K-1 Visa--My responsibility

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

The 90 day is not for you to 'test out the relationship' -- when you sent in the petition you signed letters of intent that indicated that this relationship was going to culminate in marriage once the beneficiary entered the US.

No matter what others tell you - and there are plenty who will - the K-1 is simply not a "try it and see it how it goes" visa. Try telling that to a CO and see just how fast your visa is denied. The 90 days is for you to sort out the logistics of the wedding. It is solely for people who are absolutely committed and convinced that they are going to get married. Sounds like you're not really sure.

She is playing you like a fiddle. Pull the plug while you can.

Agreed. USCIS makes this pretty clear:

http://www.uscis.gov/USCIS/Resources/A2en.pdf

What if we are engaged but have not yet decided to marry?

The fiancé(e) visa is a temporary visa that simply permits your fiancé(e) to enter the United States so that the two of you can marry in the United States within the 90 days permitted from the date of entry. It is not a way for you to bring a person here so you can get to know one another, or spend more time together to decide whether or not you want to marry.

The original intention of the K1 was to provide a way for a US citizen to marry a foreign fiancee when, for whatever reason, they cannot marry their fiancee in the foreign country. This was primarily to address the problem of countries that make it difficult or impossible for a foreigner (the US citizen) to marry a local citizen, but also for situations where the US citizen prefers to marry in the US for practical reasons, such as having their family attend the wedding. No matter what the reason for choosing the K1, a genuine intent to marry is a prerequisite. This doesn't mean the US citizen is obligated to go ahead with the wedding if they have changed their mind. Likewise, they shouldn't continue with the visa process if they have changed their mind. It's also grossly unfair to the foreign fiancee to have her wrap up her affairs and say goodbye to her life in her home country, only to tell her you've changed your mind a couple of months after she arrives in the US.

Stopping it now is the right thing to do.

[HappyRs 8]

A relationship in a situation like yours is an investment,its worth it,yes the costs will go up,for calling,for visiting and so on and so on,but if its worth it,then its worth it.

it shows lack of commitment from her side.

i suggest you read major life changing events forum to learn about frauds and the red flags.

whatever you do with your ex is your own business,but you have to finish this first,contact the embassy and let em know you want to cancel the visa

I completely agree with this. The process to adjusting to the married life is hard enough in itself; if she doesn't look like she's committed to make the relationship work now, how do you think she will be committed to being married? My husband and I both agree that love is an action, not mere words. She cried and told you she loved you when you told her about your doubts, but she didn't care about your feelings when you were waiting for her for hours online... The signs are there!

It's normal for us here to suspect her of fraud, but even if this wasn't a K1 visa process, the signs of serious incompatibility are still there! Just remember that you want to marry this girl and be with her for the rest of your life... Are you sure you want to do that? Best of luck!

[R&V 8]

Jnjs,

Sorry to hear about your troubles. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Your account of the different incidents does indeed sound troubling to me. "Meet me the next day at the hotel?" Yea, sorry, that sounds very odd...

[JoannaV 174]

Any case could be fraud or fake-love, in that we can never know for sure that someone isn't a super actor. We only trust that they aren't. However in this case it does not sound like fraud or even fake-love. It does sound like you are incompatible, or that your relationship never got the chance to develop fully. It sounds like you are not fully committed to this girl so a trip over to see her would probably not be much good. If you are are not sure though then doing whatever necessary to make a trip over there would be good. Do let USCIS know that you will not be wanting the visa used any more. If you ever are in a position to file for a K1 again in the future, I would advise visiting the girl a couple more times before making that decision. (USCIS might require more proof from you of a bonafide relationship the second time around.)

One thing I wanted to say, is that it is not clear to me that she doesn't love you. So be gentle to her in your treatment of her. Personally, I may have chatted online for hours each day and travelled out of my way to meet my love and spent too much money on phone calls. But that doesn't mean that it is the "right" thing to do. There is nothing wrong with not spending money on bad-quality phone calls, or not spending every evening in a crowded internet cafe, or even trying to avoid airport traffic. I know people who would always make it to the airport and also people who would not think they have to make it to the airport if it is in any way hard to do so. So I don't think you can assume she does not love you, and so I think you should be gentle with her if you break up with her. Not that there is a good way to break up with someone, but don't say "YOU don't love me."

I guess I'm saying, the incidents you tell us about show that the two of you are probably not right for one another, and would ultimately have problems were you to marry. But they do not prove that her heart won't be broken, so take care.

Edited October 23, 2010 by JoannaV

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

We've completed the process, and she has the visa in hand. However, I have not pulled the trigger on bringing her over here, i.e., buying the plane ticket, because of certain things she has done and said lately. If I do not bring her over and the visa expires, am I responsible for notifying the embassy of why I didn't bring her over here, or is that simply my choice not to do so?

It is not your choice. She HAS a visa, she CAN come. If you decide not to buy her a ticket and she decides not to find another way to get a ticket, then she will not come and you do not have to explain anything to anyone. The consulate has no clue whther she actually enters the US or not and they do not care.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

What happened to you guys???!!! ,many people here at VJ.dying waiting for there visa to approve.its easy for you to say not to continue,how about us? were so prostrating to heard about our visa.Everyday wishing,hoping,praying i'm with my fiance right now,i miss him sooo much .its annoying for me someone out there its easy to put into waste all sacrifice,time and effort.whaaaaa i want my visa now and i promise to my self i will cherish him every single moment.God knows how i passing my days without him.

If you cannot wait for a visa to process you are not serious and never were.

[amykathleen2005 441]

If you cannot wait for a visa to process you are not serious and never were.

There really isn't any need for a comment like that. It seems pretty obvious what the poster was getting at....

[sweetheart32 3]

If you cannot wait for a visa to process you are not serious and never were.

Ofcourse I can wait, just missing him makes me hurt.like all of us here we miss our fiance or spouse.am I right?