Divorce after 1 month in US....Long-sad-story

[~Johnny~ 27]

Wow man!!! Did you have "any" clue at all about her,,,not even a little?

There were red flags that are obvious to me now but I didn't pay attention to them when we were together. I wish I would have stepped back sooner and looked at what was happening. But I'm glad I caught her before she had me commit to sponsorship and AOS.

[~Johnny~ 27]

John you brought her over here knowing she was on facebook posing as single,,,with only pics of her and not you...why man...

You know the FB thing really bugged me for a long time. It was the main thing we argued about before she came here. Ultimately she had a convincing story that her friends in the Philippines would pick on her and call her goldigger and names if they seen her foreign boyfriend on FB. And she kept telling me "it's only FB..geez...stop overreacting" So..I felt maybe after she's here, she would see the light and begin acting like a wife that's proud of her husband. When she got here, nothing changed and I made some comments about me being absent on her FB..and since now we were married and she's not in PI...so I said "what's up with that..not even wedding pics?" Well...her next move was to delete me from her friends list and block me from seeing her profile..."because I was overreacting again." More or less a polite argument with her being a brat but that was during our first few days together in the US.

[Zen Den 18]

Thanks for all the support. This is part of my healing process too. I made some really good friends here on VJ the past few years and have even had lunch with folks from here. I actually stayed away for VJ for almost 4 months because this experience tore me up emotionally. Everyone seemed to be having such a wonderful time with their dreams coming true and I was stuck in this nightmare. I learned so much from good and bad experiences here on VJ that I decided to tell my story in hopes that someone may get some use of out it should the unthinkable happen. One thing I learned is to always keep good records and document everything. If the worse happens then you MUST be prepared to do what is VERY VERY hard to do. You have to be prepared to turn in the person you love to immigration and tell them the truth. I was in tears talking to the ICE agent but she was very understanding. She said this happens everyday but most people do not call ICE until it's too late.

To answer the question about age, that was also a big red flag. She's 21 and I'm 47. I would say I'm a young 47 but she is a much younger 21. I would come home from work and she's watching teen shows like Hannah Montana. I take life as a learning experience. And my lesson here is a 21 year from anywhere in the world is still a 21 year old!

you're still lucky to have found out sooner and used your head. i know somebody who up to now is making excuses for her wife's very bad behavior. she got pregnant by another man and he forgave her for that, several weeks after arriving, he catches her chatting w/other guys advertising him as a cheap and bad husband, she asks for money for whatever for her family back home and was caught lying about why mpney was needed, etc etc...and yet he just keeps giving her another chance.

so be thankful you're enlightentened and somebody is not =)

[okspider 0]

Sorry about all this Johnny! I hope wonderful things come to you in the future!

[Fandango 1,439]

Is the Peruana your "rekindled flame"? She sounds like a true "keeper," si man. I too wondered what Charles asked about, until you explained it, and I now have an inkling that the continuing presence of the Peruvian flag portends something special, si man, whether you realize it fully now or not.

I never understood, nor will I understand, the tendency for people to swing from one person to the other, like Tarzan through the jungle - needing to grab onto another when letting go of someone. I think this is horrible advice, and I think it's never a good idea. My advice to Johnny would be to heal, and take time and get closure on his marriage before bringing the baggage to another relationship.

[sachinky 465]

Oh wow. Looking at your picture I can now recognize you from the time you were posting on VJ regarding your visa process at the beginning of the year. I particularly remember your profile because I was distinctly envious of the fact that the two of you had MET (if I remember correctly) much after my husband and I had gotten married, and despite that, received your NOA2 in a relatively short time and had your interview before I had mine. Back in the good ol' days, for lack of anything useful to do, I used to drive myself crazy comparing time-lines and your case, I remember, distinctly made me jealous and I did think it was rather unfair that your K-1 case took 90 days from start to finish while our CR-1 took nearly nine months (and I've now known my husband for nearly three years).

Ok, there was really no point to my post but I just wanted to extend my most sincere sympathies and wish you all the best for the future. I feel especially bad now as I do remember/recognize you from your earlier posts.

Edited October 16, 2010 by sachinky

[Kathryn41 3,205]

The OP has not asked for your advice or your judgments; please keep such comments to yourselves. Obscenity in any language and personal attacks are NOT acceptable and two posts violating TOS have been removed.

[USAUKHUNNY 0]

This is a terrible story. I wish immigration had stiffer laws on people that get into America with fraudulant intentions. I think they should pick her up and send her back!

Glad to hear you are moving on. Like they say... fool me once, shame on you... fool me twice, shame on me. Good Luck!

[Myopia 93]

I never understood, nor will I understand, the tendency for people to swing from one person to the other, like Tarzan through the jungle - needing to grab onto another when letting go of someone. I think this is horrible advice, and I think it's never a good idea. My advice to Johnny would be to heal, and take time and get closure on his marriage before bringing the baggage to another relationship.

And I thought I was the only one.

26 years is a HUGE gap. I mean 26 years??? If she was 30 and you 56 then it would make sense but 21? Im older than my husband so its not as if I have issues with May December Romances.

I would say heal also. The peruvian woman may be a catch but you may not be to her. You did break it off (after all) in order to pursue another younger woman. She must be quite a gal to forgive you for that one,

[~Johnny~ 27]

Ok folks..just so we're clear. At this time, Miss Peru is just a friend (and there's no US flag on the pick list and I really didn't want to keep the Philippine flag flying). I have NO visions on marriage or visas or any of that mess for a while. IF (big IF) Miss Peru decides to rekindle the torch...it will take ...ohh I guess years for her to have faith and trust in me again...because I did break it off and go after someone else. I messed up BIG time and I cry thinking of how bad I messed up with this wonderful girl. But she has been a great friend and helped me get through some difficult moments the past few months. I decided to go visit her because I needed to get away and stop thinking about what happened and I like being in Peru. It's a great place (6-hr plane ride from here) and I think it's good for me to get out,,,and really... it has been 4 months since I've seen anyone and all this time my ex-wife has been living the dream and that dream has been with another guy. And the worst thing is every cousin and friend on the planet has been trying to fix me up and I just really don't want to do that right now. And I'm sorry but I don't feel like Tarzan swinging through the trees however, I wish I looked like him

[~Johnny~ 27]

Oh wow. Looking at your picture I can now recognize you from the time you were posting on VJ regarding your visa process at the beginning of the year. I particularly remember your profile because I was distinctly envious of the fact that the two of you had MET (if I remember correctly) much after my husband and I had gotten married, and despite that, received your NOA2 in a relatively short time and had your interview before I had mine. Back in the good ol' days, for lack of anything useful to do, I used to drive myself crazy comparing time-lines and your case, I remember, distinctly made me jealous and I did think it was rather unfair that your K-1 case took 90 days from start to finish while our CR-1 took nearly nine months (and I've now known my husband for nearly three years).

Ok, there was really no point to my post but I just wanted to extend my most sincere sympathies and wish you all the best for the future. I feel especially bad now as I do remember/recognize you from your earlier posts.

Yeah...we had a very fast trip through Visa wonderland. I think from the time we filed to her arrival was around 105 days. And she's been in the US since May 14.....she left me 2nd time on June 28 and I haven't seen her since.

I'm glad you guys are doing well! I did resent all the happy couples on VJ for a while, but I'm over that now

[SuperDuper! 230]

I never understood, nor will I understand, the tendency for people to swing from one person to the other, like Tarzan through the jungle - needing to grab onto another when letting go of someone. I think this is horrible advice, and I think it's never a good idea. My advice to Johnny would be to heal, and take time and get closure on his marriage before bringing the baggage to another relationship.

Happy Bunny, shame on YOU for trying to apply YOUR standards to another person. First, YOU are a woman, attempting to give advice to a MAN. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Men and women are wired differently. Men are able to quit one relationship,and jump to another with amazing results. Women are not usually able to do this, so please don't give female advice to men.

Johnny is doing the right thing, so don't try to bring him down for trying to find peace, love and happiness in his life. There is NO time to waste. Everyday counts. Maybe ONE day, you will discover this as well. Peace.

[TBoneTX 45,047]

Ok folks..just so we're clear. [...]

Your head is screwed on very and refreshingly straight, si man.

[~Johnny~ 27]

Your head is screwed on very and refreshingly straight, si man.

Thanks! Si man

[PurpleSky 19]

Wow just wow! Johnny while I'm sad that you had to endure pain and heartbreak I'm happy that God has kept your mind and kept the light shining brightly for you at the end of what could have easily been a very long dark tunnel. I often tell people that God doesn't give us testimonies for ourselves it's so that we can help others to see they are not alone.

Also I for one am ecstatic you have found a great friend for such a time as this. Miss Peru seems like a caring loving person from what you describe. I can see where that is much needed by you right now. I'm pretty sure a big chunk of damage was done to your self esteem because of your ordeal. You need to feel appreciated and accepted just for who you are. Good luck with beginning to rebuild yourself. You can do it! :thumbs up: