Child Support/Custody

[Raj_Kaj 0]

Hello,

Maybe someone out there will know the answer to this question...

I brought my soon to be ex here on a K3 visa. Things didn't work out, he was extremely mentally ill (diagnosed long after his arrival in the US) with an illness that is potentially dangerous to me, my kids and him. I also discovered that he picked up a 2nd wife in his home country after our wedding. They now have a child together, a child that was conceived during our marriage on one of his visits home. We had not yet begun the removal of conditions. After getting stabilized in a mental hospital, he went home to his family in his home country. I have reported everything, with documentation, to USCIS. I have filed for divorce which should be final this month. As soon as I receive the divorce decree, I will give a copy to USCIS.

We have children together. I filed for full legal and physical custody, the hearing has not yet occurred. He has indicated that he would like to take the children to his home country which has NO treaty with the US in terms of abduction and the general rule is the father "owns" the child. My children were born in the USA and will definitely NOT be leaving this country. I didn't bother to file for child support because it's virtually unenforceable. While he was here and working, he paid into Social Security. Is it possible to get that money back for the kids? I have been reading all day and have basically come to the conclusion that the money he paid into Social Security is just a loss and I will never be able to receive child support for these kids since there's no way to enforce child support in his country.

Thanks!

[belinda63 3,022]

No you will not be able to obtain any social security money for your children. I wish you luck in your future and hope for the best for your children and please do not let them leave the country with him.

Once your divorce is final you may wish to check into some of the services available to single mothers such as WIC, food stamps, etc. to assist you while you get your life organized. If you 100% feel that you will never be able to collect child support from him as in he will NEVER work in the US or any other country that will honor the child support order (in Ky the statue of limitations is 15 years after the youngest child becomes emancipated) then explain this to the Judge and ask that he award either zero in child support or the state minimum as some services will use the amount of Ordered child support as income even if you never receive a penny from the parent.

[Raj_Kaj 0]

No you will not be able to obtain any social security money for your children. I wish you luck in your future and hope for the best for your children and please do not let them leave the country with him.

Once your divorce is final you may wish to check into some of the services available to single mothers such as WIC, food stamps, etc. to assist you while you get your life organized. If you 100% feel that you will never be able to collect child support from him as in he will NEVER work in the US or any other country that will honor the child support order (in Ky the statue of limitations is 15 years after the youngest child becomes emancipated) then explain this to the Judge and ask that he award either zero in child support or the state minimum as some services will use the amount of Ordered child support as income even if you never receive a penny from the parent.

Thank you for your reply. I didn't think I'd ever see that money for the kids. I don't understand what I could use a court Order for the amount of $0 is. Can you please explain? Thanks again.

Thank you for your reply. I didn't think I'd ever see that money for the kids. I don't understand what I could use a court Order for the amount of $0 is. Can you please explain? Thanks again.

Actually I was thinking if they ordered a real amount, if he does ever manage to worm his way back into the country, they'd nail him for back support.

[belinda63 3,022]

Each state has guidelines for how much child support to award based upon the income of each parent or potential income if either parent is under- or unemployed. As such the Court is required to set an amount based upon the guidelines unless there is a compelling reason to do otherwise.

If you think he may at some future time work in the US or a country which will enforce the child support order then just go with the flow and have it established per the guidelines.

If you don't think this will happen, then explain this to the judge and ask for a zero order of child support or the state minimum. Reason for this is a friend of mine applied for government assistance and because her child's father had been Ordered to pay support they included it as income for her when calculating what benefits she was entitled to even though he had not made a payment for years. If he does return to the US you can always petition the Court to increase the amount of the support.

[nane1104 146]

I don't know anything about any laws and regulations when it comes to childsupport. I was just thinking that if he was ordered to pay childsupport, he might feel even more the urge to try and take the children with him because then for sure he feels he "owns" them even without your consent/against any possible ruling from a judge.

I am not trying to scare you but you don't wanna give him any reason to feel he has any more rights to the children than a judge might possibly award him and I hope you WILL get sole custody.

All the best!!

[Raj_Kaj 0]

Although that is horrible that they consider money she never saw as income, it makes sense, thank you so much.

Thanks, I hope I win too! Since he's not here, and will most likely never come back, I don't see any reason why I wouldn't be awarded full custody. I'm going to bring with me the rules of their country in terms of abduction and custody. This should be sufficient proof that there is a real danger of kidnapping of these little american citizens. Although his mental instability is not grounds in this state for loss of custody, it has to sway the judge to be nervous about him. AND he has done nothing to maintain his status in this country. you would think a parent that seriously wanted to be here, with his children, would have tried to keep his permanent resident status. Clearly he has either no intention of seeing his kids or if he does he may abduct them. He has done nothing to show that he will see them HERE. I would like to think the US would want to prevent their minor citizens from being abducted. I can live with it if I never see a dime from him for help in raising them but I can't live with never seeing them again. I'll turn into a mama bear separated from her cubs. What really scares me is that I found, among his things, a fake birth certificate for my son stating he was born in his father's country (he was born here). What did he plan on doing with this? I gave a copy to USCIS along with the real birth certificate from here. I do have the original fake he must have bought but there's nothing to stop him from getting another one.

[nane1104 146]

Although that is horrible that they consider money she never saw as income, it makes sense, thank you so much.

Thanks, I hope I win too! Since he's not here, and will most likely never come back, I don't see any reason why I wouldn't be awarded full custody. I'm going to bring with me the rules of their country in terms of abduction and custody. This should be sufficient proof that there is a real danger of kidnapping of these little american citizens. Although his mental instability is not grounds in this state for loss of custody, it has to sway the judge to be nervous about him. AND he has done nothing to maintain his status in this country. you would think a parent that seriously wanted to be here, with his children, would have tried to keep his permanent resident status. Clearly he has either no intention of seeing his kids or if he does he may abduct them. He has done nothing to show that he will see them HERE. I would like to think the US would want to prevent their minor citizens from being abducted. I can live with it if I never see a dime from him for help in raising them but I can't live with never seeing them again. I'll turn into a mama bear separated from her cubs. What really scares me is that I found, among his things, a fake birth certificate for my son stating he was born in his father's country (he was born here). What did he plan on doing with this? I gave a copy to USCIS along with the real birth certificate from here. I do have the original fake he must have bought but there's nothing to stop him from getting another one.

WOW. Please be extra careful. He might not ba able to return to the US but he a friend or relative might be. You never know. Would it be possible for you to move after all this is over?

[Raj_Kaj 0]

I'm hoping to move very soon and possibly change their names if the court lets me. I don't know how that's going to work. One step at a time. I did change my number and all contact info because he was harassing me saying horrible and mean things. He has turned into a monster. This is not the guy I met and married all those years ago. You know at first it was very disappointing seeing the changes and the broken promises but after everything came out I realized I didn't just marry a stranger who misrepresented himself, I married a very scary creature who is an excellent liar. It's so hard not to worry for people who married someone from a similar country. I know people like me, who've been burned, are pretty much shunned because no one wants to face the scary possibilities. I just keep my mouth shut and hope for the best for the rest of the americans out there married to one of these creeps. I hope and pray everyday that the people married to someone from this region lives to see a happily ever after to their long painful visa journey.

[nane1104 146]

It seems you know what you are doing:-) That's good. I wish you all the best and a good end to this craziness. Please keep us updated!:-)

[indian guy 13]

First of all tag the Child birth certificate/passport so that child cannot go out without permission of the parent who have sole custody. Tagging the birth certificate will allow the POE to check the child prior to abord the plane. that way he /she is secured .

Next file for child support and let the court decide the how much he has to pay. If somehow he is going to live in this country he will pay the support , or atleast contribute towards his responsiblity.

Once ask for the tagging the passport /birth certificate,in court . ther will be special notation on passport of the child and in the system, till the age of 16

Edited October 11, 2010 by Pascal

[indian guy 13]

changing name of the child only be allowed if you have sole legal and physical custody, otherwise both parents signature required. changing name is also a lengthy procedure of 4 to 6 months. Publishing the name in local paper wait for month and all that, getting the actual newpaper copy and affidavit etc.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

What really scares me is that I found, among his things, a fake birth certificate for my son stating he was born in his father's country (he was born here). What did he plan on doing with this? I gave a copy to USCIS along with the real birth certificate from here. I do have the original fake he must have bought but there's nothing to stop him from getting another one.

I don't want to scare you so sorry in advance 'cause it might. It appears that your husband planned to take your children LONG before now. I would think the fake birth certificate was to obtain his home countries passport more easily. I don't think he anticipated being put in the mental facility and wasn't able to complete his plan. I think he would have obtained the passport, you none the wiser, and taken the kids one day while you were out.

Read this link: http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/PageServlet?LanguageCountry=en_US&PageId=775 (you probably already have) to give you some ideas on protecting you and the kids.

I would alert their baby-sitters/child care/school that they are not to go ANYWHERE without you unless YOU have previously discussed it with them or with a person you elect as "safe". It's impossible for you to be with the kids 24/7 so you need to make sure any locations they are, is protected. If there's a way to log your children's fingerprints/faces in case they are taken, do that.

I simply showed a passport when I left the US, they don't check fingerprints first. If your kids have a passport allowing them to leave (and a passport you haven't tagged as "fake") along with a fake death certificate for you.. then the kids could be taken.

As for changing your children's name, mention that in court for child custody hearing to ensure that you can do that. i've never heard of notice in the paper, or it taking months. It took me 2 weeks to change my name in Australia. Could have had it done quicker but that's about standard in Aus. Check the state requirements so when you're in court for the child custody hearing you have notes on what you need to get it done and done quick.

Again I don't mean to scare you but this is a scary situation. I hope for your sake that you can easily and safely change your children's names and relocate with sole legal custody to you.

p.s. I would ask for $0 child support. I don't know how child support works in the US but I would think any claims you try and make would make it easier to get access to your details if you do successfully change your children's name. You will want to completely cut yourself off. You will also need to make sure all family and friends are aware of the situation and anyone you don't 100% trust, don't tell them your "new" names. You can always get a P.O box and have the mail in your old name sent to that box. Do not have it forwarded because if the mail is returned to sender (for whatever reason) the forwarding address sticker should have your new name on it.. so risky...

Again, good luck.

[Raj_Kaj 0]

Thank you for all this helpful information!

I've never considered some of these things before. His GC expires at the end of the month and I do plan on giving USCIS a copy of the divorce decree as soon as I have it but I don't know how much time he has to file to remove conditions without me after that time. USCIS wouldn't tell me anything. They said it's to protect HIS privacy. It's virtually a moot point anyway because I closed all of our joint accounts and stuck him on a plane without any documents. I have everything he could use to prove his intentions were good. The kids are with family all day and he doesn't have a snowball's chance in ... of getting past them. He DOES have till the end of the month to return and do his worst. I don't know if he can enter the country after the GC expires although I can't see how. There's always a loophole somewhere or so it seems. He DOES have family and friends here and that alone is scary enough assuming they could find us. I have given my son's passport to a friend he doesn't know, our daughter doesn't have a passport but again, they are dual nationals and he can get them passports from his country.

I'm banking on the fact that he's seriously mentally ill and refuses to comply with consistent treatment. He has been known to take the meds for 3 weeks then stop until there's a serious episode causing him to be committed again. When he's released he takes the meds for another 3 weeks or so, becomes convinced he's "cured", and stops taking it again. I had him committed twice and I know he was committed for a month in his home country. He will never be able to get on a plane in that condition. When he's having a psychotic episode it is impossible to hide it from anyone. He screams, sings very loud, talks to invisible people, tries to kill himself... basically looking like one of those insane homeless people on the street we've all encountered. Even if he were in the US it would be extremely difficult for him to hold any kind of job for too long so child support would be sparse if even possible. This is why I was hoping to get back the social security he contributed to. But he would have to file for social security disability himself and that's not going to happen. I'm very sad for him that he's so seriously ill but it probably did save me and the kids from his bigger plan which probably was to take the kids back to his country. He did confess that he expected me and the kids to move there with his other wife and child and all live "in harmony" and he was convinced "my love for him would make me understand" and live that way. I'd say, "is he nuts?" but I already know the answer to that. He had been setting up this polygamous house for a few years convinced I would go along with it once he was ready to tell me. If I didn't (which I wouldn't), I'm sure I'd come home one day and find him and the kids gone.

[indian guy 13]

banking seriously ill psycho etc can contribute to get him permanent status. IF you send these documents to USCIS it will be very easy for him to get GC and stay in this country, did you ever thought of that? Don't you think he canstate that he have cruelty By the USC?

[Raj_Kaj 0]

banking seriously ill psycho etc can contribute to get him permanent status. IF you send these documents to USCIS it will be very easy for him to get GC and stay in this country, did you ever thought of that? Don't you think he canstate that he have cruelty By the USC?

I'm not sure I understand your point. What I'm banking on is his inability to fly in that condition. Are you saying that a person with mental illness is somehow favored by USCIS or that my claim of this illness is abuse? His illness is well documented, any supposed abuse he could claim against me is not. If anything, there are police reports against him, not me. He was cared for very much even after the polygamy was discovered. I even continued to pay his phone bill and calling card as he continued to call his other wife. I also paid all of his medical bills (of which there were MANY). I continued to provide him with housing even though I wasn't living with him and I bought/cooked his food. I took him to doctor appointments and sat with him night after night in the psychiatric ward. He was cared for up till the day he left this country. He can state whatever he wants, there's no evidence to back up any abuse charges. Besides, I've already cut myself off from his case by notifying them that I am divorcing him. He's on his own with them already, no need to claim abuse and get me off his case.