why does it still bug me?

[julesrose 0]

Ok this will probably be long I'll try to shorten it as much as possible!

1) I met a man online (Facebook) 2008-he had just gotten out of a relationship and I was like his best and ony friend he talked to (9months) finally we started dating (lasted 9 months)...during the friendship (not dating) he was telling me to add all his friends so I did and one in particular comes in later.

2) It was a difficult relationship and long-distance! I'm Canadian and He's American.

3) It ended in disaster! He treated me like ####### even after we broke up.

4) Throughout the process I found out that my (what I called best-friend [also Canadian]) was chatting it up w/ my ex and she continually lied to me that they didn't talk.

5) I ended my friendship w/ my friend because she kept lying to me right after my ex & and I ended our relationship. We didn't talk for like 5 months. And my friend continued to talk w/ my ex.

6) Finally I let go and I wasn't her friend but I respected her cause my sister was still her friend & it was causing issues between me & my sister.

7) That same summer ex & I broke up---my ex was bad mouthing me and saying a lot of ####### about me to people I never even knew!--his friends. This is where the one comes into play.

8) That fall I started talking to one of the guys that was my ex's friend-acquaintance. My ex had said A LOT of horrible things to this guy. Anyhow, we talked for like a month and I started to realize this guy was amazing and he was upset about my ex saying things he did since this guy said I was nothing like what my ex described.

9) That guy and I started dating. And he came to meet me Dec09, he's now my husband ...anyhow...it's been well over a year since the big ordeal w/ my ex and friend and I would say I'm over it.

10) Everything changed again 2-3 weeks ago! My friend (same one as before) told me she was going to visit her aunt in MI. Well low and behold I see pictures of my ex w/ his friends on facebook (ok that's fine!) But then I see my friend commenting on my ex's friends walls saying it was nice to meet you and them saying it back on hers.

11) She lied to me 3 days straight and finally gave in cause she knew I knew she went to visit my ex, stayed @ his house and had NOTHING to do w/ her aunt those 2 weeks she was gone seeing my ex is in NE.... my parents even knew something was fishy about her absence and that she probably was going to see my ex!

12) Her mom gets on my case about me being upset that people who call me their friends are continually lying to my face and her mother commented that maybe they HAVE to lie to you because they don't want you reacting....personally...I'd be happy for them if they'd just tell me the truth and not lie to my face all the time!

13) Now I see on Facebook their leaving *hugs* and *hearts* on each others walls and it's DRIVING ME INSANE! He's telling her the same things he told me and it ended horrible between my ex & I and I was REALLY hurt by him! In th beginning I was trusting my friend and telling her EVERYTHING and he was telling her his side and she literally dumped ME for my EX! Still is! I don't talk to them at all and I've deleted and blocked them on everything. I don't need that drama in my life! I moved away from it and I don't want it again.....

14) I've told my husband and he's not impressed by the fact of my friend lying to me, yet it's not a surprise she did since she has growing up w/ me....I know therefore she's not really my friend!

15) Why is it STILL bugging me? I don't have feelings for either of them. I'm happy of my life here and my marriage! I've got everything I want!

Thanks

Edited September 29, 2010 by julesrose

[Canadiandggal 49]

Oh I am sooo sorry for you! I can tell you that I can relate to a point.

My best friend(toni) from elementry school and my sons father.

When I was younger I met my ex(Josh) and I was the only one who couldn't seem to see that he was a twit. I lost alot of good friends due to feeling like noone liked my boyfriend and i seemed to just slip away except for my 2 closest friends Toni and Ashley. Although they always listened to me, both never liked him. Although I knew that my ex was a liar I truly had no clue he was such a low life and NOONE ever told me what he was doing (just he is a #### etc). When I threw him out of my house, I began to build my life again and continued to talk to my 2 friends. Toni said she couldnt believe I had stayed by him for so long and that i was finally free. She added him to facebook and then said hello on occasion, then I deleted my FB due to drama but occasional stilled checked on my friends to see what was new.I started to see things and asked her exactly what was going on and she said that she was just being nice to him as they did know each other. However a year later I found out she was talking, flirting, and even visiting my ex (these are two people who couldn't stand each other) Now i have to say that this entire time she was complaining and telling me how he was dirt and that he always talked ######, and yet she was telling him that he was her best friend, that i was the "Bad person". She's what you would call a "4 faced person" anyways the entire time she knew what my ex was doing throughout our relationship.to my knowledge he was also doing it with her.

i cut ties and still dont talk to her, however she still talks to my ex

again im sorry! it still bothers me too hang in there

[Danno 1,228]

I think women thrive on this kinda stuff, this churning of inter relational problems into an ongoing source of pain for which no cure is wanted.

The same reason it eats at your soul is the same reason you have not dropped these people off your contact list or just made a whole new page with a more select group of friends.

[Gemmie 142]

I guess it still bugs you because it's something that REALLY upset you at the time, and it's hard for you to let it go. It must be really hard to go through that.

I'm probably going to be judged for saying this, but I've dated a friend's ex. She said she was OK with it at times, and other times she said she was upset by it. And honestly, I DID know that she was upset at us going out, but I was so wrapped up in my own problems at home that I didn't care, I was 18 years old, and just wanted to forget about the entire world, break all of the rules, and be held by someone. Our 'relationship' wasn't even sexual, we just used to meet up at night to talk and cuddle, and escape from our problems. Every time I tried to break it off and completely lose contact with him, my friend would actually set it up so that we would all get together again at a party or something, and then we would be drawn to each other again (she later said that it was her way of trying to control the situation). We actually enjoyed the danger of it all, giving each other secret glances across the hall at college, etc. It was just what I needed at the time to feel something positive about my life, but it doesn't excuse how wrong it all was. I really did upset my friend. Anyways eventually I completely broke off contact with him, and apologised to my friend. I never should have done that to her, but people ** up sometimes. I reassured her a few months ago that he has no place in my life anymore so I haven't relied to any email or added him on Facebook, even though they're actually back together now.

Now that I'm happy with my husband, looking back I can see exactly why I did it, it was all about insecurity, and I really believe that when people get into relationships that they know they shouldn't, it comes down to insecurity.

[Nik+Heather 121]

haha, it's hard to let go of exs sometimes isn't it!! That's why I don't really buy into the whole break-up but still be friends thing. I have only random secondary contact with the most serious boyfriend I had aside from Nik through mutual friends (all part of same HS group) and it's really awful how damned interested I feel whenever he comes up - like, he moved across the country and has a live in GF - OMG! why isn't he still alone and PINING after me!?? I try to keep it under control because it's bad for me and not fair to Nik. Thankgoodness he's got sensible privacy settings on FB, so I can't stalk him there!

In these things I think it is best to let the head prevail over any lingering emotions of the heart. Remove the FB impetus to check in on either one of them, and focus on your husband and being happy together!

[julesrose 0]

thanks again everyone!! I'm working on getting rid of everything and just moving on! I know it takes time and I know it's not fair to my husband to bring it back up again and again and again....

I guess I did forget one little detail, and that's that I told my friend that I didn't care if they dated and I made it quite clear to the both of them I was pissed that they keep lying to my face and that it has nothing to do w/ them together or talking as I am truly happy now w/ my husband!

And the funny thing is, my old friend knows how happy I really am! And I would be happy for them if they were each others soul-mates, honest to God, except that it's the lying factor that keeps ticking me off....

At the same time, they're both as low as each other and stoop to the same levels so I can see why they're so good to each other! I can't wait to see it go kaboom in their faces especially since I warned my friend after my relationship was over w/ my ex! And I reminded her again when she asked for my permission to date my ex (while at his house---even though I wasn't aware @ the time).

[Ken y Leidys 20]

I think women thrive on this kinda stuff, this churning of inter relational problems into an ongoing source of pain for which no cure is wanted.

The same reason it eats at your soul is the same reason you have not dropped these people off your contact list or just made a whole new page with a more select group of friends.

I completely agree. My ex-wife went on a couple of dates with a jerk from a 4WD club I was affiliated with. I stopped talking to both of them - crazies need each other.

[Staashi 371]

thanks again everyone!! I'm working on getting rid of everything and just moving on! I know it takes time and I know it's not fair to my husband to bring it back up again and again and again....

I guess I did forget one little detail, and that's that I told my friend that I didn't care if they dated and I made it quite clear to the both of them I was pissed that they keep lying to my face and that it has nothing to do w/ them together or talking as I am truly happy now w/ my husband!

And the funny thing is, my old friend knows how happy I really am! And I would be happy for them if they were each others soul-mates, honest to God, except that it's the lying factor that keeps ticking me off....

At the same time, they're both as low as each other and stoop to the same levels so I can see why they're so good to each other! I can't wait to see it go kaboom in their faces especially since I warned my friend after my relationship was over w/ my ex! And I reminded her again when she asked for my permission to date my ex (while at his house---even though I wasn't aware @ the time).

I don't know you at all, but here's what I have to say: Get over it...by this quote, you've now become a jealous, vindictive woman. Just remember, one man's trash is another man's treasure. You don't know, these two can be happy as pigs in mud together - he just wasn't meant for you. Who cares if she lied to you, BFD!!! she was trying not to hurt you. But, lo and behold, you've been snooping around trying to figure out where she is and what she's been doing. If I didn't know better, I'd say your one of those Facebook stalkers. You have a husband, you moved on in the relationship sense, now you need to move on in the mental aspect of it all - you truly should not be pondering over their lies or relationship issues - they are not of your concern. Now, if you don't get over these feelings of resentment, I would be somewhat concerned if I were your spouse, whom I believe is lying to you about being concerned about your friend's lying. Somehow, I bet he's thinking - "#######?!?!?! why is she checking up on them - does she want him back?"

My dad used to always say, "trying to find out about your ex is like trying to look up a dead man's azz". Would you really want to go there? Just sayin'.

Edited September 30, 2010 by Staashi

[thongd4me 69]

It won't bug you (definitly not any party concerned or even 3rd parties)

if you de-friend both of them on facebook and never look at either of

their pages again.

Such are the dangers from friending all mutual friends - it's a double-edged sword.

My wife has a tendency to accept all friend requests from friends of

friends but I usually avoid that.

Edited September 30, 2010 by thongd4me

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

I think women thrive on this kinda stuff, this churning of inter relational problems into an ongoing source of pain for which no cure is wanted.

The same reason it eats at your soul is the same reason you have not dropped these people off your contact list or just made a whole new page with a more select group of friends.

short, sweet and right

[julesrose 0]

I don't know you at all, but here's what I have to say: Get over it...by this quote, you've now become a jealous, vindictive woman. Just remember, one man's trash is another man's treasure. You don't know, these two can be happy as pigs in mud together - he just wasn't meant for you. Who cares if she lied to you, BFD!!! she was trying not to hurt you. But, lo and behold, you've been snooping around trying to figure out where she is and what she's been doing. If I didn't know better, I'd say your one of those Facebook stalkers. You have a husband, you moved on in the relationship sense, now you need to move on in the mental aspect of it all - you truly should not be pondering over their lies or relationship issues - they are not of your concern. Now, if you don't get over these feelings of resentment, I would be somewhat concerned if I were your spouse, whom I believe is lying to you about being concerned about your friend's lying. Somehow, I bet he's thinking - "#######?!?!?! why is she checking up on them - does she want him back?"

My dad used to always say, "trying to find out about your ex is like trying to look up a dead man's azz". Would you really want to go there? Just sayin'.

yah...thanks for that! And no, I'm nothing like that. And I am aware that they could very well be happy together, however I'm not upset over them "in-love" or whatever they are... I'm upset that my old best friend would lie like that over a year later about the same guy. Yes I have moved on (I made sure I was before I was engaged to my now husband).

I've deleted them from everything possible they could contact me on. And I am more then happy w/ my life here. And no I don't want my ex back-he was a complete as* to me. And my old best friend knows how happy I am now w/ my husband. And my husband doesn't think that at all, since I have shortened the story as I mentioned in my first post, he knows the complete details of the whole story & can't stand my ex or my friend because normal people just don't treat friends like that. ALSO I am aware that obviously my friend wasn't a friend and I grew up w/ her since a baby and she'd continually do things like this to either me OR my sister....

I'm not upset or this bugging me anymore, I'm just telling you the above info for the sake of you & everyone else to know how I feel and what's going on. I haven't talked to either of them or as you'd call it "stalk" them on Facebook for like 2months-and it was 2 months ago I deleted them so w/ privacy settings I can't see their walls or anything anymore.

Edited September 30, 2010 by julesrose

[slim 1,525]

15) Why is it STILL bugging me?

As others have said... it's because you're a woman.

Also as others have said.... think like a man and delete both of them off your "friends" lists and go on about your business blissfully unaware of what those crazy people are doing.

[Darnell 8,478]

I'm an old cranky curmudgeon - so bear that in mind when you read my drivel, below.

IMO, anyone who 'first meets' on Facebook, without actually meeting face to face, in person,

it's not real, it doesn't count, it's just some electrons flying cross the ether, good or bad, right or wrong, truth or lies.

Doesn't matter, doesn't count.

Would you put your trust in someone that you only met on Facebook,

versus

putting yer trust in someone that you met face to face ??

If these were 'facebook acquaintences', IMO, you are letting this get to you, when in fact, it doesn't matter.

Electrons are electrons.

[julesrose 0]

I'm an old cranky curmudgeon - so bear that in mind when you read my drivel, below.

IMO, anyone who 'first meets' on Facebook, without actually meeting face to face, in person,

it's not real, it doesn't count, it's just some electrons flying cross the ether, good or bad, right or wrong, truth or lies.

Doesn't matter, doesn't count.

Would you put your trust in someone that you only met on Facebook,

versus

putting yer trust in someone that you met face to face ??

If these were 'facebook acquaintences', IMO, you are letting this get to you, when in fact, it doesn't matter.

Electrons are electrons.

Lol I met my ex many times-we also have the same religion so she wasn't a total stranger per-say...it wasn't JUST online, however, my ex-best friend hadn't met my ex till just a few weeks ago. she flew to see him and lied to me where she was going until i proved her wrong over an over again to her face and finally she admitted lying to me again. Like I've said before and to my husband, it has nothing to do w/ her being w/ my ex...I'm fine w/ that... its that she keeps lying to me about the whole thing! I'm not a person who gets a lot of people around and then picks the one I like best and dump the rest...i become committed to one person and move on if it doesn't work---my ex-best friend however Doesn't...she does exactly what I just described. And I feel bad for her and for the other people she does that too....cause she's done it many times to me. I no longer consider her a friend because friends don't do those types of things to friends.

I guess I'm just having a hard time thinking a person would do such a thing that since I would never do that

[Darnell 8,478]

Ya know - I don't dip into philosophical realms often.

................

but

I'll suggest to you.............

and others.

The Ether.

slung by electrons....................

Doesn't fuflfill what you need.

When/If - you can describe what __you__ need...................

Then...

The Choice of 'A Mate' for Coupling................

and

Progeny

Is All Written on the same page...

--------------------------------

So...............

When/IF ................

You Get On The Same Page

then anything relating to Immigration to/for/of The U.S.A

(pardon - location is really important here - really - where are you? ]

-----------

You Already Know It

------------------

Simply Because....

You Decided IT was important

---------------------

and then

Since It's Important - aiyo -

You (or yer evil twin)

Studied IT. (Did you Study IT? OR - were you some some painful Human, reacting, instead of being ProActive....... )

Good Luck, whatever you decided, TRULY !!!

----------

Mostly, this cr@p doesn't matter

Because -

You Found The Man !!!

and....

yer happy!!

------------------

Seriously ----

The Rest of The #######????????? Stuck in yer mind??????????????

Let It Go

---------

Ya canna do squat with it, unless you decide that you

really want to INVOKE ICE

-----------

and....

I'm guessing.................

You've no focus for getting ICE involved with yet

(another)

Emotional Rip in/of

The Ether..............

Yes? No?

--------------

You.................... Tell Me?!!?!!

Edited October 2, 2010 by Darnell