Moving my sick mother in with us.

[HannahP 119]

...especially the bootstrappy conservatives like Danno et al which thankfully don't seem to read this forum anymore.

Anyway, to be short, has anyone had any experience with moving an older and/or sick family member in with them? And by in, I really do mean in. We can't afford a guest house in the back or whatever. She'll be taking up the master bedroom of whatever two-bedroom place we can afford. My mom's completely wheelchair bound due to a bout of polio as a kid. (Please immunize your kids.) Lots of chronic pain, etc. She's extremely depressed at where she's at now. (Her brother's falling-down house in the middle of BF, MO.) Has lost a ton of weight which isn't helping her skin integrity, etc. I know that moving her in with us will help her mental health and, with my nurse training, I'll be able to help her physically as well. Um...the probable stress on us as a couple/having to live with my mom is obvious.

Anyway. Just wondering if anyone else has done this? Tips or hints? esp. you guys from other countries with the extended families under one roof...

[trillium13 84]

Are you going to have any help? This is going to put a huge amount of strain on you and your marriage. I will tell you a story that someone in this situation once told me, if you PM me.

What it comes down to is that you have to do what's right for you. Only you know that.

[HannahP 119]

Are you going to have any help? This is going to put a huge amount of strain on you and your marriage. I will tell you a story that someone in this situation once told me, if you PM me.

What it comes down to is that you have to do what's right for you. Only you know that.

Maybe. I'm actually a nursing student doing my current clinical in geriatric community stuff. So I have certain access to things. Please feel free to PM me.

My mom is totally coherent (no dementia) and is mostly able to do her ADLs with some help, except for being wheelchair bound. I think this will help. At least until she becomes incontinent.

I agree about the marriage stress. This is my biggest thing. My hubby is right now very supportive but he's never lived with her before, so.

[Dakine 26]

All depends on the people involved. Can be a BIG plus but also can be a BIG minus. Filipinos are the best I've seen when it comes to taking care of family members and enjoying doing so.

Americans are the worst.

[Flames9_RN 358]

Keep in mind, if she spends more than 6 months out of canada she is no longer entitled to Cdn healthcare. I think that date can be extended a bit! As well I believe it does take awhile to bring a family member legally to the USA!! Hope the nursing job situation improves by the time you graduate. Its a pretty grim here in the DC area for new grads!! cheers

[thongd4me 69]

My 85 yr old mom lives with us; she is ambulatory and in excellent health for her age.

She walks a mile every day to get the newspaper and cuts the hedges in the yard.

She wants to control every minute of our waking hours but my wife is a very good sport about that.

So far she has popped her head in a few times and almost caught us "off guard."

She is afraid of being left alone but both of us work now and that has not been a major problem as of yet.

She even saved my wife's butt one day when she forgot which day she was scheduled to work

and my mom reminded her because she has a copy of her schedule.

That's tough, your mom being wheelchair bound. We help the wheelchair people

to church because my mom goes to church in a retirement home. There will be

some strain, but it's not always predictable how that strain will be manifested.

Best of luck, you have our sympathy.

[SMOKE 1,426]

HannahP you rock for taking care of mom.

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

HannahP you rock for taking care of mom.

when i get old and start wearing depends, i'm moving in with hannah too.

[slim 1,525]

I don't have experience with this.... yet. My dad is pretty disabled but still living alone. Hopefully he'll stay that way but I can see him moving in some day.

The only thing I can really suggest is you make sure your finances line up with hers in that her disability payments or whatever help make the situation more liveable for everyone. A new place, maybe a new car, etc., in order for her to keep as much of her independence as possible. The one thing I really notice about my dad is he really hates to ask for help from anyone, even though he knows he needs it. Make sure she's the one "being responsible" for herself and she'll be a lot happier.

It's going to be huge for your husband to deal with. It's great that he's being a good sport about it now, but it will be hard. Make it as clear as possible that he's still #1 but you HAVE TO do this for your mom. Who knows, maybe this'll be just what you guys need to bring you closer together!

GOOD LUCK!!!!

[HannahP 119]

Keep in mind, if she spends more than 6 months out of canada she is no longer entitled to Cdn healthcare. I think that date can be extended a bit! As well I believe it does take awhile to bring a family member legally to the USA!! Hope the nursing job situation improves by the time you graduate. Its a pretty grim here in the DC area for new grads!! cheers

Not that great for new grads where I am now, also. But hubby makes a decent middle-class wage. Also, it's my mom and I'm the USC so she's not Canadian. Both of my hubby's (Canadian) parents are in very good health and monetary-standing.

He's never had to deal with a parent who was in /bad/ health and I've taken care of my mom on-and-off since I was sixteen.

thong - I'm so happy that your mom is 85 and still walking! She must be a real fighter and healthy, to boot. Do you still plan on taking care of her if her health should decline?

charles - I'm charging you at least one meal at India Palace a day if you come live with us.

slim - haven't talked with you in a while. If your daddy can still live on his own, I'd suggest looking into certain services if you haven't already. My county offers disabled + geriatric folks services like grocery shopping, doing the laundry, occasional heavy cleaning, free car rides to doc appts, even in-home care like bathing if they qualify. Sliding scale to free.

I totally agree about the money, which I think will be the biggest thing for us to deal with even before the initial stress. We need to move into a bigger place, which we were planning on because of my hubby's promotion, but it's still not the type of house where you'd have "guest quarters" or whatever. She can afford her expenses (food, electricity, meds, cigs-ugh, her damned life insurance that she insists on paying out the #### for so that us kids "have something left over" despite the fact that she had NO SAVINGS going into her disability/retirement, blah blah)

Anyway, thanks guys. I wish I was getting help from my entire family but I'm not. A lot of people have told me that I should promote my own happiness, etc., but I'd feel more unhappy if I were unable to fulfill what I feel like is an obligation to my mother. She did raise me, after all.

[The_Dude 1,142]

when i get old and start wearing depends, i'm moving in with hannah too.

What do you mean by when you start? You gonna go back in time and move in with Hannah?

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

What do you mean by when you start? You gonna go back in time and move in with Hannah?

keep posting like that and i'll move in with you when i'm old and wearing depends.

[HannahP 119]

keep posting like that and i'll move in with you when i'm old and wearing depends.

Dude, as long as you can still change your own Depends...

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

Dude, as long as you can still change your own Depends...

what, you don't wanna take care of me?

[HannahP 119]

what, you don't wanna take care of me?

Just saying, please have a huge savings account when you retire. It helps you and will help your kids when the time comes.