Perm Res & US Citizen to UK - max stay?

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

I just wanted to say that CANCER is a very frightening word to many people, and you tend to panic when you first get the news. People don't want to say the word or discuss it with the patient. I know I dropped out of some organizations where I held offices within one hour of learning my mom had cancer. That turned out to be premature. I'm just writing this in case you're trying to make decisions in the shock/panic mode. Cancer has so many forms and variations and how long until the end is pretty unpredictabe. I lost my mom, dad, and husband to cancer. My mom continued a fairly normal life for many years. My husband continued to play golf. He actually shot a 72 at our Country Club with colon cancer that had spread to his liver, lungs, and brain. Seven weeks later he was dead. I don't know anything about your MILs condition or if she has other family members to assist her. But I wonder if pullling up stakes in the US completely (jobs? house?) is in your best interest. Forgive me for asking this if you've already worked out that it's your only option. When my husband got completely disabled from cancer, my daughters were able to take leaves of absence from their jobs to move back in with us and help me with 24 hour care as we chose a home hospice situation for his final time on earth. I couldn't have managed without them. But their husbands kept their jobs and their homes in another city going.

And another thought for those of you who know someone with cancer-- Don't be afraid to tallk to them about cancer. Don't ignore the elephant in the room. Visit them. So many people are afraid to call and visit and talk to the person who is dying. Tell them how important they have been in your life. You don't have to be cheerful at somebody's death bed. They know they are dying and it's okay to cry in front of them and with them. My husband and his dad were the kind who held things in and finally opened up to each other with things like "thank you for being such a good dad and teaching me to play baseball" and "I never got to play sports at my tiny country school, so watching you grow up and excel in sports allowed me to have that experience with you." That was a very meaning conversation for both of them.

I'm sorry the OP and her husband have to experience this and I hope you are able to work out your visas, GCs, etc.

Beautiful and well said - once again.

You must be a wonderful lady.

[Welshcookie 17]

I sorry to read this Shari I know this must be a really difficult time for you all, distance from our loved ones at times like this is hard to deal with in many ways.

Nick-Nick makes many valid points in her post. I have just returned from a 3 month stay with my parents upon learning that my 75yr old father had been diagnosed with an aggressive form of mouth cancer, and to be honest I wasn't sure how long I would have to be gone, he had a 9hr surgery to remove his jaw and have it rebuilt from leg bone...being there for both of them was also my main priority and all I could think of at the time. I left and returned home during his 3rd week of radiotherepy.

I know how much it sucks to think of being separated as a couple for any length of time, but having your husband go to England for a few months is worth thinking about for now, and if more drastic moves are needed, then you can work things out from there.

I wish you both the best in your decision making.

[Welshcookie 17]

6. I heard if we do go over, we should buy an airplane ticket with a return for many 2 weeks even if we plan to stay longer as to not alert immigration over there with questions. Anyone know anything about this.

I bought a one way ticket and I was never questioned about it.

[Shari 6]

I bought a one way ticket and I was never questioned about it.

Really? And you are the US born citizen? I thought you they would question the US citizen in case they thought the US citizen was trying to stay there.

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

If you are a USC going to the UK without a return ticket that could be a red flag......I guess reading your original post, I'm not sure what you mean by that - do you mean enter as a tourist with 6 months leave to remain with the intention of staying longer, if necessary?

[Welshcookie 17]

Really? And you are the US born citizen? I thought you they would question the US citizen in case they thought the US citizen was trying to stay there.

Ah my apologies...I was thinking more of just your husband traveling ... but when I bought my tickets it was cheaper to buy one way at the time, coming back to the US it was cheaper to buy a return, and I was questioned for some reason at Gatwick about why I bought a return ticket, but i just stated that it was cheaper...she shrugged and said 'I can understand that'.

[Shari 6]

Ah my apologies...I was thinking more of just your husband traveling ... but when I bought my tickets it was cheaper to buy one way at the time, coming back to the US it was cheaper to buy a return, and I was questioned for some reason at Gatwick about why I bought a return ticket, but i just stated that it was cheaper...she shrugged and said 'I can understand that'.

Thanks for the clarification!

[VanessaTony 3,567]

My father has taken ill (I won't go into details) and the sudden trip back to Australia was made by myself, my husband had to stay behind to work and pay the mortgage. While I wish he could be here, and he wishes he was here to comfort me, we both know that just dropping our lives isn't what my dad would want, nor is it in our best interest.

Your husbands best bet would be to apply for a re-entry permit. He could leave first to "assess" the situation, see just how bad it is, and then you could look into taking some time off work to visit with her before "the end". Money is a big consideration and living in the UK isn't really cheap. If you were to stay behind for a bit and work to save money, then your husband wouldn't have to get a job (or you) when he goes to the UK and can focus all his attention on his mother. This is what I did. I am not working and all my time is spent basically being here for when I'm needed.

I miss my hubby of course but I'm also really busy focussing on my family right now.

Good luck with your decision and best wishes to your husband and his family at this trying time.

[Krikit 1,165]

Nick-Nick makes many valid points in her post. I have just returned from a 3 month stay with my parents upon learning that my 75yr old father had been diagnosed with an aggressive form of mouth cancer, and to be honest I wasn't sure how long I would have to be gone, he had a 9hr surgery to remove his jaw and have it rebuilt from leg bone...being there for both of them was also my main priority and all I could think of at the time. I left and returned home during his 3rd week of radiotherepy.

((((((Cookie)))))))))

(F)

[Shari 6]

My father has taken ill (I won't go into details) and the sudden trip back to Australia was made by myself, my husband had to stay behind to work and pay the mortgage. While I wish he could be here, and he wishes he was here to comfort me, we both know that just dropping our lives isn't what my dad would want, nor is it in our best interest.

Your husbands best bet would be to apply for a re-entry permit. He could leave first to "assess" the situation, see just how bad it is, and then you could look into taking some time off work to visit with her before "the end". Money is a big consideration and living in the UK isn't really cheap. If you were to stay behind for a bit and work to save money, then your husband wouldn't have to get a job (or you) when he goes to the UK and can focus all his attention on his mother. This is what I did. I am not working and all my time is spent basically being here for when I'm needed.

I miss my hubby of course but I'm also really busy focussing on my family right now.

Good luck with your decision and best wishes to your husband and his family at this trying time.

Thank you!