Divorce after 1 month in US....Long-sad-story

[sleepy in Seattle 3]

So sorry to hear that you were taken advantage of so shamelessly. But, full credit to you for keeping a cool head and responding appropriately and rationally to events. When love and marriage are on the line, people can forget their sanity. I know it's been tough, but you behaved admirably.

Agreed!

[~Johnny~ 27]

interesting reading. the bright part of this is you found out before instead of later, i.e. after doing the aos and the affidavit of support.

unrelated question - why is there a peru flag on your profile?

Funny thing about that flag....for one thing I couldn't find a US Flag but actually over 2 years ago I met the most wonderful girl in Peru, she's 32 years old and very smart and beautiful. I made 4 trips to Lima during the course of a year trying to convince her to come to the US. She wanted to take it slow and take our time and wait maybe another a year or so to make sure we are right for each other. I was in a rush and I ended up breaking off our relationship and then got tangled with this filipina who couldn't wait to get to the US for obvious reasons. Needless to say the girl from Peru has really helped me emotionally and recently suggested I come visit her in Peru again. At the moment, I'm not really thinking of Visas and marriage and that stuff, just nice to have a beautiful friend that cares.

[sachinky 465]

Karma is a b!tch. She will deserve everything that is coming to her.

[filipinay 0]

I'm sorry for what happened. But hey look at the bright side ... the future is a better place She will never be happy in her life knowing she had hurt someone.

[prettyrick 0]

it's a sad story, sorry that happened! She indeed took advantage on you. I could say you are a good man with a good heart so i hope you move on with your life and yes theyre right, ure lucky to have a wonderful daughter. You truly deserve someone better than her and someone who wont leave you just like that.. We are all dying to be together and she just wasted that opportunity for personal intentions i guess.

Good luck and god bless!

[SupastarsaM 7]

Wow, I sat and read through it twice. Almost seemed like it was all pre arranged by her family on what they're going to do and how they're going to screw you over. When I read the part about the cousin coming to pick her up my first thought was "isnt this basically a kidnapping?". It sounded really aggressive and the nerve to have the "boyfriend" call to try to convince you seemed like a total act of desperation. I do have one question if you don't mind me asking. How did she act towards your daughter and family overall during the whole process? I know that you will be much more aware in the future but look at the bright side. You have a daughter you love, supportive family and a great new job in New Orleans. Good luck on life and thank you for sharing your story.

Sam,

Edited October 15, 2010 by SupastarsaM

[~Johnny~ 27]

Wow, I sat and read through it twice. Almost seemed like it was all pre arranged by her family on what they're going to do and how they're going to screw you over. When I read the part about the cousin coming to pick her up my first thought was "isnt this basically a kidnapping?". It sounded really aggressive and the nerve to have the "boyfriend" call to try to convince you seemed like a total act of desperation. I do have one question if you don't mind me asking. How did she act towards your daughter and family overall during the whole process? I know that you will be much more aware in the future but look at the bright side. You have a daughter you love, supportive family and a great new job in New Orleans. Good luck on life and thank you for sharing your story.

Sam,

Thanks again for everyone's kind thoughts. I think I tried to do everything I could to make her happy. It just wasn't meant to be and she had reasons for coming to the US other than love and family. And yes I have a beautiful daughter and wonderful family and friends to help me along the rough spots. My daughter was the main reason I began contacting ICE. I knew I had to protect our future and I knew this girl I married was a runaway train wreck waiting to happen. And I read so many horror stories on VJ of these same situations. It seems most people stay in denial for too long and then they end up doing more regrettable things.

Actually she was really nice to my daughter and they got along well, but more like sisters. However, my daughter asked her a few times why she was always so mean to her daddy. She never gave an answer. My mom on the other hand kept telling me that girl is no good. She would tell me that she sees her staring and smiling at other guys all the time but I kind of thought my mom may have exaggerated a bit...I really didn't notice her staring at other guys .. maybe I was just not paying attention.

Yeah, the boyfriend calling me even surprised the ICE Agent. She said in 15 years of doing this she's only heard the "boyfriend calling the husband" a few times in her career. But now I have the boyfriend's name and address thanks to caller ID and now ICE has their address. The ICE Agent also felt the whole family was likely in on the issue of primarily getting her to the US so she can work and send money home. Her aunt didn't know the immigration rules very well as far as the K1 Visa and felt that once she is in the US then she's in for good even if she dumps her husband a month later. I think the aunt just told my wife to forget me because she's here now and she find another guy easy and then they found out after they filed AOS without me and got the RFE from USCIS, ohhhh wow...we might need him after all...but my wife had a boyfriend by then...and I can't deal with cheaters. There would never be trust again. I still feel sorry for her because I don't think she understands what she is doing but I can't let that sorry feeling cloud my good judgment. I think reality will finally hit her hard when she is on the plane going back to the Philippines.

Edited October 15, 2010 by ~Johnny~

[TBoneTX 45,294]

my good judgment

This, amigo, is what shines through your entire story and the situation, si man. Your level head (the trauma notwithstanding) and appropriate course of action can serve as a lesson to many others, perhaps including someone else in this very forum.

reality will finally hit her hard when she is on the plane going back to the Philippines.

She deserves to be hit with reality plus a lifetime ban from re-entry... and her family very likely deserves scrutiny from ICE, si man.

Is the Peruana your "rekindled flame"? She sounds like a true "keeper," si man. I too wondered what Charles asked about, until you explained it, and I now have an inkling that the continuing presence of the Peruvian flag portends something special, si man, whether you realize it fully now or not.

[lady_bug 1]

omg...im sorry for ur story..i cried after reading this.....

[SimplyMacy 4]

It’s been almost 4 months since my last post on VJ. Mainly I’ve just been too embarrassed by recent events with my marriage and upcoming divorce. I’m mainly posting this story so others in this situation can learn and use this to help protect themselves from these horrible things that DO happen to good people. Some folks here know that I’ve been through the K1 process earlier this year and brought my fiancé over from the Philipines. I won’t go into the Visa process as it was very quick and effortless thanks to experts here on VJ, but here’s what happened after she arrived in the US:

We were originally planning to be married a month after her arrival but her family began freaking out about her living with me (in Sin) for a month and they said we need to be married immediately or my fiancé needs to live with relatives Las Vegas until the wedding. After much arguing and disagreeing, we decided to get married on May 15…about 12 hours after her arrival in the US. She had a very controlling aunty that lived in Las Vegas and we lived in San Diego. Her aunt was ultimately a big player in our separation. Exactly 6 days after our marriage, my wife found some old photos of me and some old girlfriends on my laptop. She immediately began yelling at me and then locked herself in the bedroom and called her aunt. Two hours later her aunt sent a cousin to come pick her up and take her to Vegas. I tried talking to her and telling her this was in my past, I’m sorry I forgot to delete old photos…nothing could change her attitude. Her aunt was even worse as I tried talking to her and telling her that we are having our first argument and she needs to just let us handle this on our own. Her aunt began yelling at me a cursing me out and telling me that I have no place in telling her what to do with her niece.

So, my wife is whisked away in the middle of a Friday night and taken to Las Vegas to stay with her aunt. For nearly a week she refused to talk to me and called me lots of bad names and such. Then a friend of mine emailed me about a profile on this dating website that looks like my wife. I had suggested that he try looking at the website Filipinaheart for his match (because that’s where I met my wife). Sure enough, it was her and she had a profile posted using the photos of her taken during our wedding (of course minus me)! I made copies of the profile and saved them in PDF format. I was at work and immediately became emotional and just made it to my car before I broke out in tears. I got home and called my parents as they were coming to San Diego in two days to meet my wife and my daughter was coming to San Diego the following day. I told my parents the whole story because I wasn’t sure my wife would be there to meet them and I figured they should know the scoop. Then I sent a few text messages to my wife and she knew that I was pretty upset and that I knew about her profile on the dating site. I told her I was filing for a divorce the following week and that I hope she finds her “Knight in Shining Armor” which was her profile’s statement. She tried talking to me but I just hung up the phone. Her aunt called me later and tried talking and I said it’s over. Her aunt apologized and said she didn’t know her niece was doing this, she said her niece told her that we were talking and getting along and she was coming back home to me soon. A side note: while I’m talking to her aunt, I can hear singing in the background….happened to be my wife singing Karaoke. Pretty distraught huh? I even told her aunt, wow sounds like my wife is really taking this badly. Her aunt said, she’s just having fun! And said “don’t start thinking bad.” I told her aunt I can’t deal with this any longer and that it just isn’t going to work and I told her goodbye and God Bless. Five hours later at 1 am, there’s a knock on my door and it’s my wife and her aunt. Her aunt dropped her off and said you guys need to work this out.

So we talked and decided to try to make it work again. I went to get my daughter the following day in Denver. I have a beautiful 8 year daughter. We both arrived back in San Diego that evening and we all went out for dinner. My wife and my daughter really got along well. My mom and dad showed up the following day. My mom agreed to be nice to my wife. My mom was not happy about my wife leaving me 6 days after the wedding for something as trivial as old pics on a laptop and then posting her profile on a dating site. BTW my wife said she only posted on that site because she was bored and wanted someone to talk to…..I said…well you could have talked to your husband instead of ignoring my calls.

She remained with me for three more weeks asking me on a daily basis to do her AOS. I told that we’ll do it when we have more money and when we know it’s right. Of course my mom/dad and daughter were all there on vacation as well. My wife seemed to change from the person I met in the Philippines. She spent ALL her time on the computer chatting with friends and doing her Facebook thing. Of course her Facebook had her listed as single and there was no mention or anything of me on there. She would lock herself in the bathroom for hours with the laptop and would be chatting with friends. About the second week, I was sitting on the sofa with her and I looked over on the laptop and noticed her chatting with a guy on that dating site. I said….whoa whoa whoa…not in my house you don’t and I closed the laptop and said..No you don’t not in front of me. I told her if that’s her game then she needs to go back to her aunt’s house because I don't want a wife talking with other guys on a dating site. We began arguing after that episode and at one point she called me a “stinky old man” in front of my daughter. My daughter said "daddy you don't stink, why did she say that?" I had to explain to my daughter that she was just being mean to her dad. She left on Jun 28. A week after she left, I notified ICE and sent them copies of that dating profile I saved, and copies of the original wedding photos she used for her profile. I gave them a complete write-up of events to date and gave them a copy of the divorce papers I filed in court. A very nice ICE agent from Las Vegas contacted me and told me that this appeared to be fraud and it appeared that it was a marriage of convenience. She said this is very common. She advised me to forget about the girl and please send them the final divorce decree when I get it so they can put her into removal proceedings.

That was in July, I have since moved to New Orleans and have taken a great job here and I'm trying to start a new life and forget this past summer. Three weeks ago I received a call from,,,guess who? Apparently she called me and wanted to know if I would “help” her adjust her status. I said no, I can’t do that because we are not living together and I filed for divorce and ohhh BTW I haven't heard from her in 3 months!! She then asked me what’s my plan? I said huh?? She said well…for her? I said I have no plans for you other than not seeing you again. She said that her and her aunty applied for AOS without my sponsorship and she said all they need from me is to sign the sponsor papers. Wow! I said uhhh NO! Well apparently, since they filed for adjustment, the USCIS now gave her 87 days to secure my signature or else her AOS will be denied which will be on November 20, 2010. And her last words to me 3 months earlier were “we got what we needed from you, we don’t need you anymore.” Well, after our conversation, I contacted the ICE agent in Vegas and she didn’t know about them filing AOS because sometimes the inter agencies don't communicate well between each other and then she said it just makes their case look more and more fraudulent by knowingly applying for status without the petitioner's involvement.

So, two days go by and I get a phone call from this guy. He apparently is her boyfriend in San Diego she is living with him and he is asking me to do her sponsorship. He said if I care for her I’ll do this for her! I said what??? Some %$# nerve for a boyfriend to call the husband.. and then I refused and he said…well then divorce her so he can marry her and she can stay in the US. I said…it doesn’t work like that dude but I am divorcing her. And told him good luck. Again, I contacted the ICE agent and she was shocked at the events and told me that everything to date that I have provided her is part of my wife’s “A” file. She said, she wishes more people would look beyond their hearts and notify ICE sooner when these problems first start. Her reasoning to me was; typically what will happen is the beneficiary will become desperate and begin an abuse claim (VAWA) as it’s usually the last ditch effort to stay in the US. And this is ususally the first time Immigration is even aware of a problem with the marriage. The unsuspecting USC is not even notified during a VAWA action and is never even given a chance to enter the other “side.” She said, most times the USC doesn't even know a VAWA case was filed against them and said it was something to do with protecting the abuse victim. She said that in my case, there’s more than ample evidence and data entered into her “A” file and that will all be reviewed during any possible VAWA action. She said if there’s ever a VAWA case started; the first thing the adjudicator asks for is the “A” file. Again, she commended me on keeping them informed and recommended I try to forget this experience and move on with my life. The ICE agent told me that it will be extremely difficult now for my wife to fabricate a convincing VAWA story that will stick without any very convincing evidence.

So, there’s my story. Also...I was kind of disappointed that it looks like ICE doesn't really go after Visa-dodgers but rather they wait for them to eventually show up and then catch them and deport them. The agent told me in some cases they do go after these folks depending on the circumstance. I really appreciated everyone’s helping me try and realize the dream and it was really just my fault for not paying attention to early red flags in this relationship. I have moved-on and have re-kindled an old flame, who until recently, I didn't know even cared for me so much.

Ohhhhhh Im so sorry to hear that. It's very obvious that she's just using you. I am from Philippines too but I can't imagine why this kind of people do exist. Anyway, goodluck and Godbless to your future! I'm sure you'll be happy with someone that truly cares amd loves you.

[SimplyMacy 4]

Thanks for all the support. This is part of my healing process too. I made some really good friends here on VJ the past few years and have even had lunch with folks from here. I actually stayed away for VJ for almost 4 months because this experience tore me up emotionally. Everyone seemed to be having such a wonderful time with their dreams coming true and I was stuck in this nightmare. I learned so much from good and bad experiences here on VJ that I decided to tell my story in hopes that someone may get some use of out it should the unthinkable happen. One thing I learned is to always keep good records and document everything. If the worse happens then you MUST be prepared to do what is VERY VERY hard to do. You have to be prepared to turn in the person you love to immigration and tell them the truth. I was in tears talking to the ICE agent but she was very understanding. She said this happens everyday but most people do not call ICE until it's too late.

To answer the question about age, that was also a big red flag. She's 21 and I'm 47. I would say I'm a young 47 but she is a much younger 21. I would come home from work and she's watching teen shows like Hannah Montana. I take life as a learning experience. And my lesson here is a 21 year from anywhere in the world is still a 21 year old!

Hannah Montana?? Im sorry but it's funny to hear that!

Edited October 15, 2010 by SimplyMacy

[pikpakboom 0]

[quote name='~Johnny~' timestamp='1287086087' post='4237028

It's been almost 4 months since my last post on VJ. Mainly I've just been too embarrassed by recent events with my marriage and upcoming divorce. I'm mainly posting this story so others in this situation can learn and use this to help protect themselves from these horrible things that DO happen to good people. Some folks here know that I've been through the K1 process earlier this year and brought my fiancé over from the Philipines. I won't go into the Visa process as it was very quick and effortless thanks to experts here on VJ, but here's what happened after she arrived in the US:

We were originally planning to be married a month after her arrival but her family began freaking out about her living with me (in Sin) for a month and they said we need to be married immediately or my fiancé needs to live with relatives Las Vegas until the wedding. After much arguing and disagreeing, we decided to get married on May 15…about 12 hours after her arrival in the US. She had a very controlling aunty that lived in Las Vegas and we lived in San Diego. Her aunt was ultimately a big player in our separation. Exactly 6 days after our marriage, my wife found some old photos of me and some old girlfriends on my laptop. She immediately began yelling at me and then locked herself in the bedroom and called her aunt. Two hours later her aunt sent a cousin to come pick her up and take her to Vegas. I tried talking to her and telling her this was in my past, I'm sorry I forgot to delete old photos…nothing could change her attitude. Her aunt was even worse as I tried talking to her and telling her that we are having our first argument and she needs to just let us handle this on our own. Her aunt began yelling at me a cursing me out and telling me that I have no place in telling her what to do with her niece.

So, my wife is whisked away in the middle of a Friday night and taken to Las Vegas to stay with her aunt. For nearly a week she refused to talk to me and called me lots of bad names and such. Then a friend of mine emailed me about a profile on this dating website that looks like my wife. I had suggested that he try looking at the website Filipinaheart for his match (because that's where I met my wife). Sure enough, it was her and she had a profile posted using the photos of her taken during our wedding (of course minus me)! I made copies of the profile and saved them in PDF format. I was at work and immediately became emotional and just made it to my car before I broke out in tears. I got home and called my parents as they were coming to San Diego in two days to meet my wife and my daughter was coming to San Diego the following day. I told my parents the whole story because I wasn't sure my wife would be there to meet them and I figured they should know the scoop. Then I sent a few text messages to my wife and she knew that I was pretty upset and that I knew about her profile on the dating site. I told her I was filing for a divorce the following week and that I hope she finds her "Knight in Shining Armor" which was her profile's statement. She tried talking to me but I just hung up the phone. Her aunt called me later and tried talking and I said it's over. Her aunt apologized and said she didn't know her niece was doing this, she said her niece told her that we were talking and getting along and she was coming back home to me soon. A side note: while I'm talking to her aunt, I can hear singing in the background….happened to be my wife singing Karaoke. Pretty distraught huh? I even told her aunt, wow sounds like my wife is really taking this badly. Her aunt said, she's just having fun! And said "don't start thinking bad." I told her aunt I can't deal with this any longer and that it just isn't going to work and I told her goodbye and God Bless. Five hours later at 1 am, there's a knock on my door and it's my wife and her aunt. Her aunt dropped her off and said you guys need to work this out.

So we talked and decided to try to make it work again. I went to get my daughter the following day in Denver. I have a beautiful 8 year daughter. We both arrived back in San Diego that evening and we all went out for dinner. My wife and my daughter really got along well. My mom and dad showed up the following day. My mom agreed to be nice to my wife. My mom was not happy about my wife leaving me 6 days after the wedding for something as trivial as old pics on a laptop and then posting her profile on a dating site. BTW my wife said she only posted on that site because she was bored and wanted someone to talk to…..I said…well you could have talked to your husband instead of ignoring my calls.

She remained with me for three more weeks asking me on a daily basis to do her AOS. I told that we'll do it when we have more money and when we know it's right. Of course my mom/dad and daughter were all there on vacation as well. My wife seemed to change from the person I met in the Philippines. She spent ALL her time on the computer chatting with friends and doing her Facebook thing. Of course her Facebook had her listed as single and there was no mention or anything of me on there. She would lock herself in the bathroom for hours with the laptop and would be chatting with friends. About the second week, I was sitting on the sofa with her and I looked over on the laptop and noticed her chatting with a guy on that dating site. I said….whoa whoa whoa…not in my house you don't and I closed the laptop and said..No you don't not in front of me. I told her if that's her game then she needs to go back to her aunt's house because I don't want a wife talking with other guys on a dating site. We began arguing after that episode and at one point she called me a "stinky old man" in front of my daughter. My daughter said "daddy you don't stink, why did she say that?" I had to explain to my daughter that she was just being mean to her dad. She left on Jun 28. A week after she left, I notified ICE and sent them copies of that dating profile I saved, and copies of the original wedding photos she used for her profile. I gave them a complete write-up of events to date and gave them a copy of the divorce papers I filed in court. A very nice ICE agent from Las Vegas contacted me and told me that this appeared to be fraud and it appeared that it was a marriage of convenience. She said this is very common. She advised me to forget about the girl and please send them the final divorce decree when I get it so they can put her into removal proceedings.

That was in July, I have since moved to New Orleans and have taken a great job here and I'm trying to start a new life and forget this past summer. Three weeks ago I received a call from,,,guess who? Apparently she called me and wanted to know if I would "help" her adjust her status. I said no, I can't do that because we are not living together and I filed for divorce and ohhh BTW I haven't heard from her in 3 months!! She then asked me what's my plan? I said huh?? She said well…for her? I said I have no plans for you other than not seeing you again. She said that her and her aunty applied for AOS without my sponsorship and she said all they need from me is to sign the sponsor papers. Wow! I said uhhh NO! Well apparently, since they filed for adjustment, the USCIS now gave her 87 days to secure my signature or else her AOS will be denied which will be on November 20, 2010. And her last words to me 3 months earlier were "we got what we needed from you, we don't need you anymore." Well, after our conversation, I contacted the ICE agent in Vegas and she didn't know about them filing AOS because sometimes the inter agencies don't communicate well between each other and then she said it just makes their case look more and more fraudulent by knowingly applying for status without the petitioner's involvement.

So, two days go by and I get a phone call from this guy. He apparently is her boyfriend in San Diego she is living with him and he is asking me to do her sponsorship. He said if I care for her I'll do this for her! I said what??? Some %$# nerve for a boyfriend to call the husband.. and then I refused and he said…well then divorce her so he can marry her and she can stay in the US. I said…it doesn't work like that dude but I am divorcing her. And told him good luck. Again, I contacted the ICE agent and she was shocked at the events and told me that everything to date that I have provided her is part of my wife's "A" file. She said, she wishes more people would look beyond their hearts and notify ICE sooner when these problems first start. Her reasoning to me was; typically what will happen is the beneficiary will become desperate and begin an abuse claim (VAWA) as it's usually the last ditch effort to stay in the US. And this is ususally the first time Immigration is even aware of a problem with the marriage. The unsuspecting USC is not even notified during a VAWA action and is never even given a chance to enter the other "side." She said, most times the USC doesn't even know a VAWA case was filed against them and said it was something to do with protecting the abuse victim. She said that in my case, there's more than ample evidence and data entered into her "A" file and that will all be reviewed during any possible VAWA action. She said if there's ever a VAWA case started; the first thing the adjudicator asks for is the "A" file. Again, she commended me on keeping them informed and recommended I try to forget this experience and move on with my life. The ICE agent told me that it will be extremely difficult now for my wife to fabricate a convincing VAWA story that will stick without any very convincing evidence.

So, there's my story. Also...I was kind of disappointed that it looks like ICE doesn't really go after Visa-dodgers but rather they wait for them to eventually show up and then catch them and deport them. The agent told me in some cases they do go after these folks depending on the circumstance. I really appreciated everyone's helping me try and realize the dream and it was really just my fault for not paying attention to early red flags in this relationship. I have moved-on and have re-kindled an old flame, who until recently, I didn't know even cared for me so much.

[Dainty 1]

Dearest Johnny,

My deepest sympathy for what happened. I am sorry that a fellow filipina will do such thing and was a big disgrace to our country. Rest assured that there are only very few of her like and most filipina can still be trusted and loved. Im a constant reader of this site but very seldom comment but on your story i cant help myself. I was very angry that why on earth this kind of person exist. There are couples who struggled so much to be together and her given the opportunity wasted it all..it is only once we will find one true love. On the brighter side, you should be thankful that you see her true colors, at the earliest possible time you will never know your life will be more miserable with her. Don't sign her AOS! Let her do her way! Well as a legal person here you should have reported him to the Immmigration and she should be deported here and back to the cave she belong. Life is good and you will find someone who deserve your love...and think of the "law of Karma", she will pay for it soon...God bless..

[pikpakboom 0]

shes a ###### ######! i am sorry,its really sad because we are filipina also,but i just want you to know that not all filipinas are like your ex wife...i dont believe that she did that...she is a user user ! im sorry...just pray jhonny...

[sweetheart32 3]

I'm sooo sorry to your bad experience,but,not all filipina is like your wife.Like me i really love my fiance,more than everything in this world.I'm soo pround of him,my facebook is lots our photos and love quotes i dedicated to him,no enough words to describe how i feel for him.im sooo sorry for what happened to you,but,don't stop believing,somewhere outhere for you.Life is beautiful specially when you found the right person,who can be with you for the rest of your life.someone who can be with you"coffee for two with great conversation"Good luck and always pray to God for that