calling it quits

[marklovetina 52]

FYI WE AREN'T MARRIED AS OF YET. GOT TILL DEC 2 TO GET MARRIED.

I'M SO SICK OF HER SAYIN "sabi ni ate, kuya, daddy or mommy"

I'm gettin ready to tell her to go marry her dad or kuya.

She wants my paycheck and paystubs from now on because her dad said its a woman's job to budget everything.

I'm so sick

thought u got married na... well that's what k1 advantage u have time to get to know ur partner well before u really make the decision of marrying her...

regular old family rule in most filipinos, get all the money from ur husband that's the job of a wife

[DARUMA07 25]

Not trying to take sides here..... First of all, Rose has to understand the value of a dollar... Money doesn't grow on trees, nor is there a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. You have to sit down with her and show her on paper the amount of money you have coming in versus the amount of money going out each month. A $900 phone bill is not acceptable. I realize she is homesick and misses her family. That is understandable. Ruchies first year here was tough for her due to her being away from her family. Support Rose through these tough times, but make it clear that the phone calls and txts have to cease until you can find a cheaper alternative.

Jason, it's way too early to throw in the towel.... Give this more time and communicate your feelings to her. Marriage is constant work!!! I wish you both the best and always remember what got you two together....

I just read your other post... Didn't realize you two haven't married... I still wish you both the best!!

Edited October 24, 2010 by DARUMA07

[jandk 7]

HER BELIEF IN MONEY IS WHAT I EARN BELONGS TO THE BOTH OF US WHAT SHE EARNS ONLY BELONGS TO HER. IT'S ONE SIDED.

WHEN I TRY TO TALK IT OVER SHE WOULD SAY SHE DOES NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. I EVEN OVERHEARD HER ON THE PHONE SAY "YAN PESTENG KANO NA YAN"

You know I want to share something in regards to what you said. So, me and my wife got married in Infanta Quezon Philippines. WE HAD to do a marriage counseling before we got married. During that marriage counseling, the counselor went over financial responsibilities within the household. the MEN provide and hand over their paycheck to the wife so she is in charge of the bills, etc., I believe the percentage of your check in Filipino belief is 80% to the wife for the support of the family. Maybe this is what she believes. I am not telling you what to do, but maybe marriage counseling will help you both out. I know giving away your money is a big thing especially in this economy. I felt the same way in the very beginning and its a BIG fear with the way the US is.. trust me I worked in an environment where we handled having to talk to people going through financial problems. You know there is a limit on how much you help your family in my opinion. Did you know that children in pinas go out of the way for their family to make sure they have what they need to survive. Like sacrificing, and working non-stop to provide to the family. Maybe your soon-2-be wife thinks your RICH. I know I spent 3 months in pinas and everyone asked me about being rich. I am "yeah sure out here with my income, but when I go back to the states my money doesn't go as far as I hoped." lol.

I think you should have more patience for her and really explain the odds and ends, and just because she is here, it doesn't mean you shouldn't help her family. ###### they live in a 3rd world country. you know 20-40$ a month goes far for them there. If you cant figure it out before throwing in the towel, have your conversation in front of a 3rd person to mediate. If things still don't work. At least you explored all avenues.

p.s. Cant forget that Filipinos aren't used to our lifestyle, that's why we show them with love, patience, and understanding.

Good luck.

[jandk 7]

thought u got married na... well that's what k1 advantage u have time to get to know ur partner well before u really make the decision of marrying her...

regular old family rule in most filipinos, get all the money from ur husband that's the job of a wife

K-1 shouldnt be for "to get to know each other," thats like saying, "I bought something from the store and if I dont want it to return it for something new and exciting." K1 should give the opportunity for two people WHO KNOW each other and love one another, the option to get married.

[jandk 7]

FYI WE AREN'T MARRIED AS OF YET. GOT TILL DEC 2 TO GET MARRIED.

I'M SO SICK OF HER SAYIN "sabi ni ate, kuya, daddy or mommy"

I'm gettin ready to tell her to go marry her dad or kuya.

She wants my paycheck and paystubs from now on because her dad said its a woman's job to budget everything.

I'm so sick

lol do you think Filipinos understand our ways of life? NOPE and her father is right according to their beliefs the man works for the family and gives the paycheck to the wife. It's your job to love her, and provide. That means teaching one another. SIT down and find out why she thinks this way. this goes back to marriage 101. Listen Listen Listen, women feel heard when you just listen.

yeah, once i saw ur post in FB same issue , its too early jayson, give her time and tell her to find a job so she can help her famliy back in leyte... have more patience for her.. u know filipinos we just want to help our fam here in the Phil. just let her understand everything and tell her when she get a job then that is the right time to send money for her fam here in the Phil. her own earned money...

I agree with you on this. Hope he does soon

[thekfc 26]

I agree with the others - give it some time.

As to your post (#14), I think that the family think for some reason that you are wealthy. I think that the family is putting pressure on her to send them money. You have to put a stop to that.

Also, you have to sit her down and explain things to her, what is expected & the dos & the don'ts.

She is seeing & hearing things & DO NOT know the "reality" - that is where you come it, sit her down & explain things to her, show her, give her examples, etc,.

Then you have to explain to her family in plain black & white that you are NOT going to be their cash cow (they are having the impression that you will). Tell them in plain simple English that if you were not there - what would they do. They were living their lives before you came along & that they should continue living it as they did before you came along, they survived without you & they will continue to survive without you. Put a limit on how/how much you will help them. You have to lay the ground rules.

As to the matter of the phone bill, to prevent that from happening again, if they have a computer at home, buy a MagicJack, activate it here in the USA & sent it to them - all calls made to/from the MJ to you/from you in the USA will be free. I have been using one for about 10 months now.

Don't just give up like that, communicate, communicate, communicate & lay down the ground rules AND make sure that the rules are understand & followed.

[marklovetina 52]

K-1 shouldnt be for "to get to know each other," thats like saying, "I bought something from the store and if I dont want it to return it for something new and exciting." K1 should give the opportunity for two people WHO KNOW each other and love one another, the option to get married.

well that's life for some couple... u dont know what will happen in the future..like the span of time u are together in the validity of the k1 visa...

and for u jayson... u know naman the filipino saying dba? ang kay pedro para ke maria at ang ke maria para ke maria pa rin... di ka na nasanay eh...

[Fudpukker 18]

I had a talk with her earlier and one of the first things I told her is that her daddy needs to step off our relationship and she stood up and went outside for a walk.. right now as we speak she is completely ignoring me like I don't exist. If she keeps this up I think a chair flying across the room will get her to mind me.

[jandk 7]

well that's life for some couple... u dont know what will happen in the future..like the span of time u are together in the validity of the k1 visa...

and for u jayson... u know naman the filipino saying dba? ang kay pedro para ke maria at ang ke maria para ke maria pa rin... di ka na nasanay eh...

lol

[rheanick 42]

I had a talk with her earlier and one of the first things I told her is that her daddy needs to step off our relationship and she stood up and went outside for a walk.. right now as we speak she is completely ignoring me like I don't exist. If she keeps this up I think a chair flying across the room will get her to mind me.

If you think that your relationship is going nowhere, buy a ticket, bring her to the airport and make sure she boarded the plane back to the Philippines.

[jandk 7]

I had a talk with her earlier and one of the first things I told her is that her daddy needs to step off our relationship and she stood up and went outside for a walk.. right now as we speak she is completely ignoring me like I don't exist. If she keeps this up I think a chair flying across the room will get her to mind me.

wow thats creepy. PUT yourself in her shoes as a full filipino. the way you believe and the way she believes. IF it wasnt for her father, she wouldnt be here. HE is just as important to her then any man in her life.

GUYS, i feel sorry for this pinay, she obviously is with a VERY angry individual who doesnt understand differences.

DO you see what you said "One of the first things I said to her was..." DID you at least give her the chance to speak?

[annajunndbem 0]

Hi again jason and rose,

Ok so you are not yet married, that's good. You still have time to talk and decide ,when filthy language is used especially

in addressing a fiance,there is no more respect in the relationship. If Rose wants to help to her family members actually it was not

even a need its really pleasure for the family. You have to ask Rose whats her priority being married to you or to give her family pleasure.

If theres no more respect and love for each other then better not marry each other. We will be praying for your discernment.

FYI WE AREN'T MARRIED AS OF YET. GOT TILL DEC 2 TO GET MARRIED.

I'M SO SICK OF HER SAYIN "sabi ni ate, kuya, daddy or mommy"

I'm gettin ready to tell her to go marry her dad or kuya.

She wants my paycheck and paystubs from now on because her dad said its a woman's job to budget everything.

I'm so sick

[Fudpukker 18]

Jandk you are not here to see what is going on. You seem to only side with the pinay....

I got some final advice from my mom and dad. They agree that I should send her a s s back to the jungle. Ill shopping online and try to get her a s s on the next plane out. F this, I might be better off as single.

[marklovetina 52]

Jandk you are not here to see what is going on. You seem to only side with the pinay....

I got some final advice from my mom and dad. They agree that I should send her a s s back to the jungle. Ill shopping online and try to get her a s s on the next plane out. F this, I might be better off as single.

yeah i understand what u mean jason, coz i know ur story and i talked to u for several times... i respect ur decision whatever it is... but praying still that all will be ok and fine with u and rose.. good luck to u... and God bless...

[the good knight 2]

you are not yet married and she is acting and trying to over ruled you.ask her what's really the reason why she got here...to marry you or just to be with you and wait for the time that u will add her to all ur monetary accounts and divorce you later??? and what will happen next?...u will be looking your own self on the street.if she has all the long horns and try to bully you.you better think now.it's still early and you still have the right to have all the descisions.that kind of attitude,gives all shame to all filipinas who got married,i feel sorry on you.hope u dont make a wrong step that put you to HELL FOR A LIFETIME