Fears about the US transition...

[belize 0]

My husband's visa will probably come through in 1-3 months and I am trying to prepare as best I can for his transition to the US. Luckily, his 1st language is English (since he is from the only english-speaking country in central america, belize)...however, he grew up in a small town his whole life, surrounded by his entire extended family. I am from California and we will be living in the Bay Area, which is pretty big, so I am scared at how he will adjust.

My biggest fears right now is the "idle" time between when he first arrives and when he goes back to school and looks for work (I have a B.A. whereas he will just be starting). I work full-time and he does not drive yet--what do people do during the day in this situation? all i want is for him to be happy and not dwell too much on missing belize or something...it is scary, because i have no idea how this will go since he's never been to the US before (I, on the other hand, picked up on my own at age 19 and moved to belize by myself, so i'm used to travelling). When he arrives we will be moving to an area closer to a school for him and work for me, so i won't know anybody there and won't be able to drive him around during weekdays....are my fears bigger than they need to be? how does everyone cope? I have signed us up to play indoor soccer together so we can make some friends in the area...any other suggestions to make the transition smoothe? thanks!!

[KarenCee 3]

Will y'all be within walking distance of places and stores? Maybe have some maps of the area handy for him in case he wants to get out during the day while you're at work. Could you videotape the area (like a tour video )for him to look at and see the sights? Would it be possible for him to visit before the visa is issued, so he can acclimate a little bit before he arrives for good? Hopefully others will share their experience or can add to the little bit of advice I've offered. Hope this helps somewhat.

[Reba 2]

give him some walkin' around money, and a few brochures of touristy type places that he could check out on his own. I'm sure with a bit of a tour from you on the public transit systems he could find his way around on his own afterward.

The main problem I had when I first moved here was that I knew absolutely no one, and my husband was working 6 days a week, 14 hours a day. He had no time for me, no time to show me around anywhere, and no time to introduce me to anyone, and no time to accept invitations (the few that he got).

I had to find my own way around, and that was really really difficult. Even with a car of my own.

Just make time for him, show him around a bit. the soccer league is a good idea, how about a gym, or community centre? I'm sure there's lots in the Bay Area he can get into.

[mdfeldm 0]

Wow Reba, that really sucked. I too work hard but have already told my boss that when my wife finally gets here, I'll be taking some time off and will be sure to be home from work by 6:00 at the latest. I need to spend time with my wife to get reacquainted. It's been too long since we've spent any meaningul time together and I could not imagine pulling the hours that your husband did. I sure hope he made it up to you in a BIG way. B)

The other thing I did was knowing that my wife is also not accustomed to the big city, I moved to an area that is more quaint, with it's own 'downtown' full of shops, restaurants, etc. So really she could literally walk 5 blocks in any direction and go shopping, get her hair done, work out at the gym, take Tae-Kwon-Do lessons, see a doctor/dentist, eat a good burger or some fresh sushi, and catch a movie.

People do many things for their loved ones, but when he/she is coming from another country, we have to go above and beyond the norm to help them acclimate. Don't you think?

Wishing you all the best in the good ole' U.S. of A.

Joel

[Qiao - 108 days 0]

We will be in a similar situation, but the opposite transition. We will be living in a smaller city (about 100,000 people) compared to the 15 million people that live in Beijing. Public transportation here is really limited, and she will not be able to drive for awhile. I have found some local organizations that should help her meet some people with similar backgrounds, but other than that I am not sure what else I can do. Fortunately my job allows me to get home around 4pm, but I really hope I can come up with some other ideas...

[akatagirl 0]

Great Question to post Belize! I definitely worry about how my hubby will cope during that transition period when he will just be awaiting his EAD card and looking for work...I checked with a friend at the DMV and he said that a person can drive in California for up to 6 months on an international driver's license so my hubby fully intends on being my chaffeur and driving me to work and picking me up so he can get used to driving here..Although where he has lived before which up until recently was Cyprus, now its Greece..the traffic there is much worse...and if you compare our traffic to Ghana, well then he will adjust to life here with no problem in that area! My hubby plans to rent alot of DVD's so i will add him to my blockbuster rental, add him on to my gym membership so he can stay fit for when the soccer season starts here for because he will tryout for professional soccer teams here. I have a few Ghanaian friends here that he can relate to and get to know.. He says he plans on cooking dinner for me since he has the time...Maybe if there is more downtime and if he's up to it I will enroll us in some salsa dance classes!

[yabasta 0]

This is a good question to ask and i think it effects everybody going through this in some way or another.

I have been in the US for about 3 weeks and i travelled here often during the visa process so the change was not too drastic for me. I am from England aswell so the countries are not too different really. Having said that there have been some hurdles. Looking for work and gettign a drivers license are hurdels and having no money has been a problem. I often feel like an alien here in USA but at the same time i have always felt at home because i am with my family. My wife was the goal not America. I don`t really know anybody here and most of the people i do know here think i am an alien and in many ways i am different to a lot of the people i meet here. The experience has been good though and i have met planty of friendly people here. In the time i have been here i have done a lot and it was never going to be an easy move but it has been rewarding despite the hurdles. I think it might be hard for your spouse but maybe he can do what i have been doing. Tidying up the hosue and doing laundry and just getting comfotable in the home. I have been busy during my time out of work. It is also good to keep active for the time when you go back to work or study.

Best of luck. I can`t really add much but what you have done sounds good.

[rob&ana 0]

Well…

I am too going to talk from the immigrant’s perspective. Definitely show him around. Show him how to use public transportation (maps from bus routes helped bunches), though I did not go out much on my own during that “idle” time (it was winter, and I did not feel like freezing my butt off). But as soon as the weather got nicer, I started to go out on little adventures to downtown, museums, etc. I was also lucky that the area I was living at had lots of stores, and supermarkets so I could walk if I needed something from the store. Rob has a pretty flexible schedule, so we spent lots of time together, so I guess my other advice is making time for him.

The toughest is the transition from being “free and independent” back home, to totally depending on another person to do things (since you don’t know where anything is, and things are done differently in different countries). I’m trying to think what else, but I guess the best piece of advice I can give you is to be understanding. It’s a HUGE change, and it’s not easy to leave family and friends behind, even if you’re madly in love.

I wish you both the best in this new stage of your life...

Good luck!