calling it quits

[Fudpukker 18]

Most of you know me here and I've done my part in giving others my opinion.

I've come to the end of the road. I can no longer handle it and at this point in time I think its better to live as a bachelor and get my man cave back.

She is nice and sweet but she lacks common sense, caught her on xoom trying to figure out how to send her family.money. all she says is "I want the help my family" and that really starts to annoy me. She ran my Sprint bill to almost $900 via text and calls then she got mad and tried to turn it around. I'm just tired of her, she no longer looks like that goddess i met in the.beginning.

[nurse1967 287]

Seems like the money home to family thing is a big issue that you see played out on here all the time. I get trying to help family but charity begins at home and you have to take care of your family first. Ah well sometimes lessons learned the hard way are the best ones. Hope it all works out for you in the future!!

[Summer75 16]

I´m sorry to hear it. But, did u talk to her before her arrival about your economical situation? If she wants to send money to her family great! I do it too! but I work!! Does she work? If so, she needs to know there are some expenses u have to pay every month TOGETHER as a couple,and if there is something left, I can´t see any problem sending money "sometimes" not all the time to her family. And about your Sprint bills, she should use International Calling Cards, there are thousands with good rates to any countries, a $5 calling card gives u around 2 hrs or more to call to her country, and it is just like a local call here. Our Sprint bill didn´t go up since I got here so that is a good choice.

Take a seat, talk and talk and TALK! maybe she is too young but she has to grow up, she is married? now, and YOU AND HER are a family, her family in PH is in second place.

I hope it works for u guys.

[sea-monkey 13]

Ouch $900 and still wanting to send home money?

I guess offer her a plane trip home to visit her family and then leave her.

[Chantel 0]

Communication is the best way to solve problems,especially if you didn't talk about sending money to her family back in PI, if you can tell her how hard to pay $900 for a phone bill alone is crazy she would probably understand it, but money issues is something to talk over with, I help my family back home but with my own hard earned money....

[patient2010 93]

wow sorry to hear you feel that way maybe you should try talking with her one last time before you call it quits......hope all work out for you soon

[Gumbolette 58]

Jason, have you asked yourself its too early to give up a marriage?

She was just here for couple of months and is still in the adjustment in a new environment stage. Instead of saying she lacks common sense, how about try to sit down and talk to her and lay your concerns to her. The fact that she was trying to figure out how to send money to her family without your knowing shows that you and her hasn't establish "Trust" in marriage.

I was once in the situation where in I was so hesitant to tell my husband to lend a hand to my family back home since I wasn't working yet, but my husband re-assured to me that whenever my family needs a "serious" help, I can count on him.

New couples struggle to establish few key points to make a relationship working hand and hand;

1. COMFORTABLENESS --- (small word but BIG meaning) For you to be able to rely your concerns to your S.O you should be comfortable enough to even catch his/her attention. If you are comfortable in talking things over, honesty comes along the way.

2. Trust

3. Honesty

$900 is way too much for a phone bill, but does her family have their computer at home so she can talk to them anytime? They can buy a 2nd hand desktop for only $150 and like $20/mon for a decent internet connection.

So, talk to her and make it clear that you didn't like what she did and next time, she has to talk to you about matters like that. If ever she did it again, fly her in an earliest flight to the Philippines!

[John+Lourdelie 28]

Sorry things are not working out for you and her. Those same concerns are always in the back of my mind also. I guess the only thing that can be done is to talk about it. Make sure that she understands that there is a limited amount of funds that are available. Life stateside has to come first. After that is taken care of then there is savings. If she was the sole provider back home I could see her need to send money home, within reason. If not then shes is just trying to make life better for those she left behind. Understandable, but not if it jeopardizes your life here.

Hope that everything works out for you, no matter which direction you decide to go.

John

[Atencio 43]

There are ways around the high phone bill whether it be computer based or services like Pinoy Tawag that offer unlimited (fine print 5000 minutes/month)Voxofon which is one of the cheaper text services I have found. The problem though is deeper than that as you have experienced. I wouldn't give up on the relationship without trying. Rose is probably still going through some seperation anxiety and life in a new culture. If the only problem between you and Rose is the money than maybe you make some type of deal such as she needs to work if she wants to send any money to the family.

Either way, good luck.

[marklovetina 52]

yeah, once i saw ur post in FB same issue , its too early jayson, give her time and tell her to find a job so she can help her famliy back in leyte... have more patience for her.. u know filipinos we just want to help our fam here in the Phil. just let her understand everything and tell her when she get a job then that is the right time to send money for her fam here in the Phil. her own earned money...

[drlarryclements 4]

We set up an account under yahoo and made them a mobile account. We put their SMART phone number in the mobile number. All texts sent with Yahoo are considered in the US and no charge.

Her family will be replying back to the yahoo message using her local (SMART) cell phone number there. The rate should be no charge for them to receive your text, but there is a 2.5 peso charge for them to text back to the YAHOO account that they receive from.

If your own yahoo account is set up the same way then you can put your yahoo in mobile and text directly from your phone. If you have an unlimited text plan (You should), she can send all the texts she wants and receive them for free.

No more international texts.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

Jason,

Wow, that's a large phone bill! But...

She is still FOB (Fresh Off the Boat) and things are a lot different there.

In the PH cell phones are cheap, even international texting is amazingly cheap.

Has she ever been responsible for paying household bills? Does she know how your money flows (how much in, how much out and to where) each month?

You can't expect her to just pick this all up, she depends on you to teach her about it.

Until you can trust her it's okay to not give her access to the money.

You'll need to find ways for her to keep in tough with her family. For us we got her Mom a Net Talk device and cover the cost of her internet connection. Instead of texting back & forth Anna YMs or FB Chats with her family back home. Of course she's on the phone with her Mom almost daily & talks to her brother quite often also.

If you really love her then don't think of it as her problem, it's your (as in the couple's) problem. Together you need to figure out to address the issues you both have. You need to share your expectations with each other and address the differences.

Overcoming these issues will make your relationship stronger.

[annajunndbem 0]

Hi jason and rose,

For me theres no perfect person and theres no perfect relationship, Once you are married to that person you

are married not only to her good side but as well as the weak side. For me as a Christian once married you are

married for life, its fulfilling your promise to GOD. IF i were you, we will both PRAY AND THEN TALK AND LISTEN

to each other. Try also to put yourself in her situation. Jason and Rose you are here in our prayers.God bless us all.

[Fudpukker 18]

Thanks everyone. As for the phone bill I already told her to use a phone card. She said she thought it would be so cheap on a cellphone from the tv commercials. Now for sending her family money I read the email, her bro in law want to open a business of his own, a gym. Her sister wants to open a restaurant, her uncle is asking for money so he can finish off the flooring at his house. Her elder brother wants to enroll his kids in private school, her younger sister got sick and went straight to a high end private hospital. I read just a incoming text message that her mom is TULALA AT THE WALL BECAUSE SHE IS OUT OF COFFEE.

I TRIED TO CLARIFY ABOUT THE MONEY SITUATION. HER BELIEF IN MONEY IS WHAT I EARN BELONGS TO THE BOTH OF US WHAT SHE EARNS ONLY BELONGS TO HER. IT'S ONE SIDED.

WHEN I TRY TO TALK IT OVER SHE WOULD SAY SHE DOES NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. I EVEN OVERHEARD HER ON THE PHONE SAY "YAN PESTENG KANO NA YAN"

[Fudpukker 18]

FYI WE AREN'T MARRIED AS OF YET. GOT TILL DEC 2 TO GET MARRIED.

I'M SO SICK OF HER SAYIN "sabi ni ate, kuya, daddy or mommy"

I'm gettin ready to tell her to go marry her dad or kuya.

She wants my paycheck and paystubs from now on because her dad said its a woman's job to budget everything.

I'm so sick