all you have to say about the male but for the female you accuse her of fraud, not being in love, unable to put up an act and everything else you've said.

Funny, neither spoke the same language, he was interested in someone else initially but moved on to the back up plan, filed after meeting her once (who knows for how long) and yet she's getting all the blame.

[john_and_marlene 162]

Well said. Look, my fiancee, who lives in Vietnam, was leary of saying yes to marriage with me because she knew people would think she was just trying to come to the U.S. She is very sensitive about that. She has friends who have made the journey to the U.S. under false pretense.

There has to be genuine love and friendship that you KNOW is real, otherwise, you are going to regret it.

My advice to this guy: Learn Vietnamese if you want a Vietnamese wife. It's a huge deal.

Are you for real? That's all you have to say about the male but for the female you accuse her of fraud, not being in love, unable to put up an act and everything else you've said.

Funny, neither spoke the same language, he was interested in someone else initially but moved on to the back up plan, filed after meeting her once (who knows for how long) and yet she's getting all the blame.

I have to agree. There were many in this story that did the wrong thing.

1. It looked like he set out as if he were going by the family market to pick up a loaf of bread. Whatever was left on the shelf was just fine.

2. The cousin was hooking her cousins up with tickets to the U.S. ... cousin #1 was taken from the shelf first and cousin #2 was next on the shelf.

3. cousin #2 accepted the K1 for the wrong reasons... it certainly wasn't due to love and affection.

I wonder how happy cousin #1 and her husband are right now.

In case anyone feels that my comments on this tread have been mean or sarcastic, that is not my intention. This thread is the closest I've seen on VJ to an example of human trafficing as I can imagine. It struck a nerve and I was compelled to comment on what I think is a horrible situation from the beginning.

[CarolineM 0]

john and marlene - I totally agree!!

Speaking the same language or at least having a BASE knowledge I feel is soooo essential. If marriage is based on communication...i mean, HELLO!

I feel it seems he was seeking a vietnamese girl just to marry a vietnamese girl - does that make sense?

Any vietnamese girl would have done it seems

[dalegg 143]

My advice to this guy: Learn Vietnamese if you want a Vietnamese wife. It's a huge deal.

Or you can find a Vietnamese woman who knows English!

[Sister Fracas 5]

Looks like the situation is solved http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=2905

probably for the best....

it struck me as odd when he said she had family over here...hmmm, just looking for an American to bring her closer to her family??

Anywhoo...seems the decision is made and the marriage is off.

[dalegg 143]

Listen Nate....only you know what to do...but I gotta say...your pic on your webpage...I don't know if it was the intent or not, but your fiancee doesn't look like a happy bunny. I'm prolly reading too much into it, but she just looks completely defeated there to me.

That's another one of those cultural things. You actually see a lot of wedding pictures in Vietnam that look like this. I was going through pictures of my wife's parents and I tell you, they are not smiling in a single picture- not in any ceremony or situation otherwise.

In this particular case, maybe she was showing her true emotion.

[sukie175 0]

I agree with a couple of the first posts to the OP.

When you are in love and first get to be together full-time, whatever the culture, you will be wrapped up in each others company and affectionate when in private.

Trust your gut instinct and put back the wedding awhile. Sadly I think you may have a bad one.

Good Luck

Sarah

[Fandango 1,439]

Seriously, I'm very curious as to what you were thinking when you met/proposed to your fiance (or ex now).

Every one of us here knows the bond that two people can share without being physically close, but I am simply dumbfounded as to how someone can proceed with a wedding to someone when neither one of them speak the other's language. I'm not trying to be judgemental here at all, but I am very curious. What was your thought process? How did you (if you did) communicate important views on life to see if they are compatible with her? How did you pass the interview? Can you even say that you know this woman more than just on the saccharine & generic details of her life?

And did you expect her to come here and jump your bones? You barely know each other, and you've went through all this trouble...and you've cut & run at the first chance. She prolly did use this opportunity to get here...but you gave her that opportunity by jumping too fast into something without communication & growing together as a couple. No one here knows the magic answer for you...but keep in mind you two are practically strangers. Maybe it's just odd for her to be expected to be physically affectionate to a man she barely knows & cannot understand.

And why does it seem that you were specifically looking for a vietnamese woman? 'Cousin 2' is a strange way of referring to a woman you wanted to marry. There are plenty of Vietnamese women in America who can speak the language....if your cultural ties are that strong that you only want to marry within your culture, perhaps getting involved with a Vietnamese-American organization could help.

I'm sorry if I'm yammering on & overstepping the bounds here, but I really am quite interested in your response.

Edited February 20, 2006 by LisaD

[Billy 0]

Looks like the situation is solved http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=2905

probably for the best....

it struck me as odd when he said she had family over here...hmmm, just looking for an American to bring her closer to her family??

Anywhoo...seems the decision is made and the marriage is off.

I have known many people with the same situation. married to USC, got visa, came to the states, got 2 yrs green card and left for their relatives in the states. I thought this would never happen to me. But it did. Anyway, I am not blaming anyone..women or men. it's just a bad decision that most people made. I think most people oversea do not go by the rule. Especially, countries from Asia. Once again, I am not being prejudiced, I am an asian too. It's the fact. Most asian countries are very corrupted. If want something done, give them money..everything is money....it is very different from USA.

[Captain Ewok 1,891]

oski = smc. I am taking care of them now. SOrry for this...

[Bruce and Han 0]

There is stiil something I dont understand here, The interview at the consulate, why did they not see any red flags? Nate and Trinh did you pass with flying colors? How do you communicate with each other? Do you have any phone records? emails? It makes me sad to think that the couples who go throught the interview process, and who are sincere to each other get turned away for some reason or another. It has been over a year that I have been courting my fiancee. She speaks perfect english, as good as a TV news anchor and we are truly in love, but like many otheres we fear the interview process.

To you Nate, this may be impossible, but I think it could help in some possible way, Can you get Trinh to post here, or better yet, have her start a new thread, This is not to bash her but to let her speak out. Give her a voice, You can tell her there are people here that care for her feelings too. Just a thought.

[almaty 19]

There is stiil something I dont understand here, The interview at the consulate, why did they not see any red flags? Nate and Trinh did you pass with flying colors? How do you communicate with each other? Do you have any phone records? emails? It makes me sad to think that the couples who go throught the interview process, and who are sincere to each other get turned away for some reason or another. It has been over a year that I have been courting my fiancee. She speaks perfect english, as good as a TV news anchor and we are truly in love, but like many otheres we fear the interview process.

To you Nate, this may be impossible, but I think it could help in some possible way, Can you get Trinh to post here, or better yet, have her start a new thread, This is not to bash her but to let her speak out. Give her a voice, You can tell her there are people here that care for her feelings too. Just a thought.

i agree....

[john_and_marlene 162]

There is stiil something I dont understand here, The interview at the consulate, why did they not see any red flags? Nate and Trinh did you pass with flying colors? How do you communicate with each other? Do you have any phone records? emails? It makes me sad to think that the couples who go throught the interview process, and who are sincere to each other get turned away for some reason or another. It has been over a year that I have been courting my fiancee. She speaks perfect english, as good as a TV news anchor and we are truly in love, but like many otheres we fear the interview process.

To you Nate, this may be impossible, but I think it could help in some possible way, Can you get Trinh to post here, or better yet, have her start a new thread, This is not to bash her but to let her speak out. Give her a voice, You can tell her there are people here that care for her feelings too. Just a thought.

i agree....

It's never going to happen

[Matt_Stevens 5]

Are you for real? That's all you have to say about the male but for the female you accuse her of fraud, not being in love, unable to put up an act and everything else you've said.

Funny, neither spoke the same language, he was interested in someone else initially but moved on to the back up plan, filed after meeting her once (who knows for how long) and yet she's getting all the blame.

Excuse me, but how I am leaving him off the hook? I think the guy was crazy to do what he did. How do you try and marry a woman you cannot talk to and who does not want to wrap her arms around you when you are alone? Right now my girl and I are seperated and it is torture for us. It's simply inconceivable to me and utterly shallow that anyone would marry a woman in the hopes of having themselves a hot wife for show and for housework, babies, etc. Reminds me of the movie MAIL ORDER WIFE.

But I am not about to come out and call him a @hole or something. There is common courtesy that some on these boards simply forget should be used. So please get off your high horse and don't be so judgemental. You don't know me or anything about me.

By the way, notice how thig guy does not respond to any questions? He makes his initial post and then abandons the thread, only to start a new one the next day. For all we know he is pulling our tools and having a good laugh.

And forget about getting the woman to post here. If her man cannot bring himself to answer a single question, how is it he will allow her to post here?

dalegg said:Or you can find a Vietnamese woman who knows English!

So true. My girl speaks perfect English. She even speaks Japanese. But we found each other by accident. Neither of us was looking for a husband/wife. It was the last thing on my mind and hers. But love will make you do insane things.