Please help! Med exam told my fiancee she could not go to interview because she did not have her adolescent vaccination records!!!!! She never went

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

And I agree 100% with Slim.

We here do tend to over-analyze these discussions.

I think by the interview I had also sent my Alla about $1500, so that is normal, especially since they have been in a relationship for over a year.

My suggestion would be to contact her, tell her about where to possibly find the vaccination history, then go to the new interview and ensure that all the plans will be executed regardless of what anyone tells them. Period.

If she had gone to the interview they would have just given her a 221g for the medical documents and given about a month to get those to them.

Actually Phil, I try not to over-analyze but the information keeps hitting me on the head like a 2x4. This just isn't kosher. I sent Alla LOTS more than $1500 during our time, BUT I did so ONLY after we had met in person, discussed all our expenses on both sides of the pond and all our income on both sides of the pond. Also all the expenses I knew we/she would have. Y'know, like adults do to maintain a household. Money was sent for the agreed upon expenses and I can vouch for the fact she was working 12+ hours per day and 6-7 days per week at her jon and STILL had time to talk to me 3 times per day. Without fail. AND send text messages and emails.

AND by the way, Alla REFUSED to accept any money from me until after we had done this budget and YES she did refuse to pick up money I had sent her for expenses until we had a pow-wow face to face.

[Henykat 16]

Subjective? How much are you in for?

Of course $1500 is a lot for a secretary outside of Moscow. But, $1500 is a drop in the bucket for the VJ process. To say his girl is scamming him for $1500 implies she's a pretty lousy scammer. Sure, maybe she got two free holidays from some sucker in the US. But, that doesn't necessarily mean he got scammed.

He already said he hasn't sent her "extra" money. Typically scammers jump at the opportunity to scam their marks for things like tendon surgeries and holidays to Moscow. Nope. I think she's still in it for the biggest scam of all - marriage.

Stick with it OP. Proceed with caution, but not too much. Just don't send extra cash. Get her back to the interview then get her over here. If she flounders, then you'll truly know where you stand.

Yes, subjective. What constitutes a lot of money depends on the person's circumstances. What difference does it make to her what the VJ process costs? As for what I'm in for it's probably not typical. I send nothing. I can pay for what we need as far as the VJ process is concerned right here. Like I said, I hope my intuition is wrong about this.

[slim 1,525]

You are a renowned cheapskate Slim.

Thanks!

If you send ME nearly 6 months of my salary I will most definitely call right away and say thanks!

If you buy me the house I want, a Solstice, put my kids through school and basically let me do whatever I want, I'll call you two or three times a day. I'll email you, Skype, whatever you want. Hell, we can even take baths together.

Who paid for the trip to Egypt?

Who cares? A real girl showed up and a real girl agreed to go the rest of the way through the VJ process with him.

I sent Alla LOTS more than $1500 during our time

all the expenses I knew we/she would have.

Money was sent for the agreed upon expenses

And who's getting scammed?

The OP has done nothing out of the ordinary. There's nothing to indicate a scam... yet. I understand what you're implying. She met him in Egypt (free holiday) she pocketed the $1500 or had a holiday in Moscow on his dime. OK. That very well could've happened. But, it's also possible that both of them did exactly what they thought they were supposed to do. Scam? Maybe. But as long as he's aware of it and proceeds with caution from this point there's no reason to throw it all away. Not yet.

As for what I'm in for it's probably not typical. I send nothing. I can pay for what we need as far as the VJ process is concerned right here.

Wow! So she paid for it all by herself? That's awesome!

[LvivLovers 39]

I'm the other end of the spectrum. I sent like 10-15k at one point. I trusted my fiancee a lot...that said I was sweating a little bit until she called me after receiving it and told me everything was good. Definite WHEW! moment! hahaha

BTW, I hope the OP's situation doesn't turn out to be scam. It can be just misunderstanding. Main thing that red flags it for me though is that she didn't just get new vaccinations for everything that was missing. I find it hard to believe that she wouldn't be presented with that option at the clinic if it was a problem.

Edited October 28, 2010 by LvivLovers

[slim 1,525]

I sent like 10-15k at one point.

Holy Sh!t!

Please tell me you own property or a business over there now. She had a travel company, right?

[visaveteran 1]

The term "scam artist" is a hard definition of someone intentionally out to rip-off someone through tricks and cons and lies. Sometimes it's more subtle and "gray" than that.

The OP's situation could also be a subtle, gray area deal too. A nice exotic vacation trip away from Russia. Maybe a few gifts. Good food and drink. And $1500 cash. Not too bad overall. And maybe there was no deliberate intention to scam anybody. It was just a day by day thing. Perhaps at some point the woman decided to bail on the interview and pocket the cash. Maybe a decision made in a instant.

Or...as I more strongly think...she might have had good intentions but got cold feet. This necessitated an excuse which explains the shaky story about vaccination records and text messages and going home without confirming the interview was not going to happen. She simply postponed the difficult job of telling Chris the interview didn't happen.

Chris has a choice IMO. Press her to show she actually went to Moscow...a plane ticket stub, hotel receipt, some paperwork from the clinic...any type of hard evidence. Or, as Slim suggests, give her a second chance but proceed with great caution. The big down side of this choice is the risk of wasting more time and money...especially if you have to start the K-1 all over.

This is one of those tough ones to call. It should be interesting to see how it plays out. For Chris's sake, I hope my gut feelings are wrong.

Edited October 28, 2010 by visaveteran

[LvivLovers 39]

Holy Sh!t!

Please tell me you own property or a business over there now. She had a travel company, right?

It was for our wedding. We went the CR-1 route.

[visaveteran 1]

I'm the other end of the spectrum. I sent like 10-15k at one point. I trusted my fiancee a lot...that said I was sweating a little bit until she called me after receiving it and told me everything was good. Definite WHEW! moment! hahaha

Fifteen thousand dollars...that's a lot of mobile phone and internet cafe minutes!

I'm wondering how you got her that much money? What method of transfer?

Edited October 28, 2010 by visaveteran

[LvivLovers 39]

Fifteen thousand dollars...that's a lot of mobile phone and internet cafe minutes!

I'm wondering how you got her that much money? What method of transfer?

Just did a bank to bank wire transfer. I sent a smaller amount first to make sure there were no hitches.

[slim 1,525]

as Slim suggests, give her a second chance but proceed with great caution. The big down side of this choice is the risk of wasting more time and money...especially if you have to start the K-1 all over.

Risk would be minimized by accompanying her to Moscow next time. "I'll just meet you there. I want to make sure everything goes right this time and I'd like to be there with you so you don't have to go through it alone. I'm sorry I wasn't there last time."

Play the whole, "it was my fault" game and see if she buys it. If she tries to wriggle out... well, there's the answer. I'm all for letting these women be big girls and handle it themselves. But, I'm also all about them taking an active part in this VJ process and getting sh!t done on their end. If they want to come here, they need to do their part.

It was for our wedding. We went the CR-1 route.

I can only imagine a $10,000+ wedding in Ukraine.

[visaveteran 1]

Just did a bank to bank wire transfer. I sent a smaller amount first to make sure there were no hitches.

Got it. Was it costly to bank wire? I send my wife's son some money monthly and I'm tired of paying Western Union those high handling fees. Any suggestions for better options?

[LvivLovers 39]

Risk would be minimized by accompanying her to Moscow next time. "I'll just meet you there. I want to make sure everything goes right this time and I'd like to be there with you so you don't have to go through it alone. I'm sorry I wasn't there last time."

Play the whole, "it was my fault" game and see if she buys it. If she tries to wriggle out... well, there's the answer. I'm all for letting these women be big girls and handle it themselves. But, I'm also all about them taking an active part in this VJ process and getting sh!t done on their end. If they want to come here, they need to do their part.

I can only imagine a $10,000+ wedding in Ukraine.

It was honestly worth it...I don't regret a thing! We had 2 videographers and 2 photographers so she gets to relive the day for the rest of time (and she does frequently). It was sort of like her send-off party from all her friends/family as well since she had lived in the same city her whole life...I only had my family there as I didn't figure any of my friends would be willing to jump through all the hoops to get there. But it was really great...great entertainment, tons of horilka, and more customs/rituals than I could shake a stick at! All in all, still probably cheaper than it would have been here in the states but much more interesting/memorable.

[LvivLovers 39]

Got it. Was it costly to bank wire? I send my wife's son some money monthly and I'm tired of paying Western Union those high handling fees. Any suggestions for better options?

It was a flat fee of either $40 or $50 which, for the amount I was sending, was probably one of the best options. Also, didn't have to convert to physical cash like some of the other services require...they are a little leary of sending money to Ukraine any other way due to frequent scamming.

[LvivLovers 39]

Got it. Was it costly to bank wire? I send my wife's son some money monthly and I'm tired of paying Western Union those high handling fees. Any suggestions for better options?

I've also sent money via MoneyGram (I think)...they had one inside our local WalMart...I think they were like 1% or maybe 2% of cost...if I recall that's cheaper than WU.

[visaveteran 1]

Risk would be minimized by accompanying her to Moscow next time. "I'll just meet you there. I want to make sure everything goes right this time and I'd like to be there with you so you don't have to go through it alone. I'm sorry I wasn't there last time."

Play the whole, "it was my fault" game and see if she buys it. If she tries to wriggle out... well, there's the answer. I'm all for letting these women be big girls and handle it themselves. But, I'm also all about them taking an active part in this VJ process and getting sh!t done on their end. If they want to come here, they need to do their part.

That's a great idea. I'd start talking about that idea right now and see how she reacts. Any reluctance would suggest she's not for real. Any support for the offer suggests she's sincere.